Originally Posted on November 30,2010
by Diogenes' Sarcastica
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The Future Queen of England Looking Forward
to Descending into Royal Lunacy
“She shall be one of us,”- Prince William
(Across the Pond) In the first interview since her engagement to Prince William, presumptive Queen Consort Kate Middleton said she looks forward to becoming a full-fledged member of the British royal family by going insane. To that end, the future Princess of Wales said she was grateful that family assistance was close at hand. “I’ve got my new brother-in-law Harry, who dresses like a Nazi, I’ve got my father-in-law, Prince Charles, who collects toilet seats and Prince Philip and Princess Michael have been teaching me how to make royal farting noises then laugh eerily about it.”
Although the wedding announcement came last week, the two were engaged in October while on holiday. Sitting side by side, Kate and William recalled the moment fondly.“It was quite romantic,” she said. “We were in Africa, and he pulled out this gigantic ring and said, "Kate, marry me and I’ll make you the craziest woman in the world.
It was a magical moment." William said he immediately called Gran (Queen Elizabeth) to tell her, but she was taking a bubble bath with the Yorkies.”
Although part of the House of Windsor, Kate said it was important that she be her own nutter. “I want to take my time, maybe study what some of my new ancestors did. I mean, Henry VIII beheaded his wives. The first Elizabeth apparently slept with a horse." “That's never proven,” William loving interrupted.
“Yes, but look at Charles’ wife, Camilla. Your family is obviously attracted to them" katie was heard to whisper.
Now matter what path to bedlam she takes, however, Palace observers say Kate will have to contend with the elephant in the rubber room: Princess Diana. Will Kate become the new "People's Psychotic Princess”?
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Elizabeth ll
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Years of inbreeding have helped this family develop a level of lunacy unrivaled in English History. In a few short years this poor young maiden will be pulling the rope in the old bell tower. Hopefully, she will never have to see Camilla without makeup.
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Every family has a crazy aunt or uncle. The Royal family has simply expanded its franchise on this concept. When you think of it, the Royal family is strikingly similar to so many American celebrities in that they produce no tangible contribution to society other than their persona of being celebrities. The good news is that the Royal family is relatively harmless and it gives Britons something unique to follow, talk about and exercise some civic pride in the Crown.
ReplyDeleteBut, they look so ...normal. BTW, Kate's sister Pippa (what kind of name is that anyway?) looked quite attractive as one of the bridesmaids.
ReplyDeleteCan anyone identify the family name of Prince William? Clue: It is the hyphenated last names of Prince Phillip and Queen Elizabeth when combined in that order.