Wednesday, January 15, 2020

We Watched So You Didn't Have To. Democrat Debate #72. Pillow Fight in Des Moines.


Since I was taking at easy this evening while recuperating from all the Napoleon Liqueur someone kept putting in my celebratory orange juice last night, I decided to tune in to "The Most Trusted Name in News" CNN, and lo and behold, there was a debate about to break out.  Not feeling a lot like getting up to retrieve the remote, I just settled in for hopefully a laugh or two.  It turned out unfunny and a bit pathetic.  I mean, no Marianne Sparkledust Williamson?  No Spartacus??  But I did think it was a nice touch for a democrat event to have running during the breaks the 'Freedom From Religion Foundation' commercial with the dancing fairy Ron Reagan Jr. reminding us he was a proud atheist and didn't mind burning in hell. Really nice touch there CNN. 

For those who didn't punish themselves like I did, for you the sum of my remembrance....

The dems seem to agree that everything that is good and working well in the country is bad, and they are against it. The rich are too rich. Government isn't working, so they say it needs to be bigger. They all bashed the very policies and tax codes they helped write over the last decades and with their rantings and ravings about America's healthcare system are admitting Obamacare was indeed the sham it was said to be. They all pretty much agreed we need not nuke the mullahs, and should go back to talking to the Iranians because they won't get no nukes if we tell them not to.

Joe 30330 seemed kinda lost for most of the night. Is it just that it’s a given and no one cares? He looked flamed out and ready for his juice box and a nap. The dems are so desperate they'd nominate a 150 lb leaky sack of medical waste if they thought it had a chance against DJT.  All I really remember Joe saying was Trump's economy was bad for America.     

Senator Bernie inform us he was 'Sick and Tired' of America's sh*t more than once and that we need more free stuff. When ask why he would be a better Commander and Chief than the present one, he said because he'd vote against every war.....Okay.  Like a carnival barker Bernie promised he could beat Trump with his Socialist Utopia because his Socialist Utopia was really a Democratic Socialist Utopia. Bernie was not asked about the gulags and anti-Nazi reeducation camps. Guess they ran outta time.

Senator Lizzy....someone take the f**kin' purple jacket away from her and burn it! Gawd, doesn't that woman own any other clothes??

Lizzy wants to defend America from Wall Street, and rape corporate america to give everyone high taxes and crappy healthcare, and all kinds of expensive free stuff. She even proposes that the government go into the drug manufacturing business to lower cost.  Gee, what could go wrong there?  Out to gain the effeminate male democrat voter (excuse the redundancy) she pledged to save us from toxic masculinity and white supremacy.  And when questioned about Bernie's supposed remark "A women couldn't get elected president" after Bernie denied it, she showed a bit of Lizzy restraint and stopped just short of calling Bernie a lying sack of sh*t.

Then there's Mayor Pete.  I'm sorry but he gives me the creeps.  His speech patterns, mannerism and delivery look like every over-acted TV courtroom drama defense lawyer trying to get his obviously guilty client off the hook. I cannot listen him. The closed caption read that the black people who know him, support him, which is probably news to the blacks who know him.  Pete says he's witnessed it first hand and we need to fight Climate Change because some streets flooded in South Bend a couple of times. 

Oh, another Ron Reagan "proud atheist and don't mind burning in hell" commercial.

Some rich guy who looks like Jimmy Durante, named Tom something, says he got reamed for being proud of making a butt loads of millions from fossil fuels, but says he had a 'Come to Jesus Moment' and now is going to save the world from Climate Change and DJT and something....Climate Change.... something...... get rid of the tariffs, and something about ethanol. Yawn.

Senator Amy. Who could forget Sen. Amy. She said she's sure (with your help and money) that she can beat DJT,  because she's a woman and has a Va-jay-jay just like the Lady Governor of Michigan who has one too, and who beat a republican man.  Senator Amy always looks so insincere, like a worker in a government office. Senator Amy also reminds me of one of the Sisters at my Catholic School in Belgium. She was a real bitch.

Before the dem's pillow fight was all over with my eyelids got heavy and the lights went out. I think the real winner of the night was the non-viewing public. But I'm here to attest that I did live through it.  You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

The Left and Their 'Tin Foil Hat' Problem.

Nuttier Than Your Average Squirrel Turd - MSNBC Loonie Central's Joy Reid 

by Clint Fargeau

A philosopher once observed: “If someone falsely accuses you of doing something, it’s a good bet they are doing it themselves.” Those who have the misfortune to peruse the organs of Leftist opinion will find no shortage of op-eds descrying the crazy conspiracy theories of conservatives.  Silly conservatives. Bunch of paranoid loons they are.

The barrage of leftist gaslighting over the last three years supports the philosopher's  more intellectual formulation of “He that smelt it dealt it.” Most of us are painfully familiar with the more infamous examples of conspiracy theorizing on the Left. To wit:
Donald Trump is a closet white supremacist in league with neo-nazis–like Ben Carson, a black man, and Stephen Miller, who is Jewish–to make America white again.
And on the really fruity end of the spectrum:
Jews control the weather; their nation state secretly plans to exterminate Arabs; and the whole lot of them have hypnotized the world with Hebrew mind control.
These conspiracy … “theories”, or more like “fever dreams” … spill forth not from basement bloggers in tinfoil hats but from supposedly nailed-down folk. Politicians, mainstream journalists, and (formerly) respectable intellectuals juice these lemons day after day, in defiance of common sense, hard evidence, or even a compelling pattern. Their constituents drink this sour mixture, proclaim it ambrosia, and cry for more.

The opinion leaders on the Left rail incessantly against “The Rich.” But when they say “The Rich,” they don’t mean the population with assets in excess of X million dollars. Those would just be people who happened to be rich. They mean “THE CONSPIRACY OF The Rich”–bastards who connive to suck up all the goodies. Collusion is how they got rich, not a combination of luck, intelligence, and hard work.

“Eat The Rich” cheerleaders like Robert Reich, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Elizabeth Warren talk like “The Rich” share a party line–complete with gold-plated Bat-phones–earnestly discussing as a group: “How can we keep the little guy down and murder the climate at the same time?”

Another long-running “conspiracy of” category is “White People.” Activists, politicians, and opinionators reference “(the conspiracy of) White People” on topics ranging from police shootings to NFL owners who manifestly plotted to exclude Colin Kaepernick from his rightful place chucking a ball on the TV. NFL owners can’t possibly have thought separately and individually that hiring Kaepernick–who damaged the entire league and who spouts Marxist, anti-white, anti-police garbage at every opportunity–might turn out to be a poor choice, leading to perennial headaches for any team stupid enough to toss him a jersey.

Leftist conspiracy mongers credit conservatives and Republicans with borderline-magical abilities to leverage powerful forces for sinister plots and schemes. In so doing, they have turned their constituency into a hysteria feedback movement. Their sole source of energy now appears to be: “Nazis and robber barons in the bushes! Treasons and plots! Grab your Reynolds Wrap and prepare for resistance!”

Perhaps most odd from a conservative viewpoint is that many of the “conspiracies” Leftist opinion makers “uncover” are open, commonly held beliefs on the Right. Opinion makers on the Left don’t listen to conservatives. Then, stumbling upon conservatives’ openly expressed views, they mischaracterize those beliefs as hidden and secret motives. The devious plotter living in every conservative means that nothing they say may be accepted at face value. The devious plotter living in every conservative means that nothing they say may be accepted at face value.

Francis Wilkinson’s hilariously ignorant opinion piece in Bloomberg exemplifies the left's paranoia at work. Wilkinson’s title– "The True Aim of the Gun Sanctuary Movement", Wilkinson theorizes that Second Amendment advocates (or as he calls them the “guns-everywhere-for anybody movement”) don’t *really* believe in the Constitution; they just want to subvert the American majority.

*Sigh*. Okay Francis, you got us. Conservatives really don’t believe in the wisdom of the Constitution, that bit of “legal finery.” We are conspiring in secret to give every felon, child, and psychiatric inmate an AR-15 and turn cities into dystopian slaughterhouses. Darn it. We almost snuck that one by, but Wilkinson was too smart for us.

A note to the Guns-Everywhere-for-Everybody Cabal: we will not meet this Friday, because Wilkinson’s column has made us sad and angry. But next Friday, come with your best ideas to trick the Left into believing we support the constitutional right to self-, home, and community defense on its merits. We will meet in room 302, right next to the Evil Jewish Bankers Who Control Everything Society.

Saturday, January 11, 2020

The Year of the Tiger. The CFB National Championship Final: Clempston vs LSU


First Things First. A Note to visiting Tigers fans of both stripes: I have it on good word and can give you pretty solid assurances that the hotels and bars of New Orleans will not run out of Beer as do some other so-called host cities of CFB bowl contest. [/SARC]
__________________________________

Monday Night the Breck Girl and The Fightin' Dabos of Clempston roll into the Superdome to take on Bayou Jeaux and Coach O's LSU Fightin' Tigahs for the Championship of College Football.  Statistically, it will be the second highest scoring offense against the No. 1 scoring and passing defense in America. Statistically. The Fightin' Dabos haven't seen anything like LSU’s receivers.

The Breck Girl has never lost a game as a college QB. But there's a first time for everything they say. A victory by LSU would be their 6th win of their 15 against teams who are currently ranked in the top 9 of the Associated Press poll. A Clempston win would be their 3rd Championship title in 4 years, and win #30 in a row.

I had planed to sit down with a glass or two of my favorite spirits and write an epic detailed pre-game post complete with analysis and numerous reasons I believe my Fighting Tigers are to be victorious, not just to inform and entertain the DMF reader, but to bolster my own confidence of this truth.  But after some meditation on this years season I found it really no longer necessary.

You see, I remember LSU's 2007 Championship season very well, and in my mental wandering in time noticed some remarkable similarities to 2019.  I can assure the readers I have never believed in coincident. And I'm not one to believe in magic. But after this season, I do believe things can be magical.  With that said, I present this info for your consideration:

Mike the Tiger VI came to campus in the fall of 2007 as a majestic two year old and proudly presided over that LSU National Championship season.  His beautiful successor, Mike VII, became two years old this season.

In 2007, Les Miles was in his third season as Head Coach of LSU.
This season is Ed Orgeron's third full year as Tiger HC

In 2007, LSU beat Alabama in Tuscaloosa.
2019 was the first time since 2011 LSU beat Alabama..... and did it  in Tuscaloosa.

LSU won the 2007 Championship in the New Orleans Superdome, again the site of this years crowning of the CFB Champion.  

In 2007, LSU defeated the Ohio St. BuckNutts, a participant in the previous years Championship contest.  Clemptson will take the field Monday as the Defending National Champion.

I once commented to my SEC Sister Curmudgeon (maker of most excellent Game Day graphics) sometime before before this years SEC Championship game, that I was starting to believe the stars may be aligning and the gods of football were gazing favorable upon the Purple and Gold. She agreed. Then this weekend I learned of one more fact that wiped away any doubt in my mind.........  

The very day Billy Cannon,  LSU's only Heisman Trophy Winner died, the 2019 Heisman Winner signed his transfer to play at LSU.  In 1958, Cannon led LSU to a Sugar Bowl win in New Orleans to secure their first National Championship of the modern era........by defeating Clemson University. 

For coach O's Tigers, it's more than just about a ring. More than just about a trophy. It's, indeed, about hours and hours of sweat and pain in the early morning hours of the sultry sun rises of a hot Louisiana summer when most everyone else was still asleep, when no media or TV cameras are on them.  It's about pen-point focus. On a shared goal long set, now just sixty minutes away.

One Team. One Heartbeat. 

Yes, I do indeed believe things can be magical........

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

~ NO TUXEDOS REQUIRED ~


Brought to you By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Friday, January 10, 2020

Please, Someone Make It Stop. Lizzy Is Dancin' Again.

Senator Lizzy's once promising presidential campaign has kinda hit the skids now that she says she wants us to eat the rich and she's running out of free things to promise, not to mention Jules Winnfield is pointing a gun at her yellin "say I got a plan for that one more time bitch!" Progtards are starting to seeing she’s faker than a 3-dollar bill.

No one would ever accuse Lizzy of having a sense of self awareness and lately, when taking the stage and just before she starts yelling some goofy policy ideas while shaking like a speed freak, she thinks she can get her some traction by dancing. But unfortunately she can’t dance. And she won't stop!  I mean really, it’s one of the most plastic and embarrassing things I've ever seen. And we know it won't stop soon because she really loves it when the selfie line starts, because they play Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," and she just has a hard time not dancing to that.


Lizzy is trying really hard to be young and hip, only to come off as one of those promotional attention getters that are a colorful nylon tube thing, kept in motion with blown hot air, with the arms, eyes, and face that you see on used car lots, and other grand openings?  That dancing ain’t helping. Make it stop before she hurts herself, or endangers the general public.
Someone get a net! 
~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Let's Hope This Becomes a Trend on the Left......

Fishnet Friday

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Assistant New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould Issues Corrections

Corrections: Jan 8, 2020
(NYT) The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday's Wedding Section.

We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Manhattan. They were married at St. Brigid’s. Additionally, we inaccurately wrote that the groom “attended Cornell University and double-majored in English and Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends.”

Mr. Penview, in fact, only majored in English. He did not major in “Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends,” as that is not currently an existing track of study at Cornell or any other accredited university.

In addition, we erroneously wrote yesterday that Mr. Penview was the “son of Dr. Ryan Penview, a third-generation ophthalmologist, and Mrs. Claire Penview, a Zuckerberg-ass beaver-bitch.” Mrs. Penview practiced law in New York State until 2004, and is considered by many to be a friendly and beautiful member of her community, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Mark Zuckerberg or his rear end. “Beaver-bitch” is not a profession.

We also incorrectly noted yesterday that the couple met “while the bride was dating the totally devoted and now very successful New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould.

Dan guesses he just wasn’t good enough for you Katie, because you had to go hump that piece of shit Adam Penview that you met at the English major mixer while Dan left Ithaca for the weekend to go to his Nana’s 90th birthday in Needham, Mass. Dan even brought you back a hat from the birthday party that said ‘Ethel’s Doin’ It For One Night Only.’ FYI, Adam, it counts as incest if you sleep with another English major’s girlfriend, since English majors are BASICALLY BROTHERS. Nana will live forever!!!”

Though factually correct, the New York Times apologizes for the way in which Mr. Penview and Ms. Jasper’s first meeting and relationship history were portrayed. Additionally, the hat actually read “Ethel’s Not 90…She’s 89.95 Plus Tax.” She has since passed.

Yesterday, we printed that “God Katie sorry I’m writing all this I’ve taken a lot of Robitussin you are so beautiful. You look like a young Nancy Kerrigan. Oh God I love you.” In fact, Mr. Gould had only taken a moderate amount of Robitussin.

Yesterday, we wrote “Katie, I’m so sorry, oh God, please come back, I think you can get weddings annulled really easily, it’s like a five-second rule type thing. Also Adam, I’m really sorry, I actually think you’re a pretty good guy, I once had a dream that you saved me from Gwyneth Paltrow's steaming vagina.  Granted, I had taken a lot of Robitussin that night, but when I woke up I did feel sincerely indebted to you.” I don’t know where to start. The New York Times is just so sorry for this entire paragraph.  

Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times, what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!

We wrote in the paragraph above that says “Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!”  In actuality, Dan Gould just broke back into the Corrections Department and stole the computer that I’m writing this on. He has been promptly escorted from the building and arrested. In addition, The New York Times is an extremely current print newspaper that offers breaking unbiased news and fun crossword puzzles. Fuck Dan Gould.

We retract “Fuck Dan Gould.”

We apologize for these mistakes.