Showing posts with label Crazyass Norks. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Crazyass Norks. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

North Korea Building Missile Submarine


Fresh from their recent successfully completed Naval spy mission directed at the arrival of the Presidential entourage on Martha's Vineyard, the North Koreans are believed to be developing a new threat to peace.

From the Washington Free Beacon:
U.S. intelligence agencies believe North Korea is building a submarine capable of launching ballistic missiles, potentially increasing the threat posed by the nuclear-armed rogue state.
A missile launch tube on a North Korean submarine was observed recently by U.S. intelligence agencies and is raising new concerns about the missile and nuclear threat from the communist regime in Pyongyang, according to two defense officials familiar with reports of the development.
Pentagon spokesman Lt. Col. Jeffrey Pool declined to comment on the North Korean missile submarine program. “We do not comment on intelligence matters, but we do urge North Korea to become more transparent in their defense sector in order to reduce tensions in the region,” he said in a statement. Details of the missile submarine remain closely held within the government.
Military analysts expressed surprise at the intelligence on the missile submarine program and speculated the submarine could be a modification of one of North Korea’s Russian or Chinese design Romeo-class diesel submarines.
The majority of the North’s submarines, more than two dozen, are small, Sango-class mini-submarines used for covert commando operations to infiltrate South Korea during a conflict. The North Koreans also have four 1940s-design Whiskey-class submarines from Russia.
Until the recent discovery of the modified submarine, there were no intelligence signs North Korea is interested in developing its own submarine-launched missiles.
READ MORE

Saturday, August 9, 2014

North Korea Spies on Obama's Martha's Vineyard Arrival

EXCLUSIVE PHOTOS:


(Pyongyang) -The North Korean News Agency announced moments ago that the DPRK Navy had successfully completed a secret spy mission purposely directed at the  arrival  of the Presidential entourage on Martha's Vineyard. Nork News said the mission involved the DPRK Navy's first long voyage of their newest secret weapon, a propane/electric hybrid long range "Dung Class" submarine. (photos below)

A Military spokesman said the submarine was able to penetrate the Nantucket Sound under the cover of darkness Friday morning and navigate in daylight the coastal waters of Martha's Vineyard by running shallow while towing a cardboard cutout of Secretary of State John Kerry on a windsurfing board, assuring no one would pay any attention or come near.

The newest addition to the DPRK arsenals secret voyage was commanded by the North Korean Supreme Leader himself, 1st Admiral Kim Jong Un. The mission included spending 18 hours off Cape Cod Friday to gather intelligence and two undetected passes through the Vineyard Sound in daylight on Saturday.

The major news agencies remain skeptical of the story, but MFNS have obtained exclusive Nork Naval photos taken on the mission as proof the North Koreans did indeed pull off the spy mission undetected.

{Photos Courtesy of North Korean Navy}

North Korean Sub 001 surfaces the morning of Aug 8 off the coast of Cape Cod near the
Kennedy Compound to check for intelligence (sources said none was found)





Under the cover of thick early morning fog Aug 9, waiting the arrival of the mission target,   
Kim Jung un discusses the days mission strategy with his officers.





Trolling the coast of  Vineyard Sound at periscope depth, Admiral Kim observes President Obama's arrival on the Vineyard and later practicing his golf swing at the presidential retreat before hitting the links. Kim was heard to giggle "He swing club like girl 6 year old"




Periscope reconnaissance photo of First Lady Michelle Obama 
as she leisurely wades in the surf of Martha's Vineyard beach




Periscope reconnaissance photo of who the DPRK Naval Intelligence
believes to be Barack Obama. Debate rages in the North Korean
intelligence community as to whether this is really the President,
or just some goofy looking skinny black guy with no balls wandering
around the golf course near the Presidential retreat



Stay Tuned to Middle Finger News for any developments 
on the latest taxpayer funded Obama Vacation.


Monday, July 28, 2014

Little Dictator Threatens to Nuke O's House

Norks Once Again Rattling the Swords

The North Korean Regime, fresh from a triumphant win at the World Cup and the recent success in taking over as the Leader of the World Rap Music industry, have becoming restless after being pushed off the world stage by on-going events in the Middle East have once again have become belligerent. 

Top-ranking North Korean military officials have threatened to nuke the White House and Pentagon after accusing Washington of raising military tensions on the Korean peninsula. 

The threat came from Hwang Pyong-So, director of the military's General Political Bureau, during a speech to a large military rally in Pyongyang Sunday on the anniversary of the armistice that ended the 1950-53 Korean War.

Hwang said in his speech broadcast Monday on state television:
"If the US imperialists threaten our sovereignty and survival... our troops will fire our nuclear-armed rockets at the White House and the Pentagon -- the sources of all evil.


There has been no comment yet from the golf course.....

Sunday, May 25, 2014

North Korea's Plan For Rap Music Dominance

DRPK Bureau of MFNS


For Immediate Release: 
North Korean Military Headquarters Pyongyang,   
"After the swift and convincing defeat in a recent international standoff at the hands of The People's Republic of Korea's Supreme Leader Kim Jung un of the weenie imperialist running dog, Hussein Obama of the United States, the Leader of the DPRK today released details of previously secret plans to take over the US dominated world of Rap Music. " 
"In the eye's of our Dear Leader, the quality of Rap Music coming from the imperialist ghettos and government re-education camps is no longer world class. Kim Jung-un's knowledge of the music industry, composition and lyrical genius will once again prove the dominance of North Korean superiority."
The secret weapon in the stable of artist of the new self appointed "King of Rap Music Producers" is Los Angeles Rapper "4.25" (aka Little Pee Pee).  4.25 has sold hundreds of CD's in Pyongyang an now sits at #1 on the DPRK's top 20 music poll.


Dear Leader discusses lyric delivery with protégé 4.25 aka Little Pee Pee

Dear Leader, adding to his impressive list of titles, will be from this day forward also be known in the music world as entrepreneur and  music producer "MC Stud-Muffin Kim". 


MC Stud-Muffin mobbed by adoring music fans at a recent 'We Love Dear Leader Rally'

Monday, March 31, 2014

Nork News: Koreas Fire At Each Other’s Waters – Multiple Sea Casualties

Compiled from MFNS Staff reports

SEOUL, March 31st (MFNS)- North Korea released a photograph of leader Kim Jung Un inspecting what appears to be holes in the Dirty Waters. Based on this photo, our own field reports and interviews with survivors and eyewitnesses, we have created the map indicating points where the Waters on both sides were shot to death......

Read the Entire Chilling Report HERE

Friday, August 30, 2013

North Korea Edges Toward War with Switzerland

Kim Jong-un ordered the North Korean military earlier this year to start work on a “world-class” ski resort, to rival the winter sports facilities being built in South Korea to host the 2018 Winter Olympic Games. But North Korea has expressed its extreme anger at Switzerland after it blocked a deal to supply key equipment for a ski resort, a pet project of Kim Jong-un's.  

Describing the resort as a “gigantic patriotic work’’, Mr Kim has said he wanted the facility – with 69 miles (110 kilometres) of multilevel ski runs, a hotel, heliport and cable cars – completed by the end of the year. He acknowledged the apparently “world startling labour feats the builders have performed in the construction”.

The North's Skiers Association said on Saturday that ski courses have already been built with a hotel and other facilities nearing completion. But "some countries" are blocking the import of "cableway equipment" for the resort, it said in a statement. "If the governments of some countries consider that ordinary inhabitants of (North Korea) should not be allowed to use the ski resort, it is an unpardonable insult to its social system and people."

The North's association insisted the resort was aimed at providing its citizens with "highly civilized and happy living conditions and make them enjoy all blessings".

Mr Kim is a known fan of basketball but spent seven years at international schools near the Swiss city of Berne from 1993, where he may have picked up an interest in skiing. His father and former leader was a famously keen sportsman.

 Kim Jong-il first picked up a golf club in 1994, at North Korea’s only golf course, and shot a 38-under par round that included no fewer than 11 holes in one.  Satisfied with his performance, he reportedly immediately declared his retirement from the sport.


The Telegraph

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Nork News: From Behind the Noodle Curtain

by Middle Finger News Correspondent
Wya Long Poo

Kim Jong-Un inspects 'The Peoples Bakery' home of a staple of the 
North Korean diet, 'The Motherland' mud-filled pastry. 



Not to be out done by Barack Obama, Kim Jong-Un dictates his second autobiography to 
his staff to be entitled "Dreams of the Shit My Dictator Used to Say". His first offering
became in instant bestseller after copies were issued to every citizen.



Fungi Marine Commanders join Kim Jong-Un in inspection of North Korean cutting edge 
super secret strategic fungi weapon reserves, believed to be the only in the world.  



 Kim Jong-Un gleefully shows off his 'Magic Mushroom' stash to reporters. 
From his upcoming book he says: "All worldly men of culture and stature have interest, Daddy had his porno movie collection, I have my Transformers and Magic Shrooms"   

   

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Severe Binocular Shortage Plagues North Korean War Preparation

* Headline Stolen from Vanderleun 


A North Korean soldier looks out of the window of a guard tower, on the banks of Yalu River, about 62 miles from the North Korean town of Sinuiju, opposite the Chinese border city of Dandong, on April 16. 
North Korea issued new threats against South Korea on Tuesday, vowing "sledge-hammer blows" of retaliation if South Korea did not apologize for anti-North Korean protests the previous day when the North was celebrating the birth of its founding leader. - NBC News.com

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Joe Biden Vows ‘To Be The First In’ During Any North Korea Nuke Strike

With the continuing possibility of North Korea escalating on the threat of a nuclear attack against US bases and possibly Hawaii or the westcoast of the US mainland, Joe Biden reassured Democrats during a recent California speech that he’ll personally take the fight to the enemy.’  “I’ll get myself on a B-52 and drop the damn thing myself if that fat little pinko chink bastard Kim tries anything funny.”
 Biden promises he’ll take the fight right to old Kim Jong Un 
and his asshole buddies himself if necessary!
Again, Biden claims it’s all a show and the North Koreans go through this each spring when food and fuel supplies have dwindled over a long winter.
“These commie clowns are just looking to stir stuff up and are trying to get a few handouts from folks like us, ” said Biden as he tried to ease the tension among west coast supporters who find themselves in the eye of the storm for the first time since WW II. 
Biden supporters cautioned California voters to hang tough and possibly dig a few really deep holes in their backyards just in case and mentioned that the Vice President probably won’t be visiting again for awhile.
In Washington, the President’s inner-circle have prepared a proposal that would give the North Korean regime EBT cards, or as they’re more commonly know as..Food Stamps, to ease the annual shortages of food and other household staples. According to Valarie Jarrett, the President’s most trusted advisor, “Look those people over there are real skinny and not much over 5’6″…So really, how much can they possibly eat anyway? Besides, we have half the world’s fat people on EBT and WIC cards now so, what’s a few more skinny ones?”
The Vice President’s staff say Biden is being realistic about fighting for our country and in fact, has taken the afternoon off to participate in a one-on-one Kung Foo class just in case the B-52 gets shot down or crashes.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Lil' Kim Escalates Tensions - Moves Forces to Border Region

 Kim Jong-Un Moves Entire Transformers Collection to Border 
New Yorker


PYONGYANG - In a move that has further ratcheted up tensions on the Korean peninsula, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un today moved his entire collection of Transformers action figures to the border with South Korea.  According to sources familiar with the size and scope of the collection, which is believed to be the largest in Asia, the mercurial Kim began assembling it when he was either eight or nine.

In Washington, an intelligence source reported that satellite photos have confirmed thousands of Transformers massing on the southern border: “We are seeing no Autobots. Just tons and tons of Decepticons.”

Kim himself confirmed the Transformers mobilization today on state television, announcing, “I am Megatron,” followed by an unintelligible roar.

 The latest development in North Korea follows published reports that Kim Jong-Un may be trying to obtain a light sabre.

____________________________ 

Monday, April 8, 2013

Dear Leader Speaks Directly to Dear Leader-in-Training

Diplomacy Has Gone Downhill Since Hillary Resigned


Dear Comrade Kim,
I have come to agree with our fellow comrade, Fidel Castro, that it is time you should quit swinging your little dick and knock off the threatening nonsense. Seriously! Neither of us need the Chinese pissed off right now, if you know what I mean!  
Regards, 
Barry O.

P.S.
And seeing  you're the only fat kid in North Korea, don't make me send Michelle over there. Neither of us would want it to come to that, would we?  She is briefed and fully aware of the high calorie count of Korean nose boogers - and of your fondness of your own.  So Watch Your Step Tubby!

___________________

Dear Big Ears Hussein,





Wednesday, April 3, 2013

North Korean Leader to Release New Autobiography

PYONGYANG - Following in the footsteps of other narcissistic world leaders who write biographies early in life, Kim Jong Un, The People's Republic number one and the son of the late and great example to dictators everywhere, is set to officially release his first mini autobiography next week. 
Middle Finger News was given a very special and exclusive interview in an exotic, mysteriously distant, and often misunderstood place: the residential palaces in the heart of the DPRK.
The book is indeed a son's loving testament to his father and hero, Kim Jong Il. 
“This book,” related the younger Kim, “Will surely put all other books to shame. In fact, we are having a book burning next week. You should come. You will witness as we raise Father’s legacy in tribute above the flames, gazing on his shining, beneficent face until the knowledge of lesser mortals is nothing but ASHES AT HIS FEET!! AAAAAHAAAAHAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!”
After a few minutes, Jong Un got back on track and began to touch on a few of the softer, tenderer moments in his life with The Dear Leader.
“Well, the time Dad took me to my first public execution is definitely at the top of my list. We sat together in the warm sun, laughed, and had the best kimchi on the planet. The spice was just right—not too spicy but still spicy. You know what I’m talking about. Now, that was a day to remember.”
The Late Kim Jong Il Inspects North Korean Stick Farm
“And how could I forget the day Father unveiled his matchless might in the form of a high-tech ballistic missile called the T2 - it was then that I realized that I never knew my Father (nor he me) until that day. The head nod he gave me was more than just a signal for me to cut the ribbon—in my mind it signaled the start of a new friendship and era in my life. And I knew that (now, he could come back from the dead and kill me for suggesting this so make sure it’s off the record. No really, he will) behind those dark sunglasses his eyes were tearing up as much as mine.”
“And then there were all those memorable trips we took. Trips to the underground prisons, the above ground prisons, the house prisons, the dungeons, the prisons for the mentally unstable, the prisons for the sane, for traitors, fools, boring people, people whose faces we get tired of looking at, prisons for the old, the sick, the lame, the poor, the homeless, the orphaned, the widowed, the mediocre, the creative, and my personal favorite—the prison for thought criminals!”
This unique glimpse into a charmed life with a dictator-dad through the perspective of an adoring son, though already being placed alongside the greater works of history, will surely be remembered as one of the tenderest memoirs in a long, long while.
Kim Jong Il  Inspects North Korea's Strategic Toilet Paper Reserves
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