Beclowning themselves last week, CNN gave us Wolff Blitzer and a debate lineup selection show more reminiscent of a mix of bingo game night and a bad game show, the only thing missing was Steve Harvey and bad jokes between selections. Then this morning the 'Most Trusted Name In News" started an extravaganza of wall to wall coverage at a windblown desk outside the Fox Theater in Detroit that looked more like the ESPN's College Game Day broadcast, with a crowd waving Biden 2020 signs instead of 'Go Bama' and big "We're #1" foam rubber hands in the background and anchored by the always lovely Brook Baldwin looking her usual victim of a head on collision with a Max Factor Makeup truck. Coverage was later taken over by the network's resident carnival barker impersonator, Fredo Cuomo. My question is who's running CNN these days, the National Lampoon????
So Here America Is Your Candidate Debate Starting Lineup:
Bernie Sanders, Lizzy Warren, Pete Buttigieg, BetoKlobucharTimRyanThreeOtherTimRyans and of course, President Marianne Williamson.
And so you don't have to watch, here is a preview of the only things of any importance that both nights major players will probably say that they haven't already said a thousand times in a nutshell (literally a nutshell):
Bernie Sanders: I AM RELEVANT! AND EVERYONE SUCKS BUT ME! TRUMP IS A RACIST.
Lizzy Warren: I have many detailed plans for solving the problems that America faces. I've brought Powerpoints. Trump is a racist.
Pete Buttigieg: I am a nice safe white man who also happens to be gay. Trump is a racist
Beto: I am also a nice safe white man. But not gay. Unless being gay would get me votes. I could be gay. Please vote for me...Please??
Harris: I'm a former prosecutor. I will fucking gut Donald Trump like a fish live on national TV if you let me. The Motherf**ker is a racist!
Biden: Hey, kids, I'm not old. Uncle Joe is hip. Look, I can floss! Hey, you're attractive. How old are you? 13? Well, your brothers better keep an eye on you.
DJT: Get a load of these tremendous losers America. Look at them!
Moderator: Mr. Trump, you're not supposed to be here.
DJT: Many people are saying I should be. Many people.
Marianne Sparkleshine Stardust Williamson: If we just focus on the love, the light of the universe from the third eye shall shine down upon us and bask us with the warmth of feeling and bring harmony together across the globe. *lights incenses stick*