Looks Like Hillary Lost Another One

Thank You Pookie for the Linkage!

Donna Unveils Her New Book

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Just Sayin'

More Proof Climate Change is Affecting the Animal Kingdom

Hurricane Irma Had Heroes Too......

🏃 🏃🏃🏃 🏃

Earl has been down covering the hardest hit in the south Texas area,

you can check out his report HERE

Coach Elated Malia Obama Enrolled at Harvard

Middle Finger Sports - In a preseason Ivy League roundup interview with MFN Sports, the coaching staff of Harvard Football said they are excited to see one particular freshman come to campus this year, Malia Obama.

The Harvard Crimson Head coach told us: "When we look at this young woman, who obviously takes after her mother rather then her father, we see in the coming year or two a 6ft. something, 190lb+ linebacker in the making. Just look a her mother, she's built like a Chicago Bears lineman!  We don't get guys built like her at Harvard.  So we're really hoping after Ms. Obama starts bulking up to her mother's size she will consider trying out for the team as a walk-on. Combine her fathers athletic prowess and deceiving moves with her mother's build, we're talkin' some real potential right there babe!"

"As we see it, with that kinda size and looks, and if she has even a  fraction of her mother's angry black women in her, she'll scare the hell out of those Yale and Princeton white boys! And for Gawd sakes man, this is Harvard football, we need all the help can get!"

When we asked if he had any qualms of putting a female on a varsity football team he said: "You're kidding right? We're talking Ivy League football here! Our only concern as of now is maybe special equipment, like boobstical protection, and maybe a custom helmet. We're not sure if she has her father's ears or not." 

New Findings Validate Health Benefits of Large Butts

- Middle Finger News Service Wire
by Dolly Macintosh

MFN - Atlanta Ga.- A new study released by researchers at the prestigious Ima Derriere University of Atlanta, has validated the findings of study done in the last century on the health benefits of large butts. The new study seems to validate previous controversial research done by researcher Sir Mix-A-Lot, whose 1986 publication, "Baby Got Back," was in the forefront of challenging long-held views about the correlation between butt size and general health.

Published by "Def American" in a video presentation form, the article’s findings were not widely accepted at the time of publication amidst allegations that personal bias had affected the research. The allegations were never denied by Mix-A-Lot whose only response was “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

An outlier in the scientific community for decades, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s work has slowly gained mainstream acceptance thanks to celebrities and especially the previous First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, who gave credence to the study by helping forward the fashion of a healthy over-sized butt by proudly displaying hers in public for 8 years. 

The article is now considered ahead of its time, and supporters note that it was one of the first publications to discuss the role that media plays in changing public perceptions about healthy body sizes. Sir Mix-A-Lot argued that “while Cosmo says your fat, well I ain’t down with dat.” 

His claims, controversial at the time, included the recommendation that those with big butts should not try to lose them through exercise. Mix-A-Lot also argued that butt-size affected more than just one’s own health. In a surprising claim, he wrote that even members of the animal kingdom could be affected, noting that anacondas “don’t want none, unless you’ve got buns hun.” The cryptic reference to the motivations of anacondas, which was not well understood at the time of the article’s publication, has resurfaced in scientific circles following the 2014 publication of Dr. Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” which drew heavily on Mix-A-Lot’s earlier research.  Despite recent work on the subject, the claim remains a source of controversy in zoological research. 

Medical science, however, has warmed to the key claims in Sir Mix-A-Lot’s work and most researchers now agree that big butts do not require medical intervention. Instead, more doctors are following Sir Mix-A-Lot’s recommendation and advising big butted patients to simply “shake it ...shake it... shake that healthy butt.”

Dolly Macintosh is MFNS Health and Fashion Editor. Dolly is a graduate of  the Birmingham Finishing School for Young Ladies where she earned a degree in Fitness, Fashion and Massage. She is also the author of three unpublished books. 

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Nancy Pelosi Takes Break for Health Evaluations

MFNS: Make No Mistake About It.

by the Editorial Board of Middle Finger News Service:

Make no mistake, our seasoned journalists drill down and tell the cautionary tales of bombshells that land on dumpster fires in the middle of firestorms, after the grilling of senators who pivot to whether they’d reached a tipping point or were just playing politics, not fearing the optics of thinking outside the box at the crossroads of their last ditch effort, although there is always plenty of blame to go around in the searing indictment of the favorite Washington parlor game that turns a blind eye on a potent symbol a the game-changer which dons the mantle of a hotly contested feeding frenzy. 

Needless to say, it remains to be seen in the 24-hour news cycle of the digital age, whether at first glance, the woefully inadequate, byzantine rules that burst onto the scene will allow the punditocracy to breathe a sigh of relief or will force it to vicariously probe the powers that be for the American people. But those rules double-down with strange bedfellows in the wake of keen observers of tongue-wagging, well-heeled lobbyists who meet with an ignominious end in the final analysis at the end of the day when, for all intents and purposes, cooler heads prevail at the inflection point of no return that is sometime shrouded in secrecy in an ill-advised, much-ballyhooed, hastily-convened, closely-watched and oft-cited paradigm shift of a broken system that underscores the object lesson of a Rorschach test. 

Be that as it may, this is not your father’s tectonic shift, if you will, and Christmas comes early for skittish politicans in that land of contradictions which ushered in an eye-popping era in a nutshell that, contrary to popular belief, prevents anyone from acknowledging the new norm in which there are no face-saving compromises and we all press each other’s hot-button issues which are the talk of the town.  Yet a portrait emerges of a grizzly veteran who endured withering criticism in a dizzying array of wide-ranging interviews in a nondescript office building, and of the poster child of an unsung hero who was tapped to rise from obscurity and spark a debate that raised the specter of hand-wringing partisans on both sides who trade barbs in a war of words and walked on thin ice in a charm offensive, going forward as creatures of Washington in a stinging rebuke to the fevered speculation of the proverbial growing body of evidence that shines a spotlight on a political football, which raises more questions than answers about our tightly knit social fabric.

Clinton Points Boney Finger At Middle Finger News

CNN World - After blaming the Russians, WIKI Leaks, Trump Operatives, the DNC, her Campaign Staff, James Comey, Tweeter, Facebook, Climate Change and Toenail Fungus for her unexpected loss in November, Thursday Hillary Clinton again skirted her own blame by pointing a crooked arthritic finger at the up and coming Media Giant 'Middle Finger News Service' and it's Corporate Owner, Diogenes Middle Finger.com INC.

Speaking before a gathering of Adult Diaper Manufactures Thursday, Mrs. Clinton fired both her whining barrels at the respected news organization as she became visibly upset:  

"I took great care to warn my replacement as Secretary of State, Senator John Kerry, about this vicious bunch at Middle Finger News, who he later labeled "Unamerican, Uncosmopolitan, Despicable Hooligans" after his own experiences with them.  I directly blame them for playing a large part in my ......*BURP*.... election loss for the false and totally unfair  portrayal of me to the American electorate. Especially that elusive witch who goes by the name Diogenes and her cohort.... that smartass Earl of Taint, both for their vicious satire and distorted imagery of me as a Drunken, Bumbling, Bloated, Radical Grandmother and Crime Family Boss with one foot in the grave. It's a G** D*** good thing for the whole bunch of them that I didn't get elected!!!"...... Those Rat Bastards are gonna pay!!........You HEAR ME!!!!!"

Mrs. Clinton then began repeatedly banging her head on the podium and broke down in tears and a raging coughing fit, and had to be helped off and attended to backstage.

When CNN contacted the MFNS HQ about the statement by Clinton, an unnamed MFNS spokesman refused comment, but the newsroom was heard to break out in uproarious laughter. When our reporter informed the spokesman he had never heard of Middle Finger News Service before, the spokesman laughed and responded "Don't get out much do ya Skippy? Shit, Go ask Anderson Cooper, we made him cry too!"

MFNS Obtains Leaked Former FBI Director Comey's Notes of Meeting With President

Actually, we stole it from KA-CHING 
We redacted names to protect the guilty...

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Capitol Police Report Outbreak of Drunks Wandering Hill

Doctors Report Serious Injuries Due To Sudden Change By Democrats of Comey Support

Middle Finger New Service Exclusive:

Washington DC - Thousands of Democrats around the country have reportedly been injured when their views and selective outrage made a sudden u-turn too fast in their support for fired FBI director James Comey. They had previously despised the man for costing Hillary Clinton the presidency. But suddenly, James Comey is their Jesus. 

Many of those injured suffered whiplash injuries from changing their support for Comey so suddenly. Normally, people will slow down to make a u-turn, but Democrats didn’t bother to brake even a little before changing course. Doctors couldn’t give out details due to privacy laws, but most said Dems in Congress, liberal TV pundits and some entertainment celebrities were in the most pain. One doctor who has treated many of the more seriously injured in the wake of Comey’s firing, explained:

“The common sense muscles in most Democrats are seldom used. So, when you hate somebody one day and then love them the next, it can cause a variety of injuries. Over-the-top outrage, hypocrititis, tremendous butthurt, and ruptured tendons from jumping to conclusions too quickly are all symptoms of the instantaneous flip-flopping presented by patients.” 

The best prescription for the u-turn injuries is to learn to stand on principle on most issues. However, this doesn’t come naturally for Democrats. Compounding the danger for Democrats, is their inability to remember that things they say are often recorded, and can be played back at a later date. 

This realization would prevent many of them from changing their positions so abruptly, and would cut down on the number of them who end up looking like jackasses.

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Study: SJW Protesters Causing Increase in Global Warming / Climate Change

Middle Finger News Service Wire: 

MFNS-HQ - According to study by Dr. Gunther Umph, a sociobiologist from Korkosaven University in Gorgamet, Denmark, the areas around the world with climbing temperature readings tend to be inhabited by more aggressive, bellicose peoples, or “hotheads,” as the study calls them, while colder zones are home to more peaceful, even timid populations.

In his studies most important finding, his team of scientists concluded that in the US the collective Social Justice Warrior protest movement's belligerence is a form of literal hot-headedness, in which screaming protesters transfer their body heat to the head and turns the mind into a stew of animal reactions, bypassing the brain’s rational faculties and driving the groups to childish displays of wonton irrationality and brutality, resulting in the release of tremendous amounts of heat in the immediate atmosphere.

Along with the atmospheric warming effect the large groups of hot headed SJW protesters emit, massive amounts of CO2 emissions from the screaming protest also bolsters the effects of Climate Change.

Since last summer, after the nomination of Donald Trump as President and the increasing number of rallies and protest over his every policy and word, large groups  of SJW protesters of all stripes have gathered in their ever increasing 'Hot Headedness' and become more intolerant while dramatical contributing to Climate Change Dr. Umph  told us.

The researchers tested their hypothesis by observing the facial expressions and by measuring the heat emitted from large groups of protesters at a recent Berkeley protest. Radical leftist became increasingly agitated, irrational and violent, some messing their underwear, as sweat streamed down their faces and dampening their clothes, raising local CO2 levels and a trail of refuge behind. 

In the words of Dr. Umph "These Social Justice protesters are going to kill us all!"

The reaction to the release of the Study was predictable. The leader of "Peace for the Planet" protest group called for massive nationwide protest against the study and violent overthrow of the new Presidential Administration.

A Special Middle Finger News Investigative Report

Breaking – Exclusive MFNS Special Report On The Possible Connection Between American Airlines Small But Cocky Customer Service Berserker And His/Her Alleged Modeling For Adult Themed Gag Products That Shame Those Who Are Short, Fat, Bald-Headed And Practically Dickless.

Read the entire shocking report HERE, and related story HERE. 

NOTE: The Editor denies any involvement in a bawdy, ladies-only celebration of impending nuptials. *cough *

Joe Biden Plans Vice Presidential Library

Biden Takes Part-time Job to Help Raise Funds for New V.P. Library

Middle Finger News Service Wire:

MFNS - Wilmington Del.- Sources close to Joe Biden told MFNS the former VP has decided to build his own Vice Presidential Library in his longtime home District in Delaware. The source told us supporters of Biden convinced him of the need of on honor, he being the historic 2 term VP of the first black President of the United States, and as Biden himself likes to say, "The Cream in the Coffee of the Obama Administration."

The initial plans for the library are said to include a Bidenesque design of three wings. One showcasing his early life and lengthy time in the Senate, another housing pictures and mementos of his two terms as Vice President and another holding his personal notes and the many initiatives and ideas brutely shot down by the President. 

The building is planned to also feature a gift shop, 51 Political Correct Gender Specific Restrooms, an indoor Super-Soaker Tactical Training Course and a Starbucks.

The project is said to be funded totally with moneys raised by private contributions. The FOB's (Friends of Biden) last month started a Go-Fund-Me page to raise money for the project. The target is $5.5 million. As of this writing the fund has so far raised $12.17.

In the meantime Biden has gone to work for 'Turd Burglar Waste Disposal' to help in the financing of the project. 

Biden leads the members of the Congressional Black Caucus in a
Chorus of 'Movin' on Up'

Breaking News: Shock and Awe on Captiol Hill

This Just in from MFNS Senior Washington Correspondent Earl of Taint:

CNN to Issue Warnings for Sensitive Viewers

MFNS - NEW YORK – The Board of CNN Inc. and it's worldwide news division have announced starting Monday a new policy of issuing trigger warnings before showing the face of President Donald Trump to viewing audiences. CNN has estimated that millions of viewers have turned off CNN because of their growing fear that Trump may appear on their screens and further traumatize them with his blunt language, harsh political realities & brutish no nonsense diplomatic tact. 

CNN's Wolf Blitzer made the announcement Saturday:

“We know the mere mention of President’s Trump name or the sight of his face is enough to trigger serious emotional distress or even seizures in a large part of our viewing audience so we believe that this is an appropriate policy for our time. Families with children will really appreciate this warning, as the mere sight of Trump reportedly makes many babies, small infants, and millennials cry uncontrollably. 

Just as we issue warnings before showing bloody, mangled corpses after mass murders or terrorist attacks, so we will issue warnings before showing the face of Donald J. Trump or mentioning his name. We would prefer to avoid the mention of Mr. Trump’s name altogether if possible,  But Trump is President of the United States now, so it’s difficult to completely avoid the subject of Trump no matter how badly we want to not mention the name of Trump ever again. Trump. 

It seems that Trump is a President that many people really love to hate. While many people really love to hate him, they prefer to hate him from their own designated ‘safe space,’ wherever that may be. Many people prefer to sit on their own toilet with their iPhone and hate Trump and curse his name." 

CNN also promised at least 15 minutes of “Trump-free” programming every hour, from 15 minutes to 30 minutes after each hour. Blitzer concluded his annoncement: 

“We would like people to know that for those 15 minutes, that CNN itself is a safe space from the menace of Donald Trump’s face and the menace of Trump’s unholy name. Even during the rest of the hour we may have some Trump-free programming.”

Even some journalists also want safe spaces and so that they are not triggered by having to cover Trump from the White House press pool. One anonymous Wall Street Journal reporter and frequent White House press pool correspondent confessed to being “horrified at the mere sight of Trump. He triggers me into two minutes of total hate for him at least every day. I am trying to get out of covering Trump. I want to cover less offensive leaders, such as Kim Jong-Un. Or that President Erdogan of Turkey. He seems nice.”

World leaders also praised CNN’s decision. Angela Merkel of Germany praised CNN for “showing sensitivity to world audiences for whom the fact that Trump is so-called leader of the free world is a fact too terrifying to contemplate.”

Thank You Pookie's Toons @ Right Reasons & GoodStuff for the Linkage!

Tragedy Strikes Grammy Awards.

Band of Horses Drummer Put Down After Breaking Leg.

Middle Finger News - Staples Center. Tragedy struck the 59th Annual Grammy Awards during a performance of the up and coming Indie Rock band 'Band of Horses' tonight when drummer BoBo Adams suffered a career-ending leg injury and was euthanized on the spot, according to horrified crowd members. The incident did not air on CBS because of the usual broadcast delay.

“It was such a good show. We were all having a good time, and then Adams jumped from the drum riser after the number they did ended..... you know.....a classic rock drummer move. But when he landed, the pop echoed through the hall and blood went everywhere."

“The room just went silent. We all hoped he would pop up, but it was definitely over for him. I could totally see bone,” added fan Trudy Blink, who witnessed the injury and resulting putting down of Adams from just behind the stage barrier.

“It’s not something we like to do, but with such a fragile breed like drummers, there's likely no coming back from that kind of a break,” said Al Henry, a first responder who ensured humane treatment.

“There was no time to get him back to the green room, so unfortunately, we had to put him down right there on stage.”

BOH road manager Alice Beater told MFN:

"At least poor BoBo went out without having to suffer through that pregnant ghetto chick and her whacked-out narcissistic 'LOOK AT ME" performance, or the tribute to bathroom pervert George Michael."