Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Obama Holds Secret Meetings

Diogenes' AssHat of the Year Award 2016

This years Award Winner has long been on the  radar, but was edged out in past years for recognition by the remarkable American Asshatry of the likes of Michael Moore,  Paul Krugman and Dingy Harry Reid.  But, like a great football team in a fourth quarter comeback, I was delighted to read a post at NewsBusters titled "Snob Alert: NPR Star's 'Surprisingly Vicious' Trump Attack, that sealed the deal for this years award winner. 

I first became aware of our award winner while working part-time in college as a weekend board-op for Louisiana Public broadcasting. At first I admired his wit and writing ability. But not being actually raised in the south, I detected a sometime not so thinly veiled snobbish elitist dislike of the South and all things southern in his satire. Backwards we are...unduly religious....and we got GUNS. It played well to his audience, mostly white bread northern liberals.

Years later, after an illness ceased production of his weekly broadcast and believing he had nothing to lose, I read a magazine interview and all my suspension were confirmed. He pontificated from his taxpayer subsidized ivory tower of the uneducated voters in "parts of the country." That terrorism was "all our fault". That right-of-center thought was "dangerous to the country"....that we should be more like our enlightened neighbors to the north.  

Now, late in life with his fortune secure, he eloquently speaks of the election on behalf of the "correct" people in America.  And whether he knows it or not, he has reached heights of fame he never dreamed:  Diogenes' AssHat of the Year...... Garrison Keillor.

NB - Longtime National Public Radio star Garrison Keillor just finished four decades on state-subsidized radio on A Prairie Home Companion. For almost that long, he's been an easy example of a pretentious liberal snob, precisely the kind who seriously loathes a Donald Trump. If NPR ever wanted to wonder why they haven't been granted a Trump interview, it's because he knows NPR is an elite liberal sandbox for people who congratulate themselves on their marvelous taste and mental acuity.

So when Keillor penned an acidulous character assassination of Trump for the Chicago Tribune, the liberals were very pleased. At Vox.com, they raved "Most pundits who attack Trump denounce him as racist, dangerous, and authoritarian. But Keillor does something that is probably much more likely to get under the billionaire’s skin: He makes him look pathetic."
"The cap does not look good on you, it's a duffer's cap, and when you come to the microphone, you look like the warm-up guy, the guy who announces the license number of the car left in the parking lot, doors locked, lights on, motor running. The brim shadows your face, which gives a sinister look, as if you'd come to town to announce the closing of the pulp factory. Your eyes look dead and your scowl does not suggest American greatness so much as American indigestion. Your hair is the wrong color: People don't want a president to be that shade of blond...." 
Then comes the snobbery, that Trump's obnoxious show of wealth is overcompensating for never being cool with the Jews:
"The New York Times treats you like the village idiot. This is painful for a Queens boy trying to win respect in Manhattan where the Times is the Supreme Liberal Jewish Anglican Arbiter of Who Has The Smarts and What Goes Where. When you came to Manhattan 40 years ago, you discovered that in entertainment, the press, politics, finance, everywhere you went, you ran into Jews, and they are not like you: Jews didn't go in for big yachts and a fleet of aircraft — they showed off by way of philanthropy or by raising brilliant offspring. To the Times, Queens is Cleveland. Bush league. You are Queens. The casinos were totally Queens, the gold faucets in your triplex, the bragging, the insults, but you wanted to be liked by Those People. You wanted Mike Bloomberg to invite you to dinner at his townhouse. You wanted the Times to run a three-part story about you, that you meditate and are a passionate kayaker and collect 14th-century Islamic mosaics. You wish you were that person but you didn't have the time...."
"You didn't have the time" to be an enlightened progressive". Keillor imagines that Trump is a very unhappy billionaire, and that nobody likes him, nobody who matters:
"You own a lot of big houses and you wander around in them, followed by a waiter, a bartender, a masseuse, three housekeepers, and a concierge, and they probably gossip about you behind your back. Just like nine-tenths of your campaign staff. You're losing and they know it and they're telling mean stories about you to everybody and his brother. You toss out those wisecracks on Twitter and the Earth shakes and your ratings among white suburban women with French cookware declined. The teleprompter is not your friend. You are in the old tradition of locker room ranting and big honkers in the steam room, sitting naked, talking man talk, griping about the goons and ginks and lousy workmanship and the uppity broads and the great lays and how you vanquished your enemies at the bank.
Meanwhile, you keep plugging away. It's the hardest work you've ever done. You walk out in the white cap and you rant for an hour about stuff that means nothing and the fans scream and wave their signs and you wish you could level with them for once and say one true thing: I love you to death and when this is over I will have nothing that I want...." Read More
Surprisingly vicious for a red shoed ninnymuggins wouldn't you say?

Monday, September 5, 2016

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* No Tuxedos Required *

H/T BluesJunky - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Friday, September 2, 2016

Someone Say Football?

Yes, it's indeed that time of year. It's been 8 long months since the Crimson Tide raised the Golden Trophy in victory. But now there are fresh jerseys, refurbished helmets, new cleats and all new, longer and much improved fake weaves to flow from beneath the helmets. (I hear they give you that extra half-step on your competitor). The Expert Sports Monkeys have picked their top 20, conference champions, National Champs and even the Heisman Trophy winner. And as usual, they will be wrong. But the season is finally here.

At LSU the expectations are high. And believe me, the people of Baton Rouge could use some long-term good news in the form of a  successful season for the Tigers. Since the recruiting class' of 2013-2014, people in the know of college football have pointed to the 2016 season as the year the Tigers would have the experience and pieces in place to make a run back to the top. Some though it came early, last year.  But it was not to be. Key player injuries, confusion in play calling and a trip to Tuscaloosa cost them what should have been a 10+ win season. You can't win championships with a team dominated by freshmen and sophomores lining up against non academic 5th year seniors who should be in the NFL.   

But this year, they are no longer the "Young Tigers". Not since 2011 have the Tigers been this loaded. Five of seven players bound for NFL early round draft picks chose to return for their senior year (2 of which are pre-season All- Americans) because they saw the spark of what could be this year. 

The early season may hinge on how well the Tiger Defense has adapted to the new 3-4 scheme. Through the 2013 - 2015 seasons under coordinator Dave Aranda, the Wisconsin Badgers statistically had the best defense in the nation. Aranda is now a Tiger, and has inherited a lot more talent then he previously had.  Aranda likes to play pin-the-ears back, aggressive multi-look defense that was the hallmark of past Tiger Championship teams.  With the defensive backfield expected to be one one the best in the league, the mantra this year is "Run if you can, throw at your own risk".   

As for the LSU offense, all that needs to be said is that every time #7 touches the ball it will be a violent reminder why he should have at least been invited to New York last December. NUFF' SAID.  If talent and confidence translate to performance on the field, the 2016 Tigers could turn out to be scary team to face. We'll see......

Diogenes Predictions for Week One:

* The SEC teams kicked off the season Thursday night as the SEC East favored #9 Tennessee Vols were man handled and pushed around by the one of the great defensive units in college football history, The Appalachian State Mountaineers. The Vols trailed for all but 10 mins of the 4th quarter, but squeaked out a win in overtime. If I was Tennessee coach Butch Jones, I'd start drinking. Heavily! 

LSU vs Wisconsin: (2:30PM CT - ABC)
The Tigers travel to historic Lambeau Field to meet the Big 10 Wisconsin Badgers, and attempt to extend their NCAA record to 54 straight non-conference wins. The Badgers are a big, physical, run it down your throat team and will be a good test of the new Tiger run defense. This should be a good game, with Wisconsin out to prove they are as good as anyone in the Big 10, with or without Dave Aranda. The Tigers are favored and plan on leaving their SEC calling card as a reminder where the toughest conference in college football resides. 

I'm wondering what #7 will be feeling running the same field another great LSU running back, Jim Taylor, did years ago, carrying a few over the goal line for Coach Lombardy?

 Alabama vs USC: (7:00PM CT - ABC)
The USC Trojans travel to Jerry's World in Arlington Texas to face the retooled Crimson Tide as they begin the defense of their National Championship. This will be the first meeting of the teams in over thirty years. I know very little about USC, other then they are said to be on the rise as far as the PAC 12 goes. Nothing would raise their stock more than knocking off the #1 ranked defending National Champions on national TV...... ain't gonna happen. 

What will happen is USC will get a swift and thorough lesson on how we play football down in God's Country. 


Since no teams have actually played yet, the above predictions are based solely on what I know about the teams and personal pre-season conversations with smart people.  I said it, so it is so! (All future predictions are subject to my tingly girlie intuition parts) But, Diogenes did get out and dust off her sometime reliable crystal ball to look long term for a few predictions.  Here's what It told me:

1)  Leonard Fournette WILL NOT win the Heisman Trophy . But, he will end his career as a Tiger by breaking all of Kevin Faulk's rushing records to become the Greatest Running back in LSU history, and #2 all-time career rushing leader in SEC History. 

2)  Alabama and LSU will both finish the regular season 11-1, both with one conference loss. The winner of the Nov. 5th meeting in Tiger Stadium will make the trip to Atlanta and defeat the Georgia Bulldogs for the SEC title.  

Next Week, Tiger Stadium comes alive......

Fishnet Friday

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Tin Foil Hat Report #55

The Illuminati Lizard people and Hillary Clinton Will Be In Charge of the Entire World 

Lizard People and Hillary Clinton May Use
Chemtrails To Steal The Election

The Supreme Field Marshall of the Tin Foil Hat Brigades, Alex Jones, a man who believes the government is putting chemicals in juice boxes to turn kids gay, has announced that he is now personally advising Donald Trump on some very important matters. Jones says that he personally talked to Trump about how he thinks this is going to be 'managed'.
“Homeland Security was going to go in and probably bring in U.N. observers to make sure illegals and people could vote, and change the debate away from election fraud, to retail voter fraud, which is individuals cheating rather than the computers being hacked. They’re so scared of him. I mean, they are having to put on adult diapers over this guy, okay?
That is a very sneaky thing of “them” to do. Who are “they” though? Lizard people? Colonel Sanders? Those Jesuit clones? Of course, Jones is gonna have to be more careful about advertising this, given that he already has concerns about Hillary Clinton putting more fluoride in the chemtrails and giving Trump Morgellon’s Disease and having Jones killed! Jones has had to load up on the firepower in recent days to protect himself from this definite possibility. Even his green screen is at risk!

He is so very in fear for his life that he has pinned a video to the top of his Twitter timeline imploring the world to investigate Hillary Clinton if he dies. It is actually quite weird that Hillary Clinton and her Illuminati friends have not yet offed Alex Jones! Are they just super bad at Illuminati-ing? Watch yourself Alex! 

Here is a Classic Alex Jones moment, broadcasting from the safety of his clothes closet just before the massive Al-Qaeda invasion of Austin Texas:

⟼⟼⟼⟿ ▌☺

Trump has seized control of the news cycle for the next 24 hours. The primary topic of discussion will be his talks with Peña Nieto and his speech on immigration. And Hillary? She just lied again about her emails.