Tuesday, June 6, 2017

No, Ricky Was Not Poisoned By Trump and the Russians


We were not actually worried that Ricky Maddow might had been poisoned by the Russians in retaliation for her constant, night-after-night, backbreaking work of reporting on the very weird and byzantine story of Russia’s hacking of the 2016 election and Team Trump’s possible collusion, being as far up the ass of the Russia story as she is.  But the lefty hate spewing forums were ablaze all weekend as to what had happened Ricky last week.  From a really bad pneumonia flu sniffle, possibly made worse by exhaustion, to being kidnapped or poisoned by the Russians. 

But when Ricky STILL wasn’t back last night (Monday), we were a li’l bit concerned! The fleeting thought entered our brain that we sure hope Trump’s Russian pals didn’t try any funny business on her. But then we said to ourselves, “pffffft, that is crazy.” But then we got on FaceSpace and the Tweeter and it turned out a lot of other people were like, WHERE IS SHE? WE ARE WORRIED.” 

Of course, she's probably out doing investigatin' on ALL THE OTHER SHIT Trump does, while making sure to she can start every show with a 74-minute lecture on something we didn’t know about before, like the history of Raven-Symoné fans in China, and how that connects to one time Trump toady, Paul Manafort,  who allegedly washed his grundle on a Tuesday, which connects to how this one Russian oligarch’s last name LITERALLY TRANSLATES to “Paul’s Grundle Washer”. 

But word is she'll be back, hopped up on drugs, so she can continue to report on Jared Kushner begging Russia for a secret Russian spy phone, so he could tell Russian spies his secrets. And she'll be back to tell everyone about how that brave girl gave up some secret info to the Intercept and proved Trump and the Rooskies are in cahoots

At least now NBC News president Andy Lack can stop having nightmares of replacing all the night-time liberal content with three straight hours of Greta Van Susteren incessantly asking “Hey know what I think?  

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Monday, June 5, 2017

Ineffective “COEXIST” Bumper Stickers Recalled


Tard Times - Washington DC: The National Highway Traffic Safety Board along with The Consumer Protection Agency have issued a product recall for over 500,000 units of the popular “COEXIST” bumper sticker due to an ineffective and unsustainable message of world peace, U.S. safety regulators said on Monday.

“After the immeasurable millions of incidents of human suffering and death due to war, muslim intolerance and genocide from the years of 623 AD through 2016, this sticker needs to be pulled from retail shelves and all automobiles immediately,” the NHTSB said in a statement online. “NHTSB likes the sticker,” the statement continued. “We believe it looks really cool in a tie-dye color scheme. In the current geopolitical climate, however, our in-house statisticians predict this trend in which people get shot, stabbed and have their heads forcefully removed will not slow down in the foreseeable future.”

The graphic, spelling “Coexist” through religious and political symbols, has garnered thousands of complaints from consumers for inefficacy, despite regular appearance on the rear bumpers of cars owned by progressive Americans. “I had a feeling something wasn’t working back there. I heard some rattling on NPR about crises in Europe, the Middle East, Africa… even America,” said Subaru Outback owner Wayne Darvy of Burlington, Vt. “How can sticker companies just sit back and profit from a clearly unattainable mantra? I feel duped.” 

“Unfortunately, with Donald Trump’s presidency, we foresee demand for left-leaning slogan products dropping considerably. We’re particularly worried about ‘Have A Nice Day’. Studies show nice days are highly unlikely,” spokesperson Amy Kane told reporters outside of their Detroit manufacturing plant. “Luckily, the forecast for "Truck Nutz" and "Make America Great Again" through Q3 2020 projects record profits.” 

“We encourage all owners to peel off their ‘COEXIST’ with soap and water and bring it to your local Spencer Gifts, where you will receive a " أنت مارس الجنس " bumper sticker free of charge,” she said.

I Wonder.......

 If you were to take these men by the hand and walk them through London today,
would they feel utterly betrayed?


Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

A Good Monday Morning

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* No Tuxedos Required *

Brought to You By BLUESJUNKY: Honorary Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Clinton Points Boney Finger At Middle Finger News


CNN World - After blaming the Russians, WIKI Leaks, Trump Operatives, the DNC, her Campaign Staff, James Comey, Tweeter, Facebook, Climate Change and Toenail Fungus for her unexpected loss in November, Thursday Hillary Clinton again skirted her own blame by pointing a crooked arthritic finger at the up and coming Media Giant 'Middle Finger News Service' and it's Corporate Owner, Diogenes Middle Finger.com INC.

Speaking before a gathering of Adult Diaper Manufactures Thursday, Mrs. Clinton fired both her whining barrels at the respected news organization as she became visibly upset:  
"I took great care to warn my replacement as Secretary of State, Senator John Kerry, about this vicious bunch at Middle Finger News, who he later labeled "Unamerican, Uncosmopolitan, Despicable Hooligans" after his own experiences with them.  I directly blame them for playing a large part in my ......*BURP*.... election loss for the false and totally unfair  portrayal of me to the American electorate. Especially that elusive witch who goes by the name Diogenes and her cohort.... that smartass Earl of Taint, both for their vicious satire and distorted imagery of me as a Drunken, Bumbling, Bloated, Radical Grandmother and Crime Family Boss with one foot in the grave. It's a G** D*** good thing for the whole bunch of them that I didn't get elected!!!"...... Those Rat Bastards are gonna pay!!........You HEAR ME!!!!!"
Mrs. Clinton then began repeatedly banging her head on the podium and broke down in tears and a raging coughing fit, and had to be helped off and attended to backstage.

When CNN contacted the MFNS HQ about the statement by Clinton, an unnamed MFNS spokesman refused comment, but the newsroom was heard to break out in uproarious laughter. When our reporter informed the spokesman he had never heard of Middle Finger News Service before, the spokesman laughed and responded "Don't get out much do ya Skippy? Shit, Go ask Anderson Cooper, we made him cry too!"

We Are All Doomed: Trump Covfefe'd The World

Leftist React to Trump's Decision To Exit From The Paris Climate Accord