I Never Cared For Bill Maher, Still Don't. But.............

A Good Monday Morning

Your Weekend Open Thread

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Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ NO TUXEDOS REQUIRED ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Music Chair of Music

Let This Whole Neil Young Crap Be a Lesson to All

It's not a great day for Neil Young fans with Spotify accounts. Ol' Neil heroically stomped on a rake and blooded his nose. But in embarrassingly doing so, has helped reaffirmed the value of physical media in the digital age.

The promise of digital media has always been that much of the world's best music, movies, and literature can be available to you in an instant. We've never had so much art and information at our fingertips. What a time to be alive! But that promise comes with peril. The availability of all that stuff depends entirely on the whims and desires of big digital corporations. Books can be deleted from e-readers. Movies are removed from online libraries. Streaming services can shut down unexpectedly. And a moody Neil Young can decide one day he doesn't want you to hear his music.

I had at one time given myself over to the streaming revolution. Ridding myself of DVDs and started building a digital movie library a few years back,  I realized I couldn't find one of my favorite movies on any of the available services. 

That's when I found myself agreeing with a movie critic who has spent years warning  consumers to get physical copies of the art they love. He wrote in 2018 after Apple removed movies from Canadian customers' iTunes libraries:

"Like I keep telling y’all, you have to invest in physical media if you want to be able to hold onto the things that are important to you. You cannot trust streaming services. “Buying“ a movie or an album through Apple or anybody else is a sucker’s game".

It's even worse now. Consumers don't even really "buy" content anymore — they rent it, suckered into paying a monthly subscription. If the stuff they love disappears from a service, it disappears. There's nothing that can be done. I don't want sometimes access to my favorite art and literature. I want it all the time.

So buy the DVD. Buy the book. Buy the CD or vinyl. You get to keep it. The digital powers may be able to make your words disappear, but to take away the stuff you can hold it in your hands is impossible.

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Nan is Running - "To Take a Punch or Throw a Punch"

I have to admit I was a bit surprised yesterday when Nancy Pelosi announced that she was running for re-election to win her 19th term in Congress. 19th Term. She says it's for the "children". But I question just which 'children' she means. 

The coming midterm elections aren't looking good right now for democrats. In fact, short of some kind of divine intervention, Biden’s troops are going to get absolutely boat-raced. It could stack up to be a wave election that makes 2010 look like child’s play. Democrat incumbent rats are jumping ship in a sure fire sign of impending doom. 

Just how bad are things?  Nan may have given us a hint with this creepy video (she apparently found the old “Full House” set), in which she announced that she’s running for re-election.

House Democrats agitated for change to their party’s leadership following their loss of 13 seats in 2020 after predictions indicated major gains. After the 2018 midterms, dems could only afford to have 15 people not vote for Pelosi. Some of the newly elected progressives after that election, who had not yet found where the bathrooms were in the Capitol, started raising some hell about how things were done under the old guard Democrats. 

They of course meant, Nancy Pelosi.

Pelosi won the Speakership again in an unexpectedly dramatic vote for the fourth time last January, which she has promised would be her last. She knows time is NOT on her side now and if the Democrats get wiped out in 10 months not only will she no longer be speaker, she could also lose out being the minority leader.

So why run again?

Good ole Political Pettiness.

Pelosi is part of the old school politicians that ran opponents into the ground and if you were on the same party as them, they took an odd pride in how they made political life miserable for you. (See LBJ). Almost like the mob, but the mob had rules and actually helped the poor on occasion.

If you google anything about how much Nancy and AOC love each other you won’t find much if anything, but you will find some super juicy stories about how much they'd like to shiv each other. Insiders have said in meetings between the two, the air seemed thick with some bad juju. 

Pettiness has to be a large part here for an 80+-year-old woman who has become filthy rich as an elected official and has little gas left in the tank.  I think she is out for her pound of political flesh from the 30 something AOC and her sometime childish squad of Bernie worshipping marxist soft skulls like the Jamma Paypal or what ever her name is, who have done the unthinkable - they've crossed the Speaker of the House and stuck their finger in the eye of the old guard dems. 

Without the reservations of the speakers gavel, the squad had better get ready for some rough water from their own side of the aisle because there's going to be a epic showdown with the progressive wing, which has been impatiently waiting to take the reins from the former establishment. 

They’ve swallowed Pelosi’s iron handed leadership for years now with the promise that she would finally hand things over after this year’s election. Now, that promise looks to have been broken, and it’s going to result in some major infighting when the time comes to vote on leadership.

There’s something disturbingly funny about an Botox embalmed 81-year-old politician struggling to walk in 4" heels refusing to hand over power like this, but it has the making of good Spaghetti Western Intrigue. 

CNN Announces 2022 Prom Queen Nominations

MFNS - After a three year long hiatus because of covid, CNN has decided to bring back their yearly Prom, Talent Show and Primal Scream Competition for it's employees.  The event is intended to be a bit of sunshine in a sea of bad ratings for beleaguered network personalities doing heated battle rating races with local cable access gardening shows and reruns of  60 year old Perry Mason episodes.

Former CNN anchor and makeup addict Brook Baldwin, a five time Prom Queen (2011-16) revealed in her recent book "WTF Am I Working Here for?? - Memories of My Days at CNN", that the CNN Prom Queen Reign was an opportunity to show all the other ambitious CNN employees just who "The Bitch Who Shall Not Be Fucked With" is for the following year. But she also said the crown sometime results in bad feelings, sharp words and hair pulling screaming matches in the women restroom. 

CNN has opened up the voting for the Prom Queen, and since they've lost 75% of their audience, they invite the general public to help choose. So here's your opportunity to help crown the newest Queen of CNN from this bevy of talented beauties.

Leave your choices in the comments and we'll make sure your vote get counted. 

No mail in ballots will be counted.  Otherwise we use democrat rules. You are allowed to vote numerous times, but within a reasonable number. 

It's like...history or something. Here are your CNN 2022 Prom Queen Nominees: 

Editrix Update: It was just announced by the CNN 'Department of Diversity & Inclusion' that Prom King nominations would the limited to CNN's Black male employees only. 

This caused Don Lemon's nomination to be moved from the 'Queen' to 'King' Category to create a competition, which caused Victor Blackwell to accuse CNN of racism. 

Your MF Prom King Nominees:

You can also consider this your Midweek Open Thread. 

Great Britain Announces Reclamation of America

 

To the citizens of the United States of America

from Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:

In light of your current failure to financially and politically  manage yourselves and also, your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents and therefore not properly govern yourselves, The Crown hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictionary.)

I, Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except New Jersey, which we do not wish to acquire.)

Your new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson (bojo@uk.gov), will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').

2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' and 'nigga' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.

3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday,  enough of your foolish inebriation. 

4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.

5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a concealed vegetable peeler.

6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get over it.

8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup up but with vinegar.

9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American beer will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.

11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour).

12. Further, you will stop playing baseball and learn cricket.

13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776)

14. Daily tea time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups and saucers, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.

 

Somewhat Respectfully,

Elizabeth II, Queen of All England and Boss of You

God Save the Queen!

______________________________

Oscar Mayer's Bologna Moisturizing Face Mask Quickly Sells Out. We Ask Why??

This is Not Satire, But Ironically From Meatheads at CNN.

New York (CNN Business) If the thought of using a slice of bologna as a moisturizing face mask was tempting, you're out of luck — for now. Oscar Mayer's bologna-inspired face mask sold out less than a day after its release on Amazon. Kraft Heinz blamed the shortage on "unexpected incredibly high demand" and said in a statement that the product would be restocked "over the coming days." 

It's the number one new release in Amazon's beauty and personal care section. 

The new product isn't actually a slimy piece of meat.  Kraft Heinz (KHC) partnered with Seoul Mamas, a Korean skin care company, to create a "hydrating and restoring hydrogel" mask that promotes skin elasticity, improves hydration and moisture retention. (Oddly, those are not among the typical side benefits associated with ingesting the sodium-filled deli meat.) 

The $5 skin care product was created as a "playful spin on the often serious 'New Year, New You' trope with its meaty take on the self-care space.  It's also an homage to those oddball kids in school who would bite out eyes and a mouth on a bologna slice and put it on their face.

Oscar Mayer did have the forethought to provide the shallow end of the liberal gene pool, that is probably their target consumer, with a large warning label on the packaging that says "do not eat bologna masks."

It puts the meat on its face... right after it puts the lotion on its skin...

 

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ NO TUXEDOS REQUIRED ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Music Chair of Music