A Good Monday Morning

 

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ No Tuxedos Required ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Chair of Music

Your Official Big Ass Mid-Week Open Thread

Your Beloved Blog Editrix Turns Things Over To You, The Reader.

So Don Your Blogging Thongs, Share Ye Links and Bicker.

As Always, Keep All Weapons In Plain Sight and Use the Coasters.

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This Week, Your Glorious Exercise in Free Speech is Sponsored By:

The American Advertisers Association and

 Those Long Past Days of Classy Commercial Ads

 

The First Chapter of Moby Dick Rewritten in Tiresome Modern Idiom

A Whaling voyage by some guy called Ishmael.

  (If You've Never Read Moby Dick You Might Want To Skip This Post)

CHAPTER 1. Loomings.

Call me Ishmael. Some years ago - it's none of your business how many - being mostly broke, and bored with the land part of the world, I thought I would sail around a little and look at the watery part of the world. I'm probably the most mentally healthy person you know. Whenever I feel my face getting grim; whenever it is a damp, drizzly November in my soul; whenever I find myself accidentally reading the ads in the window of funeral homes, and following funeral processions through traffic; and especially when I'm hangry, and only my extremely strong moral principles stop me from deliberately going out in public and methodically slapping people's earbuds out - then I know it's high time to get to sea, ASAP. This is my substitute for getting in fights. I'm too mentally healthy to kill myself; I quietly and considerately put myself on a ship and sail myself away instead. There is nothing surprising in this. Everyone feels exactly the same way, and if they don't, they're lying.

You think I'm lying? Exhibit A: a city. Go to your local coastal city. Everyone is looking at the water. They drive over from other neighborhoods just to come to the water. They make a day of it. They're not doing anything, they're just staring at the ocean. Why? Is it because they all work office jobs? No! Here come more of them! They cram themselves up to the edge of the water and stare at it. WHAT DO THEY WANT? WHAT ARE THEY LOOKING AT. Perhaps the ships themselves all packed together, each one with several compasses on it, creates some kind of critical mass - all of the small compass-magnets on all the ships in the harbor combining into one really big magnetic field - and the people get sucked into the field and trapped there. That's science.

Exhibit 2: the countryside with lakes in it. Every path you follow in the countryside brings you to some water, such as a stream. There is magic in it. If you take your standard fool with ADHD dissociating in the middle of a supermarket and put them outside and give them a shove, they'll automatically lead you to water (if there is any nearby) (try it). Another good experiment to try is to get lost in the great American desert in a caravan supplied with a metaphysical professor! Try it in the great American desert at home!

Yes, as everyone knows, meditation and water are a match made in heaven. Married forever. That's science. - Read More

~ Thank You Larwyn's Linx@ Doug Ross Journal for the Linkage! ~

Shannon Epstein vs. The Jefferson Parish Sheriffs Deputies 🤣🤣🤣

It was 6 a.m. on Thanksgiving Day, and 25-year-old Shannon Epstein had boarded a Spirit Airlines flight from New Orleans to New Jersey.  She assumed the family seated near her were Latino, so she asked them if they were “smuggling cocaine,” which as icebreakers go was incredibly strange to say the least.  Also, discretion is probably a key part of the drug mule game, so you wouldn't blab your business to some random asshole on your flight if you were. 

As it turned out, this family wasn’t in fact “smuggling cocaine” on Thanksgiving, and our Jersey Nancy Drew just grew angrier and more disruptive. According to Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office spokesperson Jason Rivarde, airline workers decided to remove Epstein from the plane, which had already started to taxi to the runway.

You can imagine how pissed the passengers were when Epstein’s tantrum caused the plane to U-turn to the gate. Back at the gate Epstein refused to leave the plane, and when sheriff deputies approached her, she became what was described as “extremely combative.”

As the Times-Picayune report described it:

In the scuffle, she injured six deputies, biting one on the arm and breaking the skin, and kicking another in the groin, Rivarde said. They were treated there by paramedics.

Wow, what a beatdown! And no one even asked her to wear a mask. 

Here’s the big twist in the story: While Epstein was whooping the cops’ asses, she insisted they were the ones in for a world of pain. They would lose their jobs or even wind up in jail, perhaps for bruising her kicking foot with their groin. She boasted that she knew powerful people: She’s Chris Christie’s niece, damnit! And he’s friends with former president and coup plotter Donald Trump. Oh, heads are gonna roll. 

It took seven deputies to handcuff Epstein to a wheelchair and forcibly transport her to the airport security office. During her ride to airport security, Epstein continued to shout obscenities and spit on the deputies. She also tried to bite them. She was booked with six counts of battery on a police officer, three of disturbing the peace, one of resisting arrest by force and one of remaining (on the airplane) after forbidden. That last charge is brutal: "You wouldn’t leave after we told you to get the fuck out.”

Epstein posted $10,750 bail and was released from the Jefferson Parish Correctional Center. None of the reporting on this incident suggests that Epstein was intoxicated or otherwise impaired. She may just be a real asshole. That’s not much of a defense, no matter who your uncle is.

A Good Monday Morning

 

Courtney's Sunday Choice Open Tabs Just For You. Consequently, Your Participation is Required.

Courtney Staged This Photo Of Her Murder And Will Send It To The Local Police
Of Those who Choose Not To Abide By Her Mandated Mandatory Participation

You Have To Charge Your Balls Before You Can Use Them: "I’ve felt the balls are a bit different but there are no excuses really. It feels if you put too much power on it they'll just fly away."

The Most Naked Vote Buying Scheme Ever:  No, He's not Running For President! 🙄

For A City Run By Democrats, An Expert on Rats Shouldn't Be Hard To find:

In order to qualify for the position, an applicant must be a resident of New York City, have a Bachelor’s degree and 5-8 years of relevant experience, as well as a “swashbuckling attitude, crafty humor, and general aura of badassery.”

Bill Maher Says Shut The Fuck Up!:  "I’m not going to be the schmuck driving a three-foot car.”

Leftist Media Butthurt: Circles the Wagons because someone did Journalism. 

Military ballot voting dropped over 80% in 2022: Not saying whether she thinks the shift in military voting numbers point to more shenanigans from the 2020 election, or a lack of shenanigans in the 2022 election.

At Least This Unhinged Nasty Assed Environmental Activist Admits She's Literally Nasty Assed & Crazy:

If you knew what I have done to mitigate the criminal environmental craziness in this country, you would kiss my ass. I have done my part, and I have done YOUR part. I have done geothermal, solar, hybrid, electric cars, composting, recycling, I bathe once a month! Fuck you! https://t.co/EoGNgH3QCS

— bettemidler (@BetteMidler) December 1, 2022 

Bonus: Thread: THE TWITTER FILES Part 1

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ No Tuxedos Required ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Chair of Music

YOU HAVE 2 COWS 🤣🤣

The economy explained ... all over the world.

I died laughing listening to this. It is worth it.
3 minutes. 🤣

🔊sound ...🤣 pic.twitter.com/5vBEfsFq8P

— Wall Street Silver (@WallStreetSilv) November 28, 2022

Shamelessly Stolen From American Digest