Thursday, January 12, 2023

Good News! They're not "banning" Gas Stoves Per Se.

They just want to design them better, just like they did with the Super Safety Federal Plastic Gasoline Can and Toilets that require two or three flushes in order to save water.
 

For more on this story, visit our friends at Flappr

Wednesday, January 11, 2023

Let's Check In and See How Keith Olbermann's Newest Nervous Breakdown is Coming Along, Shall We?


The morning after the FBI raided Mar-a-Logo, bathtub boy went on a tirade of gloriously outrageous rants that lasted days demanding AG Merrick Garland immediately imprison DJT for treason and for possession of classified material that included nuclear secrets he intend to sell. Tweets that rank among some of the best examples of mentally disturbed tweeting ever seen on the platform. Many though Keith was gone, he'd popped a tube, and a padded room in New Jersey in his future. But it was not to be. He no longer post his video's from a balcony of a high rise in NYC, I think for obvious reasons. 

Then yesterday, the news of 'classified material' found in an office used by the former VP was not taken well by Keith at all. The news conjured up a demon thought smothered and buried. 

He posted the short rant below about the media reaction to the news from what looks like the laundry room of his apt. complex. Not just once, but reposted it 21 times during the day. You can almost smell the lobes cooking. But at least he has no balcony to jump from. But I do feel for his pillow.  Keith is quite entertaining when he's he thinks someone is listening..... 

~ Thank You Larwyn's Linx@ Doug Ross Journal for the Linkage! ~

Tuesday, January 10, 2023

Your Official Big Ass Almost Semi-World Famous Irredeemable Early Mid-Week Open Thread

It's been three long weeks since we've had a Big Ass Open Thread. Lots has happened since, so I know y'all possess a few new brain wrinkles and are overflowing with recently absorbed knowledge and newly acquired information you're anxious to share with us all.  Not to mention you're probably bursting with accolades for your Beloved Blog Editrix.  The floor is yours.

Sunday, January 8, 2023

Sunday Soothingness

With 2022 finally in the rearview mirror, it's time to shutter it's noise.
A little Sunday Soothingness, from the late Ellen McIlwaine. 

Friday, January 6, 2023

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ No Tuxedos Required ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Chair of Music

Thursday, January 5, 2023

The Editorial Board of DMF Nomination for Speaker of the House.


With an obvious stalemate among the power hunger, self aggrandizing professional politicians, like children on a play ground trying pick who gets to kick the ball first, we at DMF have our own solution to the problem of Speaker of the House.
 
He is a Harry Truman type character. Only five foot two inches in stature, but of strong Viking stock. A self-sufficient small businessman; a boat builder by trade from the wilds of Minnesota. His business savvy and understanding of the needs of small business is sorely missing from the present GOP leadership. His strong suit is his understanding of simple economics: You can't spend more than you take in. He knows how to wield a mean ax, and lay waste to the bloated federal budget and stop the idiotic wasteful spending. Past House leaders saw billions as chump change. Linden sees that as the problem. His motto has always been "Cut the F**king Spending Already".

This is why The Editorial Board of Diogenes Middle Finger proudly stands to nominate the one man we believe can clean up the mess in The Peoples House.

Linden Borden

We share Mr. Borden's distain for the leadership from both sides of the aisle, with their childish infighting and pandering performances. We are comforted to know Linden Borden was mentored well in business & economics as a young lad by the English born Marvin Escott Hayes, the billionaire Minnesota Tampon Magnate.

We feel Mr. Borden is scary enough to get congress in-line and threating enough to keep his political enemies at bay. We know he will not have any empty sexual harassment allegations leveled at him as former congressmen have in the past, because as far as we know, no women has gone near him in years.

The Editorial Board of Diogenes Middle Finger believe it's time to cut the crap and get the House of Representatives back in line with Constitutional principals. We believe as Speaker of the House, this is the Man to do it.   

Wednesday, January 4, 2023

Bend Over and Smile America. It's That Time Again.


A Map of Your Enslavement for 2023

Biden's handlers and congressional Democrats have imposed a long list of tax increases as part of their “Inflation Reduction Act”. They somehow believe doing more of what causes inflation, will reduce inflation. These are the same people Will Rogers once referred to when he said "There are men who run governments that shouldn't be allowed to play with matches." The problem with democrats today is they not only have matches, they've got a barrel of gasoline. 

On January 1, the following Democrat tax hikes took effect:
  • $6.5 Billion Natural Gas Tax Which Will Increase Household Energy Bills
  • $12 Billion Crude Oil Tax Which Will Increase Household Costs $1.2 Billion Coal Tax Which Will Increase Household Energy Bills
  • $74 Billion Stock Tax Which Will Hit Your Nest Egg — 401(k)s, IRAs and Pension Plans (This should really piss you off)
  • $225 Billion Corporate Income Tax Hike Which Will Be Passed on to Households.
The cost of these tax increases will be borne by working families in the form of higher prices, fewer jobs, and lower wages. 

And remember these numbers when Biden throws another 40 billion at Ukraine, while we have homeless Vets sleeping on the street.  

You can read more details of your  Here.
__________________________________

It just so also happens to be the fifth anniversary of the signing of the Republican Tax Cuts and Jobs Act (TCJA). As a result, Americans saw significant Tax Reduction and creation of historic jobs numbers across all races and ethnicities. And despite the media propaganda that it was a tax cut for the rich, middle income American households saw the biggest tax cuts:

23.1% tax cut for Americans making between $25k – $50k 
20.8% tax cut for Americans making between $50k – $75k.
16.7% tax cut for Americans making between $75k – $100k 
A 0.4% tax hike for Americans making over $1 million.

But Wave Bye Bye to those days.  

The high-earning Americans paid (and always have paid) a greater share of taxes than before the TCJA, but you’ll never hear Democrats admit it. You can read more Here

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Tuesday, January 3, 2023

The Spawn of Vader Makes Out Like a Chinese Bandit

Liz Cheney will exit her congressional seat today after becoming a much wealthier woman than before she arrived in congress. Breitbart News has reported that her net worth ballooned from an estimated $7 million when she first took office in 2017 to an estimated more than $40 million in 2020..... on a $174K salary..... reporting no earned income, gifts, or transactions.

However, in 2020 she did declare she held three posts, including a trustee position at the University of Wyoming, membership of a holding company, and what appears to be a position in her family’s trust. You know, Hunter Biden type money for 'nothing' jobs.

The Spawn of Shotgun Vader's wealth and social status are enhanced by her husband, Philip Perry, who is a partner at Latham & Watkins law firm in Washington advising a Chinese Communist Party-linked technology company named TME and Exelon Corporation. The State Department in 2019 dubbed TME a tool of the Chinese government. While Perry’s law firm was serviced Chinese commie clients, Cheney sat on the Armed Services Committee with many powerful subcommittees dedicated to national security. All about the same time fart boy, Rep. Eric Swalwell, was getting spankings from  Chinese spy girl. 🧐 (Nothing to see here. Move Along).

Liz' was elected the third most powerful House Republican as GOP House Conference chair, but was later replaced after a vote of no confidence in 2021 after contracting a severe case of TDS, and the same year she accepted the female lead in the House Intelligence committee's Kabuki Theater production of 'Insurrection: January 6th'.  Liz's participation and her almost weekly television appearances waving her hard-on for DJT appeared to seal her political fate.

EARL Done This 

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Sunday, January 1, 2023

Diogenes' Infrequently Annual Golden Turd Awards

The Soon Coveted DMF Golden Turd Award

Long time readers will remember from years past the DMF "Golden Turd Awards". We haven't honored anyone with a GT Award for a number of years now because of Climate Change.  But after the past year or two we find this semi-distinguish honor long over due and ripe for the times.

This is by no means a complete list. Worthy nominees fall out of the trees every time the wind blows. The field is very fertile.

So with a little help of a few choice excerpts from the WFB, we present our picks of some of those we really wish would be swept away to a far away galaxy and used for alien medical experiments - 2022's obnoxious leftist/social justice vermin and recipients of the soon again to be the coveted DMF Golden Turd Award.  

The “It Looked Better on Paper” Award:
Mayor Pete Buttgig

While only 14th in the line of succession, depressingly just below HUD Secretary Marcia Fudge, Mayor Pete (He/Him) receives more campaign surrogate requests than Vice President Kamala Harris. (for obvious reasons I think we can all agree) Lil' Pete, known for nothing other than overseeing the filling of potholes and is the hip midwestern millennial with the cute hubby that liberal media types were swooning over, he has now joined the pack in rear ending our democracy.

But some in the media are now reluctant to play Dutch Rudder with Mayor Pete, seeing the hierarchy of victimhood is a complicated thing these days.  Mayor Pete's major accomplishments so far are declaring highways as racist and preaching climate change. But, in his defense, he's a master at breaking down complex issues, like highways for fishes, and his enthusiasm for this remarkable feat of engineering is infectious.

These days Pete sends strongly worded letters and wags his finger at people who know much more than he does. 


The Dan Rather Award for “Excellence” in Media:
Jeffrey Toobin

How could we not mention former CNN Chief Legal Analyst Jeffrey Toobin, who is very good at being not good at legal analysis. Toobin has over the years acquired a love of publicly stepping on rakes.  Paid “analysts” for the network, all of whom have a very inflated sense of self-worth, are always firing away with some of their best material. In Tobbins latest case, it was during the infamous Zoom discussion segment on CNN.  Let's just say he took things in hand and gave it his all, and leave right there. 
 

The Helen Thomas Crazyass Anti-Semite Award:
Kanye West or What Ever His Name

Every since the Kardashian Girls took over their famous father's vocation of getting black men off, many a negro has fallen from grace and ruined a career in their hands. The latest is Kanye West, who's cheese has obviously slide off his cracker after getting kicked to the curb by Kim. Not known if that brought on the anti-Semite crap he spews, but now he just comes off as an idiot savant, but all idiot.


The Amy Winehouse Lifetime Achievement Award:
Liz Cheney

9pm - Liz walks in........flicks the light switch........which sends an echoing click through her empty room. The silence is so loud, her heels on the floor send ripples out across the hardwood, bouncing off the far wall and colliding back on themselves. She opens the fridge and pours a large tumbler of wine and sits down kicking her shoes off........then guzzles the whole glass. She gets up and sulks toward the shower, carrying the bottle with her....stopping to kick the wall and mumble something about Lincoln.

Democrat and the sycophant media admiration for her is directly proportional to her disdain for DJT. Otherwise, to them, she's no better than your average hillbilly from Bugtussle.  
* NO REAL SHITS GIVEN THERE*
  
The 500 Pound Gorilla in the Room Award:
The Twitter Files
Please, tell me again who the real threat to Democracy is??
 

 Outstanding Over Achievement in Illegal Alien Human Interest Journalism Award
WFB*

Alfonzo worked his tail off to get to the United States. He left his native Venezuela in the heat of summer, and through a series of long bus rides and onerous walks, he made it to Texas. But Alfonzo never really set foot in Texas. The second he arrived, the Texans threw him on a bus, and three days later he was in New York City’s Port Authority. He had just $130 in his pocket, nowhere to go, and nothing to do. Surrounded by filth and homelessness, you have to imagine he was wondering whether it was all worth it. But he was in the land of opportunity now, and opportunity immediately presented itself. Alfonzo was approached by a woman who wanted to spend the day with him.

That’s right. Merely five minutes after Alfonzo touched ground, a woman was asking him out on a date—and better yet, she was paying! Now sure, she was a reporter and was only taking Alfonzo out to interview him.  But she was also really nice to him. So when the reporter messaged Alfonzo to see whether he found a place to stay that night, our hero saw an opening. He responded in the most American way possible. With a picture of his penis.

Alfonzo’s X-Rated Hail Mary didn’t work. The reporter, a former Washington Free Beacon intern did write about her day with Alfonzo, ensuring that his ballsy move would live forever.

The Free Beacon exclusively obtained the image, but have opted to redact it for the safety of readers. 


Being an American is about taking risks and shooting your shot, even when the odds are stacked against you. The reporter says Alfonzo’s still trying, sending her pictures on a regular basis. See WFB for further developments. 


The 14:59 Award:
Jan 6th committee

Step right this way to see Chairman 'Primetime Bennie' and his select committee's professionally produced Kabuki Theater company, complete with very very select choice tasty tidbits of only narrative supporting witness testimony, with video and still images projected on the big screen for your Inquisition viewing pleasure, they said.

Nuke you a TV dinner & grab a beer and join Bennie, Liz, Pencil Neck, Zoe, Cryin' Adam, lil' Jamie and the rest of the pips at their nasty best as they go all out with their Hollywood produced dramatic performance worthy of an Emmy.  

But early on the committee had a tough enough time competing for an audience with "The Days of Our Lives" and reruns of 'Jeopardy' before preempting the cackling hens of "THE VIEW' which threw many wine-soaked suburban housewife Biden voters into a tizzy, or absolute orgasm depending on their consumption.

But later, Bless their Hearts, their main audience dwindled down to  mainly liberal 'blue check' pundits, over excitable soft skull MSNBC conspiracy freaks, and late night comedy writers. Their 15 minutes are over now.

We all know this was not about a riot, but about the total destruction of one man. 


The Beta Male of the Year Award:
Keith Olbermann*

We chose to recognize Beta Male Keith for speaking his truth after years of suffering in silence. Olbermann was understandably disgusted after watching his sort of attractive ex-lover, MSNBC anchor Katy Tur, bully her husband into getting a vasectomy and turning it into a feminist publicity stunt. He had to speak out.

He went on to describe how Tur, his live-in girlfriend from 2006 to 2009, exploited his professional success to advance her own career. Female sociopaths often behave this way toward their victims. It is commonly known as "reverse grooming," "ambition grinding," "C-suite slopjousting," or simply "pulling a Kamala."

Olbermann explained how Tur continued to exert coercive control over him long after the relationship ended. He paid her rent for a year after she moved out so she could stay in New York. He paid off her student loans. He introduced her to all the right people. He got her booked on shows. He edited "nearly every one" of her scripts for MSNBC, sometimes rewriting them from scratch. He contributed intellectual research for her book about Donald Trump.

At long last, Olbermann stood up for himself. She asked him to write the entire book for her, and he refused.

And few would argue that Keith's courage in that moment was commensurate to that of the American boys who stormed the beaches on D-Day.  We already knew Katy Tur was a unattractive talentless dimwit. MSNBC wouldn't have hired her otherwise. We applaud his staggering bravery, his willingness to face down his demon.

Keith now lives in obscurity, yelling at people about Trump on the tweeter and scaring his cats.   


The Turdapalooza of the Year Award:
Martha's Vineyard Border Defense Forces*

In the wee hours of  September 14, the residents of Martha's Vineyard—home to former president Barky Obama's $18 million waterfront mansion were confronted with invasion, an illegal immigration crisis of a magnitude never dreamed by the island elite.  Approximately 50 illegal aliens arrived by bus on the island at the behest of Gov. Ron DeSantis, who was simply trying to help bring diversity to the island while helping the illegals pursue the American Dream in one of the country's wealthiest enclaves.

The residents responded with Trumpian aplomb, calling in the National Guard to prevent the illegals from looting celebrity beach houses and defecating in their heated pools. They enlisted media allies to denounce DeSantis as "inhumane."

We're inclined to agree. One of the primary benefits of being rich enough to own property on Martha's Vineyard is never having to interact with a poor person who isn't on staff. Forcing the Obamas and other left-wing oligarchs to coexist with third-world peasants is an affront to humanity.

Within 48 hours, the illegals were evicted from the island and the crisis resolved. Inhabitants congratulated themselves for promptly expelling the intruders and ensuring their island paradise would remain unsullied by riffraff.  Well done, libs. Well done!

(*choice excerpts lifted from WFB)