Horray for Old Dudes!

10 Great Things About Old Men

 Taki's Magazine - Ever hang out with an old dude? They’re pretty great. They’re not self-obsessed the way boomers are. They’re not “over it” the way Generation X is, and they’re not completely tuned-out like the kids today. Here are ten more great things about them:

1. THEY FOUGHT IN A WAR

 WWII and Korean War vets have amazing anecdotes. Sure, it’s horrific to hear about fighter planes cutting people in half with lines of spraying bullets, but old guys know how to temper the bad with some hilarious good, like the time that guy took a shit in an officer’s shoe.  The older Vietnam vets are fun to hang out with; the younger ones, not so much. Getting war stories out of them is like pulling teeth, and when they do finally give you some details, they get this lost look in their eyes that bums out the whole party.

2. THEY TELL GREAT STORIES

It’s not only their war stories that are a barrel of laughs. These guys have been honing their material for decades and have the whole “beginning, middle, and end” thing down to a science. I was lucky enough to hang out with Jimmy Kimmel’s uncle Frank a few years ago, and his yarns about being NYPD in the 1950s made me want to buy a time machine. “The amount of young ladies I was with back then would shock you,” he told me. “They loved the uniform and it loved them.”

3. THEY’RE POLITCALLY INCORRECT

They don’t even know “gook” is a bad word, and to hear racial epithets laced seamlessly into the dialogue evokes a time when we didn’t have to worry about such bullshit. Old men laugh in the face of every “ism” and “phobia,” and if that offends you, they laugh even harder—as Taki did when he was vilified for saying “Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, and if you liked pussy, you’d still be with us” about Liberace’s death.

4. THEY’RE SELFLESS

He may be an old man now, but the second his first kid came out of his wife’s vagina, he peaced-out the whole idea of “me” and mentally switched it to “the family”—forever. He’d happily work seven days a week if it meant his family was provided for, and his idea of a midlife crisis was finding out his kid didn’t get into college (an opportunity he never had).

5. THEY DRESS PROPERLY

They never show up to the airport without a suit on. If it’s hot, they’ll have a seersucker with a perfectly broken-in straw fedora.

6. THEY TELL GOOD JOKES

Because they come from a time when everyone who wasn’t a WASP deserved to be made fun of, old men have an endless list of zingers that sound like a celebrity roast for multiculturalism. The culmination of all these was beautifully expressed in Gran Torino when Walt Kowalski says, “A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, ‘Get the fuck outta here.’”

They also love hearing good jokes like nobody else. When I told an old guy the best line I ever wrote—“My only problem with women breastfeeding in public is they never wink back”—he died laughing and then dragged me around the bar making sure I told every guy there.

7. THEY DON’T CHEAT

The beauty of living in a world untouched by feminism is the men actually, sincerely, honestly, revere women. Your grandfather never cheated on your grandmother, and if his best friend cheated on his wife, he wouldn’t talk to the guy for forty years.

8. IF YOU CROSS THEM, YOU’RE DEAD TO THEM

 There’s no sense apologizing and begging for forgiveness, and you probably should have thought of that before you opened your stupid goddamned mouth and called him a liar. He was telling the truth, you asshole, and it was for your own good.  As amazing old guy Horace Greeley put it back in olden times, “Fame is fleeting; popularity an accident; riches take wings. Only one thing endures: character.” Actions have consequences when you’re dealing with men of character.

9. THEY TAKE PRIDE IN THEIR WORK

Whether it’s fixing a faucet or painting a birdhouse, these guys bring their handmade wood toolbox to the job, do it right the first time, and neatly put everything away when they’re done. If you can’t eat off an old guy’s workbench, he’s not an old guy.

10. THEY’RE THE REAL DEAL

 While couch potatriots and armchair activists sit indoors screaming through their keyboards, old dudes are walking softly outside with a big stick. They’re not particularly fond of fags, but platitudes such as, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it” aren’t platitudes to old guys. They really will grab a gun and fight for you. They already did.

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Coming Soon........

iOwnTheWorld
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Pelosi - Member Should Stand Up Strong.

Yahoo News - Amid increasing calls for Rep. Anthony Weiner to resign, House Democratic leader Nancy Pelosi says the decision should be up to the congressman and his New York constituents.

 Big Weiner Fan
Nancy Pelosi 

The former speaker said in San Francisco that she believes firmly the decision should be made by "the individual member" and the people in his district.

Weiner did pick up support from Rep. Charles Rangel, a New York Democrat who was censured by the House last year for ethics violations.

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And now for a word from Alec Baldwin.....

 

Gee......Really? 

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When Jon Stewart mocks your coverage ......

There’s much talk now among the talking heads and flapping rectum class on television about the recent events come to be to known as "Weinergate". As I look back at what newspapers, magazines, websites, and cable news did to cover Weinergate, I can only feel embarrassed for them because they clearly took the lazy way out.

Seriously, CNN's in-depth coverage consisted of...talking to Weiner's office and accepting his usual insistence that he’s ‘fighting for the common folk’ instead of spending a great deal of time taking pictures of wee wew and e-mailing them hither-and-yon and hitting up women half his age. To them, end of the story. CNN, let me give you some advice. When Jon Stewart mocks your coverage and essentially scoops you, you're doing something wrong. Hello!

And over at the asylum known as MSNBC, the entire torrid affair was just called the usual 'Rightwing Conspiracy'. 

Real reporters would have been digging more deeply than just talking to a press secretary or repeating a carefully crafted press release. The real reporting on both sides was done by the blogosphere. You hear that, New York Times? Bloggers did your job for you. You may not have cared to spend time researching the story, but DailyKos sure did! And say what you will about Andrew Breitbart, the fact is he got the story right from the start and the rest of the world had to catch up.

Quit turning a blind eye and just being PR puppets for the Democrat party. Where is your skepticism and verification, your integrity? It's because of your  built-in bias that Barney Frank and Charlie Rangel, to name just two, would probably be in jail if you were doing your job!  But I don't see it happening any time soon. So until then, I guess we'll have to get used to you media watchdogs lying on the porches of your master's ivory towers while the blogosphere gets out the real truth.

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Pelosi Jumps on Weiner....Demands Probing

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) announced that she was calling for a House ethics committee probe into whether government resources had been mishandled.

“I am calling for an Ethics Committee investigation to determine whether any official resources were used or any other violation of House rules occurred.”

[..snip..]

I refuse to make jokes about such serious matters as this.

No, not me.

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Down the Lost Highway

 

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Please Keep Your Weiner to Yourself.

From the Lunatic's Asylum

  

This is how you know your elected officials
are incapable of running a country:
  

We live in an Information Age, where communications are instantaneous, and the ability to transmit and diffuse information at, almost literally at light speed, is a fact of life. We live in an age of a 24-hour news cycle, with thousands of outlets constantly searching for any bit of anything that is even of the slightest interest, hungry for even more channels of input, and ways to devour more airtime at a profit. We live in an age where everyone and his dog has a video camera, recording device, cell phone, computer, and access to thousands, if not millions, of databases where they can record, store, examine and retrieve almost every fact of your life, every utterance, every (you think) secret, every correspondence from the most inconsequential to the greatest of All-Time-Biggest-Bonehead moves.

You would think that someone who's claim to rule over us peasants was based upon the presumptions of superior intelligence and integrity would be extremely circumspect about what he/she does on the Internet. But I guess not.  Rep. Anthony Weiner (D-NY) is an insufferable twit and the most-aptly named man in Washington.  

Enough said! 

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Has Obama Gone 'Full Biden' on Us?

After Barack Obama was elected, he went abroad and wowed European crowds with his teleprompter skills and youthful energy. Everyone, including the foreign media got caught up in Obamamania. Some in the press even compared the new President to a rock star.  

What a difference two years make. Looking at the record, the rock star of 2008 is looking more like a Vegas lounge act in 2011.   

Like his bumbling through the last two years, much just ignored by an adoring press, Obama's recent European trip have people scratching their heads over the President's continuing bizarre lack of protocol, or as I like to say, "Going Full Biden". While some conservative commentators  take a semi-serious approach to the issue and its impact on American foreign policy, I tend to think of it more in terms of a Rock & Roll fall from grace by the President.

When Obama was elected, people believed he would restore America to prominence in the world by taking a different approach to foreign policy than his predecessor, G. W. Bush. Gone were the days of "cowboy diplomacy" and in came the era of intellectual diplomacy. The world was going to love us again, throw flowers instead of insults and bombs. 

Then, Obama became President and we got to see his foreign policy shaping out to be...well, a freakin' disaster.  Our fearless leader has successfully alienated two of our staunchest allies, Great Britain and Israel, and our relationship with Germany is lukewarm at best.  He tried to buddy up with France (at Britain's expense), and has taken sides in Egypt and Libya that are loaded with dangerous ties to groups that don't exactly dig our way of life.

One of the biggest problems with American foreign policy over the past few decades has been we almost seem ashamed to admit we're American. We're expected to sit there and take everything any tin-horned dictator from a Third World country flings as us, truthful or otherwise, and suffer Jimmy Carter running around the universe acting a fool. Then, we're expected to pick up the damn check whenever that same Third World country needs help from the World Bank or the International Monetary Fund. And with Obama at the helm, that shame in America will only increase.

And that shame has translated into embarrassment for world leaders who have to deal with Obama's protocol breaches. Some might not agree, but I think this is serverly hurting Obama's image around the world because he doesn't seem to learn from his Bidenesque mistakes. All he does is make bigger, more public mistakes, leaving ally and enemy alike to mock Obama. I guess not much  diplomacy and protocol is needed on a golf course.

Perhaps we should call it the "Biden Effect".

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Bumbling Barry's Bodaciously Bad Week

First, before leaving on vacation state visit to Europe, our continent hopping fearless leader gets a big time political wedgie from visiting Israeli Prime Minster Netanyahu in front of all the media. (excellent) 

Then while checkin' out all the redheaded cousins in Ireland, the tamales take their toll and 'The Beast' hits high center (no not the first lady, the official Limo) as they leave the embassy in Dublin. The crowds cheer. (The GM OnStar button performed flawless)

In London, while visiting Westminster Abby, Noble Laureate Obama signs the historic guest book for a grateful nation and dates it 2008? Figure that one out and get back to me. (That Ivy League education is bound to kick in soon......... right?)

And once again, our unprepared and in over his head fearless leader at a State banquet goes 'Full Biden' on the host and continues to toast the Queen of England, even after the orchestra starts to play 'God Save the Queen'. That's like yelling "screw you"in the middle of our National Anthem. Everyone stands there all British like and stares straight ahead. Jokes abound, but I'm not even going there because I'm now starting to feel a little embarrassed for this guy! (Sorry Elizabeth, we have to let stupid people vote here too.)

Lets all hope he has more success in the Eastern European part of his trip (snicker) and a safe ride home and leave it at that. (Like us, I'm sure he wishes he was out doing something safe, like golfing)

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*Thank You Larwyn for the linkage

Bin Laden Videos Leaked

As I reported earlier about Government leaks of Osama Bid Laden computer information  and stories of a porn video stash, today inside sources leaked several videos captured in the raid on the Bin Laden compound, including a tape of the late terrorist leader watching DVDs of canceled UPN series, Moesha. According to English  translations provided with the tapes, Bin Laden asks someone off-screen why Moesha, played by Brandy Norwood, doesn't have numerous children as she appears to be 'fertile as the river Nile.' 

The series which ran from 1996 to 2001 was apparently a Bin Laden favorite along with the MSNBC prime time lineup. Bin Laden believed MSNBC was actually an Al Jazeera news parody program like the Daily Show where actors mocked and criticized former President Bush for several hours a night. Bin Laden is heard to say in one tape he actual thought that Ed Schultz's head was going to explode like a car full of suicide bombers.
 

But the strangest tape showed Bin Laden arguing with a camera operator as they seemed to be attempting to film an infomercial for something called The Beard Club for Men. Bin Laden holds up an unlabeled plastic tube filled of liquid. The camera operator complains that without a label the liquid, thought to be a beard thickener, won't 'read.' Bin Laden is seen arguing they need the close up for a split screen image. They'll show both the liquid and Osama sporting a rich luxuriant beard fluttering like a flag. Bin Laden explains he'll then voice over, 'I'm not just the Beard Club president, but I'm also a client by the will of Allah, may the prophet be praised. Now shoot it the way I want or you're scorpion meat.'
 

Other tapes consist of short vignettes including one of Bin Laden laughing maniacally while playing a joke on a guard by putting goat turds in his boots. 

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 Image: Mad,Mad World

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Picture of the Week

Publius Minimus to Diogenes......"With every passing day, Barack Obama makes Jimmy Carter look more and more like a latter-day Pericles, Cicero, William Penn, and Daniel Patrick Moynihan, all rolled up into one. Sad ain't it!"

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