Thursday, July 28, 2011

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Anybody Seen Joe Biden?


Monday, July 25, 2011

Nancy Pelosi Joins New Rolling Stones Lineup

Well known for her vocal prowess, today guitarist Keith Richards welcomed Nancy Pelosi to the Rolling Stones lineup just in time for the Stones "Old and Filthy Rich" world tour. The former Speaker of the House told reporters at a press conference she missed the cameras and bright lights, and that she could show Mick Jagger a thing or two about shaking an ass.  Tickets for the world tour are said to start at $250.00.

Pelosi and Keith Richards

Image via: iOwnTheWorld 

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Proposed Law Rattles Washington's Elite

A Washington D.C. think-tank today proposed a controversial  new law named, 'No Politician Left Behind', which would pay congressmen and the President solely on the basis of performance. 

 Predictably, the idea of merit pay drew howls of protest from mostly Democrat party lawmakers, many claiming that if the law was pasted and enacted it would result in their financial ruin. Appearances on Sunday morning talk shows, flying around on government planes or blowing smoke up the taxpayers ass on C-Span will not be considered as real work. 
The law, which was proposed by the Bo Bo Braniganskie Institute of Government Policy, “would make a serious dent in the Federal spending because few if any politicians would ever have to be paid,” said the Institutes director, Davis David. “Right now, the President or Congressman  can get paid even when they storm out of budget negotiations in a hissy fit. Under this new law, the rule would be, no budget, no paycheck.”

“If passed, this law would be tantamount to the establishment of ‘Work Panels,’ which would determine whether individual congressmen are accomplishing anything,” said Sen. Al Frankin (D.-Minn).I  for one, would be in deep, deep shit.”

“I’m fairly sure that this law is unconstitutional,” said Sen. Chuck Schumer (D-NY). “Now, I have never actually read the Constitution, but if this law were passed I would probably be forced to read it or live in a cardboard box  like my constituents.”

Former House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal.) said that creating performance standards for lawmakers was “an insult to the institution of Congress.”

“We have spent millions of dollars, some of it out of our own pockets, to get to Washington,” she said. “We did not come here to be treated like F**kin teachers!” 

Joe Biden was unavailable for comment. 


Friday, July 22, 2011

The Earl of Ketchup takes to the Senate Floor and Channels the Founding Fathers.

If The Founding Fathers Were Here Today They Would Vote Against Balanced Budget Amendment.

“As I have said in the past, the most compelling argument against this amendment doesn't come from me or from anyone on the floor. It actually comes from the real experts, the people who framed the Constitution of the United States. If they were here on the Senate floor today, they would against this amendment because it violates the Constitution's basic tenet which is major rule” .......Senator John Kerry Heinz

No Mr. Kerry, if the founders were here they would be tar and feathering politicians like yourself and parading you down Pennsylvanian Ave. in the back of a wagon for all to see! And only that after they had run out of rope.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Casey Anthony to Run for Public Office??

There has been much speculation by insiders in Casey Anthony’s defense attorney’s office that after her “Not Guilty” verdict she may have been courted by Democrat political operatives to run for public office. According to analysts, she has everything it takes to be a successful member of any democrat caucus; she is skilled at deception and she lives in a fantasy world. 

With those credentials and unparalleled name recognition, Anthony may be contemplating her intention to run for public office sometime in the near future. Democratic strategist Paul Begala believes she is probably a liberal. “She led government authorities on one wild goose chase after another, and as a result she wasted hundreds of thousands in taxpayer dollars, not to mention she’s the best liar I’ve seen since Bill Clinton. I really do suspect she’s one of us.”

No matter which party she chooses to represent, CNN analyst David Gergen believes Anthony will immediately fit into Washington. “This is a person who excels at deflecting blame, puts her own self-interest ahead of future generations, and tends to publicly flaunt her body at the most inappropriate times. On top of that, she fills a vacancy in Washington right now. Her name is Anthony and she’s the female equivalent of a wiener.” 
Thanks to her three-year incarceration, Gergen also implied the 25-year-old is already well-connected in the Florida government system, and possibly higher: “While she doesn't have the President's ear, she does have the President's ears.”

To Republican pollster Evan McNeal, it all comes down to having the right temperament for the job. “Philosophically, a politician should serve the lowest in society while acting as a restraint on its highest powers, and think Casey already does this. She serves the lowest in society – herself – while impeding the highest power – Nancy Grace.”

However, some Florida residents, still angry over the verdict in which she was cleared of murder charges, argued that Anthony is unfit to run. “She had shady friends, a fake job — everything about her is fake,” said Orlando dental hygienist Mika Poocie . “So how does that make her qualified to be… oh, right.”

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Educational Crash Course #26

Another Installment of Diogenes'
  Public Service Educational Series:
Cultural Studies 101 

 Next in Series:  Beauty tips with Janeane Garofalo.

..........Class Dismissed! 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Record-Breaking Golf Streak Ends at 13 Weeks

White House Dossier - One of the great streaks in the history of sports came to an end today after President Obama cancelled a golf outing at the last minute this morning, apparently out of concern over threatening skies. It now appears golf will not be rescheduled for later today.

Obama had gone golfing 13 weekends in row, at least once every weekend since all the way back to April 3. Obama went golfing twice last weekend, bringing his total number of outings to 75 as president, including 17 trips to the links this year.

That he missed golf on a three day weekend is truly a stunning development. The sports and political worlds are in a deep state of shock.