A Good Monday Morning

Tater Gets a Chubby Over the Horrors of War. Jumps Head First into Woodchipper.

Someone should probably tell Brian Stelter that popping a chubby because a bunch of people watched the horrors of war on CNN is not a great look for any so-called journalist or pundit. We get it, Brian feels like they’re losing relevance (he blames YouTube and TikTok and not their crap reporting, which is adorbs) but claiming ’emergencies’ help their ratings … yeah, that sucks, even for him.

The past 24 hours are a reminder that consumers in an era of YouTube and TikTok still gravitate to trusted, established news outlets during emergencies. They "know where to go," so to speak. And television coverage is essential. https://t.co/qRDt82p4S0

— Brian Stelter (@brianstelter) February 25, 2022

This is pretty damn ghoulish, Tater.

He either knew it was f**ked up or figured it out when people started dragging the shit out of him, because he blocked/disabled replies from anyone he does not follow. Brave, eh?

So the only things that get your ratings out of the toilet are war and Trump. That explains a lot of your “reporting” https://t.co/M55k2zkWI0

— Elrond Swanson (@jollygoat) February 25, 2022

Brian Stelter, according to him the face of trusted news, has turned off replies because he’s tired of people calling him a liar. https://t.co/YBLbbi6SVN

— Matt (@tandog421) February 25, 2022

It's hard to believe this pathetic ball of fat is still on twitter at all. He and his news letter buddy Oliver both get humiliated daily.  You can see a sample of Tater getting dragged Here

[Twitchy]

[NewsBusters]

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Reader Email

During the recent onslaught of the Chinese Virus and resulting time spent at home, reader email to your Illustrious Editrix experienced an unprecedented uptick. Mainly chit-chat and some personal questions.  Some were interesting *cough* and some made me laugh. Some surely written before their daily medication took affect, and some I thought should be answered publicly in the name an informed citizenry.

That said, you guys can stop requesting I send pictures of my breasticials, as the sheer vision of their magnificence could possibly trigger a cardiac episode in some valued readers, and I would feel responsible. So I find that a bad idea. So Stop. Ain't gonna happen.


from bejohnce@.....................

Dear Ms. Sarcastica, 
Look me in the eye baby and tell me how boats work.

Dear bejohnce, this is simple string theory metaphysics. You see, water wants to go down, so does the boat, so water pushes the boat up to get boat out of the way. The trick is you need to find a boat that wants to go down less than the water does. Once you've done that, the boat remains on top of the water (which is real slippery) you can push it.  Your welcome, and don't forget to floss.  


from crispy_fried@...........................  

Yo Dio,
Is it gay to be a man??? I mean assuming an Aristotelian view of mind-body dualism, you'd be inside a man at all times, No?

Dear Crispy, 
There are two things that come to mind when reading your question, things that modern man should refrain from participation. (1- never sit duct-taped to a chair, locked in a room with a three year old playing with a loaded gun. (2- never attempt to explain our present world gone crazy in terms of the ancient philosophers. Were they alive now, they'd be standing in a pool of their own pee on a street corner in Berkeley yelling at passing cars.  But to answer your question, Yes you're Gay.

from basketcase_belinda@llllllllllllllllll 

Dear Jan,

My son accidently colored something Blue instead of Green, so I told him to just color over with Yellow and when it turned Green he asked me if I was a witch. I didn't say no. Did I do the right thing?

Dear basketcase, Hell Yeah. Advantage Belinda!

Here's my advice. Go buy a parrot and train it to say these simple phrases:

* "I miss my hands"

* "Never break a promise to a Witch"

* "I just want to hug my kids again"

.......then I bet he will clean his fucking room!

from bactrac24@......................... 

Dio. 
You once mentioned you had some Scottish blood. Me Too, cousins maybe?  What is one of you favorite memories of Scottland?

Dear Bactrac, Yes, my paternal grandparents are proud Scots. I mean, Really Proud.  Some of my fondest memories are of summer travel in the Scottish countryside.  You don't know what fun is until you witnesses a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming "a hate fuckin' hedgehogs...come at me ya jabby wee cunt" while angrily circling a hairbrush that's been dropped on the floor.

from heckler99@ooooooooooooooooo

Dear DS,

If I were to ask your best friend what legendry act they would always remember you for, what would they say.

Dear Heckler, I once told my bestest friend in all the world that I was coming to one of her epic Halloween parties dressed as Amelia Earhart. Then I never showed up.

What You Get When Inviting a Crazy Commie Race Baiter to Discuss Ukraine

 The Look on the Panelist's Faces is Priceless

On "The Beat," pundit Terrelle Jermaine Starr lectures on "Putin's Critical Ukraine Theory. He's completely reconfigured the ways and fantasized the ways he thinks about Ukraine. It's pretty psychotic," like a racist in the ways they're making up things about race in America. pic.twitter.com/ak3jZ1qiD2

— Tim Graham (@TimJGraham) February 23, 2022

Sounds to me the he is equating the leftist precious 'Critical Race Theory' as equivalent to the lies & wars of a dictator. 🧐

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

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Happy Pisces Season! 🐟 pic.twitter.com/vcKcuZ324g

— Chelsea Pope (@chelseathepope) February 19, 2022

Presidents Day - We Remember the Last Words of #16

Dear citizens, I know that I am not well. Amid this evening at Ford’s Theatre, my body has borne within it an abominable manifestation of political strife, and I feel my senses beginning to take leave. As the light departs my corporeal form, yearning to move on to destinations unknown, I have but one final request.

I beg of you, please commemorate my birthday with mattress sales. Downy, tufted, even memory foam: none shall be exempt from the wholesale slashing of prices. Reserve for this great endeavor a day—nay, an entire weekend, for only a weekend would suffice for the monumental scale of these savings. Throughout our fair land, postboxes spanning as far as the stately eagle soars shall be papered with announcements, each a herald to the approaching cavalry of discount mattresses.

When this grand republic was first conceived, our Founders proffered a unique conception: that every man, no matter his creed, race, or sleep number, would in equal terms be free in the pursuit of happiness. Though we have not often lived up to these ideals in practice, I implore one further leap toward them—with a bedroom blowout bonanza the likes of which no man has ever seen.

It is true that during my tenure war has tested our national resolve, pitting brother against brother in this trying time. But by the hand of providence, even the most quarrelsome of kin shall come together against our common enemy: nighttime sweating. Why merely lay down arms when there also exists occasion to lay down upon moisture-wicking fabric with pressure point relief?

Still, I do not deny the existence of deep, unresolved, and lingering divisions between our fellow citizens. For instance, some have a particular predilection for softness, and others, for firmness. My soul longs for a time when we proclaim the end of such calamity—a time when men of every stripe may finally exercise the fundamental liberties enshrined within our noble founding document, the Sixty-Day Slumber Money-Back Guarantee.

Now my breath begins to slow, and my mind returns to my love, my Mary Todd. Soon I will be reunited with our poor, sickly son Willie in the vast showroom of the heavens. Regrettably, he was not and will not be party to many glorious milestones in American history: the end of war, the ratification of the Thirteenth Amendment, the first rebate on a box spring.

As with many at death’s door, the legacies of my earthly affairs trouble me no longer. If the postwar reconstruction process were to falter? No matter. If the battle flag of the former Confederacy were to be adopted as a race-baiting symbol in an all-consuming culture war? I take no heed. All that concern me are deals, deals, deals!

I cannot help but be overcome by a deep comfort, even in my last moments, as I reflect upon the studied image of an entire nation finally united by a good night’s sleep, at an affordable price.

[He takes a final breath and dies.]

A Good Monday Morning

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Throwback Thursday: Helen Keller Photography Portfolio Sold at Auction

Middle Finger News Service - Of all the accomplishments of Helen Keller, the least known was her love of photography. Recently a small collection of her work was auctioned off for an amazing price to an anonymous bidder.

Included in the collection was one of the first known selfies, (below) taken in 1923, and gifted to her teacher and mentor Anne Sullivan with a note written on back, "My hair is a mess, such a windy day."

Before They Were Cool, A Selfie by Helen Keller

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Run For Them Hills Boys. We're Out Numbered!

 

Leading into the midterm elections, so far at least 29 30 House democrats have wussed out and are declining to run for reelection. This doesn’t bolster the democrat's media buttboys increasingly frantic message that American democracy hangs in the balance.  What it does imply is that the fleeing Democrats don’t want to serve in the minority because of the horrific concept of being a minority, because being a minority like the poor souls they have convinced they represent, is beneath them. And they whine like two year olds when they are. 

An article in the leftist rag 'The Nation' on the announced retirements and democrats’ anticipated “evisceration" and is relentlessly depressing for leftist faithful.  Some lawmakers, like Bernie Sanders, have publicly called for a change in strategy, saying that the democrat party has “turned its back on the working class.”

The democratic agenda last year focused on paying working people not to work,  keep kids out of school and screw you poor people, stay at home and eat chicken wings.”

If Sanders means “white” working class, he should say so directly. The “white” isn’t like the “l” in “salmon.” It’s not silent. But Biden and the dems remains deeply in denial about its failures, like the phony wealth transfer scheme called Build Back Better, to their doomed year-long push for federal take over of free and fair elections. Voting rights legislation failed because Senate Republicans were unified in blocking any Stop Democrats From Cheating bills, and their useful idiots in the media cared more about the filibuster than Black people voting. You can’t discuss Democrats’ woes without mentioning the outrageously partisan media performances.

The pandemic, which Biden promised to defeat, a core campaign bullshit promise, spiraled out of control due to the administration's incompetence and conflicting information . The monthly child tax credit payments, which Biden promised would cut child poverty in half, didn't, and have now ended. But in some areas increased substantially the 25'' rim shop businesses. 

Biden should’ve realized sooner that later his far left progtard wing are certified sociopaths.  Instead of 'Asteroid Collides With Earth',  it's 'Stupid Earth Fails To Avoid Asteroid Collision.'  Among other things, the progtard wing blames Biden for not keeping a campaign promise about student loan debt, another bullshit campaign promise he knew wouldn't fly, but the soft skulls rallied around. The White House’s attitude has been to double down on condescension, expressing contempt for law and order and the American working class, the very voters the democrats claim as their own.

The legitimate media should be shouting from the rooftops about the immense damage that may take years to repair if possible, that Biden and democrats have caused the country over the past year. Anything less is barely a notch above CNN.

~ Thank You Larwyn's Linx@ Doug Ross Journal for the Linkage! ~

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Standing Up to Pee Gives Boys an Unfair Advantage in Physics 🧐

Yes, you read the headline correctly. In the latest example of gender politics taken to its absurd end, three Australian college professors believe that "playful urination practices may give boys an advantage over girls when it comes to understanding physics."

The three professors didn't publish their thoughts on a satirical website.  They published on Tes, a website that provides "educational materials, jobs, news, and courses from the world's best community of teachers and school leaders."

In the article entitled "Taking the pee out of physics: how boys are getting a leg-up", Anna Wilson, Kate Wilson, and David Low argue with a straight face that peeing standing up provides an advantage for boys over girls. Explaining what prompted their conclusion about the advantages peeing standing up gives boys, the professors write,

"The gender gap in physics, and other related subjects including engineering, has long been a cause for concern."

After casually going through a list of possible explanations for why young women might not perform as well in physics as do young men — things like lack of female physics teachers, cultural pressure and expectations, and gender bias in the teaching materials — they conclude: "there may be another reason, too." 

The Age Old Secret of Patriarchal Dominance - The Projectile Arc

After noting that girls lag in areas of physics that deal with projectile motion, the article reveals:

"Like many parents of small (and not-so-small) boys, two of us (KW and DL) have observed the great delight young males take in urination, a process by which they produce and direct a visible projectile arc." 

Laying further groundwork for the assertion that standing up to pee aids in learning physics, the three detail the ways in which peeing standing up is a central yet fun part of the male life:

"The fact that boys (and men) play with their ability to projectile pee is hardly contentious. Boys are trained to pee into toilet bowls with floating targets, a huge variety of which can be bought on Amazon; Amsterdam Airport Schiphol famously cleaned up its urinals by encouraging men to hit flies etched next to the drain. 

All this is experienced up to five times a day, so by 14, boys have had the opportunity to play with projectile motion around 10,000 times. And 14 is when many children meet formalized physics in the form of projectile motion and Newton’s equations of motion for the first time."

__________________________________________________

So according to the three esteemed college professors, peeing standing up is not only a "delightful" activity for boys (who I have been told take to an entirely different level of activity on a regular basis as they get older) but also gives boys an intellectual advantage over girls also.  But to their credit they do acknowledge that "there is no simple way to provide girls with the same opportunities for exploring projectile motion" that boys have. While the authors of the article don't propose it, in today's world it may not be a stretch to assume that the next step for progressives pursuit of equality and social justice on college campus would be to make it illegal for men to pee standing up.....🙃

H/T Konan The Bar Baron

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North Korea Dominates Olympic Gold

MFNS Pyongyang - Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un made a rare appearance on Nork TV today to congratulate the North Korean Olympic Team on their dominate performance so far in the opening week of the Beijing Olympic games.

Kim told the North Korean people their Supreme Leader "was confident the Nork Team will once again demonstrate to the world the strength and superiority of the North Korean people and their Olympic athletes."  Kim assured the people the blackout of the Olympic telecast in the country is in retaliation of the DPRK long historic domination of the games.

DPRK News Official Metal Count:

  

Supreme Leader Kim did give comfort to his people's discrimination as being saved the "annoying voice of bubble head commentators drone on in painful detail about heroic human interest stories like a part Mandarin, part Nigerian athlete with 25 brothers and sisters, who lived in a tree and overcame a debilitating childhood disease like infantile toe fungus to become a 400 meter Ice Hurdler and a unworthy faux hero to people of color the world over."  Or having to experience the "space alien looking Tara Lipinski and her freakishly flaming gay side-kick" who acts like he dropped acid and raided Cindy Crawford's makeup kit, and dresses like he broke into the Liberace Museum as they do their snarky commentary on ice dancing which Supreme Leader Kim called "a public display of erotic fetishes involving skates, and not true sport."  

And according to the Official DPRK News Agency:

"American Government Puppet, Jo Biden, who touts himself as the "Nations Largest Athletic Supporter", said yesterday at a joint news conference with German guy, that he can't wait till the gymnastics start. "I'm a big fan of gymnastical matches and our guys and gals in tights".

Developing:

A Good Monday Morning

Just a Shameless Punchline at This Point.

With Jeff Zucker gone, the crew that CNN used to attack “misinformation” and worked to silence rival outlets is suddenly vulnerable.  Zucker, Brian Stelter, Oliver Darcy, and others took “cancel culture,” once the preserve of left-wing universities, and “normalized” it for political and pecuniary gain.  Stelter, who turned the name 'Reliable Sources' into a cruel irony, worked with reporter Darcy and others to do the dirty work and actively sought to censor and smear other news outlets and content creators, cloaking its efforts in the noble garb of supposed fights against “disinformation.”

The Karma Bus is fueling up.

  

More on the Subject Here & Here

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RCP - 46* Now Officially Less Popular Than 45. And It Only Took Him a Year.

Without the major newspapers, the hateful twitter mobs and 5 major networks pounding away at him 24/7- 365, the man that loveth ice cream and the media proclaimed as another "Lincoln," ready to “hug” and heal the nation is now less liked than his predecessor.

"As of February 1, 2022, Biden’s Real Clear Politics (RCP) average of all the polls showed him at 41.4 percent approval and 54.7 percent disapproval. 

Exactly four years ago, on February 1, 2018, Trump’s RCP average stood at 41.5 percent approval and 54.5 percent disapproval."

As 46's* progressive circus begins to crumble, it's become less realistic for the media to ignore reality and pretend that Biden is popular.  So, they don't try. And while 46* enjoyed worshipful media reporting, both in the campaign 'Hunker in the Bunker", and during his first year, much of the coverage now acknowledges things aren’t going well, but still won't admit the self-inflicted damage and downplay or ignore the most explicitly bad numbers for Biden.

46* is now, officially, historically unpopular, and more unpopular than 45.  In 2017, the networks gleefully noted that polls found DJT “unfit to serve,” that people were embarrassed to have him as president.” Yet Biden’s numbers are equally horrific.

Maybe it’s time now for all the apocalyptic, nightmarish polling language journalists used to describe DJT's media driven unpopularity to be brought back and applied to Joe Biden. That is, of course, if journalists wanted to be honest.

[Real Clear Politics]

[Media Research Center]

DMF/MFNS Celebrate Black History Month

By MFNS Free Lance Leisure and Horticulture Reporter Roach Clip Johnson Jr.

Founder/Editor Emeritus of The Hawaiian Maui Wowie Free Press

Editor's Note - This is a first in a series by Middle Finger News celebrating Black History Month (well that is if we decide to do more, we have other things to do like y'all ya know).

As we all know, and will surely be reminded ad nauseam for the next 28 days, it's Black History Month. So we begin our series with a true black American success story of a man named Barry.

Barry was born, it is believed, somewhere in the southern hemisphere during the dark backward days of the 1960's.  Barry began growing up a very confused young boy.  His mother was white, his father was a Kenyan and had been married to another woman he abandoned before he abandoned Barry's mother, and Barry's step-father was Indonesian.  He was living in an Asian culture, going to a Catholic school and surrounded by Muslims. To top it off, later everyone kept telling Barry he was a Black African American Negro of Color.  

While playing with balls was one of his favorite activities, Barry struggled mightily at sports, being left-handed and somewhat uncoordinated, something that would follow him his entire life. But what he lacked on the playground he made up in charm. At the age of ten, Barry was shipped off by his mother to live under the thumb of his white communist oriented maternal grandparents in the white supremacist world of the United states. While growing up in Hawaii Barry felt the sting of overt racism all through his teen years.

Barry escaped the bigotry and oppression of America by turning to drugs with the few friends he made in high school. They formed the now legendary drug syndicate "The Choom Gang."  But Barry did managed to get through the haze and racism to graduate high school and fled his oppressors in Hawaii to the mainland and enrolled in the small leftist Occidental College in Los Angles. 

Barry adopted his father's full African name "Barack Hussein Obama" in order secure a place in the foreign student quota, minority boosted entrance exam scores, as well as preferred affirmative action placement at Columbia University.

After Graduation he went to work for "The Man" at  The Public Interest Research Group in Chicago. There he began a life of activism that he would become most known for. Barry managed somehow to get into Harvard Law School in the fall of 1988. In 1991 he moved back to Chicago and did some community organizing on the side while writing his first book, a fanciful fictional biography call "Dreams From My Fathers" or something like that. 

While in Chicago in 1989 Barry meet a rather large and unattractive south side girl he first mistook as a man named Michelle, who took little interest in the big eared community organizer. They shared little outside of same sexual preference. They tied the knot in 1992. 

Finding it difficult to satisfy the appetite of Michelle who was eating him out of house and home, Barry joined Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland, a law firm specializing in civil rights litigation and general mayhem in the state courts to help pay the feed bill.  But in 1995 Barry scored big cheese with his manuscript of the "Dreams from My Father" to the tune of 1.6 million and he and Michele moved on up like the Jeffersons to Hyde Park in Chicago. 

Barry went on to be considered one of Chicago's most celebrated Community Organizers, best known for his efforts in registering over 160,000 low-information voters all across Chicago who were too damn lazy to get their ass on a bus and go down to the courthouse and sign up to vote.

We salute Barry Soetoro, a true Black History Success Story.