Monday, February 28, 2022
Saturday, February 26, 2022
The past 24 hours are a reminder that consumers in an era of YouTube and TikTok still gravitate to trusted, established news outlets during emergencies. They "know where to go," so to speak. And television coverage is essential. https://t.co/qRDt82p4S0— Brian Stelter (@brianstelter) February 25, 2022
So the only things that get your ratings out of the toilet are war and Trump. That explains a lot of your “reporting” https://t.co/M55k2zkWI0— Elrond Swanson (@jollygoat) February 25, 2022
Brian Stelter, according to him the face of trusted news, has turned off replies because he’s tired of people calling him a liar. https://t.co/YBLbbi6SVN— Matt (@tandog421) February 25, 2022
Friday, February 25, 2022
Thursday, February 24, 2022
That said, you guys can stop requesting I send pictures of my breasticials, as the sheer vision of their magnificence could possibly trigger a cardiac episode in some valued readers, and I would feel responsible. So I find that a bad idea. So Stop. Ain't gonna happen.
Dear Ms. Sarcastica,
Look me in the eye baby and tell me how boats work.
Dear bejohnce, this is simple string theory metaphysics. You see, water wants to go down, so does the boat, so water pushes the boat up to get boat out of the way. The trick is you need to find a boat that wants to go down less than the water does. Once you've done that, the boat remains on top of the water (which is real slippery) you can push it. Your welcome, and don't forget to floss.
Is it gay to be a man??? I mean assuming an Aristotelian view of mind-body dualism, you'd be inside a man at all times, No?
There are two things that come to mind when reading your question, things that modern man should refrain from participation. (1- never sit duct-taped to a chair, locked in a room with a three year old playing with a loaded gun. (2- never attempt to explain our present world gone crazy in terms of the ancient philosophers. Were they alive now, they'd be standing in a pool of their own pee on a street corner in Berkeley yelling at passing cars. But to answer your question, Yes you're Gay.
You once mentioned you had some Scottish blood. Me Too, cousins maybe? What is one of you favorite memories of Scottland?
Dear Bactrac, Yes, my paternal grandparents are proud Scots. I mean, Really Proud. Some of my fondest memories are of summer travel in the Scottish countryside. You don't know what fun is until you witnesses a drunk on the Edinburgh to Glasgow train screaming "a hate fuckin' hedgehogs...come at me ya jabby wee cunt" while angrily circling a hairbrush that's been dropped on the floor.
Wednesday, February 23, 2022
The Look on the Panelist's Faces is Priceless
On "The Beat," pundit Terrelle Jermaine Starr lectures on "Putin's Critical Ukraine Theory. He's completely reconfigured the ways and fantasized the ways he thinks about Ukraine. It's pretty psychotic," like a racist in the ways they're making up things about race in America. pic.twitter.com/ak3jZ1qiD2— Tim Graham (@TimJGraham) February 23, 2022
Tuesday, February 22, 2022
Monday, February 21, 2022
Friday, February 18, 2022
Thursday, February 17, 2022
|Before They Were Cool, A Selfie by Helen Keller|
Wednesday, February 16, 2022
Tuesday, February 15, 2022
Monday, February 14, 2022
Friday, February 11, 2022
Thursday, February 10, 2022
The three professors didn't publish their thoughts on a satirical website. They published on Tes, a website that provides "educational materials, jobs, news, and courses from the world's best community of teachers and school leaders."
In the article entitled "Taking the pee out of physics: how boys are getting a leg-up", Anna Wilson, Kate Wilson, and David Low argue with a straight face that peeing standing up provides an advantage for boys over girls. Explaining what prompted their conclusion about the advantages peeing standing up gives boys, the professors write,
"The gender gap in physics, and other related subjects including engineering, has long been a cause for concern."After casually going through a list of possible explanations for why young women might not perform as well in physics as do young men — things like lack of female physics teachers, cultural pressure and expectations, and gender bias in the teaching materials — they conclude: "there may be another reason, too."
|The Age Old Secret of Patriarchal Dominance - The Projectile Arc|
After noting that girls lag in areas of physics that deal with projectile motion, the article reveals:
"Like many parents of small (and not-so-small) boys, two of us (KW and DL) have observed the great delight young males take in urination, a process by which they produce and direct a visible projectile arc."Laying further groundwork for the assertion that standing up to pee aids in learning physics, the three detail the ways in which peeing standing up is a central yet fun part of the male life:
"The fact that boys (and men) play with their ability to projectile pee is hardly contentious. Boys are trained to pee into toilet bowls with floating targets, a huge variety of which can be bought on Amazon; Amsterdam Airport Schiphol famously cleaned up its urinals by encouraging men to hit flies etched next to the drain.
All this is experienced up to five times a day, so by 14, boys have had the opportunity to play with projectile motion around 10,000 times. And 14 is when many children meet formalized physics in the form of projectile motion and Newton’s equations of motion for the first time."
So according to the three esteemed college professors, peeing standing up is not only a "delightful" activity for boys (who I have been told take to an entirely different level of activity on a regular basis as they get older) but also gives boys an intellectual advantage over girls also. But to their credit they do acknowledge that "there is no simple way to provide girls with the same opportunities for exploring projectile motion" that boys have. While the authors of the article don't propose it, in today's world it may not be a stretch to assume that the next step for progressives pursuit of equality and social justice on college campus would be to make it illegal for men to pee standing up.....🙃
Wednesday, February 9, 2022
Tuesday, February 8, 2022
"American Government Puppet, Jo Biden, who touts himself as the "Nations Largest Athletic Supporter", said yesterday at a joint news conference with German guy, that he can't wait till the gymnastics start. "I'm a big fan of gymnastical matches and our guys and gals in tights".
Monday, February 7, 2022
Saturday, February 5, 2022
Friday, February 4, 2022
Thursday, February 3, 2022
Wednesday, February 2, 2022
"As of February 1, 2022, Biden’s Real Clear Politics (RCP) average of all the polls showed him at 41.4 percent approval and 54.7 percent disapproval.
Exactly four years ago, on February 1, 2018, Trump’s RCP average stood at 41.5 percent approval and 54.5 percent disapproval."
Tuesday, February 1, 2022
Editor's Note - This is a first in a series by Middle Finger News celebrating Black History Month (well that is if we decide to do more, we have other things to do like y'all ya know).
As we all know, and will surely be reminded ad nauseam for the next 28 days, it's Black History Month. So we begin our series with a true black American success story of a man named Barry.
While playing with balls was one of his favorite activities, Barry struggled mightily at sports, being left-handed and somewhat uncoordinated, something that would follow him his entire life. But what he lacked on the playground he made up in charm. At the age of ten, Barry was shipped off by his mother to live under the thumb of his white communist oriented maternal grandparents in the white supremacist world of the United states. While growing up in Hawaii Barry felt the sting of overt racism all through his teen years.
While in Chicago in 1989 Barry meet a rather large and unattractive south side girl he first mistook as a man named Michelle, who took little interest in the big eared community organizer. They shared little outside of same sexual preference. They tied the knot in 1992.
Finding it difficult to satisfy the appetite of Michelle who was eating him out of house and home, Barry joined Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland, a law firm specializing in civil rights litigation and general mayhem in the state courts to help pay the feed bill. But in 1995 Barry scored big cheese with his manuscript of the "Dreams from My Father" to the tune of 1.6 million and he and Michele moved on up like the Jeffersons to Hyde Park in Chicago.
Barry went on to be considered one of Chicago's most celebrated Community Organizers, best known for his efforts in registering over 160,000 low-information voters all across Chicago who were too damn lazy to get their ass on a bus and go down to the courthouse and sign up to vote.