Tuesday, February 8, 2022

North Korea Dominates Olympic Gold

MFNS Pyongyang - Supreme Leader Kim Jong Un made a rare appearance on Nork TV today to congratulate the North Korean Olympic Team on their dominate performance so far in the opening week of the Beijing Olympic games.

Kim told the North Korean people their Supreme Leader "was confident the Nork Team will once again demonstrate to the world the strength and superiority of the North Korean people and their Olympic athletes."  Kim assured the people the blackout of the Olympic telecast in the country is in retaliation of the DPRK long historic domination of the games.

DPRK News Official Metal Count:
Supreme Leader Kim did give comfort to his people's discrimination as being saved the "annoying voice of bubble head commentators drone on in painful detail about heroic human interest stories like a part Mandarin, part Nigerian athlete with 25 brothers and sisters, who lived in a tree and overcame a debilitating childhood disease like infantile toe fungus to become a 400 meter Ice Hurdler and a unworthy faux hero to people of color the world over."  Or having to experience the "space alien looking Tara Lipinski and her freakishly flaming gay side-kick" who acts like he dropped acid and raided Cindy Crawford's makeup kit, and dresses like he broke into the Liberace Museum as they do their snarky commentary on ice dancing which Supreme Leader Kim called "a public display of erotic fetishes involving skates, and not true sport."  

And according to the Official DPRK News Agency:
"American Government Puppet, Jo Biden, who touts himself as the "Nations Largest Athletic Supporter", said yesterday at a joint news conference with German guy, that he can't wait till the gymnastics start. "I'm a big fan of gymnastical matches and our guys and gals in tights".

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