Friday, January 31, 2020

Nations Mental Health Experts on High Alert Ahead of Senate Impeachment Vote

Dr. Lucius Diculius MD. PhD. PsyD. 

Middle Finger News Service Exclusive:

The nation's top Therapist and Private Mental Health Counselors are on high alert ahead of the expected ending of the impeachment trial of President Donald Trump.  Dr. Throckmorton D. Crebs of the Manhattan Hospital's Mental Unit in NYC told Middle Finger News Service in a phone interview that they expect a horde of patients if the impeachment trial ends in acquittal.

"Our hospital's largest group of patients are members of the news media seeking therapy the last three years.  They come mostly to us for esteem problems stemming from the fact they know that no one believes them anymore, and they realize no one really likes them except their dogs.  And in some cases, we have found even that is a problem," Crebbs told MFNS.  "It's strange territory between their ears."

"But now, if impeachment fails, there is going to be some angry people of the leftist persuasion who staked their entire reputation as experts on impeachment show panel appearances out there kicking puppies, wandering the streets mumbling to themselves and going on epic benders for days. And don't even get me started about those ranting plastic drama queens of the theater district....... Hey, this interview is off the record, right???"

The famous west coast psychotherapist to the stars, Los Angles Dr. Lucius Diculius told MFNS he is alarmed that he may witness again a landslide of anti-Trump media and show biz celebrities mentally out on the ledge and beating down his door all hour of the night needing reassurances that their fantasy world will survive their ongoing nightmare. 

"Those coked-out f**king Hollywood creeps are the worst", the Doctor told us. "I had grown multi-millionaires sobbing at my feet like a two-year-old after the 2016 election. And G*D Dammit I just got them medicated correctly and pacified after the Mueller Report debacle with the assurance they had him dead straight this time with impeachment !!! And now This!!  Oh, Holy Shit! I need a drink."


~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Thursday, January 30, 2020

Bette Midler Exercises Her Inner ‘Tokyo Rose’

Tokyo Rose was a name given by Allied troop to in English-speaking radio broadcaster of Japanese propaganda working to demoralize troops abroad and their families at home by exaggerating and emphasizing wartime difficulties and military losses. Tokyo Rose, Hanoi Jane, and now.....Malibu Bette! There’s a lot of talk about “propaganda” these days, what with fake news and all. But Midler has actually regressed to crude 20th-century fascist tropes of mass persuasion on the tweeter:
Yes, Republican regretters! In your sore hearts, you know the Resistance Army is right and must win! Lay down your Second-Amendment weapons of war. Surrender! Save yourselves and your country. Your Bad Orange President has hypnotized you, and you have fallen low. Reclaim your individuality and self-respect. The left is not your enemy. We are your friends. Join us for peace!
Are you tired of the fight, Republican regretters? Are you lonely out there, with no one on TV to reflect your beliefs? Are you sick of batty actors, shriveled old singers, and humorless comedians calling you bigots, filling your ear holes with condescending abuse day after day? You can make it stop. It’s not hard. Pick up your ethics, morals, and values (which as used by Malibu Bette are all synonyms, BTW) and dump them in the garbage on your way over to the Left Side before it's to late. 

I wonder. Does Malibu Bette’s use of Tokyo Rose cant qualify as cultural appropriation? And has Bette committed racism by aping the historical propaganda techniques of East Asian peoples of color without their consent?

[RS Diaries]

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

The Beto O’Rourke of Georgia Threatens to Banish Trump Supporters from Society

The state of Georgia is known for their most excellent peanuts, but are quickly becoming known for political nuts too, like Tank Abrams, Hank Johnson and Jon Ossoff.

You remember democrat man-child Jon Ossoff? He’s the millennial douchebag democrat that burned through $30 million of liberal Hollywood money to lose a U.S. Rep. special election in Georgia. Well, he’s back and running for Senate as the “cancel culture” candidate. His platform seems to be that he will banish all Trump supporters from society and destroy conservatism.

Presumably he’s counting on a lot more celebrity dollars to make this happen. After taking some time to lick his wounds, the Beto of Georgia is now running for the U.S. Senate. If this video is any indication of his campaign to come, his latest effort to lose and waste other people’s money will be very entertaining.

In what looks like 
karaoke night at a TGI Friday’s or an Applebees, Ossoff is seen yelling at people in the bar, while others look like they are trying to enjoy their meals.
“We need to send a message this year. We need to send a message that if you indulge this kind of politics, you’re not just going to get beaten, your’e going to get beaten so bad you can never run or show your face again in public. Because we have had enough! Absolutely enough of what we are getting from Donald Trump and his fellow travelers.”
That’s some bold talk from a guy who has literally never beaten anyone, even with the financial and PR support of Hollywood celebrities. Ossoff says that he and his kind have had enough of whatever they’re getting from Trump supporters. Guess what? Trump supporters, Republicans, and conservatives have had enough from whiny-ass liberal soyboy snowflakes threatening to cancel us all the time.

Ossoff might want to clue himself onto is the sad tale of Beto O’Rourke. Once a democratic party superstar, poor Beto slunk back to his hipster doofus habitat in disgrace.  Hollywood liberals backed him as a way of indirectly going after Trump.  Once O’Rourke was no longer a useful idiot in their proxy war on Trump and leftist discovered what a goober he is, they turned their backs on him. The same thing will happen to Ossoff.

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Squinty & Meat Puppet's Cheap Imitation of Don Lemon's Laughing Clown Show

Squinty Joe probable stayed up all night to write this dialogue because we all know he's not smart enough to do it off the cuff....


Monday, January 27, 2020

New York Times Ask Dem Candidates Which Celebrity They Would Most Like To Bang

It's just a week until the Iowa vote and the Democrat primary field will soon narrow to just 30 or so candidates. They've spent hours at Democratic debates most of us didn't watch droning on about screwing up your health care or their thrilling plans to tax the hell outta you so they can give you everything for free. As we mercifully get ready to say goodbye to some, let's learn a little bit about them as people who occasionally like us get horny.

The New York Times asked some of the remaining Democrat candidates 20 questions, one of which was to give voters a peek into their mental Cinemax and reveal their celebrity crushes. I think the answers will thrill you. They may shock you. They might even horrify you.

First up is clear winner Amy Klobuchar, who chose Prince. It's not just that the senator and the music legend are both from Minnesota. It's simply the only correct answer. She responded without hesitation, so it's obvious she's had sex to his music. I'm too polite to speculate as to which Prince album was playing while Klobuchar's daughter was conceived. All I'll say is that if there's some serious nakedness going on in the vicinity of Prince's music someone's getting pregnant. That's science.

Lizzy Warren came in a strong second with The Rock. She even still calls him the Rock. "Dwayne Johnson" can make all the versions of The Fast and the Furious and Jumanji that moviegoers can stomach. He can even churn out some more family-friendly crap like Tooth Fairy. Warren's only interested in what the Rock is cooking while strutting his stuff in tight spandex. For a moment while Warren was giving her answer, it seemed as if she forgot the cameras were there, closed her eyes, and sampled the candy. Don't leave our girl in a room alone with the Rock, especially if Klobuchar loaned her a copy of Diamonds and Pearls.

Mike Bloomberg was the weirdest. He selected both Laura Dern and William H. Macy. He's a billionaire. He can cast whoever he wants in his orgies.  Tom Steyer went with the safer but still dope choice of Alicia Keys. The lady can sing, and she's fine. No chance Tom.

Andy Yang took the path you're supposed to if you're married and want to remain so. "I think my wife's a star and I've got a big crush on her."  Aww, that's sweet. But let's cut the crap.

Mayor Pete was the lone spoilsport interviewed. He claimed his celebrity crush was "not for The New York Times to know about." Teen Vogue covers celebrity crushes. This is the most innocuous ice breaker question imaginable. Is he afraid voters will think he lacks gravitas if he admits he would dig playing rump rangers with Mr. Sulu??  Bloomberg offered us wacky threesome scenarios, and Warren had an on-camera orgasm. Buttigieg's a Rhodes scholar. We think he can safely answer one random question without killing his campaign. Okay, maybe in his case the wiser move is to say nothing.

[The New York Times]

~ Thank You WHATFINGERNEWS & MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

A Good Monday Morning

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Friday, January 24, 2020

Some Media Disturbed at Senator's Boredom and Disinterest at Schiff's Redundant Off-Broadway Spectacle

To listen to the media, we should all be showering Adam Schiff's with flowers over his dramatic prosecutorial marathon performance in the Senate Chamber the last few evenings. And while our friend DIANNY amply describes the resulting media talking head circle jerk, some in the media are a bit beside themselves that Schiff's senate comrades don't seem to hold the same enthusiasm for Schiff & Co. redundant, dot connecting interpretations and exercise in futility.  In Off-Broadway review speak, it might rate a characterization as "an overly dramatic presentation by a bad actor standing ankle deep in a box of cat shit." 

And what really bites em in the butt is cable news ratings indicate a significant drop as the audience shrunk by 19% between Tuesday’s session and when Democrats began making their case for why DJT should be removed from office.

According to BPR, MSNBC's resident soy boy, Chris Hayes, bluntly said Wednesday evening that any senators who find it difficult to sit still for eight or more hours during President Donald Trump’s ongoing Senate trial should “resign tomorrow and go get another job.” Hayes issued the remark while speaking with his cable news twin, master conspiracy theorist, Rick Maddow about the bipartisan boredom and disinterest being shown by Democrat and Republican senators.
"It is a little bit weird," Maddow complained. "We all thought it was within the rules that they had to be there. They had to attend and sit there and not eat or drink anything other than milk or water. And they needed to not have their phones and they needed to not speak."
To be fair, the rules of an impeachment trial are extremely strict. No coffee or snacking on the floor. No pacing, note-passing, scribbling on the wall or working on other matters or chit-chat. Technically, only water is allowed in the Senate chamber. Numerous senators were seen chewing on snacks or drinking something besides water. In their defense, they’re still human, after all.
"Courthouse News Service reported Bernie Sanders could be seen nodding off, slouched deep in his wooden desk with his chin bobbing on his chest."
And from the AP :
"A Democrat in the back row leaned on his right arm, covered his eyes and stayed that way for nearly a half-hour".
"Some openly snickered when lead prosecutor Adam Schiff said he’d only speak for 10 minutes. And when one of the freshman House prosecutors stood to speak, many of the senator-jurors bolted for the cloak rooms, where their phones are stored."
Senate Judiciary Committee ranking member Di Feinstein reportedly said screw it and left Wednesday’s trial hearings at least an hour before its conclusion. Meanwhile, presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar hung around and was spotted apparently chewing her cud. 

Over at Fake News Central (CNN), John Berman was ranting and raving about the same issue. Their whiny attitude does seem to speak to the growing belief that so-called “journalists” are narcissistic, self-absorbed door slamming 9 year olds.


Thursday, January 23, 2020

President Lizzy Wants You To Know She's Gonna Clean Up All This Crap Straight Away!!!

On the first day of Donald Trump's impeachment trial, Lizzy Warren unveiled her plan to save us all on her website under the weighty title 'Restoring Integrity and Competence to Government After Trump.' No, I'm not kiddin':
"One year from today, the next president will begin her first full day of work. She will be inheriting a government in crisis and in desperate need of immediate course correction."
That's cute how Warren refers to the next president with a feminine pronoun. What comes first in President Warren's "course correction"? Firings, and lots of them!

Lizzy said she'll ask for the resignations of all Trump's political appointees on day one of her administration. That includes 93 US attorneys. (Bush 43 fired 9 and the Liberals went absolutely ape- shit).  Feeling her inner Stalin, Lizzy plans on going after political opponents. Comrade Warren will establish a Task Force (probably lead by the lovely AG Kamala Harris) that will investigate corruption in the Trump administration and hold the guilty parties accountable.  But Warren will also keep herself honest, not just more honest than Trump because any common gangster can limbo under a low bar. Nay, her administration will "adopt the strictest anti-corruption hiring rules of any administration in all of American History in the world!!"

Right off the bat she says she'll end Obama's policy of children in cages at detention facilities that was Trump's fault, end DJT's reckless foreign policy that endangers our country by killing terrorists who threaten us and end the bigoted ban on travelers from Muslim-majority countries that breed worldwide terrorism. She'll also investigate US Border Control and Department of Homeland Security for violating Immigration laws.

President Lizzy insist her team will reflects the full diversity of America, including having at least 50% of Cabinet positions filled by women and non binary people. Even though Black women are disproportionately represented in the federal workforce and LGBTQRX people are represented across all levels of government, including in leadership roles, it don't matter.  Not diverse enough for Lizzy.  There will be recruiting from HBCUs, Tribal Colleges and Universities, and programs for federal jobs for formerly incarcerated individuals ex-convicts. And Lizzy wants to grow the government that is still bloated by reinstating government officials who left public service through a streamlined hiring process, and waive competitive hiring processes as a way of creating another generation of ambitious soft skull leftist government bureaucrats. 

To bring back integrity in government, Lizzy won't employ "senior executives at companies and banks that have broken federal law, are subject to enforcement actions, or are under investigation." That basically rules out 99% of the financial industry. But she hates them anyway, so no biggie. There's always the little commie midget, Robert Reich, who fancies himself an economist who'd probably jump on his big wheel and join up in a minute!

It's not stated outright but we also assume Warren staffers won't regularly violate the Hatch Act, but democrats gonna democrat. Senior staffers will have to pledge not to accept a lobbying job after their official duties end.....and that's for life. Man, you won't catch a grift if you ever work for Warren. That should thin the potential herd down quite a bit.

Donald Trump’s presidency has been a dark period in American history according to Lizzy's website.  A government that has been infected by corruption and incompetence, and his actions as president suggest that he is likely to do everything he can to undermine the next president. Ya Know, just like the last one did.

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Onward Over Yonder Cliff.....

Julius Caesar is purported to have said "alea iacta est" (translation: The die is cast.when his armies crossed the Rubicon river. (The only living witness to this is Brian Williams, so we have to take his word for it.)  Caesar, who at the time was in the  midst of fighting the Roman Civil War, had taken his armies beyond what was then the northern boundary of Italy in defiance of the Roman Senate Guys. At that point, he knew he’d reached the point of no return.  This is where “crossing the Rubicon” comes from, as well, but there’s no better way to wax pseudo-intellectually than to use Latin phraseology in place of an English idiom wouldn't you say??

Anyway, Nan Pelosi and her House Committee flying monkeys had an "alea iacta est" moment a few weeks ago.  They were no doubt aware of how polling was trending when it came to the public opinion of their impeachment and attempt to remove DJT.  According to the RealClearPolitics average, since mid-December a plurality of Americans have been against it or the polling average has been a tie.

In December, the Democrats threw the die for the first time: an impeachment vote against Trump, which coincided almost precisely with the moment the polling average began turning against the Democrats.  They were no closer to removing him, but they’d rolled the dice and taken their chances.  And the polling average continued to turn against them.

Since then, they’ve cast the die again, this time in terms of their messaging in the run-up to the trial.  Majority Mitch refused to hold the Senate trial that Democrats would have preferred which is to say, messy and protracted, with privileges and protections afforded to Democrats in the Senate that Democrats would have never dreamed of extending to Republicans in the House, so Pelosi decided to sit on the articles and only handed them to the Senate last Wednesday.  Even then, the Democrats made sure to let America know how solemn and somber an occasion the delivery of the articles was, that is if you discount the pompous signing ceremony complete with those nifty custom pens.

Now that most Senate Republicans have made it clear they don’t support allowing new witnesses to be called because that should have been the House’s job, not the Senate’s, Democrats are predictably livid.  Right on cue Chuck Schumer said "That’s a cover-up, not a trial." This petulance, which is Chuck's major political attribute,  will last throughout the trial no matter how long it goes.

The die has been cast multiple times and the Rubicon has been crossed. There were plenty of times the Democrats could have turned back. But, even staring down poll numbers that should have disabused them of any desire to go the way of impeachment, they marched on unabated, straight for a cliff.

As they say, "Fools rush in to cry over spilled milk"...or something. At least Caesar became the dictator of the Roman Republic for his trouble. Nan and Chuck can’t even get a decent poll.

[Western Journal]

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS & MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Monday, January 20, 2020

Hug a Liberal Today and Keep Them Away From Open Windows

A Good Monday Morning

The NYT Editorial Board Couldn't Decide Which Kooky Democrat to Endorse, So They Cut Two Out of The Herd

The New York Times editorial board announced Sunday night that it was formally endorsing two candidates to be the best choices for the lone 2020 Democratic nominee to take on evil DJT: Lizzy Warren and Amy Klobuth...something.

Considering the schizophrenic tendencies of the different lunatic visions within the Democrat party these days, choosing candidates from competing wings of the Party, the extreme left progtard wing, Senator Lizzy, and the only slightly less extreme progtard wing, Senator Amy, was probably a easy choiceNo white guys up in here!
“Some in the party view President Trump as an aberration and believe that a return to a more sensible America is possible. Then there are those who believe that President Trump was the product of political and economic systems so rotten that they must be replaced.”
So, the country is no longer sensible and the we need someone who can kill capitalism. So what's more sensible and destructive then a post-menopausal woman?? Yeah, let's endorse Lizzy, everyone's vision of a self-medicated crazy cat lady, and another who reminds everyone of that one mean school teacher they all hated, and you just knew she secretly enjoyed getting drunk and kicking puppies.

Yeah, that's the NYTs. Power To The Correct People!!!

Saturday, January 18, 2020

Once Again Class, It's He, She or Freak....

Sanity at Last: Court Refuses to Kowtow to Personal Pronouns. On Wednesday, a panel of the 5th Circuit Court of Appeals refused a male prisoner's motion that the name on his order of confinement be changed and that he be addressed by female pronouns on account of his female gender identity. The ruling on personal pronouns sets an important precedent for free speech, judicial impartiality, and the basic meaning of pronouns against the transgender movement's bastardization of language.

The case involves Norman Varner, a federal prisoner who pleaded guilty in 2012 to attempted receipt of child pornography and was sentenced to 15 years in prison. "Varner cites no legal authority supporting this request. Instead, Varner’s motion simply states that 'I am a woman' and argues that failure to refer to him with female pronouns 'leads me to feel that I am being discriminated against based on my gender identity," the ruling explains. The panel made three key arguments against such a notion. No. No and No.

The panel also argued that "if a court were to compel the use of particular pronouns at the invitation of litigants, it could raise delicate questions about judicial impartiality." The judges referenced a pronoun usage guide from the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee which lists 9 different kinds of pronouns. The guide includes wacky pronouns like "e/ey," "(f)ae," "xemself," and more......

The judges warned that granting preferred pronouns in cases like Varner's would set a precedent that courts should use bizarre pronouns like these.  Such pronouns are not only silly — they would make legal proceedings much harder to follow.
"Deploying such neologisms could hinder communication among the parties and the court. And presumably the court’s order, if disobeyed, would be enforceable through its contempt power."
If a man can force others to refer to him using female pronouns, why should he not be able to force any other neologisms as well? There is no reason to suggest the personal pronouns will be limited to the nine listed by the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee.

Speaking as a member of the True Sexual Elite, I uphold this decision, and I hereby decree the 5th Circuit to be Judicially Sexy.

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS & MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Friday, January 17, 2020

Middle Finger Symphony Theater


Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Thursday, January 16, 2020

A Textbook Example of Tyranny

So Virginia introduces a bundle of radical laws to destroy 2nd amendment rights, militias, sale transfer and registration bills, and the People of Virginia says no, and we're going to vote you all out next term.

Virginia government responds by introducing a bill to eliminate voter ID.

Virginia says we're not going to wait, we'll petition your removal from office, and get almost a 3rd of the 240K signatures to remove the governor and starts petitions to remove delegates.

Virginia government responds by introducing a bill to raise the amount of signatures from 10% of the prevailing vote, to 25%.

Folks, this is the a textbook example of tyranny. "We're the government, and we'll do anything we want, whether you like it or not. We won't let you vote us out, we won't let you remove us from office.... And if you can't possess the weapons that a militia would need to force us out of office, then there's absolutely nothing you can do about it"

With good cause, and to counter the fake news media, I think it’s smart to verify what you say, so here are screenshots straight from the Virginia Legislative Information System:

Here,  Here,  Here and Here

~ Thank You Larwyn's Linx@ Doug Ross Journal for the Linkage! ~

The Impeachment Signing Photo You Weren't Supposed to See

Democrat committee members convene in private as the Speaker of the House loads a bowl for the group's partaking of celebratory bong hits before officially signing off on the Articles of Impeachment and delivery to the Senate Chamber. The most amazing feature of this historic photo is that it shows Nancy Pelosi actually cast a reflection in the mirror. 

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

We Watched So You Didn't Have To. Democrat Debate #72. Pillow Fight in Des Moines.

Since I was taking at easy this evening while recuperating from all the Napoleon Liqueur someone kept putting in my celebratory orange juice last night, I decided to tune in to "The Most Trusted Name in News" CNN, and lo and behold, there was a debate about to break out.  Not feeling a lot like getting up to retrieve the remote, I just settled in for hopefully a laugh or two.  It turned out unfunny and a bit pathetic.  I mean, no Marianne Sparkledust Williamson?  No Spartacus??  But I did think it was a nice touch for a democrat event to have running during the breaks the 'Freedom From Religion Foundation' commercial with the dancing fairy Ron Reagan Jr. reminding us he was a proud atheist and didn't mind burning in hell. Really nice touch there CNN. 

For those who didn't punish themselves like I did, for you the sum of my remembrance....

The dems seem to agree that everything that is good and working well in the country is bad, and they are against it. The rich are too rich. Government isn't working, so they say it needs to be bigger. They all bashed the very policies and tax codes they helped write over the last decades and with their rantings and ravings about America's healthcare system are admitting Obamacare was indeed the sham it was said to be. They all pretty much agreed we need not nuke the mullahs, and should go back to talking to the Iranians because they won't get no nukes if we tell them not to.

Joe 30330 seemed kinda lost for most of the night. Is it just that it’s a given and no one cares? He looked flamed out and ready for his juice box and a nap. The dems are so desperate they'd nominate a 150 lb leaky sack of medical waste if they thought it had a chance against DJT.  All I really remember Joe saying was Trump's economy was bad for America.     

Senator Bernie inform us he was 'Sick and Tired' of America's sh*t more than once and that we need more free stuff. When ask why he would be a better Commander and Chief than the present one, he said because he'd vote against every war.....Okay.  Like a carnival barker Bernie promised he could beat Trump with his Socialist Utopia because his Socialist Utopia was really a Democratic Socialist Utopia. Bernie was not asked about the gulags and anti-Nazi reeducation camps. Guess they ran outta time.

Senator Lizzy....someone take the f**kin' purple jacket away from her and burn it! Gawd, doesn't that woman own any other clothes??

Lizzy wants to defend America from Wall Street, and rape corporate america to give everyone high taxes and crappy healthcare, and all kinds of expensive free stuff. She even proposes that the government go into the drug manufacturing business to lower cost.  Gee, what could go wrong there?  Out to gain the effeminate male democrat voter (excuse the redundancy) she pledged to save us from toxic masculinity and white supremacy.  And when questioned about Bernie's supposed remark "A women couldn't get elected president" after Bernie denied it, she showed a bit of Lizzy restraint and stopped just short of calling Bernie a lying sack of sh*t.

Then there's Mayor Pete.  I'm sorry but he gives me the creeps.  His speech patterns, mannerism and delivery look like every over-acted TV courtroom drama defense lawyer trying to get his obviously guilty client off the hook. I cannot listen him. The closed caption read that the black people who know him, support him, which is probably news to the blacks who know him.  Pete says he's witnessed it first hand and we need to fight Climate Change because some streets flooded in South Bend a couple of times. 

Oh, another Ron Reagan "proud atheist and don't mind burning in hell" commercial.

Some rich guy who looks like Jimmy Durante, named Tom something, says he got reamed for being proud of making a butt loads of millions from fossil fuels, but says he had a 'Come to Jesus Moment' and now is going to save the world from Climate Change and DJT and something....Climate Change.... something...... get rid of the tariffs, and something about ethanol. Yawn.

Senator Amy. Who could forget Sen. Amy. She said she's sure (with your help and money) that she can beat DJT,  because she's a woman and has a Va-jay-jay just like the Lady Governor of Michigan who has one too, and who beat a republican man.  Senator Amy always looks so insincere, like a worker in a government office. Senator Amy also reminds me of one of the Sisters at my Catholic School in Belgium. She was a real bitch.

Before the dem's pillow fight was all over with my eyelids got heavy and the lights went out. I think the real winner of the night was the non-viewing public. But I'm here to attest that I did live through it.  You're welcome.

Tuesday, January 14, 2020

The Left and Their 'Tin Foil Hat' Problem.

Nuttier Than Your Average Squirrel Turd - MSNBC Loonie Central's Joy Reid 

by Clint Fargeau

A philosopher once observed: “If someone falsely accuses you of doing something, it’s a good bet they are doing it themselves.” Those who have the misfortune to peruse the organs of Leftist opinion will find no shortage of op-eds descrying the crazy conspiracy theories of conservatives.  Silly conservatives. Bunch of paranoid loons they are.

The barrage of leftist gaslighting over the last three years supports the philosopher's  more intellectual formulation of “He that smelt it dealt it.” Most of us are painfully familiar with the more infamous examples of conspiracy theorizing on the Left. To wit:
Donald Trump is a closet white supremacist in league with neo-nazis–like Ben Carson, a black man, and Stephen Miller, who is Jewish–to make America white again.
And on the really fruity end of the spectrum:
Jews control the weather; their nation state secretly plans to exterminate Arabs; and the whole lot of them have hypnotized the world with Hebrew mind control.
These conspiracy … “theories”, or more like “fever dreams” … spill forth not from basement bloggers in tinfoil hats but from supposedly nailed-down folk. Politicians, mainstream journalists, and (formerly) respectable intellectuals juice these lemons day after day, in defiance of common sense, hard evidence, or even a compelling pattern. Their constituents drink this sour mixture, proclaim it ambrosia, and cry for more.

The opinion leaders on the Left rail incessantly against “The Rich.” But when they say “The Rich,” they don’t mean the population with assets in excess of X million dollars. Those would just be people who happened to be rich. They mean “THE CONSPIRACY OF The Rich”–bastards who connive to suck up all the goodies. Collusion is how they got rich, not a combination of luck, intelligence, and hard work.

“Eat The Rich” cheerleaders like Robert Reich, Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, and Elizabeth Warren talk like “The Rich” share a party line–complete with gold-plated Bat-phones–earnestly discussing as a group: “How can we keep the little guy down and murder the climate at the same time?”

Another long-running “conspiracy of” category is “White People.” Activists, politicians, and opinionators reference “(the conspiracy of) White People” on topics ranging from police shootings to NFL owners who manifestly plotted to exclude Colin Kaepernick from his rightful place chucking a ball on the TV. NFL owners can’t possibly have thought separately and individually that hiring Kaepernick–who damaged the entire league and who spouts Marxist, anti-white, anti-police garbage at every opportunity–might turn out to be a poor choice, leading to perennial headaches for any team stupid enough to toss him a jersey.

Leftist conspiracy mongers credit conservatives and Republicans with borderline-magical abilities to leverage powerful forces for sinister plots and schemes. In so doing, they have turned their constituency into a hysteria feedback movement. Their sole source of energy now appears to be: “Nazis and robber barons in the bushes! Treasons and plots! Grab your Reynolds Wrap and prepare for resistance!”

Perhaps most odd from a conservative viewpoint is that many of the “conspiracies” Leftist opinion makers “uncover” are open, commonly held beliefs on the Right. Opinion makers on the Left don’t listen to conservatives. Then, stumbling upon conservatives’ openly expressed views, they mischaracterize those beliefs as hidden and secret motives. The devious plotter living in every conservative means that nothing they say may be accepted at face value. The devious plotter living in every conservative means that nothing they say may be accepted at face value.

Francis Wilkinson’s hilariously ignorant opinion piece in Bloomberg exemplifies the left's paranoia at work. Wilkinson’s title– "The True Aim of the Gun Sanctuary Movement", Wilkinson theorizes that Second Amendment advocates (or as he calls them the “guns-everywhere-for anybody movement”) don’t *really* believe in the Constitution; they just want to subvert the American majority.

*Sigh*. Okay Francis, you got us. Conservatives really don’t believe in the wisdom of the Constitution, that bit of “legal finery.” We are conspiring in secret to give every felon, child, and psychiatric inmate an AR-15 and turn cities into dystopian slaughterhouses. Darn it. We almost snuck that one by, but Wilkinson was too smart for us.

A note to the Guns-Everywhere-for-Everybody Cabal: we will not meet this Friday, because Wilkinson’s column has made us sad and angry. But next Friday, come with your best ideas to trick the Left into believing we support the constitutional right to self-, home, and community defense on its merits. We will meet in room 302, right next to the Evil Jewish Bankers Who Control Everything Society.

Saturday, January 11, 2020

The Year of the Tiger. The CFB National Championship Final: Clempston vs LSU

First Things First. A Note to visiting Tigers fans of both stripes: I have it on good word and can give you pretty solid assurances that the hotels and bars of New Orleans will not run out of Beer as do some other so-called host cities of CFB bowl contest. [/SARC]

Monday Night the Breck Girl and The Fightin' Dabos of Clempston roll into the Superdome to take on Bayou Jeaux and Coach O's LSU Fightin' Tigahs for the Championship of College Football.  Statistically, it will be the second highest scoring offense against the No. 1 scoring and passing defense in America. Statistically. The Fightin' Dabos haven't seen anything like LSU’s receivers.

The Breck Girl has never lost a game as a college QB. But there's a first time for everything they say. A victory by LSU would be their 6th win of their 15 against teams who are currently ranked in the top 9 of the Associated Press poll. A Clempston win would be their 3rd Championship title in 4 years, and win #30 in a row.

I had planed to sit down with a glass or two of my favorite spirits and write an epic detailed pre-game post complete with analysis and numerous reasons I believe my Fighting Tigers are to be victorious, not just to inform and entertain the DMF reader, but to bolster my own confidence of this truth.  But after some meditation on this years season I found it really no longer necessary.

You see, I remember LSU's 2007 Championship season very well, and in my mental wandering in time noticed some remarkable similarities to 2019.  I can assure the readers I have never believed in coincident. And I'm not one to believe in magic. But after this season, I do believe things can be magical.  With that said, I present this info for your consideration:

Mike the Tiger VI came to campus in the fall of 2007 as a majestic two year old and proudly presided over that LSU National Championship season.  His beautiful successor, Mike VII, became two years old this season.

In 2007, Les Miles was in his third season as Head Coach of LSU.
This season is Ed Orgeron's third full year as Tiger HC

In 2007, LSU beat Alabama in Tuscaloosa.
2019 was the first time since 2011 LSU beat Alabama..... and did it  in Tuscaloosa.

LSU won the 2007 Championship in the New Orleans Superdome, again the site of this years crowning of the CFB Champion.  

In 2007, LSU defeated the Ohio St. BuckNutts, a participant in the previous years Championship contest.  Clemptson will take the field Monday as the Defending National Champion.

I once commented to my SEC Sister Curmudgeon (maker of most excellent Game Day graphics) sometime before before this years SEC Championship game, that I was starting to believe the stars may be aligning and the gods of football were gazing favorable upon the Purple and Gold. She agreed. Then this weekend I learned of one more fact that wiped away any doubt in my mind.........  

The very day Billy Cannon,  LSU's only Heisman Trophy Winner died, the 2019 Heisman Winner signed his transfer to play at LSU.  In 1958, Cannon led LSU to a Sugar Bowl win in New Orleans to secure their first National Championship of the modern defeating Clemson University. 

For coach O's Tigers, it's more than just about a ring. More than just about a trophy. It's, indeed, about hours and hours of sweat and pain in the early morning hours of the sultry sun rises of a hot Louisiana summer when most everyone else was still asleep, when no media or TV cameras are on them.  It's about pen-point focus. On a shared goal long set, now just sixty minutes away.

One Team. One Heartbeat. 

Yes, I do indeed believe things can be magical........

Middle Finger Symphony Theater


Brought to you By BLUESJUNKY: Chair of Music - Middle Finger Symphony Music Director

Friday, January 10, 2020

Please, Someone Make It Stop. Lizzy Is Dancin' Again.

Senator Lizzy's once promising presidential campaign has kinda hit the skids now that she says she wants us to eat the rich and she's running out of free things to promise, not to mention Jules Winnfield is pointing a gun at her yellin "say I got a plan for that one more time bitch!" Progtards are starting to seeing she’s faker than a 3-dollar bill.

No one would ever accuse Lizzy of having a sense of self awareness and lately, when taking the stage and just before she starts yelling some goofy policy ideas while shaking like a speed freak, she thinks she can get her some traction by dancing. But unfortunately she can’t dance. And she won't stop!  I mean really, it’s one of the most plastic and embarrassing things I've ever seen. And we know it won't stop soon because she really loves it when the selfie line starts, because they play Dolly Parton's "9 to 5," and she just has a hard time not dancing to that.

Lizzy is trying really hard to be young and hip, only to come off as one of those promotional attention getters that are a colorful nylon tube thing, kept in motion with blown hot air, with the arms, eyes, and face that you see on used car lots, and other grand openings?  That dancing ain’t helping. Make it stop before she hurts herself, or endangers the general public.
Someone get a net! 
~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Let's Hope This Becomes a Trend on the Left......

Fishnet Friday

Thursday, January 9, 2020

Assistant New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould Issues Corrections

Corrections: Jan 8, 2020
(NYT) The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday's Wedding Section.

We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Manhattan. They were married at St. Brigid’s. Additionally, we inaccurately wrote that the groom “attended Cornell University and double-majored in English and Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends.”

Mr. Penview, in fact, only majored in English. He did not major in “Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends,” as that is not currently an existing track of study at Cornell or any other accredited university.

In addition, we erroneously wrote yesterday that Mr. Penview was the “son of Dr. Ryan Penview, a third-generation ophthalmologist, and Mrs. Claire Penview, a Zuckerberg-ass beaver-bitch.” Mrs. Penview practiced law in New York State until 2004, and is considered by many to be a friendly and beautiful member of her community, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Mark Zuckerberg or his rear end. “Beaver-bitch” is not a profession.

We also incorrectly noted yesterday that the couple met “while the bride was dating the totally devoted and now very successful New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould.

Dan guesses he just wasn’t good enough for you Katie, because you had to go hump that piece of shit Adam Penview that you met at the English major mixer while Dan left Ithaca for the weekend to go to his Nana’s 90th birthday in Needham, Mass. Dan even brought you back a hat from the birthday party that said ‘Ethel’s Doin’ It For One Night Only.’ FYI, Adam, it counts as incest if you sleep with another English major’s girlfriend, since English majors are BASICALLY BROTHERS. Nana will live forever!!!”

Though factually correct, the New York Times apologizes for the way in which Mr. Penview and Ms. Jasper’s first meeting and relationship history were portrayed. Additionally, the hat actually read “Ethel’s Not 90…She’s 89.95 Plus Tax.” She has since passed.

Yesterday, we printed that “God Katie sorry I’m writing all this I’ve taken a lot of Robitussin you are so beautiful. You look like a young Nancy Kerrigan. Oh God I love you.” In fact, Mr. Gould had only taken a moderate amount of Robitussin.

Yesterday, we wrote “Katie, I’m so sorry, oh God, please come back, I think you can get weddings annulled really easily, it’s like a five-second rule type thing. Also Adam, I’m really sorry, I actually think you’re a pretty good guy, I once had a dream that you saved me from Gwyneth Paltrow's steaming vagina.  Granted, I had taken a lot of Robitussin that night, but when I woke up I did feel sincerely indebted to you.” I don’t know where to start. The New York Times is just so sorry for this entire paragraph.  

Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times, what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!

We wrote in the paragraph above that says “Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!”  In actuality, Dan Gould just broke back into the Corrections Department and stole the computer that I’m writing this on. He has been promptly escorted from the building and arrested. In addition, The New York Times is an extremely current print newspaper that offers breaking unbiased news and fun crossword puzzles. Fuck Dan Gould.

We retract “Fuck Dan Gould.”

We apologize for these mistakes.

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

TIME Offers Help With Your 'Woke' Kindergartener

I remember reading in the early hours after the 2016 election how so many journalist and Hollywood types were lamenting on how difficult it was going to be to explain to their young children that DJT was now president. I couldn't help be giggle as I envisioned them seated in front of their 4 year old staring back at them over their unwanted bowl of soggy coco puffs in puzzlement as they eat a booger. 

PJM - For reasons I will never fathom, 21st-century American leftists continue to insist that the country is crawling with woke eight-year-olds who are forever curious about national political topics of the day. They do this despite all available observable evidence proving them wrong. It is, put simply, a world that does not exist. Anybody polluting their young kids’ realities with politics is probably only being met with blank stares and irritation because the kid has to get back to playing Minecraft or Fortnite.

As print journalism and the magazine industry continue their slow but inevitable march to extinction, it often feels as if the once-venerable Time is trying to commit suicide to hasten the process. Long ago, Time was a great publication, holding a status in the national conversation that was eclipsed by few of its rivals. Today, Time is mostly known for beclowning itself with its annual "Person of the Year" issue, which most recently awarded the "honor" to the climate-change snake oil-peddling weirdo Greta Thunberg. The rest of the year, the magazine is little more than a Democratic talking points pamphlet.

On Monday, Time published an article titled "How to Talk to Your Kids About the Situation With Iran." The title is annoying enough, but the magazine's social media people couldn't resist really stepping in it:
If you need help talking with the children in your life about the aftermath of Iranian Gen. Qasem Soleimani's killing, @timeforkids has a guide to explaining the topic 
We realize this is a difficult topic to explain to kids. TIME for Kids is here to help. The guide below offers talking points for how to answer questions about this tough topic. It’s not intended to be used as a script. It’s meant to arm you with the information you need if you choose to bring up the topic or if kids ask questions about it. Trust your instincts. You know your kids best. Use that knowledge to gauge the depth and breadth of your discussion. 
Sometimes, it’s best to let a child take the lead and only answer the questions that are asked. Often, brief and simple answers can satisfy a child’s curiosity.
The notion that anyone at work in the coastal media bubbles is in a position to dispense parenting advice is patently absurd, as evidenced by just these two paragraphs.  Conservative Twitter wasted no time in pouncing on this lunacy. The responses to the tweet alone are a lot of fun to read. Here's a sample.......
"Remember that time you put a hot dog in the microwave without poking holes in it with a fork?"  
My 4 year old Grandson just asked me "Papa, what is Time magazine and why do they think I need comforting over the death of a terrorist leader?" I just smiled and everybody in the place clapped. 
I’m having trouble explaining to them how @time is an American magazine.  
Actually I'm going to need help talking with my children about the collapse of American journalism & @TIME is a prime example. 
The coastal media types are so cocooned in groupthink that there is virtually no one at any of these outlets to look at something like this article and tweet and realize the potential for backlash.

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~