Monday, January 31, 2022
Sunday, January 30, 2022
Friday, January 28, 2022
Thursday, January 27, 2022
"Like I keep telling y’all, you have to invest in physical media if you want to be able to hold onto the things that are important to you. You cannot trust streaming services. “Buying“ a movie or an album through Apple or anybody else is a sucker’s game".
Wednesday, January 26, 2022
MFNS - After a three year long hiatus because of covid, CNN has decided to bring back their yearly Prom, Talent Show and Primal Scream Competition for it's employees. The event is intended to be a bit of sunshine in a sea of bad ratings for beleaguered network personalities doing heated battle rating races with local cable access gardening shows and reruns of 60 year old Perry Mason episodes.
Former CNN anchor and makeup addict Brook Baldwin, a five time Prom Queen (2011-16) revealed in her recent book "WTF Am I Working Here for?? - Memories of My Days at CNN", that the CNN Prom Queen Reign was an opportunity to show all the other ambitious CNN employees just who "The Bitch Who Shall Not Be Fucked With" is for the following year. But she also said the crown sometime results in bad feelings, sharp words and hair pulling screaming matches in the women restroom.
CNN has opened up the voting for the Prom Queen, and since they've lost 75% of their audience, they invite the general public to help choose. So here's your opportunity to help crown the newest Queen of CNN from this bevy of talented beauties.
Leave your choices in the comments and we'll make sure your vote get counted.
No mail in ballots will be counted. Otherwise we use democrat rules. You are allowed to vote numerous times, but within a reasonable number.
It's like...history or something. Here are your CNN 2022 Prom Queen Nominees:
Tuesday, January 25, 2022
Your new Prime Minister, Boris Johnson (firstname.lastname@example.org), will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as 'like' and 'you know' and 'nigga' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday, enough of your foolish inebriation.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a concealed vegetable peeler.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get over it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with ketchup up but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American beer will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball and learn cricket.
13. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776)
14. Daily tea time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups and saucers, never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
Elizabeth II, Queen of All England and Boss of You
Sunday, January 23, 2022
New York (CNN Business) If the thought of using a slice of bologna as a moisturizing face mask was tempting, you're out of luck — for now. Oscar Mayer's bologna-inspired face mask sold out less than a day after its release on Amazon. Kraft Heinz blamed the shortage on "unexpected incredibly high demand" and said in a statement that the product would be restocked "over the coming days."
It's the number one new release in Amazon's beauty and personal care section.
The new product isn't actually a slimy piece of meat. Kraft Heinz (KHC) partnered with Seoul Mamas, a Korean skin care company, to create a "hydrating and restoring hydrogel" mask that promotes skin elasticity, improves hydration and moisture retention. (Oddly, those are not among the typical side benefits associated with ingesting the sodium-filled deli meat.)
The $5 skin care product was created as a "playful spin on the often serious 'New Year, New You' trope with its meaty take on the self-care space. It's also an homage to those oddball kids in school who would bite out eyes and a mouth on a bologna slice and put it on their face.
Friday, January 21, 2022
Thursday, January 20, 2022
Clean Up on Aisle 46
They [Obama-Biden] sent the wrong signals in 2014. They're sending the wrong signals now....."
Wednesday, January 19, 2022
Monday, January 17, 2022
“I would want to know that my president and first lady cared about me. I think that’s an important part of what I do. I mean, just helping people through the tough times.”
Sunday, January 16, 2022
In many homes across the country the classic movie "A Christmas Story" is a holiday staple. In this perfect little movie, Ralphie has several loss-of-youthful-innocence moments. One of the most poignant is his effort to decode a message to save radio heroine Little Orphan Annie. Ralphie eagerly awaited his special decoder rings arrival in the mail. This is important stuff! He finally receives the decoder package and rushes off to sit in privacy and decode. The narrator recounts the tension building as he deciphers. That’s until the whole message is clear. A stunned Ralphie realizes he’s been duped. It’s another bittersweet moment where he is yanked into the sphere of mature knowledge.
Friday, January 14, 2022
Thursday, January 13, 2022
"I graduated from Syracuse, in two years with three degrees under my belt, and got married. I wanted to join the Army and fly PT Boats in ‘Nam, but every time I tried to join, I was got a deferment. The recruiters all said the same thing. “Man, you saved all those black kids at the pool. You deserve a medal and five deferments. ‘Cause Joe, you’re gonna be president some day.......”
READ THE Abridge Version Here
Wednesday, January 12, 2022
Tuesday, January 11, 2022
And Now Ladies and Gentlemen, We turn Our Attention to Seizing States' Control of Elections & Nullifying Your Vote
- H.R. 1 has 218 cosponsors. It forces states to implement mandatory voter registration. If someone is on a government list -- such as receiving welfare benefits or rental subsidies -- then they would be automatically registered to vote. Few states have enacted these systems because Americans still view civic participation as a voluntary choice.
- H.R. 1 also mandates that states allow all felons to vote. Currently, states have the power under the Constitution to set the terms of eligibility in each state.
- H.R. 1 would force states to have extended periods of early voting, and mandates that early voting sites be near bus or subway routes.
- H.R. 1 also undermines the First Amendment by exerting government control over political speech and undoing the Supreme Court’s Citizen’s United decision.
- H.R. 1 mandates same-day voter registration and would obliterate state registration procedures. Same-day registration is the practice that enabled sufficient voter fraud in Minnesota to give Al Franken a seat in the Senate.
- H.R. 1 limits the ability of states to cooperate to see who is registered in multiple states at the same time. Democrat Congressional nominee Wendy Rosen was able to vote for President Obama twice in the same election in Maryland and Florida -- a federal felony -- because Maryland does not participate in interstate cross checks of rolls.
- H.R. 1 would nullify state laws that permit election observers to work as partners with election officials to file a formal challenge to a suspicious voter registration. Election watchdogs have been essential players in ensuring that the dead and ineligible do not cast ballots.
Monday, January 10, 2022
Sunday, January 9, 2022
Saturday, January 8, 2022
Friday, January 7, 2022
Thursday, January 6, 2022
|WE ARE CNNLOL|
The word “insurrection” has not been uttered once during coverage of 1/6 on Fox this morning, other than Biden using it during his speech which the network aired, per search of show transcripts.— Oliver Darcy (@oliverdarcy) January 6, 2022
So Fox has uttered "Insurrection" the same number of times as the DOJ has issued indictments for that crime.— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) January 6, 2022
Referring to 1/6 as an "Insurrection" when the Democrat-led DOJ has failed to charge *even a single person with that crime* is not a source of pride for a media outlet. https://t.co/GI3G84lmHW
DM me a mailing address and I’ll be happy to send over a dictionary. pic.twitter.com/kr4UQYRKQL— Oliver Darcy (@oliverdarcy) January 6, 2022
There's only one person with the power to charge Americans with the crime of "Insurrection" relating to 1/6. It's not a Fox anchor. His name is Merrick Garland.— Glenn Greenwald (@ggreenwald) January 6, 2022
But since he's a Democrat, CNN personalities like @oliverdarcy can't criticize him so they attack Fox for it instead.
Our legal system doesn’t operate on Google dictionary. Good grief— Erielle Davidson (@politicalelle) January 6, 2022
Wednesday, January 5, 2022
"A new report is detailing what it says are the biggest risks facing the globe in 2022 and the findings may surprise you. Number three, midterm elections here in the U.S., a top risk for 2022. How come?"
He went on to specifically identify the Republican Party as the source of the supposed global threat: "...the United States has an election process that is increasingly broken, increasingly delegitimized. And the midterm elections, especially if you have significant win for a Trump-led Republican Party, means that 2024 is going to be seen as illegitimate and potentially a constitutional crisis......."