Saturday, December 31, 2011

Happy New Years to all the Readers of Diogenes Middle Finger

Hopefully, next year this time we will be also celebrating the coming inauguration of a new President.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Faulty Suicide Bomber Belts Recalled

Middle Finger News - With increasing instances of "work place accidents" al Qaeda terrorist leaders have announced the recall of 5,000 suicide bomb belts to correct a problem they say could either cause the bombs to detonate unexpectedly or fail to detonate at the proper time.  The recall covers all 120 series and 120b series bombs with a manufacture date between August and December of this year.

"The safety of our  suicide bombers are of a very high priority and pivotal to the success of the al Qaeda organization" a spokesman for the terrorist group,  Gezzer al-Ybama  told Middle Finger News. "We want to be assuring our al Qaeda personnel worldwide that encountering such a problem is of a rare occurrence  For those who lost their lives improperly due to the faulty bombs, we offer of our heartfelt apologies to your families who now must live with the shame," said al-Ybama. "As reparations to our fallen comrades, al Qaeda will be offering each terrorist martyr ten extra virgins and a camel upon their arrival in heaven."

It's too early to say whether this will hurt recruitment numbers going forward, even though there was a strong class to come out of al Qaeda summer camp  last year, but  al Qaeda  will have to undertake more community outreach programs if they want to avoid the inevitable public backlash. As it is, The "Big Brothers, Big Martyrs" and "Terrorism is FUNdamental" programs have shared some limited success in recent years, helping at-risk terrorist youths on the path to Jihad.

I Blame it on an Inferior Set of Golf Clubs

 Via Doug Ross

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

I wouldn't be pissing off Paula Deen - y'all

Perhaps The New York Times should consider
first restoring its own dignity before launching a crusade against shrimp and grits.

NYT: Southern Food is Undignified

Todd Starnes - The New York Times has declared down home Southern cooking undignified in a story that heaped praise on a new generation of Southern chefs while denigrating fried chicken, Cracker Barrel restaurants and the Queen of Southern Food — Paula Deen.

The Times bemoaned the “hayseed image” of Southern cooking while praising “a new generation of chefs who have pushed Southern cooking into the vanguard of world cuisine.” Their headline proclaimed – “Vanquishing the Colonel – Farmers work with chefs to restore Southern cuisine’s dignity.” “Today, purists believe, Southern cooking is too often represented by its worst elements: feedlot hams, cheap fried chicken and chains like Cracker Barrel,” the Times whined.  

It seems to me that the “so-called” queen of Southern cooking should fly up to New York City and take a cast iron skillet to the backside of the “so-called” newspaper that printed such nonsense. But Miss Paula is a genteel Southern lady and would probably just shake her head and say, “Oh Lord, y’all.”

So as a proud son of the South, I believe it is my duty to defend the honor of our skillet friend chicken, our ham hocks and our sweet potato pies. Nobody speaks ill of butter and gets away with it.

For the record, I happen to have a Cracker Barrel rocking chair in my office at the Fox News Corner of the World – along with several copies of Paula Deen’s cookbooks. That being said – I’m really not quite sure why The New York Times felt compelled to launch a broadside against the traditional cuisine of the Southern states. I’ll take a Cracker Barrel Meat Loaf sandwich and a slice of their Double Chocolate Fudge Coca Cola Cake any day of the week — over the slop they serve at those five-star New York City restaurants.

Does The Old Gray Lady really want to pick a food fight with Alabama or Mississippi? There’s a reason why the Magnolia State is the plumpest in the nation — it’s called banana pudding. In New York City, they eat boiled animal tongues. In the South we use our tongues for licking our fingers.

Southerners eat buttermilk biscuits and sip frosty glasses of sweet tea. New Yorkers nosh bagels and drink seltzer water.New Yorkers eat fermented soy and tuna tartar – while folks in Tennessee eat fried catfish – with tarter sauce.

As an expatriated Southerner living in Brooklyn, I’ve come to realize that this quest to redefine Southern cuisine has taken root in the Big Apple. Chefs who couldn't succeed in Dixie have moved north to ply their trade. It’s a movement called, “New Southern Cuisine.” To be fair, I decided to visit one of those so-called “New Southern Cuisine” restaurants the other day. To their credit, they served sweet tea. But that's about the only southern thing in the building. The first item on the menu was “Black-eyed Pea Hummus.”I threw up a little inside my mouth. The waiter brought my iced tea and suggested I try something they called “Arugula Smear.”I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to eat it or wipe it.I paid for my sweet tea, went home and whipped up a batch of Miss Paula’s macaroni and cheese. And as I sat down at my table, I prayed this prayer: “Dear Jesus, thank you for butter. Amen.”

So let this column be a warning to my fellow Southerners. Take up your cast iron skillets and prepare to defend our kitchens from the Yankee invaders. And let our rally cry be heard from the beaches of Biloxi to the mountains of Gatlinburg – the only good chicken is a fried chicken.
So praise the Lord and pass the biscuits.

Todd Starnes FOX News & Commentary


Monday, December 26, 2011

Best of Uncle Joe Biden 2011

Joe Biden has given us some of the most memorial moments in the Obama Administration over the last three years. We have all come see him like a National Treasure, something that should be locked away for safe keeping and let out on special occasions. Here is a sample of the collection of our reports on Uncle Joe from the last year for your 2011 rear review mirror.

* Biden Leads Vacation Intervention Group
* Meanwhile, back on the Campaign Trail......
* Biden Unleashed on America
* Picture of the Week.
* Anybody Seen Joe Biden?
* On the Road with Joe Biden
* Bo and Joe Set to Hit the Silver Screen
* Joseph R. Biden Railroad Station Christened
* Now Leaving Gate 37.....The Crazy Train.
* Joe Biden Performs at 2011 Grammy  Awards
* Joe Biden on the Unrest in the Mideast.
* Obamas have Chinese for Dinner

Sunday, December 25, 2011

A View of 2011 from the Cheap Seats

2012 is going to be a year dominated by politics. It will begin with the Iowa caucuses only a few days away and end either with a Republican president-elect preparing to enter the White House or President Obama gearing up for a second term (if the latter is the case, we can still hold out hope that the Mayan calendar doomsday scenario will come through). Thankfully, the holidays offer a brief respite from the endless campaigning (though let's be honest – we all suspect Mitt Romney is sidling up to somebody in a Macy’s and whispering “you know, that washing machine would be a lot more affordable under my tax plan.”). Before we lose ourselves in the maelstrom of election season, however, we should pause to consider what we've learned in 2011. A few of this years lessons:

*Donald Trump’s deep concern for America’s future is directly correlated to the broadcast schedule of “Celebrity Apprentice.”

*It turns out that Europe’s common currency is a Visa card.

*The Occupy Movement proved that shiftless people intent on living off the taxpayer and blighting American cities have career options beyond serving in Congress.

*We now have definitive proof that President Obama was born in the United States, having entered the world in a Hawaii hospital in 1961. It’s believed to be the last time the president received a warm welcome from the health care industry.

*In further proof that the world has gone upside down, Washington D.C., had an earthquake while California had a politician having a fling with the maid.

*The pundits who backed Barack Obama in 2008 because of his ability to inspire the rest of the world were validated by events in the Arab world. There, just as in the U.S., young people gathered in the streets, swept out the regime in power, and found out that this whole governing thing is a lot harder than it looks.

*The deaths of Osama Bin Laden, Muammar Gaddafi and Kim Jong-Il are going to make this year’s MVP race in hell the closest ever.

*President Obama touted Solyndra as a model of economic growth. While critics have mocked him for touting the virtues of a bankrupt company that laid off over 1,000 employees, you have to give the guy points for honesty – it certainly seems like the model of economic growth that he’s following.

*It’s now even money as to whether the most precarious position in American life is being a Republican presidential frontrunner or being Kim Kardashian’s husband.

*The only time the Obama Administration isn’t in favor of stronger gun control measures is when the firearms in question are being sold to Mexican drug cartels.

*Joe Biden thinks China’s one-child policy is understandable. After hearing Joe Biden speak, China thinks a no-child policy is understandable.

*The existence of the congressional supercommittee proved that the only thing worse than 535 members of Congress is 12 members of Congress.

*It’s more disqualifying to the American electorate for Rick Perry to say “oops” for three seconds than for Barack Obama to live “oops” for three years.


Friday, December 23, 2011

If Todays Media had Been There.......


Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Biden Leads Vacation Intervention Group

Pleads with President Obama not to Leave
Him in Charge of Washington

The aftermath of Biden's tenure last year  
as Overseer of the Nation's Seat of power....


Holiday music from Hell: Billy Idol sings ‘White Christmas’

Doc Marten meets Dean Martin in Billy Idol’s plodding version of ‘White Christmas,” which has all the appeal of a Christmas stocking full of steaming reindeer crap. The musicians backing him sound like a German wedding band after an afternoon of knocking back steins of Hefeweizen at the local beer garden. It don’t mean a thing if ain't got that swing and these cats couldn't swing if they were hanging from a lamp post in a hurricane.

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Test Raise e-reader Health Concerns

Middle Finger New Service - The battle for consumers of the popular 7 inch e-reader/tablet market heated up again today when book giant Barnes and Noble announced  the results of independent bench tests of their major competitor, the Amazon 'Kindle Fire'. A spokesperson for B&N told us the Kindle fire, a poorly designed knock-off of their own e-reader the 'Nook', has not only been panned by the tech media as being slow and buggy, but their own extensive user test results show the Kindle Fire also causes Butt Cancer.

Amazon, who introduced the Kindle Fire earlier the month called the rumor poppycock, but said they too had been conducting test on B&N's top of the line 'Nook' and were to announce tomorrow  they found with continuing use, the Nook indeed caused "impotence in men" and "mutations in children". A B&N spokesperson said "Bullshit!"

This follows stories in tech circles of late about many complaints by Apple iPad users of incidences of falling arches, incontinence and bad breath.

Professor of English Literature, Emo T. Rinker PHD of Dalesdale University told Middle Finger News "this whole electronic book trend is disturbing and the work of the devil's own hand. The worst that could happen with a traditional printed book is a paper cut or a flat ass from sitting to long."

Friday, December 16, 2011

Congress Overturns Incandescent Light Bulb Ban

Congressional negotiators struck a deal Thursday that overturns the new rules that were to have banned sales of traditional incandescent light bulbs beginning next year.

That agreement is tucked inside the massive 1,200-page spending bill that funds the government through the rest of this fiscal year, and which both houses of Congress will vote on Friday. Mr. Obama is expected to sign the bill, which heads off a looming government shutdown.

Congressional Republicans dropped almost all of the policy restrictions they tried to attach to the bill, but won inclusion of the light bulb provision, which prevents the Obama administration from carrying through a 2007 law that would have set energy efficiency standards that effectively made the traditional light bulb obsolete.
Read More

Christopher Hitchens, 1949–2011

While many of our political stripe disagreed with him, he did make us think. May the God he did not believe in have mercy on his soul. 

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Republican Triumphs and Democrat Lies

Read carefully the graphic below:

To compare the actual definitions of "Liberal" versus "Conservative" in the present day context and how they are used in the media and political discourse in 2011, you will find that they are grossly misused. 

Most of what Mr. O'Donnell, who calls himself an "Anti-Republican Crusader", mentions as Liberal accomplishments are indeed true. What he fails to state is that the parties, Republican and Democrat, are not the same parties of the past. He hides the fact the accomplishments above were mostly opposed by his party, the Democrats. His hate for anything Republican is blinding and he is mis-informing the people he speaks to on the News Network (I use that term lightly) MSNBC nightly.

Anyone can see that the Republican Party of Lincoln is not the party of Ronald Reagan, no more than the modern Democrat Party is the party of Jefferson Davis. Branding modern Republican conservatism as mean spirited and uncaring is pure hyperbole. The Modern Conservative movement, raised to it pentacle by Ronald Reagan exist today to conserve the Republic and protect the individual freedoms. A Republican Conservative of 2011 is not the same as the conservative of the Democrat party of past. Mr.
O'Donnell has twisted the truth and denies his party's shameful history. For most of this countries history, a different brand of conservatism manifested itself in a vehemently racist Democrat party, and remained there till the late 1960‘s.

 Let's look at some facts, shall we:

"History shows from the formation of the Democratic Party in 1792 to the Civil Rights movement of 1960's, Congressional records show the Democrat Party passed no specific laws to help Blacks. History also reveals that the Republican Party was formed in 1854 to abolish slavery and challenge other racist legislative acts initiated by the Democratic Party."
"During the Senate debates on the Ku Klux Klan Act of 1871, it was revealed that members of the Democratic Party formed many terrorist organizations like the Ku Klux Klan to murder and intimidate African Americans voters. The Ku Klux Klan Act was a bill introduced by a Republican Congress to stop Klan Activities."
"Congressional records show it was Democrats that strongly opposed the passage of the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments. These three Amendments were introduced by Republicans to abolish slavery, give citizenship to all African Americans born in the United States and, give Blacks the right to vote." 
"Congressional records also show that most Democrats were opposed to passing the following laws that were introduced by Republicans to achieve civil rights for African Americans:
Civil Rights Act 1866
Reconstruction Act of 1867
Freedman Bureau Extension Act of 1866
Enforcement Act of 1870
Force Act of 1871
Ku Klux Klan Act of 1871
Civil Rights Act of 1875
Civil Rights Act of 1957
Civil Rights Act of 1960
And during the 60's many Democrats fought hard to defeat the: 
1964 Civil Rights Act
1965 Voting Rights Acts
1972 Equal Employment Opportunity Act
"Dr. Martin Luther King, several Civil Rights leaders and many historians reported that during the first two years of his administration, President John F. Kennedy ignored Dr. King's request for Civil Rights legislation. 
The Civil Rights Act of 1964, which supposedly established the Democrats bona fides on race, was passed in spite of the Democrats rather than because of them. Republican Senate Minority Leader Everett Dirksen pushed the bill through the Senate, despite the no-votes of 21 Democrats, including Al Gore Sr. and Robert Byrd. In contrast, only four Republicans opposed the bill, mostly like Barry Goldwater on libertarian principles, not segregationist ones."
"Congressional records show after signing the 1972 Equal Employment Opportunity Act and issuing Executive Order 11478, Richard Nixon, a Republican, then started what we know as Affirmative Action. After exclusively giving the Democrats their votes for the past 50 years, the average African American cannot point to one piece of civil rights legislation sponsored solely by the Democratic Party. Congressional records show that all previous legislation (since 1964) had strong bi-partisan support, even though some Democrats debated and voted against these laws."

As for the Social Security act of 1935, there were only 39 total no votes, 16 of which were Democrats. 

The Clean Air Act and Clean Water Act was a result of founding The U.S. Environmental Protection Agency, proposed by President Richard Nixon and began operation on December 2, 1970. It had wide spread support from both parties.

The Medicare act of 1965 the vote was 327 yes -128 no, of which 55 democrats voted against.

The Nineteenth Amendment, giving the vote to women passed with overwhelming support from Republicans 56 to 25 in the Senate and 304 to 89 in the House.

The Modern Democrat party is not a true classic Liberal Party as the Republican Party once was. It is a socialist Party, born of 1960 radicals, taken over in the 70's by the far left thinking and has become a detriment to the Republic. Nor is the modern Conservative Republican Party like the backwards looking Democrat Party of the 19th and 20th century. The likes of Bull Conner, Robert Byrd, Al Gore Sr., Lester Maddox, Strom Thurman, Ernest Hollings, George Wallace, Hugo Black, etc. were all conservative Democrats. Mr. O'Donnell and members of the media painting the Republican Party with shameful ideas and actions of the their own party's past is ridiculous, and teaching an uninformed generation wrong history. The Modern Republican Conservative exist to preserve the American Experiment and values that make this country strong. Liberal thought and social justice of the 19th century has been seized and perverted by phony compassion bent on power and votes, and the Democrat socialist idea of big government dependency as a way of survival; but in reality is just perverting the American Dream. 

As long as there are leftest lies, there shall be Conservative truth seekers there to dispute them.


Thank You LARWYN for the Link


Monday, December 12, 2011

Romney Refuses Debate Challenge

Says No! to Linden Borden's Offer for Debate

Middle Finger News - After once again being shut out of the Republican Presidential debates Sunday, up and coming candidate Linden Borden challenged Mitt Romney to a series of one on one  Lincoln–Douglas style debates on Borden's own turf, the frozen shores of Lake Superior. 

At a press conference Sunday when asked about the matter, Romney immediately said no to Borden and told Middle Finger News "Who is this crazy boat builder from Minnesota anyway? I'll bet you $10,000 he doesn't know his ass from the Department of Energy!"

Fox News Liberal commentator, Bob Beckel told us ignoring Borden could be a mistake. "When I look at this piss poor field of Republican Candidates, Borden is ...burp...a standout to me. This guy is dangerous to the front runners. His strategy is to take them out one at a time and Mitt is his target for the moment." Beckel continued "Besides, with a good size ax I've seen this guy power through a California Redwood like it was butter....burp..."

When contacted today, The Romney camp refused any futher comment on the matter other than saying they have prior commitments that would stand in the way of debate dates.

In an unrelated story, police were called to the Romney home early this morning after they found ever single tree on the Romney Family Estate in Massachusetts had been cut down and hauled off during the night. 
Story Developing......   

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Got My Christmas Card From Charlie


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

And Now a Word from Alec Baldwin


Hell has Frozen Over: Democrat Calls for Voter Fraud Investigation

To Bad It's the Russian Election 

H.P. - Secretary of State Hillary Rodham Clinton criticized Russia for a parliamentary election she called rigged. Speaking to the election-monitoring Organization for Security and Cooperation in Europe, Clinton repeated criticism of Russia's weekend elections, in which Prime Minister Vladimir Putin's party won the largest share of parliament seats. Opposition politicians and election monitors say the result was inflated because of ballot-box stuffing and other vote fraud.
"Russian voters deserve a full investigation of electoral fraud and manipulation. It is inconceivable that in Europe today, in December of 2011, the Lukashenko government is behaving the way it is behaving," she told lawyers, educators, bloggers and others. "Regardless of where you live, citizenship requires holding your government accountable," she said. Efforts to bar election monitoring by a Russian organization have undermined public faith.
Is it not ironic an official of an administration with a leader who was elected to office with more uninvestigated and suspected voter fraud than any election in American history, is so concerned about a foreign elections? For someone who resides in a political party that, second only to a banana republic, have taken voter fraud and opponent smear techniques to heights never imagined even by LBJ or the JFK mob, her words ring hollow. It goes to show once again the hypocritical nature of the American Democrat party and toads that reside within. We're all proud of you Hillary for protecting the interest of Russian people while your concern for honest fellow Americans voters and their legal votes are being discounted by your corrupt party.  

If you have to steal votes, the people are not on your side or your ideas suck. In the case of the modern Democrat party, both are true! 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

How to Get Your Wanted Polling Results: Democrat Style

Middle Finger News ServiceWhether or not to raise the debt ceiling is one of the more furious debates going on in government these days. Much to the chagrin of Liberal Democrats, the nation at is mostly against raising the ceiling.   Currently a $14 trillion line of credit that is about to be surpassed, being a blank check written by Congress to the federal government for unchecked spending and "we know what's best for you social engineering".

The Middle Finger Polling Firm conducted telephone surveys with 1,500 registered voters from across the country asking" Are you in favor of Congress raising the U.S. debt ceiling?" There is a margin of error of +/- 6%.

The Middle Finger pollsters could only find wide spread support for raising the debt ceiling by using the Democrat polling methods and phrasing the question thusly:

 Analysis: Our poll shows 82% of voters polled agree that the debt ceiling should be raised. So, we find when polling on important issues of the day you find you cannot get people to agree with your desired results, use the Democrat polling methods. You might find that common Americans may just disagree, except in cases where doing so would lead to unwanted sex acts with a creature of the night.


Saturday, December 3, 2011

New Democrat Logo Unveiled

Sucking the Life Blood of Americans
To Build Their Better America for 70 years

Friday, December 2, 2011

Muslim Brotherhood Takes Elections

Islamist parties are expected to control Cairo's parliament by the spring with the Muslim Brotherhood projected to be in the driver's seat.

Israel National - Judges overseeing the vote count in Egypt's parliamentary elections say Islamist parties have won a majority of the contested seats in the first round. They say the Muslim Brotherhood could take 45 percent of the seats up for grabs. The liberal Egyptian bloc coalition and the ultra-fundamentalist Nour party are competing for second place.

Together, Islamist parties are expected to control a majority of parliamentary seats by March. This week's vote was the first of six stages of parliamentary elections that will last until then. Continued success by Islamists will allow them to give Cairo's government and constitution a decidedly Islamist character.

It could also lead Cairo to shift away from the West towards the Iranian axis. t will also diminish the influence of Cairo’s caretaker junta, which has sought to maintain the Mubarak-era status quo and keep US foreign aid dollars – running into the billions per annum – flowing. Analysts say Islamists may also seek to annul the 1979 Egypt-Israel Peace Treaty, which could prompt Israel to seize the Sinai Peninsula for the fourth time in its history to create a strategic buffer zone.

The Muslim Brotherhood, which birthed the virulently anti-Israel Hamas terror militia, might also seek to effectively annex Gaza. Should Hamas be triumphant in future PA elections, they would also gain a foothold in Judea and Samaria.


Tuesday, November 29, 2011

GOP Primary Candidate Linden Borden Tops New Hampshire Poll

 Middle Finger News Service - As predicated in our earlier primary endorsement, third tier candidate, Linden Borden, has started his march to the front of the GOP primary pack.

In a non-scientific poll of kinda likely Conservative voters in New Hampshire which asked "if you could pick anyone or anybody to replace Barack Obama and become the next President, who would you pick?" Borden finished well behind N.J.Governor Chris Christie, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee and Long Dead 2 term President, Ronald Reagan, none of who are running, but finished just ahead the undeclared Republican Star Sarah Palin in the poll.

Borden, listed as "A Shiny Metal Object " in the poll because of the exposed metal plate in his head, a result of an ax catching competition accident as a young man, finished ahead of all the first tier candidates now in the race. The only candidate to garner a major endorsement in New Hampshire so far, Newt Gingrich, objected to the methodology of gathering their polling results, claiming large, hatch wielding men with Borden for President T-shirts on were accompanying the pollsters. We have no reports to verify his claims.


O's Job Approval Drops Below Carter's
President Obama's slow ride down Gallup's daily presidential job approval index has finally passed below Jimmy Carter, earning Obama the worst job approval rating of any president at this stage of his term in modern political history.

Since March, Obama's job approval rating has hovered above Carter's, considered among the 20th century's worst presidents, but today Obama's punctured Carter's dismal job approval line. On their comparison chart, Gallup put Obama's job approval rating at 43 percent compared to Carter's 51 percent.

According to Gallup, here are the job approval numbers for other presidents at this stage of their terms, a year before the re-election campaign:

-- Harry S. Truman: 54 percent.

-- Dwight Eisenhower: 78 percent.

-- Lyndon B. Johnson: 44 percent.

-- Richard M. Nixon: 50 percent.

-- Ronald Reagan: 54 percent.

-- George H.W. Bush: 52 percent.

-- Bill Clinton: 51 percent.

 -- George W. Bush: 55 percent.

Many pundits believe that job approval ratings are the key number to look at when determining if a president will win re-election. Generally, they feel that a president should be higher than 47 percent to win re-election.


Israel Should Rethink Plans for Air Strikes on Iranian Nuke Facilities

Looks Like Iran is doing a good job 
of blowing themselves up.

Mysterious explosion rocks Iranian city of Isfahan:
JPOST.COM 11/28/2011 - A large explosion rocked the western Iranian city of Isfahan, semi-official FARS news reported Monday afternoon. According to the report, the blast occurred shortly after 2:00 p.m. FARS did not reveal the cause of the explosion, which was large enough to be heard throughout Iran's third largest city.

 The cause of explosion unknown. The explosion occurred two weeks after a massive explosion west of Tehran which killed 17 troops, including an IRGC officer responsible for the development of some of Iran's most advanced weapons.
Iran claimed it occurred when soldiers were moving explosives between bases. Isfahan is home to nuclear experimental reactor, uranium enrichment sites.

Military research caused missile base blast:
REUTERS 11/16/2011- A massive explosion that killed 17 troops including an officer regarded as the architect of Iran's missile defenses last week took place during research on weapons that could strike Israel, the armed forces chief of staff said on Wednesday.  Iranian news sites identified one of the dead as Brig.- Gen. Hassan Moghadam, a top IRGC officer responsible for the development of some of Iran’s most advanced weapons. The explosion took place inside a base called Bid Ganeh, west of Tehran, which is reportedly used to manufacture and store Iran’s long-range ballistic missiles.

The cause of the explosion was unknown. It was not the first time that mysterious explosions struck in Iran. In recent years, a number of scientists have been killed and dozens of IRGC officers have also been killed in various plane crashes.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Linden Borden for President

From the Board of Diogenes' Middle Finger

Linden Borden is a Harry Truman type character. Only five foot two inches in stature, but of strong Viking stock, the Presidential Candidate is a self-sufficient small businessman; a boat builder by trade from the wilds of Minnesota. His business savvy and understanding of the needs of small business is sorely missing from the present field of GOP candidates. Sure, there are Tax Lawyers, moneyed Ex-Governors, wealthy Ex-Congressmen and even a Space Cadet vying for the nomination, but we feel Mr. Borden is heads above the rest of the field.

His strong suit is his understanding of simple economics: You can't spend more than you take in. Borden knows how to wield a mean ax, and plans to lay waste to the bloated federal budget and stop the idiotic wasteful spending. The present field of candidates see billions as chump change, Linden Borden sees that as the problem. 

We share Borden's distaste for the front running top tier candidates and their childish infighting and pandering performances at the debates, while allowing an "off the wall Ron Paul and an overgrown Q-Tip like Newt Gingrich" on stage and denying Mr. Borden time to state his platform, is egregious in our eyes.

We feel Mr. Borden is scary enough to get congress in-line and threating enough to keep our enemies at bay. We know he will not have any empty sexual harassment allegations leveled at him as some candidates have because as far as we know, no women has gone near him in years. The almost unbelievable ground swell of support we witnessed on College Campuses as well as in Bingo Parlors and Burger Doodles all over New Hampshire last week make us believe the third tier candidate is poised to explode in a major breakout and run to the front, leading the pack into the early primary contests. All across the state, from the prestigious environmentally conscious, cutting edge 'Cannabis Technological Institute' to the 'New Hampshire School for the Blind and Infirm', and the historic 'New England Academy for Wayward Nymphomaniacs', we witnessed rallies and grassroots support we haven't seen since the Dukakis campaign.

We at Diogenes Middle Finger think it's Linden Borden's time to shine, and wholeheartedly endorse his campaign for President.

He has surrounded himself with some impressive advisers, the likes of the eccentric but knowledgeable Professor Ichabod Butouski of the Minnesota State Junior College Physics Department, Will Profit, Chief Editor and CEO of Capitalist Preservation and Texas State Chairman for CTFBA (Cut the F**king Budget Already Campaign), Snags Fitch, Grand Lizard of the St. Paul Masonic Elks Optimist Club and Sunshine Butts, contemporary poet and rummage expert. His intended Cabinet nominees we find also impressive. Announced as his potential Commerce Secretary is English born Marvin Ashcott Hayes, the somewhat eccentric Minnesota Tampon Magnate, and for Transportation Secretary, Link Pisner, former biker and expert on the nation's roads and highway system.  

On Foreign Policy, we here at Diogenes Middle Finger do not agree with Candidate Borden's insistence on nuking Guatemala in retaliation for his 1981 conviction (later overturned) for importing Toupees made from hair of endangered species, but feel his views will be tempered by his choice for Secretary of State, Klash Bazbo, who should be over the ugly head wound suffered in a Viking Raid reenactment on a Wisconsin girl's school, and out of physical therapy in time to be confirmed in 2013. The only possible problem we see with presently announced Cabinet choices in Congressional Conformation Hearings could be the pick for Attorney General, Vincent “The Knee" Pelotso. Mr. Pelotso is a businessman and expert on Law and the Federal Correction System, having been through it many times. 

 The Editorial Board of Diogenes Middle Finger believe it's time to cut the crap and get the country back on track. We also believe this is the first and most important endorsement of The Linden Borden for President Campaign, with many to follow in our steps.