Democrat House and Senate Members Call for Investigation of Popular Philanthropist and North Pole Businessman

Middle Finger News Service

It is reported today that leading Democrat House and Senate members are calling for an congressional investigation of North Pole Businessman and Philanthropist,  S. Claus, on allegations of a possibly conspiracy with American Retailers such as Wal-mart, Target, Macys and many others involving profiteering.

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal) accused Mr. Claus of conspiring for years by way of a made up holiday to enrich himself as well as already wealthy retail and related industry CEO's.  

"This conspiracy involves duping small businesses and households to spend their already stretched resources, money that could be otherwise used to support a government the people want and demand." Pelosi announced. "This is Big Business Trickery and Greed at it's worst and we plan to pressure congress to look into it throughly."

Even more egregious accusation were leveled at Mr. Claus by Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano . "For years NORAD has monitored Mr. Claus Violating United States air space without notification, permission or any attempt at communicating his intent. He is widely known to covertly penetrate restricted areas such as Air Bases, Military installations and even the White House at times in the dead of night."  Napolitano  added "we cannot have people just breezing across our sovereign borders without permission. He's damn lucky some fly boy hasn't shot his ass out of the air!"  

Although not a resident of the U.S., an Equal Opportunity Commission Spokesman addressed discrimination concerns about hiring practices at Mr. Claus foreign headquarters by stating Mr. Claus seems to hire exclusively low wage, non-union small people to slave away day in and day out at his manufacturing operations. "We find this disturbing, a trend common in the third world."

Representative Sheila Jackson Lee (D-Tex) also expressed concerns "about this White Christmas thang" and over Mr. Claus conceived racist tendencies by the constant use of the phase "Ho-Ho-Ho". Congress person Lee asked "Where does this fat ol' white man get off goin round callin people Ho's anyway?"  

Developing......

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Sidestepping a Constitution Isn't Just an Obama Thing......

As Hugo Chavez, Venezuela's Dictator/Man of the People, lay recovering from cancer surgery somewhere in Fidel Castro's socialist paradise, opposition leaders tout through constitutional measures of ousting Sean Penn's favorite pal....

 

from Babalu'

Constitution? We don’t need no stinkin’ Constitution!

"It's beginning to look a lot like a Christmas power grab. Get ready for a Chavista coup in Venezuela if Chavez does not recover by January 10.

Diosdado Cabello, president of the National Assembly said on Saturday that opponents of Hugo Chavez "should harbor no hope whatsoever" that Chavez's inability to be sworn in as president of the country on January 10 will cancel the results of the past election or trigger a new one within thirty days, as required by the Venezuelan constitution.

He also said that if Chavez fails to show up on January 10 there would be no interim solution, and that neither he himself nor Nicolas Maduro (Chavez's hand-picked successor) would assume the presidency. In other words: Cabello said that Chavez would continue being president, no matter what. Neither Illness nor the Venezuelan constitution will make any difference.

"You are wrong," he said to anyone who would expect the constitution to be followed in case of Chavez's absence. "This is not the way in which you will come into power." Poking fun at the opposition, he charged that they were all foolishly "worked up" ("alborotados") about January 10, and were "absolutely deluded" ("absolutamente pelados")......"

Of course, with John Kerry as U.S. Secretary of State we can look forward to an ever-closer cooperation with the Chavistas, with or without Chavez. Forget about any pressure from the U.S. to restore a real democracy in Venezuela......"

Read More.... 

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Barack's Obama's Diary.....Making Merry

The Laughing Conservative

Aloha, Diary. 

It's Christmas! Nothing to do today except maybe some golf and body surfing at the beach within the Marine Corpse Base. Imagine: A whole day that I can devote to thoughts of myself and how to ensure my proper place in history as one of the world's finest leaders, if not the finest leader. People accuse me of being too self-absorbed. Let me be perfectly clear, a mind as quick and agile as mine needs constant external intellectual stimulus or it must turn inwards for intellectual refreshment. Instead of the ancient Tibetan Buddhist chant, Om mani padme Om. I chant Choom... mani, padme....Choom. Works for me. 

Yesterday I had been in a quandary over what to give Michelle for Christmas. Then, after much reflection [that is, admiring my image in the mirror] the perfect gift appeared in my mind's eye like a Star in the East: I am a wise man , so I will give her gold, frankincense and me! I immediately dispatched a minion to Saks in Waikiki for a sack of assorted gold bling and a flask of exotic, expensive perfume. This morning as we unwrapped presents I gave her the aforesaid gifts, then stood bare-chested before her and yelled ta-da!

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If Todays Media Had Been There......

A Classic from The People's Cube

To All the Faithful Readers of Diogenes......

I Wish You a Very Merry Christmas
and Best Wishes for the New Year!

And to Those Overseas Who Sacrifice to Keep Us Safe, 

May the Lord Watch Over You Always.

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We'll Tuck This Away for 2016

via Earl of Taint

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Time Magazine's Other Issue

"Five years running!" - Joe Biden

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Joe Biden's New Mission Should Keep Him Busy for Awhile

What better person could Obama choose to chair a commission to look into Gun Violence, Mental Illness and American Culture then America's favorite goof-ball, Joe Biden.....

from Bethany Mandel: 

The president is well-known for asking groups of people to gather to discuss problems of national importance, including task forces on: working families, the middle class; Guantanamo Bay, commercial advocacy, Hurricane Sandy rebuilding, interagency ocean policy, childhood obesity, Puerto Rico’s status, federal contracting opportunities for small businesses, climate change adaption, financial fraud enforcement, and many, many others. A search on the White House website for the words “task force” yields 86,000 results.

What exactly have these task forces accomplished? What legislation has been put forth? What executive orders have been put into effect? What do they do besides issue reports?

Two of the most famous initiatives the White House has began, the Middle Class Task Force and the Jobs Council, can give you some idea.  

Read More 

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Kinder Gentler Assault Weapons

The Pentagon Averages 665 Rolls of Toilet Paper a Day

....Weapons Research

h/t Trog

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Mayans 'Full of Shit' say Experts from within Lead-lined Bunker

Daily Mash

Scientist have laughed in the face of the apocalypse from their nuclear bunker beneath a mountain. Speaking from one and a half miles beneath the Sierra Nevada mountain range, experts from the Institute for Doom Studies dismissed 12/21/12 apocalypse predictions as hokum. 

Professor Henry Brubaker said: “Such is our indifference to the 13th b’ak’tun and the rogue planet Nibiru that we’re hosting a invitation only big ass ‘un-Apocalypse’ party for the scientific community, world leaders and genetically superior individuals.  

“In a bunker. Because bunkers are fun places.”

Surrounded by thousands of boxes of crisps, test-tubes full of urine and bottles of Orangina, Professor Brubaker said: “What did the Mayans know anyway? Apart from that Magnum ice cream and the film Apocalypto, all they’ve given us is a remarkably prescient understanding of the universe that appears to have been developed in conjunction with extraterrestrial intelligence.”

Elsewhere in the underground complex, radiologist and father of two, Julian Cook was busy writing ironic farewell letters to his wife and children. “It’s totally an ironic thing. If and when Susan opens it on the 22nd December, she’ll be like “That is so Julian.” He then added that the letter wasn’t actually ironic, that he was terrified and if you type 21/12/2012 in Wingdings on Microsoft Word it comes out as a picture of a giant lizard with the face of a dog.

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Meet your next Secretary of State

via Talk Straight

“He’s old. He’s white. He’s clearly a member of the ‘evil 1%’. He doesn’t pay his taxes. He admits to taking part in war atrocities. He committed treasonous acts and also admits breaking the law by meeting with Viet Cong leaders. His ‘Vietnam Veterans Winter Soldier Investigation’ was later exposed as a total fraud.

“He wore fake medals while testifying before Congress. And, based on this photo, he’s clearly a ‘gun nut’. But he’s a liberal…so there’s nothing to see here. Meet your next Secretary of State, John Kerry.”

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Attorney General Secretly Granted Gov. Ability to Develop and Store Dossiers on Innocent Americans

"In a secret government agreement granted without approval or debate from lawmakers, the U.S. attorney general recently gave the National Counterterrorism Center sweeping new powers to store dossiers on U.S. citizens, even if they are not suspected of a crime, according to a news report.

Earlier this year, Attorney General Eric Holder granted the center the ability to copy entire government databases holding information on flight records, casino-employee lists, the names of Americans hosting foreign-exchange students and other data, and to store it for up to five years, even without suspicion that someone in the database has committed a crime, according to the Wall Street Journal, which broke the story.

Whereas previously the law prohibited the center from storing data compilations on U.S. citizens unless they were suspected of terrorist activity or were relevant to an ongoing terrorism investigation, the new powers give the center the ability to not only collect and store vast databases of information but also to trawl through and analyze it for suspicious patterns of behavior in order to uncover activity that could launch an investigation....."

Read More.....

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A Good Monday Morning

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Steppin' Up Crazy

"Special Ed" Schultz  Advocates “Confiscating” Guns 

But the facts show gun bans don't work.....

But for a moment, put aside the debate over gun laws that started before the dead had been properly counted in Newtown, Connecticut, and help me understand why there are so many crazy people walking around. I’m not talking about odd people, or angry people with bad tempers. I’m talking psychotic-you-can-see-it-in-their-eyes-from-fifty-feet-away crazy. Jared Loughner. James Egan Holmes. Seung-Hui Cho. These guys didn’t exactly hide their craziness from the world.

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Pelosi Slams Republicans of a “lack of concern” over Kwanzaa.

Maybe because it not a real holiday.......

Like she really cares about a black liberation based “holiday”. This is just another example of the Left pandering to a stereotyped black community (after all, in people like Pelosi’s eyes, all black people celebrate Kwanzaa-you know….cause it’s the black holiday), so they can go “Look at us. We understand and love your blackness. Totally ignore the fact that we’re insulting the majority of the black community who are Christian- We just love us some Kwanzaa!! Now have more foodstamps and vote Democrat!”

But the really sad part? The black community continues to fall for it.

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