Could a Beaten Weiner Still Become a Star?

Seems the Anthony Weiner for Mayor troops are making a film of the walking scandal sheet for a possible last ditch appeal in final stretch of the campaign. The New York Post reported that MTV filmmaker Josh Kreigman, who worked as Weiner’s congressional aide, has been following the candidate around, filming and recording every step of the way. 

If all else fails and he whithers in defeat, who knows, they could submit it as a resume' to ...oh.... maybe MSNBC. After all, if they would consider giving airtime to a over inflated testicle like Alec Baldwin, why not a world class dick like Anthony Weiner?  He'd fit right in with the rest of those freaks.

At the Dominican Day Parade Sunday,
Weiner waived a big flag and dashed around
shouting,“Viva la Republica Dominicana!”

NYP - Even if he doesn’t make it to Gracie Mansion, the mayor wannabe could star in a documentary film about his headline-grabbing campaign.

The Post spied MTV filmmaker Josh Kriegman — who is also Weiner’s former congressional district director — filming his every last word on the campaign trail recently. He’s often seen riding with Weiner, and a black mike box has been in Weiner’s back pants pocket for at least two weeks.

Camp Weiner would only say the recording is not for a television commercial — the first of which is slated to air on Monday. The $500,000 pitch follows his recent poll-number plunge in the wake of new revelations about his sexting habit, according to sources. Kriegman does not appear anywhere on Weiner’s recent campaign filings, though he worked for him as recently as 2005. “He appears to be with [Weiner] all the time. He’s been at retail stops, street fairs, forums. I bet he has amazing footage from the past couple months,” said one observer, who is often at multi-candidate events.

The responses to Weiner on the campaign trail have ranged from celebrity-spotting-like squealing to profane heckling."

The Budgetary Success of the Sequester:

"The biggest underreported story out of Washington this year is that the federal budget is shrinking and much more than anyone in either party expected. ...

The sequester is squeezing the very programs liberals care most about — including the National Endowment for the Arts, green-energy subsidies, the Environmental Protection Agency and National Public Radio. Outside Washington, the sequester is forcing a fiscal retrenchment for such liberal special-interest groups as Planned Parenthood and the National Council of La Raza, which have grown dependent on government largess. ...

Liberals had hoped that re-electing Mr. Obama, the most pro-spending president since LBJ, would unleash another four years of Great Society government expansion. Instead, spending caps and the sequester are squashing these progressive dreams. Welcome to the new fiscal reality in Washington. All Republicans need to do is enforce the budget laws Mr. Obama has already agreed to. Entitlement reforms will come when liberals realize that the unhappy alternative is to allow every program they cherish to keep shrinking." — Stephen Moore, Economics Writer Wall Street Journal

A Guest Post: Barbara Streisand

Much to my surprise, Diogenes recently received an email from Barbara Streisand (obviously by mistake) and addressed to someone named Arthur Sulzberger, who must run a website somewhere that famous people write Op-eds and pretend to know a lot about everything. After I read the unpublished post included with email, I decided to share it with my readers.

-----Original Message-----
From: babs_in_toyland@gmail.net
Sent: Sunday, March 5, 2017  3:50 AM
To: Arthur Sulzberger
Subject: Post
 
Dear Arty,
Here is the article I told you about at the Glorious One's last invite to dinner at the White House. I'm sorry it isn't quite up to Babs' usual intellectual excellence, but I am so distracted these days by all the pretty things Babs surrounds herself with. I know a guy who lives as you do would understand about this kind of thing also. I'm sending my pool boy to NY with the $247.00 submission fee (such a pittance for a posting fee these days) but I don't mind doing my part to redistribute the wealth as our great leader says we should.


Power to the Correct People,
B.S.

_____________

Why I'm Against Immigration Reform

By Barbara Streisand

I have this employee in my housekeeping department we'll call "J". We’ll call her that because most Hispanic people have a name starting with the letter J and I strictly forbid my employees from learning the names of each other because name-knowledge promotes needless chit-chat. It would be hypocritical of me not to abide by the same instructions I demand my staff follow, therefore I have no clue as to J's real name.

While perusing security footage one night with my husband.....what's his name.... I noticed that everyone really seemed to like J. They smiled at her, waved at her, and often made physical contact using a maneuver civilians call, "a pat on the back," which I'm told expresses admiration, support, or just general kindness. The traditions of the everyday little people are simply fascinating!

Coincidentally, J passed me in the hallway the other day. While she was careful to observe the two-foot rule, she did not abide by Chapter 25, Paragraph 15 of the, "Streisand Household Handbook for Successful Dealings with Ms. Streisand," which states, "On rare occasions in which you are lucky enough to come within earshot of Ms. Streisand, you are to refrain from making a single sound with any part of your body, orifice or otherwise, or article of clothing. Violation of this rule could result in termination, and replacement." She dare muttered "Excuse me!"

People seem to enjoy enjoy the company of J even though she has no musical ability. How in the world does she pull that off?  Babs no comprendo.

I asked my husband about it and he said that a lot of people enjoy engaging in conversation for recreational purposes. Apparently speaking with others is cathartic for some. But she doesn't speak with people because she’s asking for political favors or election donations. She's not admonishing underlings for inappropriate eye-contact, because 23% of the kitchen floor tiles contain unacceptable levels of grime, or because she found a Cheerio underneath the refrigerator and is demanding to know who's responsible. So apparently J is the Barbra Streisand of talking to people. Like I am great at singing, she is great at conversing. I'm told those who excel at conversation often have many friends.

The reason I became an Academy Award winning superstar singer/actor/director triple threat is so I could talk to other Academy Award winning living legends. If I wanted to talk to maids, I would have taken up house cleaning.  Conversations with the help are a waist of my time and a waist of their time. And I'm paying them while they're at my residence.  Plus, it's always awkward because I can't understand a word they say.  Besides, people don't get paid to talk to Barbra Streisand; people pay to talk to Barbra Streisand.  

So why do I care so much about a meaningless staffer that I may have already fired but don't remember? Why do I care so much about a lady that I may eventually have deported because her extra-dark arm hair really grosses me out? Why do I care so much about a woman who I may one day accuse of devouring an entire box of Twinkies because I desperately want to keep a late night binge session secret?

Well, the truth is, I don't. But Babs needs a supply of readily available inexpensive fence jumpers for replacements and full staffing. That's why I'm against Immigration reform!

A Good Monday Morning

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* NO TUXEDOS REQUIRED *

Snopes.com verified to be a hoax – according to Snopes.com

We have all visited  the myth-busting web site Snopes.com to verify a legend or rumor swirling around the Internet. Whether it be politics, urban legends and the such, Snopes is committed to tracking down the truth or falsity of every Internet claim, no matter how credible or far-fetched.  Thanks to Snopes.com, I no longer fear flesh-eating bananas from Costa Rica, venomous grasshoppers from Guam or poisonous rat droppings in my box of Special K cereal which will cause my internal organs to turn to mush and my head explode. 

I no longer worry that downloading Adele albums to my computer will trigger a virus that will erase my computer’s hard drive on Christmas morning. I don’t fear that the police officer who is about to pull me over for an illegal left turn might in reality be a raging psychopath impersonating a cop, intent on killing me so he can eat my kidneys.Thanks to Snopes.com, I am no longer paralyzed with fear at the thought of leaving my bathroom.

So imagine my shock when I found out this week that Snopes.com decided to research claims that Snopes.com itself was a hoax. Snopes.com, true to its commitment, conducted an in-depth investigation. Stunningly, Snopes.com concluded that in fact there was no credible evidence to support the existence of Snopes.com, and reported its findings at its web site, Snopes.com.

But interestingly, Snopes.com then conducted a further investigation and discovered something even more perplexing: Its subsequent study concluded that the alarmist claims by Snopes.com that it does not exist were in fact just a nefarious hoax, and that Snopes.com was in fact real after all. It pointed to reams of statistical reports showing thousands of daily web site visits, to debunk claims that it did not exist.

But it didn’t end there. Shortly after that study, yet another Snopes.com investigation was launched, aiming this time to determine whether or not the previous Snopes.com report – which had reported that the Snopes.com report claiming that Snopes.com was a hoax, was itself a hoax – was in fact a hoax or not. As of this writing, the answer is still uncertain. It appears that Snopes.com has been caught in some carnival “funhouse of mirrors” endless loop of claims and counter claims about its own existence. As a result of this chain reaction of Snopes.com investigations into its own existence, the entire bank of Snopes.com web servers finally overloaded and crashed – that is, if we are to believe that those web servers ever existed in the first place.  

So how will I know what’s true anymore? I don’t know what to believe. Without Snopes.com, I won’t know whether I should refuse to accept anyone’s business card ever again because it could be soaked in a dangerous drug which will completely erase my memory and make me believe I'm Joan Crawford. I worry about whether I might be asked by a company’s customer service automated phone menu to “please press #-9-0” – only to end up accidentally turning over my credit card information to Bulgarian Internet pornographers who will go on a shopping spree at Tiffany’s using my Discover credit card.
 
And how will I ever know for sure whether those two cats living in my house these past 6 years are really not aliens from another planet deposited in my house for the sole purpose of spying on me and driving me insane? One can never be too cautious these days.

Without Snopes.com to turn to for answers, I am confused and bewildered. But there are a few  things I  do know for a fact:

• Watching 50 hours of NOVA episodes on PBS will grow new brain cells and actually make you smarter – FALSE! (However, it IS true that watching even a single episode of THE VIEW can potentially destroy up to 1,000 brain cells)

• Eating a diet consisting of nothing but broccoli and tuna fish for four months will enlarge your breast. – Totally FALSE! (Don’t ask me how I know, but I do. Just trust me.)

• Using cell phones while fueling up at a gas station leads to brain cancer in mice – FALSE! (As to why mice were using cell phones at gas stations, that’s a question scientists still refuse to answer.)

• Watching Fox News more than an hour a week will lead to incurable insanity – TRUE/FALSE (Technically, scientists now think this only poses a serious mental health risk if you are exposed to the Sean Hannity show for prolonged periods.)

Some Woman Gets Haircut, Internet Explodes

NEW YORK, NY – A local woman today posted pictures of her recent haircut to Instagram, a normally innocuous act that prompted more internet activity than the birth of the Royal Baby and the “Breaking Bad” premiere combined. The haircut garnered nearly 60,000 initial responses within 15 minutes  and was covered in nearly every form of print, television, and online media.

Major journalistic sources confirmed that compared to recent news stories of on-going government surveillance, deaths from the Syrian civil war topping 100,000, and terrorist threats to the United States and allies it was “nice to have some news that actually matters.”

“Typically this level of traffic indicates some sort of earth shattering natural disaster or major terrorist attack” said Internet traffic analyst Cole Johnston “but clearly this is something much, much more meaningful.”

The woman’s personal choice of hairstyle, which carries the same importance as anyone else’s (absolutely none) had divided the internet into two warring camps, one contending that she had clearly been hypnotized by noted Satanist and pixie-demon woman Zooey Deschanel and the others saying that new style “would light the way to the new utopia, where Hennessey and caviar would be served from the skulls of her enemies.”

Opinion remains divided.

It's Lonely at the Top: Trusted Advisor Takes Charge of White House During Obama Absence