Hey America, guess what?

Presidential elections don’t end after Iowa. Iowa, in fact, usually tells us very little about what is going to happen in the presidential race. The only reason anyone pays attention to Iowa is that it goes first. Seriously.

Which is why it goes first. It’s essentially a desperate appeal for attention, an appeal that we all respond to not because we want to, but because we have to. And then we shower the day after and wonder, “what were we thinking?” Until we do it again in 4 years.

As Bette Davis put it in All About Eve, “fasten your seat belts. It’s going to be a bumpy night(s).”

The Clintons’ Political Legacy of Dishonesty

"Spin and puffery have a long history in politics, but something has snapped in our culture that we no longer even expect our leaders to talk straight. We have become immune to lies and the liars who tell them.

I blame it on the Clintons. Their survival despite a quarter-century of shameful dishonesty has lead the way in lowering the bar for integrity in public life. ... We would have better politics and be a better country if we had stopped the Clintons years ago. It was obvious before his election that Bill Clinton was a stranger to truth, and it soon became obvious that Hillary was no better. ... 

In a world that prized truth, she couldn't be dog-catcher. In our world, she could be president." — Michael Goodwin, New York Post

Joe Contemplates the Iowa Caucus

A Good Monday Morning

A Sprint For the Finish

The Rapper and The Planetarium Gift Shop Manager Battle It Out Over the Flat Earth Theory

They Be Dissing All Up In Here

While everyone is absorbed and distracted by the every present political bitch-slapping and media driven nonsense of the presidential primary season that has begun to take on the trappings of a Marx Brothers movie, on the outskirts of reality there has been other less serious but humorous battles taking place. 

Seems a 9th grade dropout / rap artist named  B.o.B. apparently believes that the world is flat, and that the highly entertaining  celebrity Planetarium Gift Shop Manager and media personality, Neil deGrasse Tyson, (who recently took to tweeter to show his trouble discerning the fact adding spaceships to a medieval style mythical story of  a boy joining up with an old wizard to save a princess from evil's grasp, is not science) is in fact  part of a vast secret scientific conspiracy to hide the fact of earth's flatness from the ignorant populous. 

That idea may come as a surprise to every astronaut and cosmonaut who has orbited the Earth, but as with most conspiracy theories, flat eartherism is impervious to facts and reason.

In what has to be the weirdest rap battle in history,  the Atlanta rapper released a “diss track” called “Flatline” in which he compared himself to Malcolm X. and calls out Tyson for his belief in a round earth.  The musical salvo elicited a response in the form of another diss track called “Flat to Fact” launched at B.o.B. by Tyson and his nephew, rapper Stephen Tyson.

Rapper B.o.B. and the Planetarium Gift Shop Manager

The diss track B.o.B. launched makes fun of Tyson’s clothing choices, among other things.

"Neil Tyson need to loosen up his vest

They'll probably write that man one hell of a check."

No doubt glad of the media exposure and the opportunity to connect with the rap community that has been woefully underserved by science education, Tyson and his nephew issued a cheeky response.

“I think it's very clear, that Bobby didn't read enough

And he's believing all this conspiracy theory stuff

Are these all of your thoughts or is the loud talkin?"

Diss tracks, in various forms, have been around since the ancient Irish bards. Angering an Irish musician was not something you did if you knew what was good for you. The music performed by some of those ancient musicians was said to have such power that it could cause inclement weather and make livestock sicken and die. Modern rappers have to resort to drive-by shootings when they get cross with someone.

She's Sorry.....No Really, She's Sorry.

Patriot Retort

Proper Inflation is Always a Good Practice

B.H.Obama’s Government Job Exit Interview

MIDDLE FINGER NEWS SERVICE

The latest trend in the world of human resources is the so-called exit interview. In theory, it gives a departing employee an opportunity to express their grievances while at the same time providing useful feedback to the employer.

 After a slight miscalculation (and resulting disappearance of a small portion of the nearby population) the MFNS Time Machine is once again in working order, and we were able to reach into the future and grab some historic government document of interest. Among the recent cache of files we came across the Exit Interview of one government employee......

Executive Branch Human Resources Dept.
  Form 2148/2700B-5 - Exit Interview:  
Barack H. Obama - 44th President - Jan 5, 2017:

What is your main reason for leaving your employment?

"Basically, my failure in both nullifying the 2016 election and ramming through an amendment allowing me a third and fourth term, which I thought was only fair considering all my predecessors were white folks."


Did anything trigger your decision to leave?

"The deadline of January 20, 2017 obviously has a lot to do with it but, getting away from those crazy Republicans and getting Joe Biden out of my hair came in a real close second."


What was most satisfying about your job?

"Sleeping late and being the leader of the most powerful nation on Earth......and working in a building big enough to get away from Michelle most of the day." 


What was the least satisfying thing about your job?

"Being made fun of by that bully Alex Putin. 


Did your job duties turn out to be as you expected?

"A big NO on that one. I thought I’d be entertaining celebrities and eating good and setting a legislative agenda to help guide America's future. I didn't expect that I'd spending so much of my time meeting with foreign leaders and their fat ass wives I never heard of and couldn't understand a word they were saying." 


Did you receive adequate training to do your job?

"Well, I never took lessons, but I did get to play with some of the best golfers in the world" 


Did you receive sufficient feedback about your performance?

You kiddin'? Ever listen to talk radio?


Were you able to fulfill your career goals?

"Not really. I always wanted to be a point guard for the Bulls."


What would you change to make your workplace better?

"Close down the House of Representatives and the Supreme Court. Seriously, though, how about shutting down the House and the Supreme Court?"



Did any policies or procedures make your job more difficult?

"Yes, the Constitution often got in the way of what I wanted to accomplish. Also, I wasn't always a big fan of the judicial system."


Would you consider working again for this employer?

"Well, obviously I can’t be President anymore, and Hillary's Supreme Court Justice idea ain't gonna happen, but I might try and get on at the DMV or something.  But after the riots, my Health-care reforms being overturned, those &$@# damn Mexicans turning on me and my party....not to mention that little thing with the male intern, I don't think that's going to happen."


Did anyone discriminate against you, harass you or cause hostile working conditions?

"Two words....McConnell and Boehner !"


Based on your experience, what do you think it takes to succeed in your position?

"Probably a “coup d’etat.” Am I still allowed to say “coup d’etat”?


 What did you like most about your job?

"Flying around on Air Force One.... with the private and untraceable Internet connection. Man. you could stream any kind of videos you could want......if you get my drift?"


What did you like least about your job?

"Dealing with  that frickin' Netanyahu.... and Putin's damn gay comments on my Facebook page.....and Pelois farting in Leadership meetings all the time....and Harry Reid's nose hairs, and Biden babbling about the squirrels outside on the lawn..."

Mr. President...

.....and Michelle bitchin' about me sneaking a smoke on the terrace... and Boehner drinking up all the oval office booze....and Valerie Jarrett kicking me under the table in cabinet meets....and Barney Frank's naked pictures in his Christmas cards....and "

Mr. President!


 Before leaving, did you consider a transfer?

"Yes, many times I considered transferring Joe Biden."

Do you have any tips or advice to help your replacement?

"Yes! Replace the mattress in the White House residence. Seriously, replace it!  If that thing could talk!

Other than that, I think President-Elect Trump needs no advise from me."