Educational Crash Course #161

Another Installment of Diogenes'
 Public Service Educational Series:

" Cultural Studies 101"
(Social Media)

Next in Series: Fame and Fortune on someone else's
reputation with Ron Reagan Jr.

CLASS DISMISSED!

Crash Course Archive 
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Allegations Swirl Around Romney Campaign

Middle Finger News - The Romney campaign was dealt a serious blow tonight after his win in the Nevada Caucus. The former Governor and presumptive front runner found himself facing startling accusations of sexual impropriety going back to before his days as Massachusetts Chief Executive. Even more surprising than the actual allegations that were leaked to the press was the source of the information: Mitt Romney himself.

"I've had sex, like, five times," Romney said at a press conference to address the charges. "I mean, granted, I haven't had it since 1980 or '81, but still - that's a lot. I almost can't count that on one hand. And every single time I've had sex, it has resulted in a child. Every. Single. Time."  Romney fell short of defending his past indiscretions but was unapologetic when reporters pressed for details about the mothers of his children, saying he actually impregnated the same woman over and over and "would do it again in a heartbeat." Romney said that unlike an un-named  former competitor of his, he could remember every detail of each sexual fling, but he's now a changed man.

"My magic underpants have been firmly in place for over 30 years now," Romney told the press. "They may be a bit tattered, a bit worn, kind of like my campaign, but also like my campaign, they have a lot of support and cover my ass. This political season we need support from all areas and nothing gives you more of a lift than magic underpants. If we leave it to the Democrats, they will lead us down a path of big government, big taxes, and big skid marks."

Romney's wife Ann has yet to make any formal statement regarding the allegations, although she was overheard telling a friend, "Five times? Mitt? I assume he didn't mean all at once." Rommey family friends say Ann Romney plans to stand by her man. "You better believe Ann knows all about Mitt's sordid sexual past," said one family friend who asked not to be identified. "But she's not going to let some dirty old pair of magic underpants stand between her and the White House, that's for sure. "Ann's like the Latter Day Saints' Hillary Clinton," one friend noted.

Upcoming Presidential Candidate and major challenger to Rommey's candidacy,  Linden Borden, issued a statement on the whole torrid affair, but due  to the language we are unable to repeat it here.  

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Just When You Think the Iranians Can't Act Any Crazier....

To celebrate the 33rd anniversary on Wednesday of Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini’s triumphant return from exile, Iran re-enacted his arrival at a Tehran airport, using a cardboard cutout to stand in for the late Iranian leader.

No, Really They Did......

It is rumored here that he slept with a number of Persian beauties before they stuck him back in the drawer. The gals claimed that he seemed "remote and wooden."

Go here for more photos....

H/T sig94  

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Fishnet Friday

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Here We Go Again...

Where are the men and women who, just two years ago, were telling everyone they’d vote their convictions rather than vote for another John McCain and the same old, stale politics which placed our country’s future on the knife edge?

Well think about the primary system the GOP uses. Where do they go first?  Iowa, a blue state in 2008 with a population density approaching zero and lots of money in farms and ethanol, which require government subsidies just to exist these days. Second, it’s off to New Hampshire, in the liberal Northeast. Jump on the plane and jet to South Carolina, home of Sen. Amnesty Graham, poster boy of the RINOs behind McCain for most of the last ten years, for the third election. Then it’s off to Florida, which, while a “red state”, is packed full of all the old, retired Republicans from the northeast who moved to warmer weather.

This is, and has been for a long time, all carefully scripted, you realize?
The biggest batch of electoral votes among the Red States is called “TEXAS”. Why doesn’t the Texas primary come early? Why do we get blue and purple state primaries first, and leave the majority of the conservative base silenced and ignored for so long?

Once you examine how they tune up the base, you’ll realize why the GOP has such a ridiculous primary system so the establishment candidate can get a few small, but highly publicized, victories under his belt. These insignificant victories in fairly rural purple and blue states will be touted for weeks, if not months, before the bulk of the conservative base gets to vote, and they are used to build the image of inevitability for the hand picked, progressive Republicans like Romney so that when it comes time to vote in Texas, the average Republican voter thinks they have to “hold their nose and vote for Romney” because he’s the only shot at winning.  Iowa and New Hampshire combined have like 1/10th of the conservatives in them that you can find in two or three counties in Texas or Oklahoma, but they’re blown up and used to make those voters in Texas and Oklahoma think they’d better vote the way the GOP establishment wants them to vote, or else…

If they held the first primaries in Texas and Oklahoma, why, by God, a real conservative might win a few big fights early on and the liberal Republican candidates wouldn’t stand a chance for the remainder of the primaries.

 Notice how there aren’t any stump speeches in the GOP primary these days? How it’s all “debate” driven? Did you ever wonder why that is?

Could you imagine a Romney speech in a truly free environment? It’d look like the Health Care Townhalls from 2009. Angry, disenfranchised conservative voters, 75% of whom hate Romney and want anyone else at all, would be screaming, swearing, and generally making a scene if he EVER tried to get out and interact with the common Arkansan.

Where is the TEA Party during these primaries??? Actual votes are being cast RIGHT NOW. I can write that the TEA Party is dying because I now have freakin’ empirical evidence that they are all falling right in behind Candidate More-Of-the-Same-Bullshit.

Now it seems we've got a one man race with Romney and no TEA Party anywhere to be seen, much less heard from, and all of these people who said “Not a good idea” to a TEA Party rally are lining up behind Romney. Stellar. Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy on the insides, huh? All of that work and effort, and it winds up being useless, hell, worse than useless because prior to the TEA Party, the GOP was done for the next 40 years........ but now they’re back, and putting the blinders right back on their base.

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Just a Reminder to My Democrat Friends...

On this day in 1865, the U.S. Congress

passed the 13th Amendment.

"On January 31, 1865, the House resumed discussion before a standing-room-only crowd in the galleries above the floor. When the vote was taken that day, the Thirteenth Amendment achieved a two-vote margin above the needed two-thirds majority, 119-56. The galleries erupted in boisterous applause, which was then joined by congressman on the House floor. In the final vote, all 86 Republicans had voted in favor of the Thirteenth Amendment, along with 15 Democrats, 14 Unconditional Unionists, and 4 Union men; opposition came from 50 Democrats and 6 Union men." .....Harper Weekly

This should debunk more of your BS

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Educational Crash Course #103

Another Installment of Diogenes'
 Public Service Educational Series:

"Creative Writing"

Next in Series: Selecting the Proper Prom Gown 
with Barney Frank


CLASS DISMISSED!
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First Lady Helps Boost Lingerie Sales

The Telegraph  - Michelle Obama – better known for shopping at more modestly-priced High Street stores – along with the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah, closed off part of Madison Avenue to spend time in the luxury lingerie shop. Their purchases contributed to a market-spanking 12.5% lift in sales.

Agent Provocateur, which is styled on vintage Hollywood glamour, sells handmade Calais lace corsets that sell for up to £900 ($1400) which could ruffle the feathers of more than just President Barack Obama in an election year.....

[snip]

$50,000 in one shopping spree? Must have been paying by the inch....

Read More 

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Obama Gets Oscar Nod

Barack Obama Gets Late Academy Nomination
For Performance in

"The State Of The Union"

Middle Finger News Sevice - President Barack Obama has received a late Academy Award nomination for "Best performance by an Actor in a Leading Role" for his work in The State Of The Union. The Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Sciences announced the late addition to the list of nominations early last night at a dinner for the nominees.

"We understand this falls outside the normal process for nominations," said Academy spokesperson Harlet Snottenberg, "but his performance was so absolutely stunning, we just couldn't let the opportunity pass to recognize that."

Obama's Oscar nod becomes the first for a sitting president and expands a political landscape that has already seen former Vice President Al Gore's award for his documentary, An Inconvenient Truth.

"All that talk about reaching across the aisle, him killing Osama bin Laden, class warfare and taxes, energy and saving the earth after Bush - I absolutely believed it all," said former Hollywood Reporter editorial director Scoops Burns. "I haven't seen a performance that convincing since I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman in 1998."

Academy regulations dictate that each category only have five nominees, so in order to allow for the addition of President Obama to the Best Actor field, one of the other nominees had to be removed. The Academy was quick to rescind  George Clooney's  nomination for The 'Descendants' to make room.

"Oh, yeah, George - we were just kidding anyway," said Snottenberg. "You know, we do that now and then, throw someone in there who doesn't stand a snowball's chance of winning. Spices it up a bit. Gets people talking. Besides, no one saw that stinker of yours anyway."

Ms. Snottenberg would not confirm a report that the Academy had considered nominating Vice President Joe Biden for "Best Performance in a Comedy Supporting Role". All she would say is "after serious consultations we realized he's not acting."

Thanks IOTW for the Linkage

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It's Fishnet Friday

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Looks like Mr."Fair Share"own people owe $833,000 in back taxes"

When Obama whines that everyone must pay their “fair share,” he must not mean those working in his administration. Obama has had a tendency to hire those who refuse to pay their fair share. How embarrassing this must be for President Obama, whose major speech theme so far this campaign season has been that every single American, no matter how rich, should pay their "fair share" of taxes. And according to Andrew Malcolm of IBD, a new report just out from the Internal Revenue Service reveals that 36 of President Obama's executive office staff owe the country $833,970 in back taxes.

Previous reports have shown how well-paid Obama's White House staff is, with 457 aides pulling down more than $37 million last year. That's up seven workers and nearly $4 million from the Bush administration's last year.

The biggest tax offenders also include employees of the U.S. Senate who help write the laws imposed on everyone else. They owe $2.1 million.

The country's chief law enforcement agency, the Department of Justice, has 2,069 employees who are nearly $17 million behind in taxes. Like Operation Fast and Furious, Attorney General Eric Holder has apparently missed them too.

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Obama SOTU Speech Registers at 8th Grade Reading Level

Although the media would love to present Barack Obama as seven times brainier than George W. Bush, Byron Tau of Politico reports : "President Obama's 2012 State of the Union address again rated at an 8th grade comprehension level on the Flesch-Kincaid readability test — the third lowest score of any State of the Union address since 1934. Obama's average grade-level score of 8.4 is more than two grades lower than the 10.7 grade average for the other 67 addresses written by his 12 predecessors."  
 

Maude Behar of The View called the speech Reaganesque!

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