Sunday, August 11, 2013

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

* NO TUXEDOS REQUIRED *





Snopes.com verified to be a hoax – according to Snopes.com

We have all visited  the myth-busting web site Snopes.com to verify a legend or rumor swirling around the Internet. Whether it be politics, urban legends and the such, Snopes is committed to tracking down the truth or falsity of every Internet claim, no matter how credible or far-fetched.  Thanks to Snopes.com, I no longer fear flesh-eating bananas from Costa Rica, venomous grasshoppers from Guam or poisonous rat droppings in my box of Special K cereal which will cause my internal organs to turn to mush and my head explode. 

I no longer worry that downloading Adele albums to my computer will trigger a virus that will erase my computer’s hard drive on Christmas morning. I don’t fear that the police officer who is about to pull me over for an illegal left turn might in reality be a raging psychopath impersonating a cop, intent on killing me so he can eat my kidneys.Thanks to Snopes.com, I am no longer paralyzed with fear at the thought of leaving my bathroom.

So imagine my shock when I found out this week that Snopes.com decided to research claims that Snopes.com itself was a hoax. Snopes.com, true to its commitment, conducted an in-depth investigation. Stunningly, Snopes.com concluded that in fact there was no credible evidence to support the existence of Snopes.com, and reported its findings at its web site, Snopes.com.

But interestingly, Snopes.com then conducted a further investigation and discovered something even more perplexing: Its subsequent study concluded that the alarmist claims by Snopes.com that it does not exist were in fact just a nefarious hoax, and that Snopes.com was in fact real after all. It pointed to reams of statistical reports showing thousands of daily web site visits, to debunk claims that it did not exist.

But it didn’t end there. Shortly after that study, yet another Snopes.com investigation was launched, aiming this time to determine whether or not the previous Snopes.com report – which had reported that the Snopes.com report claiming that Snopes.com was a hoax, was itself a hoax – was in fact a hoax or not. As of this writing, the answer is still uncertain. It appears that Snopes.com has been caught in some carnival “funhouse of mirrors” endless loop of claims and counter claims about its own existence. As a result of this chain reaction of Snopes.com investigations into its own existence, the entire bank of Snopes.com web servers finally overloaded and crashed – that is, if we are to believe that those web servers ever existed in the first place.  

So how will I know what’s true anymore? I don’t know what to believe. Without Snopes.com, I won’t know whether I should refuse to accept anyone’s business card ever again because it could be soaked in a dangerous drug which will completely erase my memory and make me believe I'm Joan Crawford. I worry about whether I might be asked by a company’s customer service automated phone menu to “please press #-9-0” – only to end up accidentally turning over my credit card information to Bulgarian Internet pornographers who will go on a shopping spree at Tiffany’s using my Discover credit card.
 
And how will I ever know for sure whether those two cats living in my house these past 6 years are really not aliens from another planet deposited in my house for the sole purpose of spying on me and driving me insane? One can never be too cautious these days.

Without Snopes.com to turn to for answers, I am confused and bewildered. But there are a few  things I  do know for a fact:

Watching 50 hours of NOVA episodes on PBS will grow new brain cells and actually make you smarter – FALSE! (However, it IS true that watching even a single episode of THE VIEW can potentially destroy up to 1,000 brain cells)

Eating a diet consisting of nothing but broccoli and tuna fish for four months will enlarge your breast. – Totally FALSE! (Don’t ask me how I know, but I do. Just trust me.)

Using cell phones while fueling up at a gas station leads to brain cancer in mice – FALSE! (As to why mice were using cell phones at gas stations, that’s a question scientists still refuse to answer.)

Watching Fox News more than an hour a week will lead to incurable insanity – TRUE/FALSE (Technically, scientists now think this only poses a serious mental health risk if you are exposed to the Sean Hannity show for prolonged periods.)

Some Woman Gets Haircut, Internet Explodes

NEW YORK, NY – A local woman today posted pictures of her recent haircut to Instagram, a normally innocuous act that prompted more internet activity than the birth of the Royal Baby and the “Breaking Bad” premiere combined. The haircut garnered nearly 60,000 initial responses within 15 minutes  and was covered in nearly every form of print, television, and online media.

Major journalistic sources confirmed that compared to recent news stories of on-going government surveillance, deaths from the Syrian civil war topping 100,000, and terrorist threats to the United States and allies it was “nice to have some news that actually matters.”

“Typically this level of traffic indicates some sort of earth shattering natural disaster or major terrorist attack” said Internet traffic analyst Cole Johnston “but clearly this is something much, much more meaningful.”

The woman’s personal choice of hairstyle, which carries the same importance as anyone else’s (absolutely none) had divided the internet into two warring camps, one contending that she had clearly been hypnotized by noted Satanist and pixie-demon woman Zooey Deschanel and the others saying that new style “would light the way to the new utopia, where Hennessey and caviar would be served from the skulls of her enemies.”

Opinion remains divided.

It's Lonely at the Top: Trusted Advisor Takes Charge of White House During Obama Absence



Saturday, August 10, 2013

Friday, August 9, 2013

THUGOCRACY: Dick Durbin’s Staff Sending Out Intimidating Letters About ALEC And Stand Your Ground

The Hayride

"Two different conservative organizations with whom we’ve got contacts have received letters from Sen. Dick Durbin’s office today which look an awful lot like the actions that precipitated the IRS scandal. Apparently there’s a massive fishing expedition afoot.

"This came to the our buddy Kevin Kane at the Pelican Institute."
Dear Mr. Kane,
 I write to seek information regarding your organization’s position on “stand your ground” legislation that was adopted as a national model by the American Legislative Exchange Council (ALEC). ALEC describes itself as a think tank that develops model bills for state legislators. In 2005, ALEC approved the adoption of model “stand your ground” legislation entitled the “Castle Doctrine Act.” This model legislation was based on Florida’s “stand your ground” law, and it changes the criminal law regarding self-defense and provides immunity for certain uses of deadly force........." 
 "Although ALEC does not maintain a public list of corporate members or donors, other public documents indicate that your organization funded ALEC at some point during the period between ALEC’s adoption of model “stand your ground” legislation in 2005 and the present day. I acknowledge your organization’s right to actively participate in the debate of important political issues, regardless of your position, and I recognize that an organization’s involvement with ALEC does not necessarily mean that the organization endorses all positions taken by ALEC. Therefore I am seeking clarification whether organizations that have funded ALEC’s operations in the past currently support ALEC and the model “stand your ground” legislation. I ask that you please reply to this letter by answering yes or no in response to the two questions below. Please feel free to provide additional information explaining your yes or no response. 
1. Has Pelican Institute for Public Policy served as a member of ALEC or provided any funding to ALEC in 2013?
2. Does Pelican Institute for Public Policy support the “stand your ground” legislation that was adopted as a national model and promoted by ALEC? Please provide a response to this letter by September 1, 2013. 
Note that I am sending similar letters to other organizations that have been identified as ALEC funders at some point between 2005 and today. In September, I plan to convene a hearing of the Senate Judiciary Committee Subcommittee on the Constitution, Civil Rights and Human Rights to examine “stand your ground” laws, and I intend to include the responses to my letters in the hearing record. Therefore, please know that your response will be publicly available. Thank you for your attention to this request. Please feel free to contact Dan Swanson or Stephanie Trifone on my staff at 202-224-2152 if you have any questions. I look forward to receiving your response.  
"We heard earlier today that the Center for Security Policy received a similar letter."

"What’s going on here isn’t difficult to ascertain. The Left has decided that Stand Your Ground laws need to be demonized and/or repealed, and as a result they’re going to attempt to shame and intimidate the people they think are responsible for them. And Durbin said last month he was going to crank up a dog and pony show in the Constitution, Civil Rights and Human Rights committees he runs in order to cast those laws as discriminatory – despite the fact that, at least in Florida, black people disproportionately avail themselves of them......."

Read the rest Here

MSNBC to Offer Sister Channel

MSNBC to Launch Wild and Pointless Speculation Channel

Speculation is rife that MSNBC may create a new 24 hour rolling conjecture channel that gathers together experts in every subject, places them all in one room and forces them to argue endlessly about what will happen next. This follows on the heels of rumors of a new MSNBC talk show starring everybody's favorite loose cannon, angry white guy Alec Baldwin.

‘In an age of 24-hour breaking news the public demand a constant stream of wild and pointless speculation,’ said NBC news  Director of Operations, Tony Hall. "If we don’t do it then people might start speculating for themselves, and who knows where that might end. We have a team of academics already discussing that very possibility."

"There is already far too much empty and useless conjecture based on nothing more than personal opinion at MSNBC,’ said one expert. "No there isn’t " said another.

The new channel is likely to be based in New York, or perhaps D.C, or Atlanta, or maybe somewhere else entirely, with an estimated cost of tens of thousands, or more, or possibly less.   Experts remain divided on the value of the channel dedicated entirely to idle speculation. "There is already far too much empty and useless conjecture based on nothing more than personal opinion at MSNBC,’ said one expert. "No there isn’t " said another.

If the new channel goes ahead, industry insiders predict other news outlets will follow suit. ABC is already said to be working on plans for a vast pundit multiscreen, The Tower of Babble, that will provide a constant backdrop of experts in bow-ties spouting muddled and incoherent opinions while  Diane Sawyer spins round on a rotating pedestal and nods knowingly.

Meanwhile, Channel 4 News in NY has hired numerous New York cabbies to provide a running commentary of ill-informed prejudice to all their stories. If the cabbie isn’t available they also have Alex Jones on stand-by.

Critics point to academic research that shows the ability of experts to accurately predict the future is little better than a blindfold chimpanzee on roller skates throwing darts at a board – which is, coincidentally, the current method of news gathering at MSNBC.

Round One – Al-Qaida 21 – Obama 0

"Well it looks like Al-Q startled BO into closing 21 Embassies in the Muddled East and Africa. Al-Q is claiming a victory for making BO look like scaredy cat and over-react. Now to look at BO’s side, he may have had the info that warranted the closures, and we don’t have specifics as to what is was. So, maybe he gets a small benefit of doubt. However, it comes on the heels of a growing and expanding inquiry on Benghazi so the flip side is he had over-reacted. In either condition, he still didn’t come away a winner because now the enemy looks on him as weak, and may provoke BO now to show he’s strong." -  First Street Journal
_____________________________

"Despite the plot being thwarted, many supporters of al-Qaida and other terror groups believe the very fact that President Barack Obama was forced to shutter embassies, consulates, and posts throughout the Middle East and Africa — most through Saturday — was a victory in itself, according to The New York Times.

"God is great! America is in a condition of terror and fear from al-Qaida," wrote one jihadist in an online forum, according to the Times. "The mobilization and security precautions are costing them billions of dollars. We hope to hear more of such psychological warfare, even if there are no actual jihadi operations on the ground." - Newsmax 




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