America's Junior Varsity All-Stars

The Vote was unanimous for MFNS B-Team All-Stars for 2014

Here are the results of the voting:

John 'Duke of Heinz' Kerry:

Position:  Shooting Guard
Strengths:  Size, experience, verbose, good at muscling way into play.  Stepped up his game and filled position after predecessor left  lineup due to brain injury. 
Weaknesses: Overly ambitious, injects self into play for attention, poor scoring percentage, thought of more a nuisance then a player by opponents.

B.H. 'Bo' Obama: 

Position: Team Captain / Power Forward
Strengths: Trash talking opponents, deceptive moves, excellent at faking, plays well while traveling, good at blaming others and claiming fouls. 
Weaknesses:  Best at playing outdoors -indoor game is weak, low scoring percentage, weak leadership on floor, poor understanding of the game, lack of hustle recently.

Smokin' Joe Biden:

Position: Player Coach / Center
Strengths:  Most experienced of team members, true brains and inspiration of the team, keeps opponents off guard with frequent mis-directions. High scoring percentage with the Ladies.  
Weaknesses: Frequently benched for reoccurring foot-in-mouth injuries. 

Prepared for the Worst

Riochet

"All the bad actors in the world know they have two-and-a-half years to run rampant since the U.S. won’t do anything. Expect war."— Jon Gabriel,  March 14, 2014

"At the time some thought it alarmist, but it isn’t surprising how the past half year has worked out:

* Putin’s slow-motion invasion of Ukraine.

* Boko Haram rampaging through Nigeria, kidnapping children and sacking churches.

* China aggressively staking out territorial claims in the Pacific.

* North Korean threats and missile tests.

* Libya’s collapse into an anarchic terror state.

* All-out war between Israel and Hamas.

* Violent anti-semitism across Europe.

* Russia testing NATO’s air defenses.

* Central American crime syndicates pouring across our southern border

* ISIS crucifying its way across Syria and Iraq.

Over the past three days alone, we’ve seen sweeping anti-government riots in Pakistan, Beijing invalidating Hong Kong democracy, ISIS beheading a second American journalist, and now 11 commercial airliners are missing from Libya.

President Obama has created an international power vacuum, a natural result of his lead-from-behind style and desire for an unexceptional America. Would-be strongmen are eagerly filling that vacuum, understanding that the world’s policeman has decided to go on a years-long, union-funded strike.

As the leader of the free world shuffles from one golf course to the next, it’s obvious that no major foreign policy change is coming in the near term......"

KEEP READING

For When He Can't Play Golf Outside......

Bosch Fawstin

Kissinger Questions Obama's Drift in the Wind

 "To play a responsible role in the evolution of a 21st-century world, the U.S. must be prepared to answer a number of questions for itself: What do we seek to prevent, no matter how it happens, and if necessary alone? What do we seek to achieve, even if not supported by any multilateral effort? What do we seek to achieve, or prevent, only if supported by an alliance? What should we not engage in, even if urged on by a multilateral group or an alliance? What is the nature of the values that we seek to advance? And how much does the application of these values depend on circumstance? 

History offers no respite to countries that set aside their sense of identity in favor of a seemingly less arduous course. But nor does it assure success for the most elevated convictions in the absence of a comprehensive geopolitical strategy." —  Henry Kissinger

The Reason Jihadist Fear Kurdish Guerrillas Units

Having a Mental Edge Over Your Enemies.

WSJ

"Battle-hardened after two years fighting Islamic State and other Islamist rebel groups in the multi-sided Syrian civil war, Kurdish guerrillas linked to the PKK have in recent weeks made a series of military gains that have spotlighted their growing sway.

Syrian commanders say the security and quality of life is improving as the Kurd guerrilla forces expand rapidly, propelled by thousands of young volunteers...."

"Recruitment is boosted by the deployment of women soldiers on the front line, often in all-female units."

“The jihadists don’t like fighting women, because if they’re killed by a female, they believe they won't go to Paradise."

I say Gear Up Ladies, and send them to hell where they belong!

h/t Young Cons

A Good Monday Morning

Happy Labor Day!

Walmart to Greatly Expand Services to Walmartians

Following weeks of intense consumer profiling and sophisticated demographic trending, Walmart customers can soon expect to get far more from their local Supercenter than just a pedicure, a tire change and a greasy bag of chicken gizzards.  According to sources familiar with jelly shoes and baby-daddies, over the next several months the mega-retailer is expected to unveil countless new services to its empire.

Image Swiped from the Woodsterman

 In addition to Walmart's already highly successful lineup of pseudo-salons, vision centers, and banks you've never heard of, customers can soon expect to have the added conveniences of bail bondsmen, tattoo parlors and paternity testing kiosks, just to name a few. 

"We also cash government checks and offer convenient money transfers to Mexico,"  said customer service clerk, DJ Chunky as he refunded money for a rancid melon. According to Mr. Chunky , these latest product advancements are largely attributed to consumer reports the company purchased from survey-taking giant, Whorzpuck International, who pay people to fill out surveys. 

In tough economic times, retailers are clamoring for even marginally good ideas, relying heavily upon companies like Whorzpuck and valuing the opinions of people like Maynard Perkins. "The economicals of good surveyin' is widely misunderstanded," explained Perkins,  "and, 'cause I'm real good at fillin' out surveys, that's how come I get paid for the kinds of things I think about." Perkins, a self-proclaimed UFO expert and permanent resident of Sweaty Meadows RV Camp, earns between $2 and $5 per survey, depending on length and eligibility.   

MFNS met up with Buzz Hopper, Walmart's Director of Quasi-Accurate Information, who noted that while a dentist office wouldn't perform well in a Walmart, there does appear to be a high demand for herpes clinics. Hopper further explained that Whorzpuck reports can vary from city to city. 

"For example, in Los Angeles," said Hopper, "Whorzpuck data suggests that Walmart should offer liposuction, ankle lifts and two-for-one mole removal, while, in places like Miami, that demand shifts toward workshops identifying the differences between bath salt and crack cocaine." 

"Rest assured, we remain committed to helping people save money and live better," said Hopper. "And, if that means avoiding incarceration, disproving paternity or testing for herpes, then that's what we'll help them with."  

Elevator For Democrats

Our 6 Years of Failed Keynesian Economic Practice.

Scott Grannis recently posted a pretty devastating critique of Keynesian economic theory and the abject failure of Keynesian fiscal stimulus in the period following the Great Recession (“the most expensive such failure in the history of the world”), here’s an excerpt below and I encourage you to read the entire post (with charts) HERE.

"Despite assurances from politicians and most economists of Keynesian persuasion, not only did the biggest and most rapid increase in our federal debt burden [in the six years ending June 2014] since WW II fail to boost the economy, it coincided with the weakest recovery in history—growth of only 2.2% per year on average. This is not a problem of not spending enough, it is a failure of ideology, and arguably the most expensive such failure in the history of the world.

Here’s the failure in a nutshell: The government can’t stimulate the economy by borrowing from Peter and sending a check to Paul, because that doesn’t create any new demand—it’s like taking a bucket of water from one end of the pool and pouring it into the other end; the level of the water doesn’t change. And the government can’t stimulate the economy by spending more, because the government is notoriously inefficient (not to mention the fraud, waste, and incompetence that surround most major public initiatives); the private sector is far more likely to spend its money wisely and productively than the government is. Growth only happens when an economy produces more from a given amount of resources—when productivity rises. And productivity only rises when people work more, smarter, and more efficiently, and that takes hard work and risk. You can’t just dial up productivity, you have to work for it. We can’t “spend our way to prosperity,” as the late and great Jude Wanniski told us.

Here’s my interpretation of what really happened in a nutshell: the private sector generated $8.9 trillion of profits in the past six years, and the federal government borrowed 83% of those profits to fund a massive increase in transfer payments, income redistribution, bailouts, subsidies, and a modest increase in infrastructure spending (only 8% of the 2009 American Recovery and Reinvestment Act went to transportation and infrastructure).

What happened to all the profits? Almost all of the most incredible surge in profits in modern times was squandered by our government, flushed down the Keynesian drain.

The past six years in effect have been a laboratory experiment to determine whether Keynesian economic theory is valid. The result? Keynesian economic theory is (or should be) officially dead. It doesn’t work. Government can’t boost the economy by borrowing or spending more money. Politicians will be unhappy to hear this, of course, since they would prefer that we think they can dispense growth and prosperity on demand. Those who insist in perpetrating this myth should be voted out of office."

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

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