Kerry Sustains Wounds In Switzerland

 Middle Finger News Correspondent Earl of Taint Reporting:

Lausanne, Switzerland - Secretary of State John Kerry was pulled out of the Iranian nuclear negotiations on a stretcher today after he was reportedly “bitch-slapped” severely by the Iranian delegation and then de-pantsed. Additionally, his latest injuries mark his third time to be wounded in-theater*, earning him his (world record) sixth self-awarded Purple Heart and a golden ticket back to the States. - READ EARL'S FULL REPORT HERE

Adrienne's Open Letter to Homosexual Activists...

Dear Homosexual Activist,

"Due to the latest shiny object attack on Mike Pence of Indiana over signing the state's Freedom of Religion Restoration Act, one I might mention, exists in many other states, I felt the urge to send a message to you. 

 I'm sending this letter only to you activists, and not to the millions of homosexuals who lead rather mundane and normal lives. They go to work and school, live quietly, and sometimes even chastely - which is a subject for another letter. 

 Let's start off with the concept of tolerance. Growing up, we had a family friend who was most certainly gay. I dislike the word "gay", but in the interest of kindness, since you really like that label, I'll consent to use the term for this letter. This family friend was a lovely gentleman who we had over for dinner several times a year. He lived with his aging mother, and was a collector of antiques about which he was quite knowledgeable. Naturally, it was whispered that he might be gay. It was only whispers, because no one knew for sure. Our family friend did not demand tolerance, nor did we feel any necessity of attaching that sentiment to him....."

Please Continue Reading

Harry Reid Admits He's a Little Weasel

"Live Shot" John and the Largest Art Heist in History

BOSTON – The FBI has positively identified the two robbers who in 1990 committed the largest art heist in history, stealing over $500 million worth of masterpieces from the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum. 

The pair gained admission to the lightly guarded museum after midnight on March 18, 1990 by posing as uniformed Boston police officers. Their haul included one of the 36 known paintings by 17th century Dutch master Johannes Vermeer. In addition, three Rembrandts and 13 other pieces were stolen.

One of the identified thiefs was a local ex-con who was free only because his lawyer, now Secretary of State John Kerry, was able to get his first-degree murder conviction overturned in 1982. 

The works of art have never been recovered.

The museum is offering a $5 million reward for the return of the paintings and other assorted items. The Vermeer painting, The Concert, may be the most valuable missing artwork in the world. Its current estimated value is $250 million. Among the stolen Rembrandts is a tiny self-portrait and The Storm on the Sea of Galilee, the Dutch master’s only seascape.

Kerry’s client, George Reissfelder, was a career criminal who was convicted of murdering a guard during a robbery in South Boston in 1966. Kerry and Law partner Roanne  Sragow were appointed by the court to handle Reissfelder’s appeal as Kerry began running for lieutenant governor in 1982.  Despite what had become overwhelming evidence of Reissfelder’s innocence, many in the criminal-justice system were reluctant to hand the showboating swift boat veteran a high-profile legal victory in the midst of his campaign.

Even then, Kerry was widely disliked by many in state politics for his shameless self-promotion, preening and thin skin. For his love of television appearances, he was known as “Liveshot.”

Read The Whole Story Here

Who Funded Shrine to Ted Kennedy??

Over half of the funding for the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the United States Senate came from taxpayer dollars, half of that from Defense budget. 

ACC

It was supposed to be all private money but alas even in death Teddy Kennedy has found a way to take from the American taxpayer. That the money is going to his own self aggrandizement would have pleased him. That the money came from “defense” would have pleased him even more.

The New York Times writes:

"Here’s an unstated lesson: It pays to have friends running the Appropriations Committee.  More than $18 million of the $38 million in public funds for the center was funneled through the Defense Appropriations Subcommittee, a powerful panel once run by other Senate powerhouses who have died in recent years:Senators Daniel K. Inouye, Democrat of Hawaii, and Ted Stevens, Republican of Alaska..."

But one would think people would be lining up to throw cash at the project given how great Kennedy was. Couldn’t the Kennedy clan pony up the dough? Or maybe just house the memorial in the basement of the Hyannis Port estate? But why have the family or friends of the Kennedys pay for Teddy’s monument when one can get the taxpayers to do it?

and this from  Newsmax:

"President Obama, Vice President Biden, Secretary of State John Kerry and Sen. Elizabeth Warren will all gather to praise the Edward M. Kennedy Institute for the United States Senate. Much will be said about Kennedy’s 46-year record in the U.S. Senate, nothing about various scandals that ranged from Chappaquiddick to his attempts to have the Soviets intervene in the 1984 presidential election against Ronald Reagan.

Boston Herald columnist Howie Carr points out that the Insititute “was supposed to be paid for exclusively with private donations.” But it should come as no surprise that the gorgeous 40,000-square-foot building that will house Kennedy’s papers and memorabilia as well as a recreation of his personal office and the Senate chamber was financed with a generous $38 million congressional earmark. The state of Massachusetts chipped in with another $5 million for education “infrastructure.”- Read More

Unidentified Kennedy Family Member Arrives at Opening of  Kennedy Institute

A Good Monday Morning

Stop Criticizing His Golf Outings.......He Needs the Practice

John Kerry Has His Fill of Middle Finger News Service

MFNS - Secretary of State John F. Kerry (he fought in Vietnam you know) has called out 'Middle Finger News Service' as a pitiful Unamerican / Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet and threatened humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Below is a transcript of his remarks at the "Societe De Douchebag Internationale" convention yesterday, and I promise you, sh*t  getting real.....

"The illegitimate 'Middle Finger News' editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.   These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and its about time they started to show accountably for their venomous use of free speech and abuse of the people's Internet. 

Their crimes against breadsticks are simply intolerable. It is over 72 hours since either a news post or even a meager, petty, individual comment on MFNS has mentioned the Olive Garden fiasco. How much longer does Our Common Humanity have to wait?"

Furthermore..... 

"I know not with what weapons President Assad has fought with, because we haven't had a chance to think about this one yet. But what I do know is that our war of eternally compassionate and brutally sympathetic attrition with the bitter, hard-boiled Middle Finger News dogmatists and ideological fanatics will be fought with… um, Syrian cooking pots.”

"You know who said that? Yes, that’s right.

No, not Assad, he’s kind of our second-best frenemy right now. I mean, it's getting to the point where he needs us more than we need him. Unacceptable. But kinda acceptable too.  Or is it?

No, not that Indian guy. No, not Einstein either. Someone a bit closer to home. A great man of peace.  I Thought it was pretty obvious who is the Great Emancipator and Man of Eternal Pacific Justice in our time.

Anyway… I've told you what's what, and who our enemies are for the time being…Until we decide (or at least do not decide) otherwise, in light of the purely value free and objective given constraints and opportunities. 

You know, I really hate these guys. Just ‘cos.  Well, that's enough, right?  Well, maybe.

Still, the other side of this dilemma, which is equally important, and of equal strategic importance to us all, is that Middle Finger News Service is an eternally radiant beacon of Voltairean irony and satire, carrying the eternal flame of Paine and Jefferson across all the boundless, blooming spaces of the information superhighway…...the sole and sufficient hope in which all meager, starved, and sore thirst seekers of satire may put their trust; and ever abide in the tender bowels of humor, the greatest gift among gods and people.

No, shut up!

No, don’t worry, that was technically a malapropism, not a flip-flop as such. Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it.  Nope! Sorry! You're not having that one. No woolly compromises. 

This time. No, no, no! This time, it's gotta be one or the other."

__________________________________________________

I was… let’s say, I was in agreement with half of what Kerry said.
Well?  Work it out for yourself