Showing posts with label Earl of Ketchup - Duke of Heinz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Earl of Ketchup - Duke of Heinz. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 11, 2018

John Kerry Proves He's Still Inept at That Foreign Policy Stuff


Liberals are in hysterics and wetting themselves because the President went to Europe and talked tough to European allies and actually had the audacity to question why they don't pay their fair share in defending the continent from Russian aggression. And just like every other times Trump has done something they deem unusual or dangerous, he gets results and liberals are left looking embarrassingly for the next shiny object. As a result of Trump's straightforward tough talk, the NATO nations have agreed to increase their military spending and no one was harder hit than former Secretary of State John Kerry--The Earl of Ketchup/Duke of Heinz--who ceremoniously defined the role of top US diplomat with historic ineptitude and incompetence
"NATO leaders pledged their “unwavering commitment” to boost defense spending on Wednesday, following stern words from President Trump criticizing European leaders for spending too little. The U.S. and European allies signed a declaration stating they are “committed to improving the balance of sharing the costs and responsibilities of alliance membership.” The declaration comes after confrontational and testy discussions between Trump and other NATO leaders."
So Trump dresses down NATO about lack of military spending and they respond by increasing military spending. It seems so simple. Why couldn’t Kerry or Obama do this? I guess I answered my own question. Kerry and Obama.

Kerry posted a statement on the tweeter saying that Trump was “disgraceful and destructive” and called his statement “counter productive.” He also claimed that Trump had undermined the Obama administration’s efforts to get NATO to increase their military spending. I wonder if the news has reached him Trump actually got NATO to do this while he and Barky had failed so miserably.

Kerry implied Trump was stupid, which is funny coming from a guy who paid Iran pallets of cash to continue their nuclear weapons program. Kerry then tried to make it seem like he was tougher on Russia than Trump is. Yeah, same guy who sat around sipping Chardonnay with other useless diplomats as Russia annexed a large portion of the Ukraine. And all this coming from the Secretary of State who summed up the Clinton/Kerry foreign policy years; 'Nothing Says World Peace Like a Box of Potatoes'.

Obviously John Kerry is confused by foreign policy success. This is something he has never experienced before and it is frightening to him. It also probably doesn’t help that Trump’s winning makes Kerry look even more like a blathering idiot.

[La Libre Belgique]                                
[FOX News] 
Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage!

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

John Kerry Calls Election ‘downright embarrassing.’ Twitter Promptly Burns Him to a Crisp.....



The Earl of Ketchup / Duke of Heinz, Secretary of State and failed candidate for president John Kerry is upset about the 2016 election cycle.  On NBC Nightly News, Kerry revealed his sadness of perceptions of the election overseas by noting “There are moments when it is downright embarrassing.” (as if we should really care what people who wish they were us think).

NBC tweeted out his comment and as soon as the tweet went live , he was trounced for his own actions that made a mockery of America and reminded he himself had a hand in making America look absurd.  Here's just a sample:



Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Petition Begins to Remove AC from State Department

John F'ing Kerry (he fought in Vietnam ya know)

It's High Time Our Leaders Lead By Example

Recently our illustrious Secretary of State John Kerry announced to a gathering of world dignitaries almost as smart as he is that air conditioners and refrigerators are as big of a threat to life as the threat of terrorism posed by groups like the Islamic State. Kerry was in Vienna to amend the 1987 Montreal Protocol that would phase out hydrofluorocarbons, or HFCs, from basic household and commercial appliances.

“As we were working together on the challenge of [ISIS] and terrorism.  It’s hard for some people to grasp it, but what we–you–are doing here right now is of equal importance because it has the ability to literally save life on the planet itself.”
After John Kerry announced that Air Conditioners are as big a threat as ISIS,  a petition began to get him to put his money where his big mouth is.

From Change.org: 

WHEREAS, Secretary of State John F. Kerry has suggested that air conditioners are as big a threat as ISIS, and
WHEREAS, it is the duty of our elected and appointed government officials to lead by example,
THEREFORE, we call upon the U.S. Department of State to remove air conditioning from all property that the Department owns, rents, or otherwise employs, including but not limited to embassies, consulates, office buildings, etc., all vehicles owned and/or operated by the Department, and any other property, real or movable, owned, rented, or otherwise employed by the Department.
(Click through to sign Here)

And we thought that Joe Biden held the governmental permit to making incredibly stupid statements....... 


Thank You MJA for the Linkage

Monday, March 28, 2016

John Kerry Cringes at GOP’s Perception Overseas

Our Honorable Doofus of State

Secretary of State John Kerry said on national television the Republican Party is an embarrassment to the United States because of the recent rhetoric that’s hailing from the GOP presidential campaign trail.  He mentioned specifically in an appearance on CBS's “Face the Nation” that the talk among some Republicans about barring Muslim entry into the country, or policing Muslim-dominated neighborhoods in America, or waterboarding those captured by U.S. intelligence officials, are all proving "an embarrassment to our country. It' upsets people's sense of equilibrium about our steadiness, about our reliability."
"Everywhere I go, every leader I meet, they ask about what is happening in America. They cannot believe it. I think it is fair to say that they're shocked. They don't know where it’s taking the United States of America."
Kerry, who also defended President Obama’s stay in Latin America both during and after the Brussels terrorism attack, a decision that sparked criticism from many in the Republican camp and among the media, for the public relations message it sent, then said the optics of the GOP campaign don’t look good on the international stage.

Seeing Mr. Kerry has spent most of his tenure dealing making concessions to our enemies, and his predecessor did much else but sip cocktails with world leaders while the Middle East fell into chaos, rather then projecting the power of the United States, we can only believe the "Leaders" he speaks of believe the U.S. is not as "Enlightened" as them. And our enemies see us as weak.

Yes Mr. Kerry, you and your predecessor over the last 7 years have projected nothing but weakness in negotiations and actions, and set the bar so low that when Mr. Trump and Mr. Cruz speak from a position of strength and power in domestic and foreign affairs, it's hard for foreign governments to believe, and it's scares them......as it should. 

Friday, March 25, 2016

U.S. State Dept. Will Award You $1.5 Million to Pen a “TV Drama” Helping Combat Islamic Radicalization

Sec.of State John Kerry, The Earl of Ketchup-Duke of Heinz

Secretary of State John Kerry (he fought was in Vietnam Ya Know) will travel to Belgium this week to extend the American peoples' condolences to the citizens of Brussels, and probably to help counter the problematic public relations the White House is facing after our President was pictured tangoing the night away in Argentina rather than attending to important things, like people getting blown up in Europe.

But, fear not, America and our allies, because the State Department has a plan. Announced yesterday, they are now offering a $1.5 million grant to anyone who can pen a television drama series that can counter radicalization in the Middle East.
"This grant will fund the development and broadcast of a television drama series in which young people grapple with everyday frustrations and lack of opportunity, while growing and learning through new experiences," the offer said.
"The drama will be grounded in reality, but will also contain compelling creative content (i.e. storytelling, resonant narratives, strong characters, sophisticated production, etc.)," it added. "In short, it will strive to be entertaining while challenging viewers to engage in critical thinking by placing characters in situations where they are faced with a choice: support universal values of tolerance and peace or be drawn into the dark world of extremism."
The grant explains that the show needs to be inspiring, and that the characters need to be relatable, so that potential jihadis, hanging around watching television dramas in their spare time between training on the Internet to build bombs, will be able to identify with the young people on screen and see them as "role models" for how to handle the deep and permeating sadness in their soul without strapping on a suicide vest.

Now, honestly, outreach-through-entertainment isn't a horrible idea. After all, after a motorbike, a satellite dish is the most popular "disposable income" purchase even in the third world. And America produces a hell of a lot of television, unfortunately mostly starring people with the last name "Kardashian," that reinforces our status as the world's Great Satan. But it might be too little too late to start drafting Shonda Rhimes into our national security efforts, now that plans are underway to incorporate thousands more refugees into western countries, after they've all been trained in the finer points of C-4 laced apparel-making.

Any question why these people have no fear of us what so ever?

(Grants.gov Link)

Wednesday, January 13, 2016

Bulletin: U.S.State Department 01/13/2016

"US. Secretary of State John Kerry telephoned counterparts in Tehran, convinced the Iranians that the ships' movement was an accident and was not an intentional violation of Iran's territorial waters." - @NBCNews

UPDATE: James Taylor in route to Tehran with written apology, the newest porn releases and will serenade Iranian Military Commanders........ Developing.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

We Have A Pure Idiot for Secretary of State

Kerry sees 'rationale' in Charlie Hebdo murders,
unlike Friday's attacks in Paris.....


Secretary of State John Kerry suggested on Tuesday that there was a “rationale” for the assault on satirical French weekly Charlie Hebdo, unlike the more recent attacks in Paris.
"There’s something different about what happened from Charlie Hebdo, and I think everybody would feel that. There was a sort of particularized focus and perhaps even a legitimacy in terms of — not a legitimacy, but a rationale that you could attach yourself to somehow and say, OK, they’re really angry because of this and that."
"This Friday was absolutely indiscriminate. It wasn’t to aggrieve one particular sense of wrong. It was to terrorize people." 
The attack on Charlie Hebdo, which took place in January, killed 12 people and was perpetrated by radical Islamic militants with ties to al Qaeda's affiliate in Yemen. An al Qaeda statement claiming responsibility for the murders said they were retribution for the magazine's decision to run cartoons mocking the Prophet Mohammed, and to avenge the drone strike that killed Yemeni-American cleric Anwar al-Awlaki.
So, would there be a rationale on his part  to "aggrieve one particular sense of wrong"  if a Christian was to murder an artist for a cross in a jar of urine, or a picture of the Virgin Mary and child done in feces?  Does this man hear what he's saying when he says it? How did we fall so far to the point of being governed be narcissists, idiots and Douchebags who would have once been hung for treason?

Friday, October 2, 2015

Rumors of John Kerry and a Noble Peace Prize

Earl of Ketchup -The Duke of Heinz
WFB - Growing speculation that John Kerry will receive a Nobel Peace Prize for finalizing the Iranian nuclear deal is generating renewed criticism of his close relationship with the Iranian foreign minister, Javad Zarif, a key public face for the theocratic regime who is rumored to be a probable co-recipient with Kerry.
Rumors have been circulating for months that Kerry and Zarif will be co-selected for the prize. The Stockholm International Peace Research Institute, a leading Swedish think-tank, recommended in July that the two be selected for the Nobel in 2016.
Lawmakers and Washington insiders who have worked for years on the Iran portfolio have reacted with shock to the rumors, telling the Washington Free Beacon in multiple interviews that both Kerry and Zarif are unfit to receive the prize:
“We have seen Nobel Prizes that appeared to be awarded to people who have acted staunchly to the detriment of Israel’s existence, and if that is their inclination this time, I think Secretary Kerry should be first runner up for the Nobel Prize, right behind the Ayatollah,” said Rep. Louie Gohmert (R., Texas)....." 

A Noble Prize would be the 'Cream de la cream' of Kerry's tenure in office, who over the  difficult period of negotiations sustained 4 different serious wounds, including a broken leg, and awarded (to himself) a record number of  Purple Heart Medals for wounds sustained in service to his country. 

Tuesday, July 21, 2015

☪ A Foreign Policy Black Comedy ☪

Kerry Seen Leaving Recent  Iranian Negotiations 
Known affectionately here at DMF as the "Earl of Ketchup" and "The Duke of Heinz", John Kerry can now add a  third honor to his  royalist list of titles - "The Prince of Fools" 

Ricochet - You must give John Kerry credit. Who else could play the idiot with a straight face like he can. Again, he knocked me to the floor with a comment so devoid of intelligence, so totally inane as to astound beyond all credence. Truly he is the Prince of Fools.
"U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry said a speech by Iranian Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei on Saturday vowing to defy American policies in the region despite a deal with world powers over Tehran’s nuclear program was “very troubling.”
“I don’t know how to interpret it at this point in time, except to take it at face value, that that’s his policy,” he said in the interview with Saudi-owned Al Arabiya television.
“But I do know that often comments are made publicly and things can evolve that are different. If it is the policy, it’s very disturbing, it’s very troubling.....” 
The man has just concluded a complete major treaty with the Iranians. The administration just ran to the U.N. so they could lift vitally important sanctions from Iran, giving them the green light for further aggression. They did this before Congress, as agreed, could have a say, and as if the Congressional right to ratify treaties, under the Constitution, were something that could be waved. Now, he’s “disturbed” that the hideous tyrannical regime with which he’s been negotiating for years is just what it appears: a lawless monster intent on the destruction of America, Israel, and any rival in the Middle East.

“If it is the policy, it’s very disturbing, it’s very troubling.”
The Supreme Leader of an absolute theocratic dictatorship publicly announced this, to mass rallies, and Kerry says “If it is the policy.” He’s just given away the store at the U.N., and now, a few days later, he is very disturbed and troubled.

Absolutely amazing! This is for the Idiot Olympics. Kerry is in a class by himself.  

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Iranian News Media Out Alex Joneses Alex Jones

 Noted Wing-Nut Conspiracy Theorist Alex Jones 

Iranian media beats Jones to the scoop, refutes  John Kerry 
was hurt in a cycling accident.

The Iranian news media has erupted with rumors that Secretary of State John Kerry was not injured last week in a fall from his bicycle in Switzerland, but rather he was the target of an assassination attempt while meeting with Islamic State terrorists.

The Clownish Iranian media, known for reporting "conspiracy theories" in the past, such as a September report that Israel was spearheading a dangerous global plot to spread the Krav Maga martial arts worldwide and a December report that Israel was building settlements in Iraq.

Jerusalem Post
"The latest Iranian report, first published by the Nasim news agency and subsequently picked up by dozens of Iranian news sites, based its information on "an American news website" which cites a Russian foreign intelligence service report as the source of the information.  
According to the report in Nasim, Kerry secretly met with one of the leaders of Islamic State on Sunday. The meeting eventually led to an armed clash and an attempt to assassinate the US secretary of state.
Kerry's meeting, in which the alleged assassination attempt took place, was with Gulmurod Khalimov, a senior Tajik police commander, trained in the United States, who announced his defection to Islamic State in a video released last week, the report states.
Having received training from the US State Department previously, Khalimov was well aware of State Department security procedures and he used the knowledge to get another member of his entourage into the secret meeting with Kerry, with the intention of assassinating him, the report claims.
The report cited communications intercepted by Russian intelligence from France, the US and Switzerland as confirming that two other people were shot in the incident, one of them fatally.
The story of Kerry breaking his femur in a bicycle accident in Switzerland was then concoted to hide the real source of his "grave injuries," according to the report. "

Saturday, March 28, 2015

John Kerry Has His Fill of Middle Finger News Service


MFNS - Secretary of State John F. Kerry (he fought in Vietnam you know) has called out 'Middle Finger News Service' as a pitiful Unamerican / Uncosmopolitan “satire” outlet and threatened humanitarian annihilation, if we do not shape up.

Below is a transcript of his remarks at the "Societe De Douchebag Internationale" convention yesterday, and I promise you, sh*t  getting real.....

"The illegitimate 'Middle Finger News' editorial regime and its vicious hack collaborators, for too long, have defied the wrath of the International Community.   These despicable hooligans truly are “Sinners in the Hand of an Angry Military-Industrial Complex,” and its about time they started to show accountably for their venomous use of free speech and abuse of the people's Internet. 
Their crimes against breadsticks are simply intolerable. It is over 72 hours since either a news post or even a meager, petty, individual comment on MFNS has mentioned the Olive Garden fiasco. How much longer does Our Common Humanity have to wait?"
Furthermore..... 
"I know not with what weapons President Assad has fought with, because we haven't had a chance to think about this one yet. But what I do know is that our war of eternally compassionate and brutally sympathetic attrition with the bitter, hard-boiled Middle Finger News dogmatists and ideological fanatics will be fought with… um, Syrian cooking pots.”
"You know who said that? Yes, that’s right.
No, not Assad, he’s kind of our second-best frenemy right now. I mean, it's getting to the point where he needs us more than we need him. Unacceptable. But kinda acceptable too.  Or is it?
No, not that Indian guy. No, not Einstein either. Someone a bit closer to home. A great man of peace.  I Thought it was pretty obvious who is the Great Emancipator and Man of Eternal Pacific Justice in our time.
Anyway… I've told you what's what, and who our enemies are for the time being…Until we decide (or at least do not decide) otherwise, in light of the purely value free and objective given constraints and opportunities. 
You know, I really hate these guys. Just ‘cos.  Well, that's enough, right?  Well, maybe.
Still, the other side of this dilemma, which is equally important, and of equal strategic importance to us all, is that Middle Finger News Service is an eternally radiant beacon of Voltairean irony and satire, carrying the eternal flame of Paine and Jefferson across all the boundless, blooming spaces of the information superhighway…...the sole and sufficient hope in which all meager, starved, and sore thirst seekers of satire may put their trust; and ever abide in the tender bowels of humor, the greatest gift among gods and people.
No, shut up!
No, don’t worry, that was technically a malapropism, not a flip-flop as such. Well, I guess it depends on how you look at it.  Nope! Sorry! You're not having that one. No woolly compromises. 
This time. No, no, no! This time, it's gotta be one or the other."
__________________________________________________

I was… let’s say, I was in agreement with half of what Kerry said.
Well?  
Work it out for yourself

Thursday, February 5, 2015

John Kerry Voted Dead Last in Terms of Effectiveness

Least effective U.S. Secretary of State of the past 50 years

Foreign Policy magazine this week announced the results of its 2014 Ivory Tower survey of 1,615 international relations scholars from 1,375 U.S. colleges. The survey quizzed respondents about recent historical events and future policy challenges.  Among the questions ask in the survey: who was the most effective secretary of state over the past 50 years?


Not good news for for the Earl of Ketchup.


The winner of the polling was Nobel Peace Prize winner Henry A. Kissinger, who was secretary for four years during the Nixon and Ford administrations. Kissinger got 32.21 percent, extraordinary in such a large field.

Don’t Know” came in a relatively distant second, with 18.32 percent.

James Baker, Secretary of State in the George H. W. Bush administration, who was actually the most effective secretary in the last 50 years, came in third at 17.71 percent, just behind Dr. Know.

Madeleine Albright and Hillary Clinton tied for fourth at 8.70 percent. (no doubt voted high by female scholars for obvious reasons).

And Pulling up the rear, Lawrence Eagleburger came in 12th place with only 0.31 percent.

And dead last, was John Kerry. He got a total of two votes of the 660 scholars who responded.

It can't be very comforting to Sec. Kerry that he polled behind  Eagleburger, who was only secretary of state for six weeks. (insert laugh track here)

And to think, this is the man who democrats put their faith in to defeat George Bush and become the 44th President of the United States......

You can read more about the survey Here

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Kerry Seals Historic Non-Aggression Pact with Canada

"Peace in Our Time"

Despite the prospect of escalating war in the Middle East, the free world can breathe a little easily today with the signing of the North American Non-Aggression Pact between Canada and the U.S. in Ottawa Last Night.


(MFNS) Ottawa - "Peace in our time" declared U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry as he held a puppy tightly while standing next to a befuddled Canadian Minister of National Defense, Rob Nicholson and a small contingent of reporters outside the Royal Canadian Hall in Ottawa last night. 

"At last the specter of death and destruction that have held the people of our two great nations in the grip of fear and uncertainty has be exorcised" Kerry told the crowd. 

Later, the Canadian Ministry told MFNS  that Kerry's plane radioed he was on a secret mission and requested landing rights at a Royal Canadian Airbase. Kerry rushed to the Ministers side and began babbling  incoherently about an agreement between the two nations. 

"At first I though I was being punked, as you Americans call it, by some ridiculous late night program.  But it soon became apparent The Secretary was serious."

Nicholson told us Kerry "looked scary, haggard and somewhat out of his mind", ranting about conservative bloggers in the U.S. making fun of him, and that he "needed an earth shaking international agreement to show those bastards!"

"Just between us", Nicholson told us, "I suspected Secretary Kerry was still a bit ill from his recent butt fat injections or had been dipping into his wife's ant-psychotic medications, so we just played along with the whole thing for his benefit."

There has been no word from the White House, but when told of the agreement, Vice President Joe Biden said " this just proves John Kerry and former Secretary of State Hillary Swank made us a formidable team of diplomats  that understand the difficult workings of international affairs almost as much as I do, and with this agreement have brought peace to the Canadian Continent ."     

Monday, January 13, 2014

Nothing Says World Peace Like a Box of Potatoes.

John Kerry Goes Full Biden .......

When Secretary of State John Kerry met Russian Foreign Minister Sergei Lavrov in Paris on Monday ahead of peace talks on Syria scheduled for later this month, he thought he would break the ice with…potatoes.



Kerry said the potatoes came from Idaho, which he had recently visited.
Lavrov said the potatoes were “impressive.”

Sunday, September 1, 2013

Now I Know Where the Inspiration for a Flip Cap on the Ketchup Bottles Came From.....

Secretary of State / Earl of Ketchup
John Kerry in 2004: George Bush is bad because he rushed to war without letting UN Inspectors finish their jobs and he was wrong for striking Iraq without a broad and deep coalition of allies joining the action!!

John Kerry in 2013: Barack Obama is awesome and doesn't need to wait for UN inspectors to finish their job in Syria because their investigation "can’t tell us anything . . . that we don’t already know" and Obama is displaying unique and strong leadership by striking Syria with no international coalition because it “will ensure that the United States of America makes our own decisions on our own timelines based on our values and our interests,” unconstrained by other countries’ opinions.