Squinty & Meat Puppet's Cheap Imitation of Don Lemon's Laughing Clown Show

Squinty Joe probable stayed up all night to write this dialogue because we all know he's not smart enough to do it off the cuff....


[NewsBusters]

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 Larwyn's Linx@ Doug Ross Journal 
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New York Times Ask Dem Candidates Which Celebrity They Would Most Like To Bang

It's just a week until the Iowa vote and the Democrat primary field will soon narrow to just 30 or so candidates. They've spent hours at Democratic debates most of us didn't watch droning on about screwing up your health care or their thrilling plans to tax the hell outta you so they can give you everything for free. As we mercifully get ready to say goodbye to some, let's learn a little bit about them as people who occasionally like us get horny.

The New York Times asked some of the remaining Democrat candidates 20 questions, one of which was to give voters a peek into their mental Cinemax and reveal their celebrity crushes. I think the answers will thrill you. They may shock you. They might even horrify you.

First up is clear winner Amy Klobuchar, who chose Prince. It's not just that the senator and the music legend are both from Minnesota. It's simply the only correct answer. She responded without hesitation, so it's obvious she's had sex to his music. I'm too polite to speculate as to which Prince album was playing while Klobuchar's daughter was conceived. All I'll say is that if there's some serious nakedness going on in the vicinity of Prince's music someone's getting pregnant. That's science.

Lizzy Warren came in a strong second with The Rock. She even still calls him the Rock. "Dwayne Johnson" can make all the versions of The Fast and the Furious and Jumanji that moviegoers can stomach. He can even churn out some more family-friendly crap like Tooth Fairy. Warren's only interested in what the Rock is cooking while strutting his stuff in tight spandex. For a moment while Warren was giving her answer, it seemed as if she forgot the cameras were there, closed her eyes, and sampled the candy. Don't leave our girl in a room alone with the Rock, especially if Klobuchar loaned her a copy of Diamonds and Pearls.

Mike Bloomberg was the weirdest. He selected both Laura Dern and William H. Macy. He's a billionaire. He can cast whoever he wants in his orgies.  Tom Steyer went with the safer but still dope choice of Alicia Keys. The lady can sing, and she's fine. No chance Tom.

Andy Yang took the path you're supposed to if you're married and want to remain so. "I think my wife's a star and I've got a big crush on her."  Aww, that's sweet. But let's cut the crap.

Mayor Pete was the lone spoilsport interviewed. He claimed his celebrity crush was "not for The New York Times to know about." Teen Vogue covers celebrity crushes. This is the most innocuous ice breaker question imaginable. Is he afraid voters will think he lacks gravitas if he admits he would dig playing rump rangers with Mr. Sulu??  Bloomberg offered us wacky threesome scenarios, and Warren had an on-camera orgasm. Buttigieg's a Rhodes scholar. We think he can safely answer one random question without killing his campaign. Okay, maybe in his case the wiser move is to say nothing.

[The New York Times]
[Wonkette]

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Some Media Disturbed at Senator's Boredom and Disinterest at Schiff's Redundant Off-Broadway Spectacle

To listen to the media, we should all be showering Adam Schiff's with flowers over his dramatic prosecutorial marathon performance in the Senate Chamber the last few evenings. And while our friend DIANNY amply describes the resulting media talking head circle jerk, some in the media are a bit beside themselves that Schiff's senate comrades don't seem to hold the same enthusiasm for Schiff & Co. redundant, dot connecting interpretations and exercise in futility.  In Off-Broadway review speak, it might rate a characterization as "an overly dramatic presentation by a bad actor standing ankle deep in a box of cat shit." 

And what really bites em in the butt is cable news ratings indicate a significant drop as the audience shrunk by 19% between Tuesday’s session and when Democrats began making their case for why DJT should be removed from office.

According to BPR, MSNBC's resident soy boy, Chris Hayes, bluntly said Wednesday evening that any senators who find it difficult to sit still for eight or more hours during President Donald Trump’s ongoing Senate trial should “resign tomorrow and go get another job.” Hayes issued the remark while speaking with his cable news twin, master conspiracy theorist, Rick Maddow about the bipartisan boredom and disinterest being shown by Democrat and Republican senators.

"It is a little bit weird," Maddow complained. "We all thought it was within the rules that they had to be there. They had to attend and sit there and not eat or drink anything other than milk or water. And they needed to not have their phones and they needed to not speak."

To be fair, the rules of an impeachment trial are extremely strict. No coffee or snacking on the floor. No pacing, note-passing, scribbling on the wall or working on other matters or chit-chat. Technically, only water is allowed in the Senate chamber. Numerous senators were seen chewing on snacks or drinking something besides water. In their defense, they’re still human, after all.

"Courthouse News Service reported Bernie Sanders could be seen nodding off, slouched deep in his wooden desk with his chin bobbing on his chest."

And from the AP :

"A Democrat in the back row leaned on his right arm, covered his eyes and stayed that way for nearly a half-hour".

"Some openly snickered when lead prosecutor Adam Schiff said he’d only speak for 10 minutes. And when one of the freshman House prosecutors stood to speak, many of the senator-jurors bolted for the cloak rooms, where their phones are stored."

Senate Judiciary Committee ranking member Di Feinstein reportedly said screw it and left Wednesday’s trial hearings at least an hour before its conclusion. Meanwhile, presidential candidate Amy Klobuchar hung around and was spotted apparently chewing her cud. 

Over at Fake News Central (CNN), John Berman was ranting and raving about the same issue. Their whiny attitude does seem to speak to the growing belief that so-called “journalists” are narcissistic, self-absorbed door slamming 9 year olds.

[BizPac]
[MSNBC]
  

President Lizzy Wants You To Know She's Gonna Clean Up All This Crap Straight Away!!!

On the first day of Donald Trump's impeachment trial, Lizzy Warren unveiled her plan to save us all on her website under the weighty title 'Restoring Integrity and Competence to Government After Trump.' No, I'm not kiddin':

"One year from today, the next president will begin her first full day of work. She will be inheriting a government in crisis and in desperate need of immediate course correction."

That's cute how Warren refers to the next president with a feminine pronoun. What comes first in President Warren's "course correction"? Firings, and lots of them!

Lizzy said she'll ask for the resignations of all Trump's political appointees on day one of her administration. That includes 93 US attorneys. (Bush 43 fired 9 and the Liberals went absolutely ape- shit).  Feeling her inner Stalin, Lizzy plans on going after political opponents. Comrade Warren will establish a Task Force (probably lead by the lovely AG Kamala Harris) that will investigate corruption in the Trump administration and hold the guilty parties accountable.  But Warren will also keep herself honest, not just more honest than Trump because any common gangster can limbo under a low bar. Nay, her administration will "adopt the strictest anti-corruption hiring rules of any administration in all of American History in the world!!"

Right off the bat she says she'll end Obama's policy of children in cages at detention facilities that was Trump's fault, end DJT's reckless foreign policy that endangers our country by killing terrorists who threaten us and end the bigoted ban on travelers from Muslim-majority countries that breed worldwide terrorism. She'll also investigate US Border Control and Department of Homeland Security for violating Immigration laws.

President Lizzy insist her team will reflects the full diversity of America, including having at least 50% of Cabinet positions filled by women and non binary people. Even though Black women are disproportionately represented in the federal workforce and LGBTQRX people are represented across all levels of government, including in leadership roles, it don't matter.  Not diverse enough for Lizzy.  There will be recruiting from HBCUs, Tribal Colleges and Universities, and programs for federal jobs for formerly incarcerated individuals ex-convicts. And Lizzy wants to grow the government that is still bloated by reinstating government officials who left public service through a streamlined hiring process, and waive competitive hiring processes as a way of creating another generation of ambitious soft skull leftist government bureaucrats. 

To bring back integrity in government, Lizzy won't employ "senior executives at companies and banks that have broken federal law, are subject to enforcement actions, or are under investigation." That basically rules out 99% of the financial industry. But she hates them anyway, so no biggie. There's always the little commie midget, Robert Reich, who fancies himself an economist who'd probably jump on his big wheel and join up in a minute!

It's not stated outright but we also assume Warren staffers won't regularly violate the Hatch Act, but democrats gonna democrat. Senior staffers will have to pledge not to accept a lobbying job after their official duties end.....and that's for life. Man, you won't catch a grift if you ever work for Warren. That should thin the potential herd down quite a bit.

Donald Trump’s presidency has been a dark period in American history according to Lizzy's website.  A government that has been infected by corruption and incompetence, and his actions as president suggest that he is likely to do everything he can to undermine the next president. Ya Know, just like the last one did.

[Lizzy.com]
[Reuters]

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