by Komissar Blogunov
"Once again Democrats, the Pioneers of Progress™, have led the way against the animalistic howls and cries of the Republican opposition and have secured the borders of our country. What was once a prosecutable hate crime for Republicans has become an act of Compassion™ and Caring™ by the forward looking Democrats. Republicans, at least a few of them, wanted to close the borders of America to keep undocumented voters locked up in the south, and deny Canadians access to affordable health care in the north. But now that incandescent light bulbs are as illegal as lemonade stands in all 50 states, the borders must be secured to prevent black market light bulbs, or black lights, from entering the country through our large and porous borders.
Wheezing from the floor of the Senate earlier today, a victorious Harry Reid could barely help congratulating himself. “We have finally made our Republican colleagues see the light,” said the Senate majority leader, obviously delighted by his clever pun, “and now they too see the importance of border security. Millions of these incandescent light bulbs, identified by every responsible news outlet as the greatest environmental threat since George W Bush, are still available in Canada and Mexico. The potential damage to this country by the influx of illegal light bulbs would be incalculable and could cost billions, if not trillions, to undo.....”KEEP READING