Wednesday, June 12, 2013

INFOWAR's Alex Jones To Write Autobiography

MIDDLE FINGER NEWS SERVICE

Noted conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is currently in negotiations to write his life story. The working title is, “The Boy Who Cried Wolf Thinks The Sky Is Falling.  
The details of the book are severely under-wraps because Jones is fearful that the government will sell his information to secret communist Martians who are looking to construct a constitution based on his manifesto and coercion techniques.
It would seem that Mr. Jones wants all who purchase his book to read it, then immediately burn it because he doesn’t want the government to learn his secrets, but also doesn’t want to lose the profit of you buying into his book.  
Jones has been apprehensive about even releasing the title because he’s fearful the government will find the printing press, insert tiny explosive devices into every copy, and then put the blame back onto him.  
The only reason Middle Finger News was able to bring the news of Jones’ new book to you was a promise to never trust the government again, move our organization underground, and barricade ourselves in an explosion-proof bunker while only communicating with the outside world through a new version of Morris Code unbeknown to the United States federal government.
We lied.

Finding Out if Your Potential Employee is an Ex-con is Now Considered Racist.....

This Government has gone Slap-Ass Crazy
Attorney General Eric Holder - Hopefully in Position to Fail Criminal Background Check Soon 
WSJ - Federal regulators Tuesday accused two large employers of improperly using criminal-background checks in hiring, the latest salvo in a contentious debate over whether such screening amounts to discrimination against black applicants.
In complaints filed in federal courts in Illinois and South Carolina, the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission said two companies discount retailer Dollar General Corp.and a U.S. unit of German auto maker BMW ,generally barred potential employees based on the criminal checks, when they should have reviewed each applicant. The commission said the policies had the effect of discriminating against black applicants......"
Ms. Moore said rules concerning criminal-background checks are particularly important because blacks are convicted of crimes more often than whites. According to the federal Bureau of Justice Statistics, black men were incarcerated in 2010 at more than six times the rate of white men and nearly three times the rate of Hispanic men.
Mr. Lopez, the EEOC general counsel, said the Dollar General and BMW cases are "very serious systemic race discrimination cases." At both companies, the EEOC cited statistical disparities in the hiring rates of blacks and nonblacks after the companies ran criminal-background checks....."
Dollar General said it "prohibits discrimination in its hiring and employment practices." The retailer said its criminal background checks are "structured to foster a safe and healthy environment for its employees, its customers, and to protect its assets in a lawful, reasonable and nondiscriminatory manner."
At BMW, the EEOC alleges that the auto maker hired a new logistics contractor at its Spartanburg, S.C., assembly plant in 2008, and required 645 employees of the prior contractor to undergo a new criminal background check. Of those, 55% were black; but 80% of the 88 terminated employees were black. Some of the dismissed employees had worked for various contractors at the BMW plant for as long as 14 years. BMW employs 9,000 people in the U.S.
[SNIP]

As stated in the story above, business owners have the right to protect their assets, employees and customers. No one I know of in this day and age denies employment because of skin color or national origin, those are not choices. But as an adult, if you make the choice to molest children , steal or jack convenience stores on Saturday nights for fun and profit, don't come to my window and then cry because I won't hire you no matter what you look like. And the government shouldn't be telling me otherwise!


Depends on Whose Ox is Being Gored: Al Franken Style

Senator Al Franken
It's pretty lonely to be the National Security Agency right now. The revelation of a massive data-collection program has left many progressive senators criticizing the agency, from Sen. Tom Udall, D-N.M., to Sen. Richard Blumenthal, D-Conn. But one of the other most liberal senators in Congress is so far speaking out in NSA's support.

Al Franken, the Minnesota Dipshit Democrat who is on the Senate Judiciary Committee, knew about the data-mining. Or at least that's what he told Minnesota's WCCO on Tuesday. "I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people," Franken said. The senator also believes the data collection has saved American lives:
"I have a high level of confidence that this is used to protect us, and I know that it has been successful in preventing terrorism.There are certain things that are appropriate for me to know that is not appropriate for the bad guys to know."
Last Thursday, Franken issued a press release that expressed concern about the privacy-security balance in the NSA program.

Franken hasn't always been so forgiving of similar practices. At a September 2009 Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on the reauthorization of expiring components of the USA Patriot Act, Franken read the Fourth Amendment to the assistant attorney general for national security as a means of questioning the act's "roving wiretap" provision. Franken would also eventually vote against a 2012 reauthorization of the FISA amendments that give the government wide surveillance authority.

But in an early 2006 AlterNet interview before he was officially running for Senate, Franken disparaged the Bush administration's NSA warrantless-surveillance program, laughing off a similar rationale to the one he's used in part to justify the current program:

"They're trying to justify these warrantless wiretaps by saying, "Oh, it's al-Qaida!" One guy is saying it's just al-Qaida--the Hayden guy, and then on the other hand, you hear from the FBI that they were inundated with referrals on all kinds of stuff with these calls, so much so that they couldn't get to their real work, and that none of the referrals led anywhere.
I think it's a Roveian strategy: "We win on national security; we'll scare people, and then we'll just win."  
Just being reminded this nit-wit got elected and is on the Judiciary Committee makes my skin crawl.  And no, people of Minnesota, you are not excused. 

Biden: Gun Control ‘Fight Is Far From Over’

Since the first Round Went So well, Let's Go for Two, Joe.

WASHINGTON (AP) —Six months after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, some of the victims’ families are heading to Capitol Hill to remind lawmakers they are painfully waiting for action, while some of the president’s allies are asking him to do more without any new prospects of legislation to toughen gun laws.
Gun control advocates also are anticipating further action from President Barack Obama, who said he would do everything he could to stem gun violence even without Congress.
The Center for American Progress, a Washington think tank with close ties to the White House, is asking Obama to issue a dozen more executive actions they say are within his power to reduce gun crimes. The group has been pushing those measures in meetings with the White House, where point man Vice President Joe Biden declared in an email to supporters Friday, “This fight is far from over.”
Obama issued 23 executive actions in the aftermath of Sandy Hook and hasn’t ruled out doing more. His aides say he isn’t planning to announce any new initiatives or hold a gun-related event this week but will likely acknowledge the anniversary.
Read More 

Monday, June 10, 2013

The Curious Russian Afterlife of Actor Steven Seagal

Long, long ago – for about 15 minutes – Steven Seagal was a big deal in Hollywood. His movie “Under Siege” made a lot of money. But that was pretty much it. Next came a string of big-budget flops followed by a lengthy and ongoing twilight spent in straight-to-video purgatory. As for me, I don’t think I’ve ever made it all the way through a Seagal film. His stiff, tubby frame, extreme humorlessness and mystic posturing make it impossible for me to suspend disbelief. Here in the US he serves as a punch line, part of the flotsam and jetsam of trash culture.
 
Indeed, Seagal has sunk so low that a few years ago he starred in an awful reality show named “Steven Seagal: Lawman,” which followed the bloated actor around down here in Louisiana as he helped cops solve crimes. Seagal claimed to be some kind of reserve policeman. In one episode he drove a tank into the wall of a man’s home who was suspected of raising roosters for cockfighting. Soon afterward a member of Seagal’s SWAT team shot the fellow’s dog. A lawsuit ensued.



Hollywood Z-Lister  and Former
Bad Ass Steven  Seagal 
That wasn't Seagal’s only bout of legal trouble in recent years. Shortly before the tank incident, he was accused of tricking female personal assistants into becoming his “sex slaves”, while last year a former business partner with known mafia connections took Seagal to court for not paying his debts. All of this scandal and absurdity tends to overshadow Seagal’s claim to be the reincarnation of Chungdrag Dorje, a 17th-century “treasure revealer” of Tibetan Buddhism – much to his frustration, I am sure.

Given all his trouble at home, it’s not difficult to understand why Seagal has been spending so much time in Russia lately. Back in March he opened a martial arts center in Moscow with Vladimir Putin himself. Putin of course is a big judo fan, and Seagal used to be a martial arts instructor. Watching video of the ceremony, I was struck by Seagal’s fake goatee. It was on his face when he was with Putin, but subsequently vanished when he took to the mat for a demonstration of morbidly obese old-man judo. Mysterious; and yet Seagal’s disappearing beard drew no comment from journalists anywhere.

Last May, Seagal (with beard) popped up in Chechnya, hot on the heels of fellow washed-up action dude Jean-Claude Van Damme and Russian patriot Gerard Depardieu. The republic's leader Ramzan Kadyrov, who definitely looks like the kind of guy who enjoys Steven Seagal movies, declared the corpulent master of kung fu “almost a Chechen.”

And then last weekend things turned from surreal to tasteless as Seagal (without beard) showed up in Beslan, where over 380 people, including many children, died during the 2004 siege. According to a spokesman, Seagal declared that he would dedicate the rest of his life to “fighting terrorism,” though in what capacity remains unclear. On Tuesday, however, Russian Deputy Prime Minister Dmitry Rogozin revealed that he wanted to offer Seagal a job as a global sales rep for Russian weapons. A curious post for a Buddhist, but maybe – given all these lawsuits – he needs the cash. Not since Vaclav Havel offered Frank Zappa the position of cultural attache' for the Czech Republic has a government made such a bizarre offer.

So maybe I should go easy on the star-struck Kadyrov as he proclaims his admiration for Steven Seagal. Maybe in Russia, people aren’t up on the scandals about dead puppies, alleged sex slaves, and the mafia stuff. On the other hand, when Seagal visited Beslan last weekend he did so in the company of a group of American congressmen. And I ask you, what was going on there? Didn’t one of them stop and think, isn’t this the guy who sells an energy drink named “Lightning Bolt” and who released an easy-listening album called “Songs from the Crystal Cave”? What the hell is he doing here?

A Good Monday Morning



Saturday, June 8, 2013

President Issues Statement to Verzion Users

WASHINGTON - Today, President Obama issued the following letter to all Verizon customers:

 Dear Verizon Customers,

Recently it came to light that the National Security Agency has been collecting, without my knowledge,  millions of phone records from you each and every day. Since that news was released, many of you have called the White House with questions and concerns about this new program. To save my time and yours, here are answers to three of the F.A.Q.s (Frequently Asked Questions) we’ve been hearing from you:

1. Will I be charged extra for this service?
I’m happy to say that the answer is no. While the harvesting and surveillance of your domestic phone calls were not a part of your original Verizon service contract, the National Security Agency is providing this service entirely free of charge.
2. If I add a phone to my account, will those calls also be monitored? 
 Once again, the answer is good news. If you want to add a child or any other family member to your Verizon account, their phone calls—whom they called, when, and the duration of the call—will all be monitored by the United States government, at no additional cost.
3. Can the National Security Agency help me understand my Verizon bill? 
 Unfortunately, no. The entire National Security apparatus  has tried, but failed, to understand Verizon’s bills. Please call Verizon customer service and follow the series of electronic prompts.
 I hope I’ve helped clear up some of the confusion about this exciting new program. But if you have any further questions, please don’t hesitate to call the White House. Joe Biden is standing by to answer all your questions. 
 God bless America,
 President Barack Obama

Borowitz 

Friday, June 7, 2013

How I Learned To Stop Worrying and Love Big Data

Mollie Hemingway
Some conservatives are cheering on the federal government's collection of data on all Americans' phone calls, internet activity, credit card transactions, etc.
Wall Street Journal: Thank You for Data-Mining
Andrew McCarthy/NRO: Phone Record Gathering Story Blown Out of Proportion
And I suppose there's no reason why conservatives who cheered on President Bush's expansion of the surveillance state should feel differently about it just because President Obama has further expanded it and given it some teeth. I'm much more weirded out by the liberals who screamed bloody murder at the Patriot Act who have suddenly gotten all comfortable with it under Obama.
But knowing that liberty-loving Americans are in short supply, I've decided to just join with the other side. Embrace Big Data and Big Brother and everything. Is there any reason we have to suspect that our federal government would ever do anything nefarious against its citizens? Anything at all?
In 2008, Ian Ayres wrote "Super Crunchers: Why Thinking-by-Numbers Is the New Way to Be Smart." It's about meta-data analysis. On page 34, he writes:
"Imagine a world where people looked to the IRS as a source for useful information. The IRS could tell a small business that it might be spending too much on advertising or tell an individual that the average taxpayer in her income bracket gave more to charity or made a larger IRA contribution. Heck, the IRS could probably produce fairly accurate estimates about the probability that small businesses (or even marriages) would fail. In fact, I'm told that VISA already does predict the probability of divorce based on credit card purchases (so that it can make better predictions of default risk). (A little later on, we will take on whether all this Super Crunching is really a good idea. Just because it's possible to make accurate predictions about intimate matters doesn't mean that we should.) But I might at least want the option of having the government make predictions about various aspects of my life. Instead of thinking of the IRS as solely a taker, we might also think of it as an information provider. We could even change its name to the "Information & Revenue Service."
Don't you feel better? 
Wouldn't that be awesome to get the IRS engaged in some meta-data analysis? Why this meta-data doesn't just fight terrorist bombings in Boston (OK, bad example) but it can also tell you to get a divorce! And once we drop those barriers between agencies, the sky's the limit about what Big Data Brother can do for you.
Who else is on board?

Gentlemen, It's Fishnet Friday



Thursday, June 6, 2013

On the Decline of the Obama Presidency:

"The Obama administration is in an unexpected and sharp state of decline. Mr. Obama has little influence on Congress. His presidency has no theme. He pivots nervously from issue to issue. What there is of an Obama agenda consists, at the moment, of leftovers from his first term or proposals that he failed to emphasize in his re-election campaign and thus have practically no chance of passage.
"Congressional Republicans neither trust nor fear the president. And Democrats on Capitol Hill, to whom Mr. Obama has never been close, have grown leery of him. ...
"The Obama breakdown was not caused by the trio of scandals -- IRS, Justice Department, Benghazi -- now confronting the president. The decline preceded them. It's the result of what Mr. Obama did in his first term, during the campaign and in the two months following his re-election. But the scandals have worsened his plight and made recovery next to impossible." - Fred Barnes, Weekly Standard Executive Editor