Wednesday, May 1, 2013

It's Colonel Mustard, in the Study, with . . . the Trajectory

The super sleuths at The New York Times have cracked the Boston bombing case wide open.

Conducting "dozens of interviews with friends, acquaintances and relatives" in Cambridge and Dagestan, the team of team of three reporters examining the life of Tamerlan Tsarnaev concluded that a "trajectory" was responsible for the murder.

Here's the quote from the fifth paragraph of the story:
"His trajectory eventually led the frustrated athlete and his loyal younger brother . . . to bomb one of the most famous athletic events in the country, killing three and wounding more than 200 at the Boston Marathon.' 
Okay, so it's not exactly clear whether the trajectory was a motive or simply some mysterious force of the universe. But whatever it was, this trajectory was so powerful it ended up propelling not only Tamerlan but also his loyal younger brother to slaughter innocent people.

And it appears that the police have bought into this trajectory theory of the case:

"The authorities say it led Mr. Tsarnaev, his application for citizenship stalled, and his brother, a new citizen and a seemingly well-adjusted college student, to attack their American hometown on Patriots' Day, April 15 ."
The "it" in the quotation refers to the very same "trajectory" referred to in the previous sentence.

By the way, in case you're wondering,  this evil and mysterious trajectory had nothing to do with radical Islam. Instead, the Times believes the trajectory appears to have its origins in Tamerlan's failure to make it as a boxer.



  1. So the one bro'running the other bro's sorry ass over with the SUV while he was still alive was premature trajectoration?

  2. Since little bro' didn't stop to eat, perhaps it was a failure to lunch?

  3. And....

    THAT explains all of the other ex-boxer/ex-MMA fighters who have turned to terrorism?


    Plus it explains why a couple of my *LEGAL(!)* H-1-Visa immigrant acquaintances of the past few years also did NOT resort to terror bombing/mass-murder attacks when their visas expired and they, sadly (since they STILL DO want to become American citizens) had to OBEY U.S. laws and return to their home counties and go through the process all over again in hopes of coming back here to finish the process of eventually becoming citizens.

    Yup, explains it all, it does, yup yup yuppers.

    Makes yer head kinda hurt...

  4. The culprit:

    Prissydunce Ozymandias-on-the-Potomac, in the White House garden, with the over-sized yams. Oh yeah, the sweet potato his wife planted (and personally cultivated in those upscale designer boots) was there, too.