Monday, May 11, 2015

Tragedy Strikes the Hilton Hotel Empire

It is common knowledge to the regular readers of DMF that we have little no respect for the bed bug ridden Hilton Hotel Chain and their small minded personal vendetta toward DMF/MFNS that they insist on continuing.  And while we refuse to lower ourselves to their level and choose to ignore their closed minded prejudices against our Fair and Balanced editorial views and slam of our journalistic integrity, we can't help but share in their loss of one the more unfortunate members of the Hilton family empire.

RIP - Tinkerbell V. Hilton
Middle Finger News Service Wire

Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua Finally Dies of Embarrassment

(Beverly Hills) - The Chihuahua which Paris Hilton famously carried around in her handbag everywhere she went is believed  to have finally passed away from embarrassment over the weekend, we now can report. Hilton kept the poor, benighted animal in her handbag for 14 long, miserable years until it finally entered a far, far better world late Saturday night.

The Chihuahua, named Tinkerbell, is said to have died when the embarrassment of wearing ‘the most delightful little diamond-studded pink-frilled two piece and tiara’ finally tipped her over the edge into a terminal decline.

A source close to Tinkerbell said:
“For years she would spend her days mortified at the abomination she had become under Paris’ ownership. How many self-respecting dogs own cashmere sweaters and silk neckerchiefs?  She was derided amongst her own kind and longed for the blessed relief of eternal rest. Finally she is at peace.”
The fashion statement of keeping miniature animals in handbags first appeared in the early 2000’s among people who like their personal accessories to smell of dog piss, and has proven to be inexplicably popular among America's female 1% elite.  Entire breeds of miniature dog were created which existed solely to fill the clutch bags of witless socialites.

MFNS Fashion Correspondent Julian Ferret-Smartly: 
“It’s the end of an era really.  Paris single-handedly created the trend for tiny shit-machines in your handbag, and she stuck with it through thick and thin. I expect she’s completely distraught. What’s going to relieve itself in her purse now?”
A spokesman for Paris Hilton told us she hoped to move on from the death of her beloved pet, and aimed to start a new trend by keeping incontinent pigeons in her Purse.

When word of the tragic circumstances and death of Tinkerbell reached Pair Hilton's one time BFF Kim Kardashian , she tweeted:
"so sorry 4 your los. guess i better ree think draggin my monkey around so much"  #buhbyetinkerbell

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