Showing posts with label Story Lady. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Story Lady. Show all posts

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Diogenes' Sunday Storytime

The Freakin Story Lady is in Da House!
So Set Yo Ass Down and Shut Up, Cause I'm Gonna Tell Ya a Story!

The Freakin Story Lady
Nasty Bidness I tell ya!

How do Fairy Tales really end?
You can believe me, Mavis The Story Lady, when I tells ya not all Fairy Tales are this "Happily Ever After" sh*t, know what I'm sayin?
You ever wonder what happened to Jack after that beanstalk episode? Ever hear again of the three bears after Goldie Locks got her carry permit? Hummm? And Ever wonder what happened to Alice after trampin around Wonderland doin all kind of mind altering sackidelic pills? And Lordy Jesus I can't even mention what happened to da Frog Prince. Mavis is tellin ya...it aint pretty! No sir.

Todays Story:  
" Rumpleystiltskin "
By the Freakin StoryLady.


Listen Up. Once upon a time, there was this miller's daughter or sumpthin like that named Twanda. Now Twanda had a pathetic existence. All day long, she would do nuttin but spin straw. And all night long, she'd sit up and think how she would like to be famous. Oh, to be famous, with untold riches and mens falling at her feets, her own line of action figures, cardboard standees ........ 

Then one night.... POOF..... a strange little man appeared before her.

"Sista" he said,"I can make ya famous overnight!"
"Who are you?"
"I am what is known as a PR man", he squeaked. "You know, public relations. Publicity. Fakery. Glamorize the unglamorous. Turn the pedestrian splendorous. Now let's see. What can you do baby"?
"Oh, I can spin straw."
"Spin straw! I love it baby. Love it".
"What you mean, you love it"?
"Don't interrupt girl. I'm looking for an idea....the spark! Of course...you spin straw into gold"!
But I can't spin straw into...
"Hush up. Don't matter! Don't matter! I'll do the talking. I'll just contact Oprah". 


And so it happened that overnight,
Twanda  did become famous. Gossip pages, talk shows, Anderson Cooper interviews and her own entourage of beefy security men who would beat up fans.