Monday, January 14, 2013

EXCLUSIVE: Biden Commission Recommendations on Gun Violence Leaked

Some of the recommendations to  the Presidents Commission on Gun Violence headed by V.P. Joe Biden have been leaked to Middle Finger News late this evening. Commission members unhappy with some of the new rules put forth for review leaked the points most favored by commission chairman Biden. Here are just a few we were able to obtain:

* All firearms manufactured or imported into the United States must be fitted with delay action, allowing a brightly colored flag reading ‘BANG’ to be released to warn potential victims preceding the projectile leaving the firing chamber.
* All bullets manufactured or imported into the United states must be of brightly colored material to warn potential victims of their impending approach and be sterilized to prevent infection to control health care cost in accordance with Obama Health Care Reform.
*Require all publicly funded school systems to appoint one (1) child per classroom (grades K- 12) to be issued a sidearm daily for the prevention of violence and protection from deadly intruders.
* All concealed gun permit holders shall be required to wear underwear outside their clothing (officially referred to as Biden Style) to warn potential victims of nearby dangers of gun enthusiast.
* All bullets and various munitions be packed and sold individually and taxed accordingly. 
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