Sunday, December 18, 2016

Exclusive: MFNS Obtains CIA Proof of Putin's Attempt to Influence Election

MFNS - A foreign language expert working for the Central Intelligence Agency has confirmed to Middle Finger News under deep cover that Russian president Vladimir Putin was responsible for a rash of so-called "fake advice pieces" supposedly written by syndicated columnist Jeanne Phillips and intended to sway voter opinion.

Marian Audry, a 66-year-old retired kindergarten teacher from New Hampshire, was the first to notice that the content of  Phillip's  "Dear Abby" columns appearing in her local newspaper, The Terdbury Times, had for several days been uncharacteristically mean-spirited and clumsily worded.  The Times editor contacted Ms. Phillip's editor, who turned the investigation over to higher authorities. They went on to discover that for weeks and in many newspapers all across the country, Phillips's actual advice had been replaced by the writings of an impostor.

The CIA soon got involved and determined that hackers inside Russia got into the servers of dozens of U.S. print newspapers and news sites, ensuring that the fake replies to readers who had asked for help would be printed instead of the actual, helpful ones approved by Phillip's editor. 

"For weeks, I thought that my beloved Dear Abby had gone off the rails, especially when she advised a depressed mother from Denver to leave her family, quit her job, and begin a furious social media campaign to let the world know that Hillary Clinton was behind the 9/11 attacks and has the mark of the beast tattooed on her left butt cheek."
CIA Forensic Linguist Paul E. Ester III, who specializes in Slavic languages and completed a PhD dissertation examining the Russian president's awkward love letters to his ex-wife, Lyudmila, told Middle Finger News on an agreement of anonymity, that he has "no doubt" that Putin himself composed all the fake "Dear Abby" replies, which a total of 186 were discovered
"Here's a man so bent on getting Donald Trump elected, he took time off from supervising military operations in Syria to infiltrate our country and violate the most sacred of relationships in America, that between an advice columnist and her loyal readers."  
What remains to be determined, however, is if these forgeries really did influence the outcome of the U.S. presidential election. Look at the Oct. 17, 2016 "Dear Abby" column and decide for yourself:


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