Friday, February 23, 2018

Fear Not America, Jennifer Will Save Us!

I was beginning to get all worried about America, ya know with high school kids about to round up NRA members and hang them from the nearest lamp post, Russian bots runnin' round in my computer, and frightened Nancy Pelosi might hurt herself using powerful lawn equipment at her age cutting grass down on the southern border and all. But I'm confident I can relax now that Oscar-winning actress Jennifer Lawrence is taking a year off from her important job of acting (and gettin' nekked) so she can “fix our democracy.”

PJM - "The actress, whose latest movie, Red Sparrow, comes out March 1, says she’ll be working with an organization called Represent.Us to help combat “anti-corruption and stuff.” (See, we’re going to be totally fine.) She hopes to “get young people engaged politically on a local level” and after that, she says, “I don’t know what I’m doing next.”

Okay, Lawrence’s plan seems a little vague, but I’m sure she’ll rise to the challenge. I mean, she’s got all the qualifications of a totally democracy-fixing babe.....or whatever. Sure, it’s possible her Hollywood elitist inarticulateness will tip people off to the charade but, in the age of Donald Trump, she’ll probably just fit right in.

But think about it, who better to “fix” our country than Katniss Everdeen? Since, as Lawrence herself proclaimed, a Trump presidency is “the end of the world,” having someone around who knows how to survive in a post-apocalyptic society is a real asset to America, don't ya think?

She’ll totally be able to fix the environment. Remember, she played Mother in the completely incomprehensible film 'Mother!' which, according to Lawrence, was about “the rape and torment of Mother Earth.” (The movie’s title had an exclamation point in it, so you know it’s serious.) Lawrence played Mother Earth so she must be onto something when she said that the hurricanes in Texas and Florida last year were an example of “Mother Nature’s rage and wrath” over our current political situation. But don’t worry, since she’s Mother Earth, she’ll just save herself. And I’m sure Lawrence’s latest role as Russian operative Dominika Egorova in 'Red Sparrow' will prove useful. We’ll definitely need to have ties to Russia when Lawrence’s democratic “fix” ends up looking a lot like communism. Don’t worry, she’s combat trained. (That’s not relevant, it’s just, like, really cool.)

So, you see, America, we’re in good hands. And, while a year might not seem long enough to totally “fix” our democracy, it’s certainly long enough to do nothing at all. Which is the most likely outcome of Lawrence’s acting hiatus. In the meantime, we’ll have to watch movies with other, less politically-oriented, actresses who lack Lawrence’s acknowledged skills for democracy fixing. It’s too bad, since Jennifer Lawrence is actually kind of a good actress. 

But, of course, democracy fixing comes first. And I’m sure once she’s fixed the democracy and we all live in a utopian society where everyone believes in “stuff” and no one believes in that other “stuff” we’ll all finally be happy.

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

No comments:

Post a Comment