Sunday, April 10, 2011

Well, I'm Glad You Cleared That Up For Us.

WASHINGTON - President Barack Obama wants you to know that he is not a golf addict. He spends so much time unwinding on the links because security restrictions mean he can't go out for long walks or go to the carwash or the grocery store. The president said he loves his life in the White House but doesn't enjoy some of the ways of Washington, such as the "kabuki dance" among political partisans before serious policy discussions begin. He also regrets his loss of personal privacy.
"I just miss - I miss being anonymous, I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks. I can't take a walk."
"I just want to go through Central Park (in New York) and watch folks passing by ... spend the day watching people. I miss that."
 The Columbus Dispatch


Mr. President, I'm sure most of the men who have held your high position in modern times have felt much as you do about the lack of privacy and public mobility. We do feel for you Sir, I hear it's lonely at the top.  But I know I speak for a lot of Americans when I say that we would be very forgiving of you if you were to just throw in the towel and decide not to run for re-election in order for you to have your private life back.

Look at it this way; you're now a infamous famous world figure, and one of only 44 men to achieve your status as elected leader of this delicate experiment we call America. You were awarded a Noble Peace Prize for.........well you got one. You have schools named after you, have dined with the elites of the world and even may someday have a navy tugboat or something named after you. And as far as your leadership, you have achieved things never done before, like spending more than all the other Presidents before you put together and taking political payback to new heights never dreamed. 

You have dazzled us with you teleprompter reading skills, and wowed us with your off-prompter comments and judicious use of  ..."uh".... that has become your trademark and we have all come to love. Of course, that uniting the country in bi-partisan  bliss, and ending wars and the world all loving us again and stuff, well it didn't work out so well. Seems no one noticed anyway. But, we know from all the whining fatherly talk, that the guys before you left everything in such an impossible mess. 

So, MR. President, I assure you, it's alright with most of us if you were to just grab the wookie first lady and the kids and mosey on back to Chicago, build yourself a library to showoff your achievement, play golf, squeeze the melons at the Pac-a- Sack and not shave on Saturdays like the rest of us private citizens.  

Really, Mr. President, you will be missed. But we'll get over it.


  1. I think he should just resign now, before someone in Congress looks down their pants, finds their balls and finally impeaches the treasonous bastard.

  2. The son of a bitch can take a long walk off a short pier anytime he wants to as far as I'm concerned.

  3. He wants to go to the supermarket and squeeze the fruit? I thought he would want to squeeze the arugula.

  4. Mark my words. Before we take our last breaths on this blue globe, but not all that many years after The Won's final year in office, we will learn the truth about who he is, where he's from, and what he has (or has not) actually done.

    And their will be calls for him to hang from a rope for the massive fraud and damage he has intentionally inflicted upon this once great nation.