Sunday, January 1, 2012

The 2nd Annual G.T. Awards

It's indeed been an interesting year, and since it's time 
for year-end honors, we're proud to present: 
Diogenes' 2nd Annual Golden Turd Awards.

The soon to be highly coveted G.T.
So without further ado.....envelopes please.   

The “It Looked Better on Paper” Award:
Obama/Biden 2008 had some success with this same concept when it was known as FightTheSmears. The 2011 version, however, has been met with the one thing the Obama campaign hadn't anticipated: mockery. Conservatives and independents have had a field day “reporting” themselves and others on AttackWatch to the point no one but the die-hards take it seriously.

The Amy Winehouse Lifetime Achievement Award:
Arianna Huffington.
Take a struggling joke of an online service, combine it with a rich joke of a website editor, and what do you get? An epic fail. But at least Huffington came away with a ton of money for being ineffective and ham-fisted in her management. Way to be a credit to your gender!

The Dan Rather Award for “Excellence” in Media:
Ladies and Gentlemen, We have a tie!

*Ed Schultz.
Over the past two years, "Special Ed" Schultz has repeatedly put his foot in his mouth, apparently to prevent the truth from getting out. What has gotten out from Schultz is a steady string of ill-advised comments, out and out lies, and insane jealousy against conservatives in the media. Anger management classes would be more helpful to Schultz than giving him a daily and nightly forum from which to preach to an ever-dwindling audience.
*The Right Reverend Al Sharpton
Well, what else can we say. MSNBC's affirmative action commentator's teleprompter skills and semi-lucid thought processes leave most of his audience of the basement rated program going WTF is he doing on TV?  Congratulations to MSNBC for sweeping this award category.

Democrats to Watch Award:
Any Democrat up for reelection in 2012.
From Obama/Biden 2012 on down to the city dog catcher, every Democrat is going to be scrutinized by the electorate. Why they're the ones to watch is to see how many are willing to be seen with the President and Vice President on the campaign trail. If they shun Obama and Biden, it doesn't bode well for the reelection chances.

The Joe Biden Public Orator Award:
The Crisco Kid - Debbie Wasserman-Schultz
From vapid Congresswoman who says the most stupid and unbelievable things to garner attention to…vapid DNC Chair who says the most stupid and unbelievable things to garner attention. Wasserman-Schultz makes Howard Dean's leadership look credible.

Republican to Forget Award:
John Boehner.
Over the past year, coal mines have caved in less frequently than the Speaker of the House has. As we move into the next Congressional session, there may be a movement afoot to have Boehner removed as Speaker, and I wouldn't cry any tears if it were successful. Boehner might, but then again he is the weepy type.

The Alec Baldwin Public Relations Award:
Alec Baldwin
It was unanimous!

The Black Hole of Obscurity Award:
Keith Olbermann
After embarrassing their sister network, NBC News, the overstuffed, arrogant and combative Keith (Bathtub Boy) Olbermann got canned by MSNBC.  Olbermann's pompous, and sometime unhinged smug world-class a**hole form of presentation were more than NBC and Comcast executives could take. After debuting to promising ratings on Al Gore's Current cable network in late June, Olbermann who is reported to make $10 million a year at Current ,  has never done better than its debut week on Gore's hard-to-find cable network.

Underreported Story Award:
The Cause Celebre
We honor the numerous Hollywood celebrities and musicians who jumped on the OWS bandwagon supporting the protest against the very banks that hold their millions and finance their boorish  projects. My Middle Finger salutes you all. Here is just one example.  

The 500 Pound Gorilla in the Room Award:
Scandals within the Obama Administration. 
Although President Obama has been touted as one of the smartest Presidents we've ever had *cough*, his Administration has been plagued by scandals, ranging from the relatively minor (Van Jones) to the more serious (Operation Fast and Furious). And let's not forget Solyndra. Far from being a right wing conspiracy, these scandals amount to rank incompetence, serious malfeasance, or both, and they're not going away anytime soon.

Missed Opportunity Award:
Republicans sticking up for black conservatives under fire. This past year, we've seen black Republicans, such as Herman Cain and Allen West, get clobbered in the media and the Democrats for various things. Yet, one group has been conspicuously absent when this has happened: the Republican Party. With Republicans being painted as racist for decades, this past year was a golden opportunity to turn that around and make Democrats and their pals in the media look like hypocrites. Instead, they sat on their hands. Way to bust those stereotypes!

The Whistle Pass the Grave Yard Award:
OWS Oakland.
After one of the largest comings out against big banks, where does OWS Oakland open up an account? Wells Fargo. Way to stick it to The Man, kids!

The Padded Resume Award:
Chelsea Clinton getting a job with NBC News.
Of course, she earned that gig because she did that…wait, it must have been that piece she wrote for…no, wait, it was because she went to college to study...okay, it's because she's a Clinton.

The 14:59 Award:
All things Kardashian.
When Kim Kardashian’s wedding lasted as long as a bad sitcom and had as many laughs, it’s clear the entire Kardashian 15 minutes of fame can't expire soon enough.

The Stuck on Stupid Award:
Eric Holder.
Barney Fife was a better law enforcement officer than Eric Holder is. Holder's record as Attorney General has been rife with inconsistency, incompetence, and illegality. And that's just Operation Fast and Furious!

The With Friends Like These Award:
The Obama Administration's treatment of Israel. Although it’s safe to say President Obama and Israel may not see eye-to-eye on a lot of issues, it's also safe to say the President's not exactly a friend of Israel. Whether its the ill-conceived pre-1967 borders for Israel as a starting point to Middle East peace or the frequent anti-Israel sentiment coming from Administration officials from Obama on down, it’s clear Israel doesn't need any more friends like Obama.

The G.T. Photo Journalism Award of the Year:
Anthony Wiener
Oh how the mighty have fallen. After the verbose asshat New York congressman started sending out lude pictures of his undersized man parts to numerous people, then trying like a Kennedy to weasel out of it, he managed to give conservative bloggers a wealth of comic material unlike anyone this year.  Thank You again,Tony!

The Turdapalooza of the Year Award:
The Political Left
The Left wants to expand the number of people who can vote to include the homeless, ex-convicts, and illegal immigrants. A part of this effort includes making it as easy as possible for said potential voters to vote. What’s a major stumbling block to that effort? Requiring those silly little details like proving you’re an actual voter with a real address and that you look like the person you claim to be. So, when states do things to curtail that effort, the Left gets mad and decides to go after those states. And who needs a lot of help to get reelected and has the power to make it tough for states to enact these laws? Why, it's President Obama! Funny how that works out, isn't it?


Thank You Larwyn for the Linkage!


  1. Great analysis D. But somewhere in there you forgot ol' Barney Frank!

  2. Betty, Barney deserves a whole award post to himself!

  3. With her gargantuan ass and/or her *impeccable* fashion sense, surely you overlooked some kind of an award for The First Wookie??

    Great stuff, Diogenes!