Before social media, you could just forget someone completely existed. Good Times. Good times.
In every partnership there's a person who stacks the dishwasher like a scandinavian architect, and one person that loads the dishwasher like a raccoon on meth.
I have finally recovered from the gym incident last weekend after an old guy wearing short shorts bent down to tie his shoe and the ol flesh chandelier fell right outta the ballroom.
I fully intend to haunt people after I die. I have a list.
I really hate you purebreed people. Every time I have taken my mutt Brutus to the dog park someone asks what breed is he. I always make something up crazy like Waxbeard Poodlecock or Blue Hustler or High Presbyterian. One lady even said she heard that breed is exceptionally good with children.
Somewhere in the world there is a tree that sprouted the very montent you were born and has grown along with you all this time. And I think that is wonderful!
When my mother was pregnant with my little bro and we were on the side of the road struggling with a flat tire, a car with three men stopped, not to help but to ask directions to a local golf course. Mom sent them 15 mile in the wrong direction. She is the Legend that shaped me.
There are 13 minerals that are essential for human life, and all of them can be found in Wine. Coincidence? I Think Not!
I choose to believe crop circles are real because I love the thought of space aliens traveling millions of miles to earth and then being like "now time for some arts and crafts."
I do feel bad about the confrontation tonight and the lady at Costcos with her son on a leash. Lady I'm sorry I asked if he was a rescue. The profanity wasn't really necessary, but thank you for not siccing him on me.
.....and gentlemen, always remember - we ladies may not always be able to find our damn keys, but give us Wi-Fi and we will find the name, address and blood type of the girl you held hands with in the second grade!