Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Satire. Show all posts

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Good News For Fans of "The Far Side"

I ran across this over morning coffee....

Friday, May 31, 2019

Trump Derangement Syndrome Vaccine Now Available


Want to Yank the Chain of a Friend or Family Member with TDS?
Send Them a Loving Gift of TDS Vaccine.
No Prescription Necessary. UPS Delivery. You Can Order Here.

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Monday, November 13, 2017

Terrifying New Revelation for Trump Supporters: The Resistance Under New Management

via #Beverly Hills ANTIFA 90210

Saturday, July 29, 2017

New Findings Validate Health Benefits of Large Butts

- Middle Finger News Service Wire
by Dolly Macintosh

MFN - Atlanta Ga.- A new study released by researchers at the prestigious Ima Derriere University of Atlanta, has validated the findings of study done in the last century on the health benefits of large butts. The new study seems to validate previous controversial research done by researcher Sir Mix-A-Lot, whose 1986 publication, "Baby Got Back," was in the forefront of challenging long-held views about the correlation between butt size and general health.

Published by "Def American" in a video presentation form, the article’s findings were not widely accepted at the time of publication amidst allegations that personal bias had affected the research. The allegations were never denied by Mix-A-Lot whose only response was “I like big butts and I cannot lie.”

An outlier in the scientific community for decades, Sir Mix-A-Lot’s work has slowly gained mainstream acceptance thanks to celebrities and especially the previous First Lady of the United States, Michelle Obama, who gave credence to the study by helping forward the fashion of a healthy over-sized butt by proudly displaying hers in public for 8 years. 

The article is now considered ahead of its time, and supporters note that it was one of the first publications to discuss the role that media plays in changing public perceptions about healthy body sizes. Sir Mix-A-Lot argued that “while Cosmo says your fat, well I ain’t down with dat.” 

His claims, controversial at the time, included the recommendation that those with big butts should not try to lose them through exercise. Mix-A-Lot also argued that butt-size affected more than just one’s own health. In a surprising claim, he wrote that even members of the animal kingdom could be affected, noting that anacondas “don’t want none, unless you’ve got buns hun.” The cryptic reference to the motivations of anacondas, which was not well understood at the time of the article’s publication, has resurfaced in scientific circles following the 2014 publication of Dr. Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda” which drew heavily on Mix-A-Lot’s earlier research.  Despite recent work on the subject, the claim remains a source of controversy in zoological research. 

Medical science, however, has warmed to the key claims in Sir Mix-A-Lot’s work and most researchers now agree that big butts do not require medical intervention. Instead, more doctors are following Sir Mix-A-Lot’s recommendation and advising big butted patients to simply “shake it ...shake it... shake that healthy butt.”

Dolly Macintosh is MFNS Health and Fashion Editor. Dolly is a graduate of  the Birmingham Finishing School for Young Ladies where she earned a degree in Fitness, Fashion and Massage. She is also the author of three unpublished books. 

Thank You MJA for the Linkage!

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Joe Biden Plans Vice Presidential Library

Biden Takes Part-time Job to Help Raise Funds for New V.P. Library

Middle Finger News Service Wire:

MFNS - Wilmington Del.- Sources close to Joe Biden told MFNS the former VP has decided to build his own Vice Presidential Library in his longtime home District in Delaware. The source told us supporters of Biden convinced him of the need of on honor, he being the historic 2 term VP of the first black President of the United States, and as Biden himself likes to say, "The Cream in the Coffee of the Obama Administration."

The initial plans for the library are said to include a Bidenesque design of three wings. One showcasing his early life and lengthy time in the Senate, another housing pictures and mementos of his two terms as Vice President and another holding his personal notes and the many initiatives and ideas brutely shot down by the President. 

The building is planned to also feature a gift shop, 51 Political Correct Gender Specific Restrooms, an indoor Super-Soaker Tactical Training Course and a Starbucks.

The project is said to be funded totally with moneys raised by private contributions. The FOB's (Friends of Biden) last month started a Go-Fund-Me page to raise money for the project. The target is $5.5 million. As of this writing the fund has so far raised $12.17.

In the meantime Biden has gone to work for 'Turd Burglar Waste Disposal' to help in the financing of the project. 

Biden leads the members of the Congressional Black Caucus in a
Chorus of 'Movin' on Up'

Saturday, April 15, 2017

North Korea Test Newest Secret Weapon

MFNS - Pyongyang- Amid heightened tensions on the Korean Peninsula, the North Korean Military has just announce a successful test of it's newest and most secret weapon yet.  The "Ground Burst Defense Missile".

General Fong So Duh leader of the DPRK Defense Forces told MFNS the weapon tested today, launched from an undisclosed base near the city of Sinpo was part of the DPRK celebration of the 105th birth anniversary of its founding leader Kim Il-sung.

The General told us the "FUKYU 102" Missile is for close ground troop support and designed to explode immediately after launch, effectively showering the immediate area with falling sheet metal.  The launch area test subjects, three captured South Korean gofers, believed by the DPRK to be spies, and a mountain wildcat who wandered onto the site all died in the test. General Duh again reiterated to western media that the test shows the overwhelming technical superiority of the DPRK's scientific knowledge and military prowess.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

One Final Humiliating Failure: “Operation Beethoven”

The United States has certainly racked up its fair share of embarrassing, hair-brained attempts
to take down Fidel Castro over the past 60 years.  But what happened yesterday may have
been our government’s most cringe-worthy attempt yet: The CIA completely bungled an 
attempt to drop a piano on Castro’s funeral procession.

Monday, April 25, 2016

In Memory of Ol' Blackie

I raised Blackie from a puppy. He wasn't the smartest dog to ever walk the earth. He did a lot of stupid things in his life, like inviting himself to join the cat in a bowl of fresh tuna, drinking out of the toilet, chasing the mailman and attempting to lick honey from the neighborhood beekeeper's hives. One day I took Blackie to the zoo. Blackie would have been 10 Years old today. 

Monday, April 21, 2014

CIA to Pay Rock Band $200K for Unfair Use of Their Music to Torture Gitmo Prisoners

Middle Finger News Service

WASHINGTON (MFNS) – The Central Intelligence Agency announced Friday they have reached an out of court agreement to pay $200,000 worth of royalties to the well-known Californian band, Red Hot Chili Peppers, following a dispute over the unfair use of the band’s songs to torture imprisoned terrorist suspects at Guantanamo Bay.

CIA Director of Public Affairs Dean Boyd said that the potential lawsuit over copyright could damage the CIA’s reputation in the world, which is why they decided to settle the dispute as soon as the media published that the security agency was illegally using RHCP songs as a torture method. The agency also came to feel the use of the band's music was an extremely cruel method of extracting information, even for terrorist.

“The CIA nurtures the image of an organization that is fighting for freedom and democracy, and I think we can all agree that the infringement of authors’ rights clearly violates these goals. I would like to use this opportunity to officially apologize to the Red Hot Chili Peppers, and state that the Agency will in the future cases of torture use only licensed music”, said Boyd, who added that such an agreement has already been reached with rapper Kanye West.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Wikipedia for the Low information Voter

Condensed for your reading  convenience

TL;DR Wikipedia is an excellent source of information for the “screw it, I don’t want to read all this shit” low information citizen and democrat voter.

A perfect alternative to Wikipedia and the new, it cuts to the chase, getting rid of those annoying words Wikipedia entries are full of and summarizes everything you need to know about a topic / subject in just a sentence or two. You may just learn sumpthin new—but not too much!

Here's a sample: