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An Important Message From MFNS

Despite our best efforts to ignore him altogether, the one known as 'The Earl of Taint' is today in celebration of the 3rd Anniversary of his blog 'THE RIGHTLY GUIDED EARL OF TAINT'. 

If you are a FOE (Fan of Earl) or if you're not you should be, go by Earl's Place and congratulate him, and throw some love his way. The incomparable Mr.Taint's wit and timely take on current events of the day is second to none in our book.  

Rumors Confirmed: Barack Goes with the South Side

Chicago Trib

The exact site of the Barack Obama presidential library and museum won't be determined for six to nine months, but for many, the critical piece of information confirmed Tuesday is that the president chose Chicago's South Side to be the home of his legacy.

Ledroy and Demarcus, South Side Chicago Residents Were Elated at the Announcement 

Ultimately, Barack and Michelle decided to return to their roots," Obama Foundation Chairman Martin Nesbitt said in making the formal announcement shortly after noon Tuesday in Chicago:

"The same streets where a young community organizer once inspired his community to take action will serve as the home base for a foundation that will organize and inspire people of all backgrounds and beliefs to better their communities, their country and their world."

Barrack in His South Side Community Organizing Days 

The Barack Obama Presidential Center likely will open in 2020 or 2021, Nesbitt said.

Many questions and thorny issues are ahead: how much the surrounding community will benefit; whether longtime residents will be driven out; and how the center and public infrastructure surrounding it will be funded.

But for the moment, Chicago is setting aside its reputation for political gamesmanship and celebrating.

"I'm not going to compare this to when the president was elected," said Ghian Foreman, a lifelong South Sider who was active in bringing the library here. "But it's the same kind of thing, where you could take a deep breath. It's this feeling of elation and a collective sigh of relief, that, after all these weeks, it's really here."

The president and first lady Michelle Obama first announced that the library would be on the South Side via a video posted on the foundation website at 5 a.m. Tuesday.

Michelle Obama said in the video that she was "thrilled to be able to put this resource in the heart of the neighborhood that means the world to me. Every value, every memory, every important relationship to me exists in Chicago. I consider myself a South Sider."

"All the strands of my life came together and I really became a man when I moved to Chicago," the president said in the video. "That's where I was able to apply that early idealism to try to work in communities in public service. That's where I met my wife. That's where my children were born."  

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Tragedy Strikes the Hilton Hotel Empire

It is common knowledge to the regular readers of DMF that we have little no respect for the bed bug ridden Hilton Hotel Chain and their small minded personal vendetta toward DMF/MFNS that they insist on continuing.  And while we refuse to lower ourselves to their level and choose to ignore their closed minded prejudices against our Fair and Balanced editorial views and slam of our journalistic integrity, we can't help but share in their loss of one the more unfortunate members of the Hilton family empire.

RIP - Tinkerbell V. Hilton

Middle Finger News Service Wire

Paris Hilton’s Chihuahua Finally Dies of Embarrassment

(Beverly Hills) - The Chihuahua which Paris Hilton famously carried around in her handbag everywhere she went is believed  to have finally passed away from embarrassment over the weekend, we now can report. Hilton kept the poor, benighted animal in her handbag for 14 long, miserable years until it finally entered a far, far better world late Saturday night.

The Chihuahua, named Tinkerbell, is said to have died when the embarrassment of wearing ‘the most delightful little diamond-studded pink-frilled two piece and tiara’ finally tipped her over the edge into a terminal decline.

A source close to Tinkerbell said:

“For years she would spend her days mortified at the abomination she had become under Paris’ ownership. How many self-respecting dogs own cashmere sweaters and silk neckerchiefs?  She was derided amongst her own kind and longed for the blessed relief of eternal rest. Finally she is at peace.”

The fashion statement of keeping miniature animals in handbags first appeared in the early 2000’s among people who like their personal accessories to smell of dog piss, and has proven to be inexplicably popular among America's female 1% elite.  Entire breeds of miniature dog were created which existed solely to fill the clutch bags of witless socialites.

MFNS Fashion Correspondent Julian Ferret-Smartly: 

“It’s the end of an era really.  Paris single-handedly created the trend for tiny shit-machines in your handbag, and she stuck with it through thick and thin. I expect she’s completely distraught. What’s going to relieve itself in her purse now?”

A spokesman for Paris Hilton told us she hoped to move on from the death of her beloved pet, and aimed to start a new trend by keeping incontinent pigeons in her Purse.

When word of the tragic circumstances and death of Tinkerbell reached Pair Hilton's one time BFF Kim Kardashian , she tweeted:

"so sorry 4 your los. guess i better ree think draggin my monkey around so much"  #buhbyetinkerbell

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