Thursday, January 9, 2020

Assistant New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould Issues Corrections

Corrections: Jan 8, 2020
(NYT) The New York Times would like to issue corrections for the wedding announcement of Mr. Adam Penview to Ms. Katie Jasper that ran in yesterday's Wedding Section.

We incorrectly identified in the announcement that Mr. Adam Penview and Ms. Katie Jasper were married at the Church of the Holy Trinity in Manhattan. They were married at St. Brigid’s. Additionally, we inaccurately wrote that the groom “attended Cornell University and double-majored in English and Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends.”

Mr. Penview, in fact, only majored in English. He did not major in “Humping Other English Majors’ Girlfriends,” as that is not currently an existing track of study at Cornell or any other accredited university.

In addition, we erroneously wrote yesterday that Mr. Penview was the “son of Dr. Ryan Penview, a third-generation ophthalmologist, and Mrs. Claire Penview, a Zuckerberg-ass beaver-bitch.” Mrs. Penview practiced law in New York State until 2004, and is considered by many to be a friendly and beautiful member of her community, bearing no resemblance whatsoever to Mark Zuckerberg or his rear end. “Beaver-bitch” is not a profession.

We also incorrectly noted yesterday that the couple met “while the bride was dating the totally devoted and now very successful New York Times Wedding Section Editor Dan Gould.

Dan guesses he just wasn’t good enough for you Katie, because you had to go hump that piece of shit Adam Penview that you met at the English major mixer while Dan left Ithaca for the weekend to go to his Nana’s 90th birthday in Needham, Mass. Dan even brought you back a hat from the birthday party that said ‘Ethel’s Doin’ It For One Night Only.’ FYI, Adam, it counts as incest if you sleep with another English major’s girlfriend, since English majors are BASICALLY BROTHERS. Nana will live forever!!!”

Though factually correct, the New York Times apologizes for the way in which Mr. Penview and Ms. Jasper’s first meeting and relationship history were portrayed. Additionally, the hat actually read “Ethel’s Not 90…She’s 89.95 Plus Tax.” She has since passed.

Yesterday, we printed that “God Katie sorry I’m writing all this I’ve taken a lot of Robitussin you are so beautiful. You look like a young Nancy Kerrigan. Oh God I love you.” In fact, Mr. Gould had only taken a moderate amount of Robitussin.

Yesterday, we wrote “Katie, I’m so sorry, oh God, please come back, I think you can get weddings annulled really easily, it’s like a five-second rule type thing. Also Adam, I’m really sorry, I actually think you’re a pretty good guy, I once had a dream that you saved me from Gwyneth Paltrow's steaming vagina.  Granted, I had taken a lot of Robitussin that night, but when I woke up I did feel sincerely indebted to you.” I don’t know where to start. The New York Times is just so sorry for this entire paragraph.  

Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times, what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!

We wrote in the paragraph above that says “Hey just kidding about all these things that we said we retracted, we’re just the New York Times what do we know about anything but hard candy and old wrinkly balls!!!!!”  In actuality, Dan Gould just broke back into the Corrections Department and stole the computer that I’m writing this on. He has been promptly escorted from the building and arrested. In addition, The New York Times is an extremely current print newspaper that offers breaking unbiased news and fun crossword puzzles. Fuck Dan Gould.

We retract “Fuck Dan Gould.”

We apologize for these mistakes.

Tuesday, January 7, 2020

TIME Offers Help With Your 'Woke' Kindergartener

I remember reading in the early hours after the 2016 election how so many journalist and Hollywood types were lamenting on how difficult it was going to be to explain to their young children that DJT was now president. I couldn't help be giggle as I envisioned them seated in front of their 4 year old staring back at them over their unwanted bowl of soggy coco puffs in puzzlement as they eat a booger. 

PJM - For reasons I will never fathom, 21st-century American leftists continue to insist that the country is crawling with woke eight-year-olds who are forever curious about national political topics of the day. They do this despite all available observable evidence proving them wrong. It is, put simply, a world that does not exist. Anybody polluting their young kids’ realities with politics is probably only being met with blank stares and irritation because the kid has to get back to playing Minecraft or Fortnite.

As print journalism and the magazine industry continue their slow but inevitable march to extinction, it often feels as if the once-venerable Time is trying to commit suicide to hasten the process. Long ago, Time was a great publication, holding a status in the national conversation that was eclipsed by few of its rivals. Today, Time is mostly known for beclowning itself with its annual "Person of the Year" issue, which most recently awarded the "honor" to the climate-change snake oil-peddling weirdo Greta Thunberg. The rest of the year, the magazine is little more than a Democratic talking points pamphlet.

On Monday, Time published an article titled "How to Talk to Your Kids About the Situation With Iran." The title is annoying enough, but the magazine's social media people couldn't resist really stepping in it:
If you need help talking with the children in your life about the aftermath of Iranian Gen. Qasem Soleimani's killing, @timeforkids has a guide to explaining the topic 
We realize this is a difficult topic to explain to kids. TIME for Kids is here to help. The guide below offers talking points for how to answer questions about this tough topic. It’s not intended to be used as a script. It’s meant to arm you with the information you need if you choose to bring up the topic or if kids ask questions about it. Trust your instincts. You know your kids best. Use that knowledge to gauge the depth and breadth of your discussion. 
Sometimes, it’s best to let a child take the lead and only answer the questions that are asked. Often, brief and simple answers can satisfy a child’s curiosity.
The notion that anyone at work in the coastal media bubbles is in a position to dispense parenting advice is patently absurd, as evidenced by just these two paragraphs.  Conservative Twitter wasted no time in pouncing on this lunacy. The responses to the tweet alone are a lot of fun to read. Here's a sample.......
"Remember that time you put a hot dog in the microwave without poking holes in it with a fork?"  
My 4 year old Grandson just asked me "Papa, what is Time magazine and why do they think I need comforting over the death of a terrorist leader?" I just smiled and everybody in the place clapped. 
I’m having trouble explaining to them how @time is an American magazine.  
Actually I'm going to need help talking with my children about the collapse of American journalism & @TIME is a prime example. 
The coastal media types are so cocooned in groupthink that there is virtually no one at any of these outlets to look at something like this article and tweet and realize the potential for backlash.

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Social Media Pearl Clutching and CNN's Iranian Retaliation Pregame Show

I am still trying to wrap my head around all the crazy reactions from dropping one on Iranian General Soleimani this past weekend. Whether it’s the hilarity of comparing Ilhan Omar’s comments about 9/11 as “some people did something” against her calling a drone strike on an Iranian who trained troops to carry out terrorist operations in foreign countries an “outrage” or seeing the reactions on the other side clutching their pearls because any military action obviously means we are going in to a full scale war, there is literally no in-between.

Now that social media has taken over is obviously having the effect that everyone feels a need to have the most emotional and least rational reaction possible and the hotter the take, the better.  I think in large part, my biggest problem is that I just can’t bring myself to even pretend to care as much as these people do.  I don’t care that some Iranian general got splattered on an Iraqi street, Iran is an awful country that finances terrorism worldwide, good riddance to anyone involved with their regime.

Democrats have decided that the woke take would be to repeat Iranian propaganda.  It is a fascinating situation since the Democrats claimed to be so concerned over Russia’s influence on elections, they were ready to start WWIII because of Facebook memes following the 2016 elections, but are sounding the alarm about Trump putting down like a rabid dog an Iranian general because they view it as unnecessary escalation.  Consider that for a moment, the Democrat party accuses Trump of directed policy that only benefits him politically, but they wanted war with a country who made fun of them on Twitter, and released true emails they wrote which disgusted the American people, but killing a man who lead militias that attacked our U.S. embassy was a bridge too far.

What I don’t get is how the Democrats actually think it’s a good idea to shill for Iran to “get Trump”.  There must be a certain point where these people would look in a mirror and realize just how ridiculous they sound.  The first thing you should realize is how many times since Trump has been President that the mainstream media has promised us we were heading in to WWIII.

It was supposed to happen when we launched missiles into Syria, it was supposed to happen when Trump called Kim-Jung Un “little rocket man”, they probably even said it was going to happen because of the Southern border at some point so I would advise anyone who suddenly thinks that the leftist media is speaking in good faith when they talk about WWIII that they reevaluate how much credit they should be giving to them.  The past week has given us abundant examples of how the media  hate Trump with such burning intensity that they are willing to lionize and mourn a man who was responsible for the deaths of at least 600 Americans, as well as for a great deal more terrorist activity.

[Wrongthink Diaries]
~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Monday, January 6, 2020

The Gnashing of Teeth Begins After Ricky Gervais Burns Hollywood to the Ground

Even before the star-stuck soft skulls got a chance to tune in to watch the Golden Globes, there were signs it was going to be a real shit show.  Then Ricky Gervais later on took to the stage and essentially burned Hollywood to the ground for the self-righteous, self-important partisan political commentary that typically transpires at these events. He also roasted them over Harvey Weinstein, something other award show hosts have been too scared or invested to do.  It was all pretty great and that means the mainstream media have to hate it.

The gnashing of teeth has begun and I expect the media entertainment light-in-the-loafers crowd to keep rolling out op-eds throughout the day telling us how terrible Gervais was for making light of such serious issues. Take this hilariously overwrought piece, for example. 
The #GoldenGlobes mood was already sober thanks to an impeachment, threat of war with Iran and Australian bush fires. The last thing anyone needed was Ricky Gervais there, telling them they sucked.
Poor babies, it's exactly what they needed. The fact that Hollywood takes themselves way too seriously isn’t a reason to not make fun of them when they are clearly ripe for mockery. Having money and being famous does not bestow upon a person a special right to preach to others about world issues. In this case, they ignored Gervais anyway, with many still getting up to proclaim the greatness of abortion and the evils of the orange man.  Shilling for Iran was also on full display

CNN tried to just pretend that Gervais didn’t exist, presenting the event as a somber warning about leftist sacred cows. The Washington Post tried to paint the celebrities in attendance as defiant revolutionaries, not caring about Gervais’ hits.  Meanwhile, the pointed-heads over at Slate just skipped right to the point. They hated Gervais’ jokes.

The fact that it so bothers the mainstream media only makes what he said more hilarious and important. Gervais follows in the footsteps of several recent comedians to go rogue and speak the truth about the culture in Hollywood and it needed to be said. There’s been far too much covering up and obfuscating of what really happens among these groups and the media have been front and center to operate as gatekeepers. 

[NY Post]
[LA Times]
~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

A Good Monday Morning

Sunday, January 5, 2020

Educational Crash Course #695

Another Installment of Diogenes'
Public Service Educational Series:
"Home Maintenance" 
Basic Plumbing

  'Jeffery Epstein Did Not Kill Himself.
A discussion with Carl Bernstein, Harvey Weinstein
 Bruce Springsteen and Mo 'The Knee' Feinstein.

Educational Crash Course Series Archive

Friday, January 3, 2020

University Hires Famous Failure to Hand Out Graduate Diplomas

I can't help but see the irony in this news. She failed at health care reform. She failed at diplomacy. She failed at keeping track of her law firm billing records. She failed to make any noticeable impact as a U.S. senator. She failed as a wife. She failed as a presidential candidate. And she even managed to fail as a presidential loser, going completely off the rails and proving herself to be a conspiratorial kook in the aftermath of her loss. But that didn't stop Belfast's Queens University from hiring Hillary Clinton as the new Chancellor.

I know Ireland is an island unto itself, but don't they realize they just hired a crime moll whose proudest accomplishment is the fact that she’s managed to avoid prison in spite of all the corruption and dirty dealings she’s been at the center of.

It will probably be Hillary who hands them their diplomas at commencement, which will probably make them think long and hard about whether they actually want to graduate.  But the BBC seems to think this is some sort of score for Queens:
While the role of chancellor is mainly a ceremonial one, securing Mrs Clinton will be seen as a coup for Queen’s.
The chancellor often presides at graduation ceremonies and is also an ambassador for the university abroad. Mrs Clinton will also act as an advisor to the vice-chancellor Prof Ian Greer and senior management.
The only value in receiving advice for Hillary Clinton is so you can find out what not to do. But you don’t need to be in the same room with her to glean that. All you have to do is study her abject failure of a life.

In the off chance you’re enrolled at Queens University and you’re reading this, I highly recommend you transfer somewhere else. A toxic poison has entered your midst, and we Americans can tell you that once it settles in, it will never go away.  The only silver lining here will be the look on Hillary’s face when someone explains to her that this doesn’t actually make her the queen of anything.


~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS for the Linkage! ~

Thursday, January 2, 2020

Make Orwell Fiction Again

Most literate humans in the Western World are familiar with the story of the dystopian world of Winston Smith. The book is designed to make 'The Party' and its machinery of oppression look entirely infallible.  A state like his could only exist with loud, constant, and obvious lies, much like the progressive left and their witting enablers in the media push on America today.  

Orwell knew from his contemporary totalitarians,  you had to seize control of truth itself. You had to redefine truth as "whatever we say it is." You had to falsify memories and photos and rewrite histories. No control could be total until you colonized people's heads too. Your people could be aware that all this was going on, so long as they kept that awareness to themselves and carried on (which is what doublethink is all about).

The upshot is, Winston Smith, like the soft skull followers of today's progressive ideology, are gaslit to hell and back. Winston is what passes for well-educated in his world; he still remembers the name "Shakespeare." Unlike the legions of snowflake, soft skull university educated of today,  he's smart enough not to believe the obvious propaganda accepted by the populous, but it doesn't matter. The novel is about him being worn down, metaphorically and physically like today by those who will trumpet loyalty to their ideology and a media environment that actively enables their political lies. All the Winston Smiths of our world can see what the score really is, but doesn't seem to make any difference. But hey, at least we're all finally aware of the most important line in 1984, which is now also its most quote by the masters of projection, the progressive propagandist themselves: “The party [media] told you to reject the evidence of your eyes and ears. It was their final, most essential command.” That sums up the leftist infected media in a nutshell, wouldn't you say? 

We are invited to consider whether we too are falling for The 'Party's' lies. The book-within-a-book that explains the shape of Winston's world turns out to be written by O'Brien, the master liar. All the in-universe truth the reader has to go on is Winston's word, and by the end — as he is tortured into genuinely seeing O'Brien hold up three fingers instead of two. If there is hope for America in the coming decade, it may come from uniting people under the banner of all that 1984 warns against — starting with the bare-faced lies that Orwell was most concerned about.  Media lies that social media gatekeepers bolster, or choose indifference. 

If we can't agree on basic facts of science and history, we're lost. The media promotes the left's rewriting of history.  The so-called 'Party of Science' tells us race is a social construct and men are women, gender is fluid. "Freedom is the freedom to say that two plus two makes four," Winston wrote in his diary. "If that is granted, all else follows." By remaining skeptical about all we read, but still reading widely and clawing our way back to a world of truths that are as simple and as objective as math, we can prove that we finally learned Orwell's lesson. And we can make 1984 merely a masterpiece of a fictional world again.

~ Thank You WHATFINGER NEWS  & MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Wednesday, January 1, 2020

The Biggest Event of the Last Decade??

Someone at dinner last night ask us all what the biggest event in the past decade was. I could only narrow it down to two -

2016 - Leonardo DiCaprio finally wins an academy award. (for sleeping in a Bear Carcass)  
2019 - The most diverse divisive class of lawmakers in history was sworn into Congress.

What Say You?