Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ No Tuxedos Required ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Chair of Music

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

Throwback Thursday: Horrific Night House Chamber Was Temporarily Evacuated

From the Middle Finger News Service Archives - Jan 2017

 

MFNS-WASHINGTON DC - Late Friday night near panic struck the Chamber of the House of Representatives during a debate before those present of a bill sponsored by democrats for $350 Billon in federal funding for the construction of "Transgender Only Driving Lines" within California's Federal Highway system. The bill was Sponsored by House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Cal.) 

The debate was interrupted when House Speaker Paul Ryan notice Pelosi, at the dais at the time, head began to violently quiver from side to side. Middle Finger News Congressional Correspondent, Ima Gonagetu spoke to Speaker Ryan after the incident:

"I knew something was wrong when Minority Leader Pelosi began slurring her words and her face began to contort and could hear a metallic popping sounds...... and then heard the House Clerk scream and saw blood gushing from her forearm as she passed out and fell face first onto her desk....... I yelled THERE SHE BLOWS and ran for the door....."

What many who worked closely with Pelosi over the years feared would someday happen, happened. The permanent metal staples from her numerous massive face-lifts had begun to come loose. There was shrapnel in the air.

Along with the House Clerk, others wounded included the august Rep. John Lewis (D-Ga.) who survived a flying staple injury on the cheek. 

"I'm Okay. I feel honored to have shed blood in this hallowed hall in an honorable cause for our Transgendered brothers and sisters....or huh... ......as honored as when I got my head bashed in with a brick doing up some trouble during the Civil Rights movement." 

The few in congress who were there ignoring Pelosi's speech ducked under their desk for cover while others ran for the door. Many of the members later found metal staples lodge in their suit coats.

One such Congressman was Rep. Bullet-Head Elijah Cummings (D-Md.) who told us of his harrowing experience: 

"There was fear in the air when everyone realized what was going on. I hadn't been that scared since last time I walked through my district in Baltimore! It was scary I tell you!" 

Minority Leader Pelosi was restrained and removed from the House floor, later to be spotted exiting a black SUV at Walter Reed Army Hospital with a large Walmart bag over her head.

DEVELOPING...

Okay, He's Running. Your Thoughts...

NOTE: As Always, All Opinions Are Welcome Here. Stimulating Debate Is Not Discouraged.

Senator - Elect Fetterman Goes To Washington

Tis The Season: Gwyneth Has Some $75 Poop She Would Like To Sell You

 Famous Hollywood Actress & Eccentric Turd Merchant

Today is November 14. Christmas is over a month away, and yet some people insist on starting their celebrations the day after Halloween ends, even before Starbucks even comes out with the Peppermint Mocha. Some of those people are Gwyneth Paltrow. 

Gwyneth busted out her New Goop Gift Guide this week, full of things you might get for the trendy obnoxious leftist in your life. If you have one. I do not. But we can look anyway!

As advertised, you can get a literal pile of shit for $75.

It's 9 pounds of extra fancy fertilizer is what it is.

Via Flamingo Estate:

A sack of shit (literally), this beautiful bag of manure is made from the finest poop in LA - the perfect fertilizer for any and all Earth mamas. It's a blend of free-range goat, horse, chicken, and cow manure, lovingly tended by our gardeners at Flamingo Estate. Our chickens and goats are on a nutritious regenerative diet, snacking occasionally on the tastiest food from the kitchen. It's teeming with beneficial microbes and nutrients, guaranteed to make any plant grow strong and vibrant. This potent, precious poop will bring new life to your soil.

I have no idea about these things, and oddly enough the Value of Animal Waste calculator is of no help whatsoever, but it seems you can get a 40 pound bag of cow manure from Home Depot, so I think $75 might be a little much. Unless it is bat guano, in which case I have just learned will cost you about $25 a pound.

Please don't buy anyone poop for Christmas. Even if there is a bow on it.

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

A Good Monday Morning

Middle Finger Symphony Theater

 ~ No Tuxedos Required ~

Brought To You By BLUESJUNKY: Middle Finger Symphony Chair of Music

Well, Someone Had to Do It!

When an opportunity presents itself, gotta take the shot.

I'll be nice some other time. I promise. 

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

OK, Tell Us What You Think of the Mid-Term Election

WaPo Finally Gives Biden His Own Bottomless Pinocchios

WaPo- President Biden is a self-described “gaffe machine.” That’s no excuse, of course, for a president making false or misleading statements. Readers have asked for fact checks of a variety of recent Biden statements, but none of them seemed big enough for a stand-alone fact check.

We generally do not award Pinocchios for roundups like this — but for reasons that will become clear, we need to make an exception for the first one.

A Good Monday Morning