Monday, November 14, 2022

Tis The Season: Gwyneth Has Some $75 Poop She Would Like To Sell You

 Famous Hollywood Actress & Eccentric Turd Merchant

Today is November 14. Christmas is over a month away, and yet some people insist on starting their celebrations the day after Halloween ends, even before Starbucks even comes out with the Peppermint Mocha. Some of those people are Gwyneth Paltrow. 

Gwyneth busted out her New Goop Gift Guide this week, full of things you might get for the trendy obnoxious leftist in your life. If you have one. I do not. But we can look anyway!

As advertised, you can get a literal pile of shit for $75.

It's 9 pounds of extra fancy fertilizer is what it is.

A sack of shit (literally), this beautiful bag of manure is made from the finest poop in LA - the perfect fertilizer for any and all Earth mamas. It's a blend of free-range goat, horse, chicken, and cow manure, lovingly tended by our gardeners at Flamingo Estate. Our chickens and goats are on a nutritious regenerative diet, snacking occasionally on the tastiest food from the kitchen. It's teeming with beneficial microbes and nutrients, guaranteed to make any plant grow strong and vibrant. This potent, precious poop will bring new life to your soil.
I have no idea about these things, and oddly enough the Value of Animal Waste calculator is of no help whatsoever, but it seems you can get a 40 pound bag of cow manure from Home Depot, so I think $75 might be a little much. Unless it is bat guano, in which case I have just learned will cost you about $25 a pound.

Please don't buy anyone poop for Christmas. Even if there is a bow on it.

~ Thank You MJA@IOTWReport for the Linkage! ~

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