It's just a week until the Iowa vote and the Democrat primary field will soon narrow to just 30 or so candidates. They've spent hours at Democratic debates most of us didn't watch droning on about screwing up your health care or their thrilling plans to tax the hell outta you so they can give you everything for free. As we mercifully get ready to say goodbye to some, let's learn a little bit about them as people who occasionally like us get horny.
The New York Times asked some of the remaining Democrat candidates 20 questions, one of which was to give voters a peek into their mental Cinemax and reveal their celebrity crushes. I think the answers will thrill you. They may shock you. They might even horrify you.
First up is clear winner Amy Klobuchar, who chose Prince. It's not just that the senator and the music legend are both from Minnesota. It's simply the only correct answer. She responded without hesitation, so it's obvious she's had sex to his music. I'm too polite to speculate as to which Prince album was playing while Klobuchar's daughter was conceived. All I'll say is that if there's some serious nakedness going on in the vicinity of Prince's music someone's getting pregnant. That's science.
Lizzy Warren came in a strong second with The Rock. She even still calls him the Rock. "Dwayne Johnson" can make all the versions of The Fast and the Furious and Jumanji that moviegoers can stomach. He can even churn out some more family-friendly crap like Tooth Fairy. Warren's only interested in what the Rock is cooking while strutting his stuff in tight spandex. For a moment while Warren was giving her answer, it seemed as if she forgot the cameras were there, closed her eyes, and sampled the candy. Don't leave our girl in a room alone with the Rock, especially if Klobuchar loaned her a copy of Diamonds and Pearls.
Andy Yang took the path you're supposed to if you're married and want to remain so. "I think my wife's a star and I've got a big crush on her." Aww, that's sweet. But let's cut the crap.
Mayor Pete was the lone spoilsport interviewed. He claimed his celebrity crush was "not for The New York Times to know about." Teen Vogue covers celebrity crushes. This is the most innocuous ice breaker question imaginable. Is he afraid voters will think he lacks gravitas if he admits he would dig playing rump rangers with Mr. Sulu?? Bloomberg offered us wacky threesome scenarios, and Warren had an on-camera orgasm. Buttigieg's a Rhodes scholar. We think he can safely answer one random question without killing his campaign. Okay, maybe in his case the wiser move is to say nothing.
[The New York Times]