Why Would Anyone in Their Right Mind Run for President?
Take Mitt Romney for instance. He has a good life, his health, a devoted wife, tons of money, exceptionally thick hair, seemingly dozens of sons who look exactly like him, and so on. Yet he’s decided this isn’t enough and is running for president, with the result he now spends his days forced to make conversation with people he normally wouldn't let valet park one of his wife's Cadillacs. And watching him makes me wonder, “Why would anyone enter a presidential campaign?” After much contemplation, these are my possible reasons:
1. Believe your leadership will make America a better place.
2. Believe that, while your leadership won’t necessarily help America, probably less damaging to America than the leadership of the jerk currently running things.
3. Believe that, while your leadership will almost certainly be spectacularly damaging to America, at least you’ll get the paycheck instead of the jerk.
4. America owes you the presidency (you’ve served your country nobly in at least one war).
5. America owes you the presidency (you’ve held a lot of other government jobs; might as well have this one too).
6. America owes you the presidency (you’re very rich and if a very rich man can’t get what he wants, why did you bother inheriting that money in the first place?).
7. Your dad ran for president and didn’t win; need to reach the White House to restore family honor.
8. Your dad ran for president and did win but lost bid for reelection; need to restore family honor by claiming the White House for two terms this time.
9. Your moron husband was president; you might as well be president too.
10. Don’t actually want to run for president, but do want to boost your speaking fees and possibly get a book deal, so sticking it out for now.
11. Don’t actually want to run for president, but do like the media inexplicably taking you seriously when you mention you might want the job, plus you’ll need something to do when The Celebrity Apprentice is canceled.
12. Don’t actually want to run for president, but have been brainwashed to seek the White House and overthrow the American way of life in a Manchurian Candidate-type deal.
13. You’re really, really sick of being the governor of Arkansas or Wisconsin or Nebraska or whatever messed up state you happen to be running and it seems a way out.
14. You’re already convinced armed men follow you everywhere, so shouldn’t be too tough to adjust to Secret Service protection.
15. You love what America was, but hate what it’s becoming.
16. You hate what America was, but love what it’s becoming.
17. You’re surprisingly neutral on America past and present; hope that ruling it for a time will stir up some passion one way or the other.
18. Chicks dig really presidential candidates.
19. Free food, free gas, free house and a really cool airplane to ride around in for at least 4 years.
20. If you run for president enough times, someone will think you're really smart and make you Vice President (that one worked out pretty well, didn't it).
Let me know which ones I’m missing.