Ben Affleck Ousted from Batman Role

The Incredible Lethargic Duo

With all the furor over second rate actor Ben Affleck being cast as the new Batman and acceding to the demands of what he called “the voice of the American People, Barack Obama has agreed to take on the role of Bruce Wayne in the next Batman episode after a fan backlash against Affleck flooded social networking sites, and Obama’s own tax free super PAC, OFAA (Organizing for African Americans). During secret closed door negotiations, handled by Obama’s agent Valerie Jarrett and assisted by Barracuda Barrister Gloria Allred, Warner Bros. Studios agreed to hold off the release until Jan 2017, with filming to begin in late 2015 , the last year of Obama’s dead duck term as POTUS when he’ll be claiming unused vacation time for rehearsals.

The announcement sent thousands of Batman fans into the streets in hysteria, leading to flash mobs cleaning out shoe emporiums, adult beverages stores, medical marijuana clinics, comic book shops and KFCs in some cities.

The NYT entertainment page called the casting of Obama, “Simply brilliant. Not since 2008 has the world been more ready for the emergence of an untried, inexperienced, over educated product of our vaunted ‘Halls of Ivy’ to take on a new acting role on the world’s stage! ”

The editorial went on to state, “Surely an Oscar awaits Mr. Obama as he is well suited to play the deeply tormented Bruce Wayne as he attempts to emerge from his dark and tortured tenure as the CEO of a failed socialistic enterprise and the mysterious violent deaths, disappearances and suicides of former classmates, teachers, lovers and enablers."

Questions still remain, however, if the producers will move Batman’s undisclosed sexuality closer to the Green Hornet playbook as a closet Chablis drinking gay Bon vivant who splits his summer on Martha's Vineyard and Fire Island trying to quench his secret longings and reach inner peace.

___________________________________