Thursday, November 26, 2015

Obama Will Show Those Terrorists Who’s Boss!

Next week, the world's leaders will converge on Paris to discuss whether humanity is burning up the ozone layer and how best to address the problem (hint: the solution will be more governmental authority by controlling humanity's energy consumption and, probably taxes). And, thankfully, according to our fearless leader who has been completely absent from the world stage following the Paris terror attacks, such a gathering will not only finally end our global reliance on evil fossil fuels, but it will also demonstrate to the crazy homicidal Islamic apocalypse cult that we are a strong, global presence committed to the issues that truly matter.

All we know is that Obama is 100% convinced that our best offense against terrorism is a Climate Change conference. There is some aspect of this that's true: the terrorists hit Paris in such a way as to make them a continued threat, and world leaders are still gathering in the French capital, regardless (though, probably with more firepower protecting them at mealtimes than most third world countries have in their arsenal). That's a real message. And for the US, an improvement over how Obama acted in the wake of the Charlie Hebdo attacks, when he and John Kerry skipped out on a peace rally that featured a cadre of world leaders.

If only Barack Obama and other world leaders will stand tall against the natural cycles of heating and cooling inherent in living on a planet that circles a flaming orb of gas, it will no doubt demonstrate to those terrorists that we truly care about where they come from and why they're so irked. We will solve it together, ISIS, if only you would realize that your fanatical ideology is not based on a radical interpretation of a major world religion, but rather is the natural consequence of being hot and angry. I'm absolutely certain that will stop them in their tracks, force them to put down their suicide bombs and pick up a couple of windmills.