So Long Fat Boy....

Chris Christie Tells Himself To Sit Down And Shut Up

Remember when New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was going to bully his way to the White House with his stellar platform, “It’s time to start offending people”? Boy did that get shut down faster than you can say “George Washington Bridge”

After a humiliating sixth place “win” in Tuesday’s New Hampshire primary, Christie decided to go home to think long and hard about how to announce that he is dropping out of the race without looking like a total loser. (Spoiler: Impossible.) He still hasn’t said it with his own big mouth, but screw him, we’re sick of waiting, so let’s get right to the pissing on the grave of his campaign, yeah?

Update:" I have both won elections that I was supposed to lose and I’ve lost elections I was supposed to win and what that means is you never know what will happen. That is both the magic and the mystery of politics – you never quite know when which is going to happen, even when you think you do. And so today, I leave the race without an ounce of regret...." 

Christie had such big hopes, once upon a time. With his oh-so-impressive popularity in his blue state of New Jersey, his vast experience remembering 9/11, and his courage to yell at anyone,  anyone at all, to shut the hell up, he figured he had a real good chance. Alas, he did not foresee that he would be upstaged and out-shouted by the even more brash D. J. Trump.  So it’s not really surprising that Christie’s quitting the race, only that he’s lasted this long. We’ve been on the Christie campaign death watch since at least September, when he insisted to Megyn Kelly that he was not dead yet and she laughed and laughed and laughed.  

We’d say we’ll miss Christie, but that’s a lie because with Trump, who needs him and his disgusting nacho cheese-greased fingers jabbing people in the face? Sure, it’s been a hoot watching him tell Marco Rubio what a jackass he is, but anyone can do that. So long and farewell, Chris Christie. Now you’ll have to go back to the state that doesn’t much care for you and stick to yelling at the locals.