Tuesday, September 27, 2016

This Week in Tin Foil Hattery

Field Marshall Alex Jones - Supreme Commander - Tin Foil Hat Brigades 

Don't Be Fooled When Hillary Clinton 
Tries To Assassinate Herself

Everyone's favorite Internet screwball Alex Jones got together with his notably insane whack-a-douche friend Roger 'Stone Cold' Stone last Sunday to discuss with America the latest in the ever present danger of Hillary Clinton and the Illuminati Lizard People who are about to take over the world.

Jones knows just how nakedly ambitious Hillary Clinton is, and he knows she will stop at nothing in her quest to be Empress of  America. In fact, he wouldn't put it past her to have “the globalists” pretend to assassinate her to gain sympathy.

ALEX JONES: What about a fake attempted assassination on Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton?
ROGER STONE: Look, the globalists will do anything. They killed John Kennedy. They infiltrated the Watergate burglar teams to botch the mission and bring Nixon down. They lied about health care. They lied about war in Libya.
JONES: So the sky’s the limit. The next 40-something days is an epic time to be alive.
Roger Stone also says he “fears for Trump’s safety,” which means Hillary is probably going to fake assassinate herself right before she for real assassinates Trump, and they all agree that maybe the “October surprise” is going to be one of those things maybe.

Of course, we regret to inform you that Alex Jones is being real lazy with his latest conspiracy, because of all the other stuff that’s going to happen to rig the election for Hillary. Does he not remember his own conspiracy theories about how Michelle Obama had Joan Rivers killed, so nobody would find out about the first lady is really a transvestite?  Uh huh, they're part of Hillary's plan too. And of course, like the lazy, mediocre host he is, Jones also forgot about how Barack Obama’s secret army of Illuminati Beyonces factors into all of this. Will they be unleashed before the election? Will they be Hillary’s protectors/bringers of doom on The Donald?

America needs to know these things in order to make a truely informed choice on November 8, so we sure hope Alex Jones starts seriously applying himself sometime between now and then.