Dear Diogenes...

Occasionally, your Blog Editrix, who you know Loves Each and Every One of You, gets email asking general questions and mainly chit-chat and the occasional marriage proposal. Some correspondence are interesting *cough* and some really made me laugh. Some surely written before their daily medication took affect, and some I thought should be answered publicly in the name an informed citizenry.

That said, you guys can stop requesting I send pictures of my breasticials, as the sheer vision of their magnificence could possibly trigger a cardiac episode in some valued readers, and I would feel responsible. So I find that a bad idea. So Stop. Ain't gonna happen.

 

 Here's a sample of recent mail before I hit the delete button. 

Jack of all Tirades@                     

Dear Ms. Jan,

Have you met a man and it's so obvious that no one in his life has ever told him to shut the fuck up?

Dear Jack,

No, I have never met Keith Olbermann. 

BoBo Wilson@...................................

Mrs. Sarcastica,

I remember you have mention your pets, in particular a dog and house cat Courtney I believe. My baby girl really wants a kitten and I'm trying to justify the trouble and expense. I'd appreciate any advice about being a cat owner.

My Dear BoBo,

Having a Cat teaches children valuable lessons about how likeable an attractive sociopath can be.

Laura Pickner@..................

Dear Jan,

I know you're a business owner and boss, so I thought I'd ask your advice if you don't mind. I have a boss that is constantly saying me and my team are "like family" and is really starting to creep us all out. Any suggestion as to how to handle this?

Dear Laura;

If your boss continues, if it were me, I would start yelling"Your Not My Real Mom"and storm out everytime they ask you to do something. 

Professor Doug E.@....................... 

Ms. Jan,

I'm aware of the fact you were schooled in Europe and possess above average knowledge on the continent history. So I wondered your opinion; do you believe the fall of Rome comparable to the current situation in United States?

Dear Professor,

No I don't. Rome had good roads.

Whizzer43@..............................................................................

Yo Pretty Lady,

I'm just curious. What's the craziest idea you have that you nevertheless believe will, if implemented, make the world a better place for us all???

Dear Whizzer43,

Make cars that won't turn unless you use the turn signal.

Greg Young@...........................

Dear Ms. Sarcastica,

You seemed to be a happy lady and I'd like ask something of you. I'm married to a woman who is always angry at me for something or other and I'd like to ask what makes u happy and what I could do to humor her. 

Thank you.

Greg.

Dear Greg, 

Not many people ask me for relationship advice so I'm going to assume you've exhausted all other possibilities.  May I suggest next time she goes off on you and gets angry,  drape a towel over her shoulders (like a cape) and say"now you're SUPER ANGRY!"

Maybe she'll laugh.

Maybe you'll meet Jesus. 

* Just a note: we have not seen any comments or heard from Greg.