Good-Bye Flathead, We Hardly Knew Ya....

The Best Obituary I've Ever Read.....
Published in Denver Post on April 12, 2012

Michael "Flathead" Blanchard  1944 ~ 2012

A Celebration of the life of Michael "Flathead" Blanchard will be held on April 14th, 3 pm 8160 Rosemary St, Commerce City. Weary of reading obituaries noting someone's courageous battle with death, Mike wanted it known that he died as a result of being stubborn, refusing to follow doctors' orders and raising hell for more than six decades. He enjoyed booze, guns, cars and younger women until the day he died.

Mike was born July 1944 in Colorado to Clyde and Ethel Blanchard. A community activist, he is noted for saving the Dr. Justina Ford house from demolition and defending those who could not defend themselves. He was a Republican delegate, life member of the NRA, founder and President of the Dead Cats MC. He loved music.

 Mike was preceded in death by Clyde and Ethel Blanchard, survived by his beloved sons Mike and Chopper, former wife Jane Transue, brother Stephen Blanchard (aka Susan), Uncle Don and Aunt Cynthia Blanchard (his favorite); Uncle Dill and Aunt Dot, cousins and nephews, Baba Yaga can kiss his butt.

So many of his childhood friends that weren't killed in Vietnam went on to become criminals, prostitutes and/or Democrats. He asks that you stop by and re-tell the stories he can no longer tell. As the Celebration will contain Adult material we respectfully ask that no children under 18 attend.

H/T IHTM 

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The Presidential Q&A I'd Love To Hear....

By Matthew@The Lunatic's Asylum

The Scene: President Frequent-Flyer-Miles has just hopped off the golf course, and is attending another of those staged-political-event-cum-Nuremberg-rallies of his, this time in the crucial swing state of (insert name of state with large percentage of complete doofuses who voted for this jerkoff the last time around).

He is introduced by the local democratic congresscritter with a gusto that is entirely forced, and probably lubricated by at least a fifth of Johnny Walker Black, and enters the room to the sounds of free-malt-liquor-and-skittles-enhanced applause from a crowd of people who wouldn't understand a word he will eventually say if you gave them a continuous, three-week-long Miriam-Webster enema beforehand.

The President has come to speak about a whole buncha things today, but as always, the most important points (in that they are the least intellectually defensible and defy common logic) have been loaded into the teleprompter first, will be glossed over quite quickly, and are intended to be consumed mostly by the press who will spend long hours, drooling and navel gazing, attempting to glean some sort of intelligence from the catchphrases. Finding none, they will be more than happy to make some up later on....

Keep Reading...

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Our Teleprompter President’s Oratory

 A Comparative Analysis 

Conservative Resources

Barack Obama is renowned for his speechifying, but comparing him to historical figures is downright dispiriting because of the wide chasm that separates him from them. If Obama is a great orator by today’s standards, then we have a problem with our standards.

The man reads from his teleprompter like a pro but has little of import to say, lies shamelessly, uses eighth-grade language, leans heavily toward long-windedness, and stumbles over his own tongue like a stroke victim when the teleprompter is unavailable. This passage from Abraham Lincoln’s second inaugural address, delivered to a divided nation during the Civil War, shows how far standards have slipped:....Keep Reading........

H/T Larwyn's Linx

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On Condoms and Catholics....

By Matthew@The Lunatic's Asylum
RE: The recent tempest regarding the ObamaCare mandates on birth control vis-à-vis religious institutions.

I'm still waiting for someone to tell me that Muslim religious institutions must comply with the law, too. There has been a curious silence on this matter. One would either expect that any Muslim negatory response would come with an ostentatious explosion, or since one has been lacking, that another 'secret' deal has been brokered behind the scenes which exempts the Exploding People from this provision of ObamaCare.

I'm also waiting to hear from all those Left-wing retards who screamed about the draconian threats to personal liberties and privacy that were embodied in the Patriot Act to explain why it is that the government should respect a terrorist's right to privacy, vis-a-vis wiretapping in order to prevent a mass murder, and that it should have the right to drag people's sexual lives into the light of day and infringing upon people's right of conscience in order to score a cheap political point on behalf of a walking-wounded President who hasn't got the proverbial snowball's chance in hades to be re-elected.

I'm not expecting to hear anything especially logical or coherent on either account, so there's no point in waiting for answers.

 A few words about birth control, which Muslims have been practicing since 632 AD -- only now with explosives and televised beheadings...oh, sorry, this isn't about Muslims, and I seem to have gone slightly off track. My apologies.

Andrew Breitbart 1969-2012 RIP

Image: iMaksim.com

   

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He's Back....

After a long absence, one of the more unique thinkers blogs I have come across has returned to writing. Those unfamiliar with Self Evident Truths should surely check out what Euripides has to say about the goings on of today.

"After a long hiatus, I've decided to return to the blogosphere, if for no other reason, than to clarify all the thoughts that keep company with my brain. I expect that most of my readers have long given up on me and that my writing will go unnoticed. Yet, I still find the direction of politics and society in general quite disturbing, and I wish to contribute what I can to clarify and promote those ideals which lead us to choose better paths."

 "I have little desire anymore to blog about the general news (usually bad) or to address every silly whim promoted by society (also usually bad). Instead, I wish to write about such unpopular subjects as morals, ethics, absolutes, and the lessons that I've learned. To leftists, yes, I'm still the bigoted, homophobic, racist, misogynist, H8er that you think I am. To the rest of the world, I'm just a guy with some ideas about how to live a better life than to give in to the sophistic relativism and specious reasoning that plagued the pre-Socratic Greeks and which plague today's modern society."

 "Thank you all for finding my blog and for those who have stuck by me over the years."

Keep Reading...

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Santorum The Apparatchik…

By Matthew@The Lunatic's Asylum

RE: Rick Santorum’s rise in the polls, winning a few caucuses without delegates and the revision of the Iowa Beauty Contest in his favor: I will not make the argument that Rick Santorum is a bad man, but I will argue that he is a bad candidate for the Presidency.

All of his “I’m the only goddamned Conservative Beast up here!” chest-thumping aside, one is hard-pressed to find a single, solitary achievement of note in Santorum’s resume. What one does find is a long string of “me-too!” conservative viewpoints, a lot of sounds-conservative-but-is-it-really soundbites, a recitation of all the right talking points, and a long history of ticket-punching.  Santorum would have you believe that he was a solitary voice in the Senate, leading a righteous crusade in that moribund body to see the Conservative view (as it stands today, it leaves much to be desired) against a variety of societal and political forces which, on the whole, saw that particular brand of so-called Conservatism strangled in it’s cradle.


It's the Rape of the Sabines all over again.


What does it matter if Santorum, the staunch fiscal conservative, helped balance the Federal Budget back in the 1990’s; What happened to all that Fiscal Conservatism in the Age of Bush II? What does it matter if Santorum led the fight for the Right to Life movements goals; all they had to show for it during Santorum’s tenure were marginal gains, and ultimately, a misguided, no-brainer Senatorial proclamation passed in the middle of the night, that didn’t keep anyone from removing a brain-dead woman’s feeding tube.

It has become apparent -- to this writer, in any case -- that Santorum’s rise is a natural result of the fall of Gingrich, Cain, Bachmann, Perry and Pawlenty. In other words, as these people have floundered, Santorum has picked up the votes of the died-in-the-wool ideologues and doofuses who have been panicked into believing that they have “No Place Else To Go”. In this case, the No-Place-Else-To-Go voter may, in a backhanded way, be helping to achieve something that a few weeks ago I would have thought impossible:

They may be helping to engineer the race into a contest between the Apparatchik Obama and an Apparatchik Santorum.


Look, this page bears no great love for Mitt Romney -- and already begins to see signs that Romney is petering out -- and is greatly saddened by the now-looking-inevitable self-destruction of Newt Gingrich, but Santorum as your GOP nominee? Have we gone that far down the Road to Perdition that even an underachiever of Santorum’s ilk seems to some superior to the grossly underachieving Obama? A Santorum-Obama contest is sort of like that episode of South Park, in which the school kids are given a choice of voting on a new name for their school teams: Giant Douche or Turd Sandwich?

Santorum talks the talk, but doesn’t walk the walk – except on the Right to Life Issue. That is, in effect, the main case against Barack Obama from the Left over and above the fact that he couldn’t find his own ass with both hands and a flashlight. The recent brouhaha over forcing the Catholic Church and other religious institutions to pay for birth control benefits for their employees might have been the one stroke of genius the Obama Titanic Team has had in nearly four years: they may have succeeded in ensuring that the guy they probably cannot beat (Romney) is in turn defeated by the one guy they reasonably can (Santorum).

And they would have done it by splitting Conservatives in the process with a bullshit issue, which makes it a doubly-delicious thing. Talk about baiting a hook?

However, I think Obama and his people aren’t really that smart; if recent history is any indication, it would appear that this is perhaps the dumbest White House at least since the Carter Administration, and sothis state of affairs must have begun to evolve completely by accident. The Obama people, by pressing a non-issue (contraceptives are readily available to anyone with $10 and half-a-brain, in your local CVS, and the provision which makes it mandatory being – as they know – unconstitutional and unconscionable), might be unwittingly engineering a more favorable electoral climate for President Knows-and-Does-Nothing. The recent passage of same-sex marriage bills in Washington and (soon) New Jersey are simply more of the same, and have much the same aim; stampede Conservatives away from Romney/Gingrich, and into the arms of the ineffectual Santorum.


Ann Coulter would like you to believe that Mitt Romney is suddenly some sort of Ur-Conservative (after she has spent a decade-plus savaging him on everything from State-run healthcare systems, to taxes, to Family Values issues), he is at least more honest about what he truly is – a pragmatic politician – than Santorum ever was.

Romney at least talks up Capitalism, which makes him infinitely preferable to either Santorum or Obama; wherein the former sees the state of the economy as a decidedly secondary issue, the latter pretends as if the Capitalist system (when it doesn’t benefit him and his friends, that is ) is a cancer. In both cases, we have a man who has put his religion – the Judean-Christian god on the one hand, the Religion of the State on the other – ahead of more practical concerns. Each is advocating for his own special form of Heaven; Santorum’s Ultimately Useless kind which would succeed in mandating the Ten Commandments be printed on condom wrappers, and Obama’s Utopian Socialist brand. You pick your poison in either case. One would use the power of the state to foster a disguised and ultimately futile Semi-Theocracy, the other to usher in Communism by a different name. Either way, the result is the same: focus upon narrow issues which leave most people disaffected, more stupidity, fewer solutions, and eternal, politicized debate about hills of beans.
Santorum is an empty suit with a list of questionable achievements of nearly 20 years vintage that he can’t stop talking about, assuming, as he does, that anyone actually gives a crap, or is even listening. He is the undeserving recipient of the fruits of an accident of history, vis-a-vis Gingrich.

We have already suffered three-plus years of the Reign of the Marketed President, and I don't think anyone with sense would make the case that another such candidate, only professing a diametrically-opposed ideology, would be considered much of an improvement.

Cross posted from lunaticsasylum.blogspot.com

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What Would We Do Without Joe..........

From the Incomparable LOOKING SPOON

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Fuzzy's Own Thoughts on SOTU Address

BO's Subterfuge of the Union Address

"Another SOTU, another pack of lies, distortions, lofty fascist promises, horrifying power grabs, brand new bureaucracies, crazy additions to an already insane tax code, and almost laughable catch phrases. I didn't tweet it, but I took copious notes for this, my third, post-SOTU rant. My notes, however, are littered with things like "asshat" (once all in caps and underscored twice for emphasis), so I'll try--after a good night's sleep--to organize this post around my key impressions and leave out the expletives. You know, mostly."


Read More.....

http://fuzislippers.blogspot.com/
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The Internet Is Not .gov’s to Regulate

Cato@Liberty - Imagine that Congress passed a law setting up a procedure that could require ordinary citizens like you to remove telephone numbers from your phone book or from the “contacts” list in your phone. What about a policy that cut off the phone lines to an entire building because some of its tenants used the phone to plot thefts or fraud? Would it be okay with you if the user of the numbers coming out of your phone records or the tenants of the cut-off building had been adjudged “rogue” users of the phone?

Cutting off phone lines is the closest familiar parallel to what Congress is considering in two bills nicknamed  “SOPA” and “PIPA”—the “Stop Online Piracy Act” and the “PROTECT IP Act.”

One of the major ideas behind SOPA and PIPA is to cut Internet sites that violate copyright out of the domain name system. No longer could typing “elcato.org” get you to the Web site you wanted to visit. Much of the debate has been about the legal process for determining whether to strike out a domain name. The practical burdens on the law-abiding Internet service provider would be large. “Blacking out” an entire building—just like a Web site—would cut off the lawful communications right along with the unlawful ones. It’s through-the-looking-glass information control, with enormous potential to obstruct entirely lawful communications and impinge on First Amendment rights.

The Internet is not the government’s to regulate. It is an agreement on a set of protocols—a language that computers use to talk to one another. That language is the envelope in which our communications—our First-Amendment-protected speech—travels in hundreds of different forms.

Under the better view—the view of freedom behind opposition to SOPA and PIPA—these things are not the government’s to regulate.

Read More....

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Barack Obama's Historic Firsts [Updated]

Doug Ross has compiled an updated list of "Firsts" by Commander Zero since assuming office three years ago. 
His complete list of Obama's stellar accomplishments can be seen here: President Barack Obama's Complete List of Historic Firsts [Updated] ,with  comments and the usual humorous  reactions of a few trolling lefties to boot.


"First President to Golf 90 or More Times in His First Three Years in Office......."

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The Audience Has Spoken: The Best of Diogenes 2011

Our Favorite Post of 2011
Submitted by Broadside Betty, Toots de la Foots and Tiger Rag

* Happy Presidents Day, Mr. President

* Obama Rejected by Dancing with the Stars

* Linden Borden for President

* Bumbling Barry's Bodaciously Bad Week

* An American Bowel Movement: The OWS Protest

* Republican Triumphs and Democrat Lies

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I Blame it on an Inferior Set of Golf Clubs

 Via Doug Ross

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A Note to Diogenes' Readers.....

Posted By Diogenes Sarcastica
October, 11th 2011

pla·gia·rize:
v.tr.
To use and pass off (the ideas or writings of another) as one's own.
To appropriate for use as one's own passages or ideas from (another).
v.intr.
To put forth as original to oneself the ideas or words of another.

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Recently, while exploring Google blog links , I happened upon an interesting page of glorious rantings. Culture, Politics, Current Affairs, Islam. But as I read through the post, I immediately noticed familiar wording and phrases, and on closer inspection, entire post similar to those I had edited myself. I checked the post against my own and found plagiarism, pure and simple!  After checking the post dates I found I was right. Just one problem; my post were of a later date. 

I found myself guilty of posting, through second party submissions, 

and edited by me, others original material. 

As a result, I contacted the Blog owner and made him aware of the situation, and apology given. I expected the worst. But through a series of Gentlemanly email discussions, post were identified and, at his request, I am in the process of giving proper links and credit.  

Copyright and Intellectual Property rights are serious business, and violations are bad berries in anyone's bowl. Such things must not be tolerated by any of us. The offending submitter of the plagiarized material, which was edited by me without knowledge of the situation, has been dealt with swiftly, and no longer welcome here. I, and only I are responsible for the content of DMF, and take full responsibility.

The owner of the plagiarized blog, Matthew, and I now consider the matter closed, but I feel a public apology is in order to Matthew and also thank him for his understanding and cooperation in settling this in a civil manner. To his credit, he didn't have to, especial after also once having his stuff pilfered by a national television personality and columnist awhile back.

'Diogenes Middle Finger' strives to offer our best possible Satire, Humor and Bitting articles with a heavy dose of Snark, for the purpose of helping verbally kneecap the idiots of our society and what I believe is a inept, corrupt and incompetent administration doing irreparable damage to this country, and shall continue to do so honestly. 

As a result of all this and our series of emails, Matthew and I have come to a tentative agreement to contribute to, and possible crosspoint at each other's blogs. 

So, without further ado, I'm proud to welcome

 Matthew and his readers at

  The Lunatic's  Asylum and The Insane Asylum 

I encourage my readers to visit both regularly and support, as you have me in the past, some of the most colorful collections of rantings and off beat stories to be found anywhere (just bring your helmet with you) . It's also possible to find your way over there with the links provided to the latest posts on the 'Awesome Linkage' blogroll to the right of this page.

And once again, Thank You Matthew!

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We Want.....Things.....an' Stuff......and Junk Like That...

From The Lunatic's Asylum 
 "On the recent phenomena that began with the 'Occupy Wall Street' nonsense, and which has now spread nationwide. We are now witnessing the full range of left-wing stupidity manifested within a series of mass-tantrums that would get far more serious attention if they were more truthfully named."

"Occupy Wall Street would be better served with the more-honest moniker "Come stand in the street like a pretentious doofus Rally", if it's counterpart in Boston were named 'Thumbsuckers and Bedwetters United!", and the completely unhinged bullshit of those who live and die at the welfare trough in New Orleans were to be called by it's proper tag, the "We're Here, We're Stupid, We Wouldn't Even Make an Effort to Save Ourselves From A Hurricane We Watched Cross The Atlantic For A Week on Television, Why Should Anyone Pay Any Attention To Anything We Have To Say?" March."

"I was willing to give the kids a break a few days ago, figuring they were just indulging in the time-honored tradition of the earnest young, and exercising their constitutional right to be a an oblivious asshole. I gave them the benefit of the doubt that at some point in the future, these idiots would eventually use the experience gained at this exercise in futility to learn some lesson about politics and reality that would serve them well later in life.

Apparently, I've given them far too much credit in the intelligence department..........."]

Read More 

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An Alternative View on the Killing of Al-Awlaki

A very thought provoking post from 

one of my favorite Bloggers Fuzzy Slippers

Are We Really Awake?

"Okay, so I've mostly avoided reading what my fellow conservatives are saying about the death of al whatz'its. Mostly because we all agree that it's a good thing that the terrorist is dead, American or not. And partly because I don't agree with most people and find, to my shock, that I actually agree with . . . ugh . . . Ron Paul and *double ugh* the ACLU. There I said it. Anyway, so I dropped a couple comments here and there, and no one seemed to really understand what I was saying or why, so I just shrugged it off until I read our dear Silverfiddle's post that had a quick comment on it. We went back and forth, and then he declared a ceasefire, suggesting via email that we each post on the topic so we could have a good-natured inter-blog debate......."

Please read the entire post and comments at Fuzzy Logic

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Caption Contest Winners......

The results are in from the Diogenes/IOTW Caption Contest

After much drinking and broken furniture, the panel of judges failed to come to agreement and fled across the Texas state line to keep from choosing the winner, thus leaving the important decision to me. 
So here are the results...... 

*A special award - the Eunice Kennedy Shriver "Atta Boy" award goes to my fellow Evil Conservative Comrade Burr, for actually posting his entries as links to the picture.  

Here are the Honorable Mentions - all excellent in their own right. 
* The Apollo Presents: The First Black President!
BigFurHat

* The International Dry Cleaners’ Roast - Commisar Abe

* Bachelor #3, you must get back behind the screen - Yowsa

* Branch Davidian Waco Reunion - Chalupa

*One Night Only! The Dem Girls in:
  “Pants Suits & Boob Belts” - illustr8r 

*Free Breast Exams - I'm Palin's Huckleberry (readers choice) 

Second Runner up:

Tiny Headed Newt Gingrich look-alike Competition - BigFurHat 

 Runner up:

IAPF Conference (International Association of Performance Felatio) Technical Proficiency Workshop - Grandpa

And The Winner Is.....

Visions in Blue Velvet - 150th Annual Chappaqua Débutantes Autumn Tea & Dance”  -  Poisontolibs

Thank You IOTW for Hosting

Ol' Joe knows! 

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Caption Contest

Diogenes is conducting a caption contest hosted by BigFurHat and the gang over at iOwnTheWorld. I will judge the event and it will be open for entries until 2am the 28th. Winners will be announced here tomorrow.

Trip over to the incomparable iOwnTheWorld.com 

and join in. 

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Katie Couric multi Obamagasmic highlight reel

Shamelessly stolen from Will Profit @ Capitalist Preservation 

"Katie has lost her terminally ill gig at CBS as of today. Family and friends mourn the firing of the most blatant leftist cheer leader the mainstream media has inflicted upon the general public since...the disgraceful exit of her predecessor, Dan Rather, who stepped down after he reported (PUSHED and kept pushing) the patently false story regarding G. Bush's National Guard service.

Will anyone except Barack Obama notice Katie's departure from the anchorette throne?

Would anyone notice if CBS fired its entire "newstainment" division and used that time slot to air reruns of the old sitcom, "The Cosby Show."?

Cause as Katie said not to long ago, I'm paraphrasing but she honest to God let these words slip past her perkily idiotic lips "Maybe we need a Muslim version of the Cosby Show."

 Good by Katie, we hardly watched thee...and for good reason."

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So to You Katie, a Classic Diogenes' Farewell.

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Responding to the Escalating Bad Behavior of Unhinged Leftists

From one of my favorite blogs, Fuzzy Logic:

The revolting, vile, and unhinged behavior of leftist protesters and union thugs is escalating. It's becoming more. More revolting, more vile, more unhinged. These bizarre self-loathing lunatics have crawled out of their dark corners on the far left fringes of decent society, and are doing everything they can to provoke good, decent American patriots. The videos are stomach-turning (you can see many of them over at  theblogprof, if you haven't already), their hatred emanates from their every unintelligible utterance, every disgusting slur, every sleazy threat. These are the people whom we ignored for decades. Lunatic commies, socialists, anti- and unAmerican weirdos who may once have raised an indulgent eyebrow (or prompted an eye roll) are now slithering into the light of day. This escalation is worrying.

They don't understand what socialism is (with a few high-profile exceptions like Lawrence O'Donnell), they haven't a clue who or what Nazis were/are (just some vague notion that Nazism is bad), and they couldn't tell you one tenet of fascism. They have no idea that there is a difference between a republic and a democracy, they are clueless about the difference between patriotism and rabid nationalism (everything's the same, right, these intellectual giants "think"), and they have no idea what the TEA Party is. We know this because they say the most absurd things, and with a straight face (well, it's usually kind of distorted by screaming and blind rage). They don't understand capitalism, they don't understand liberalism, and they don't understand conservatism. And that's just how the leftist puppet masters like it: informed people who are not stoked to within an inch of violence by class and race warfare are not malleable, controllable. Ignorance is key to the success of leftists; deception their lifeblood.

The demonetization of us, the lurid lies and truly illogical accusations are gobbled up, internalized, believed with a cult-like fervor and spat back out with a strange combination of an utter lack of self-awareness and a sinister, toxic venom.

Read the rest here at Fuzzy Logic.

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